Fic Banner by the lovely

ishbel

30. Unanswered

Chapter theme: The Fray-Unsaid

And not to say a thing tonight but suffice it to say, you're leaving things unsaid

We sing ourselves to sleep/Watching the day lie down instead

Jacob felt tingly.

He always did after a hunt, and most nights he’d be after a good run like Seth, Colin and Brady but right now, all he wanted to do was to get home.

To Bella.

The scent of damp earth and greens erupted in the air as he pawed the ground and in a small part of his mind, his pack whispered in and out. Sam was making his way to Emily’s while Jared was itching to get to Kim. Jacob’s muzzle pulled back in a smile when he realized that Embry was actually thinking about their ledgers, Paul was thinking about food and Quil was still spitting and gagging over the taste of vampire.

God, they don’t taste any better, he griped in their minds.

They heard Colin sighed in the far distance, they gave up way too easily, there’s no charge anymore. No excitement.

A spatter of laughter rippled in their minds, did you see the look on the blond one’s face? It was like we were his nightmare came to life. Paul chortled and supplied them with the image of said vampire blonde’s face.

Jacob let them laugh and discuss the hunt, let them ride the high but he was busy with his own thoughts.

Somewhere between tearing one vampire after another, it dawned on him that for the last couple of years, Bella lived a normal life.

No vampires, no werewolves, nor any other kind of mythical creature but some critters she found in some deep, dark corner of her café.

She led a normal life, an ordinary life where her problems started and ended with her café and fending off her mother’s worries but now, here she was again, playing in the dark and rushing off somewhere because it wasn’t safe.

He felt a twinge of guilt over that.

Tonight, he was a bit more vicious than usual because he had something really important that he wanted to protect. Most nights, he just wanted to kill as many vampires as he could find but tonight, realizing that Bella was out in the open, fear threaded with the thrill of the hunt and made his claws faster, his canines sharper.

No vampire was going to get Bella, not while he was around. He guessed the best thing to do was for him to leave Bella to her normal life and not drag her back into his action packed one but… he couldn’t be sure that he could ever be so…magnanimous.

He had the right to be a little selfish, hadn’t he? And it wasn’t like Bella didn’t want to be in his life, right?

He smiled as he remembered how she had look tonight, weak and breathless from laughter, her cheeks pink with excitement and the cold. Looking at her, laughing herself silly as she lied there in the grass, unconcerned, unafraid, he couldn’t help but think how she suited him, how she suited his life. It reminded him of her surprising rebellious attitude that reared its stubborn head every once in a while.

Bella broke easily, sure, he rolled his eyes remembering their numerous visits to the ER, but that never stopped her from doing anything she wanted, like hang around vampires and werewolves and ride motorcycles.

Bella Swan of the somber eyes, the too serious expression and tentative smiles.

God, how he loved her.

He stopped to phase and dress, Jared, Quil and Embry followed.

“Race you to your house.” Quil slapped Jacob’s shoulders and hooted. “Last one to the house is a rotten werewolf.”

Embry sniggered. “A rotten werewolf? Geez.” But he took off after Quil like a bullet. Jacob sighed. “How old are you guys, again?”

Embry responded with shouldering Quil out of the way but both protested when Jared sailed smoothly between them.

“Do you really want to get between me and Kim?” Jared eyed both Embry and Quil who immediately stood aside making mocking fearful noises.

“Imprinted wolves are the worse.” Embry complained.

Quil rolled his eyes at him. “Wait your turn and you’ll see.”

“Move away, you two. Alpha passing through.” Jacob shoved them out of his way.

“I cannot believe you played the Alpha card on us, dude.” Quil bitched but slowed his run. “I gotta go anyway.”

“Gonna check on, Claire?”

Quil shrugged his broad shoulders and pointed two thumbs at his chest. “Imprinted.” He said shortly before breaking off to the right with a short wave.

Jacob ran in silence before sliding a look at Embry. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Embry eyed him. “Quil’s right, you know. There’s a chance that we’ll all imprint.”

Jacob remained silent but scowled at his friend.

“I’m just saying.”

The mention of imprinting only made him more anxious to get home and when the woods opened up and showed him the soft, warm glow of his house, his heart twisted.

The minute he saw Rachel and Leah’s face, he knew something was wrong. When he saw the guilty expression on Kim’s, he was certain of it but before he could say anything, the door opened and his heart jumped up to his throat.

Something clawed inside himself when Bella shuffled out to the back porch and joined the other girls as if she had done it a million times before.

Her eyes searched the darkness and he knew she was searching for him. He struggled against the painful throb in his chest when Bella took two steps forward and focused her eyes on him.

Dawn streaked the sky but it was still dark to her human eyes when he could see her as clear as day, and his heart stuttered as it struck him forcefully that Bella was right in front of him.

She was in his back porch, waiting for him.

Later he would remember that her eyes were red, that she was holding herself funny as if something hurt inside but right then and there, he was overwhelmed by the look of her, by how her lips curved as she smiled at him. He was staggered that when he reached her, she looked him straight in the eyes and whispered, ‘welcome home’.

His tongue stuck in his throat and his knees felt weak with the jumbled emotions that warred inside him.

Bella was really here, she was home, she was safe and after all this time, she still loved him.

He knew his reaction was stupid and irrational since he knew all of this already but…it was as if his brain was only now able to process it.

Speechless, Jacob could only respond with touching the tips of his fingers against the soft curve of her cheek but something in the way she turned her face into his palm, in the way she leaned perceivably closer made him gather her close and pulled her into his arms. The angles and dips of their bodies locking against each other like two pieces of puzzle. Her cheek on his chest, his arms around her shoulders, palms pressed on the space between her shoulder blades.

And she clung to him, her arms went around his waist in a somewhat desperate, almost fierce motion, her palms fluttered on his naked back like fragile wings.

He could tell himself it had something to do with what he was thinking before, that she was no longer used to the danger and that she was only worried for him but he spotted the looks between Rachel, Leah and Kim.

He brushed a hand along Bella’s hair and spoke softly into her ear. “Let me clean up and change and I’ll take you home.”

She nodded against his chest and with what looked like great effort, pulled herself away.

Pushing against the sudden panic that skittered up and down his spine at the way she cradled her arms around herself, he sent a look to the three other girls and walked inside.

He’ll talk to them later.

They had to wait for Seth to arrive with his car and Jake couldn’t help but notice the distance she took from the girls, the way she stuck to his side, the little flicks of glances that she sent him.

But the ride back to Charlie’s house was silent though filled with unanswered questions. He wanted very much to launch into interrogation mode but the thoughtful look on her face, the way her fingers played with her bracelet told him that she was still mulling things over inside her head. He knew that she’d tell him sooner or later.

She always did. Eventually.

Besides, he could guess what it was that the girls told her and it was his own fault really, they’ve been pressuring him to talk to Bella, to tell her but really, how could he?

It’d be like he was begging for sympathy, emotionally black mailing her to be with him and that was just something he wouldn’t do. At least, not right now, he amended when he remembered a particular scene in their past, of adrenalin pumping under his skin and of challenging words and hard open mouth kisses.

He wasn’t that desperate. Yet.

He looked at her when Bella reached out for his hand and gripped it tightly, not letting go.

In the darkness of the car, he could see the uncertainty bloomed inside her brown eyes when he parked in the driveway behind Charlie’s truck.

And she still hadn’t let go of his hand.

“Bella, honey?”

She blinked at him and finally let go of his hand. One finger at a time. “Right. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Their eyes met and hers focused on his intensely before sliding away. He solved that problem by putting his fingers on her chin and pulling at it gently until she looked his way. “Do you want to see me tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

He smiled at the slightly surprise matter-of-fact tone in her voice and leaned over to give her a kiss that stretched to two then three. His heart inflated inside his chest when she sighed into his mouth and held his face between her palms. “I’ve missed you, Jake.” She murmured against his lips. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Then his heart simply exploded when her hands slid over his shoulders and around him, tucking her face against his neck and held him tighter, closer.

Worry niggled at the back of his mind but he kissed her temple, rubbed her back.

“Jake.” Her breath was warm on his neck. “Will you stay?”

Jacob knew there was more to the question than the simple word for word meaning, but he answered in kind. “Of course.”

So, Jacob followed Bella inside and up to her bedroom. He took off his long sleeved jersey—leaving him in a pristine white T shirt and jeans—toed off his shoes and bundled his socks into it and got into bed. When Bella got out of her bathroom—her face washed, her tooth brushed and changed into jammies--she slipped beside him and under the covers.

Without hesitation, she shuffled closer to him and curved herself against his side, her arms gripping tightly the soft material of his T shirt. Jacob couldn’t ignore the way she closed her eyes tightly and the little wrinkles forming on her forehead.

“Bells—“

She pressed her face against his chest, “Sleep.”

He brushed her hair away from her face, his fingers soothing the wrinkles on her forehead. “All right. Go to sleep, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her arms tightened around him, her legs tangled with his and her breath evened out.

Jacob lied awake until the sun set the sky ablaze.

There was a sharp sting on her cheek, and light flooded her eyes once again. “Ow.”

Rachel’s voice was even when she said, “For God’s sake. Don’t faint on me.”

Bella heard a snicker and knew it was Leah. She also heard a soft murmuring protest and knew it was Kim.

She should’ve known that Rachel helping her out would be too good to be true. Besides, why the hell would she?

Considering the situation, she had the right to dangle her from a tree by the ankles for stray vampires to chew on. She blinked tears away from her eyes and saw Rachel frowning at her like she was a misbehaving child.

Her stomach still churned, and she still felt sick with guiltguiltguilt, but the world was steady once more.

Her left cheek stung.

“If she faints again, can I slap her?” Leah asked Rachel hopefully. Jacob’s sister scowled at her, but scowled even deeper at Bella.

“No one is slapping anyone.” Rachel’s no-nonsense voice seemed loud and way too hard. “Leah, stop being such a bitch.”

“Can’t. It’s in my genes.”

Kim snickered, but quickly pressed her lips together when Rachel rolled her eyes. “Jake’s a grown man, let him make his own choices.”

Bella, still a little dizzy, wiped her eyes and caught the look Rachel gave her.

“Let him make his own mistakes.”

Oh, ouch.

“And you.” Rachel speared an accusing finger at her. “Get over yourself. Leah embellished the story a little. It was true that he was caught off guard, so he froze for a second. Unfortunately, a second was all the vampire needed to rip at him, but that didn’t mean he just lay there, willing himself to die. It takes more than you to get Jake down, so don’t go on thinking you drove him to suicide or something.” Rachel grimaced in distaste. “We of all people are not weak.”

Bella winced when she caught the look of amused disdain from Leah’s face that seemed to say, “We’re not, but you are.”

Rachel sighed deeply and crossed her arms in front of her chest, those dark eyes—so like Jacob’s—taking her in. “After that being said, I don’t like you, Swan, and I probably never will. Something about you grates on my nerves. Maybe it’s because you never seem to know what you want, while most of it is because you broke my little brother’s heart.” She narrowed her eyes at her, and Bella couldn’t help but straighten her back. Rachel shrugged. “But that couldn’t be helped, since you already made it clear that you were in love with the freakin’ vampire and, in fact, were ready to marry him. It was his own damn fault for not being able to let you go.”

Bella stared at Rachel in amazement, but closed her mouth when her eyes flashed back to hers.

“But now you’re here. You sauntered into his life again out of your own choice.” Rachel’s eyes flashed, and to Bella, she seemed taller somehow. “So, I’m warning you, Swan, if you break my little brother’s heart again, you better make it clean and fast, and you better not come back here again after that, or so help me, wolves and vampires will be the least of your concerns. Do you hear me?”

Bella nodded. Slowly. Her innards rioted even with that movement.

“Indicate that you hear me.”

“I hear you.”

Rachel kept watching her with sharp eyes before finally nodding and flicking a disinterested hand in her direction. “Go, before you barf on Jacob’s bed.”

Jacob’s bed and room was a blur before her eyes as she rushed to the bathroom, dropped to her knees before the toilet bowl and hurled, accompanied by Leah’s amused laugh.

“You’re mad at me for making her faint? You slapped her and made her throw up.”

“Guys, come on. Give her space, huh?”

Spent, Bella breathed hard against the toilet bowl. This time, the gentle but strong hands were Kim’s. She held back her hair and brushed her back with firm circular strokes. She gave her a glass of water and a spare toothbrush, and clutching those two things to her chest, Bella gave a little cry.

She just couldn’t get over the fact that Jacob almost died, and she could almost imagine getting that phone call from Charlie.

She spat out the minty toothpaste and washed out her mouth, tears plopping into the bathroom sink. And would she even know how he died? Certainly no one from the pack would tell her the true story, not if he did die that way. They would tell Charlie lies, and then Charlie would tell those lies to her, and she would never know the truth.

That sudden thought ripped her heart even more. She washed her face and rubbed hard with the towel that Kim gave her. She had to know. “Was that the only time?”

“What do you mean?”

Bella drew away the towel from her face and lifted damp eyes to Kim’s soft face. “Were there a lot of close calls? For Jacob? For the pack?”

Kim tilted her head, her chin-length hair brushing one side of her cheek. “They all get injured, they all get wounded. That’s what they do.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Kim put the toilet seat down and sat. “That was a one-time thing. The pack is very efficient, Bella.”

Bella wiped her face again, finding comfort in the rough texture of the towel against her raw skin.

“There’s another thing that you need to know.”

Her heart shuddered at the quiet tone of Kim’s voice, at the way Kim folded her arms on her lap. She should look ridiculous, after all, she was sitting on a toilet, but she didn’t. She looked solemn, serious, regretful but determined.

OhGodohGod, what now?

“Bella,” she started tentatively. “What will you do when Jacob imprints?”

Bella didn’t know whether to wince at the question or at the loud sound of glass breaking from somewhere in the kitchen.

Sensing another round of emotional turmoil, Bella made do and slid herself to the floor. “What?”

“What will you do when Jacob imprints?”

“When not if?”

Kim’s thick lashes swallowed her eyes when she looked down at her hands before meeting Bella’s eyes again. “It could happen. After Sam, Quil, Jared… The pack never had so many of them imprint like this before.”

Her heart shuddered again, “But the pack before Jacob’s pack was mostly made out of four or three, right? So when you think about it…the ratio is about the same, right?”

Kim nodded, slowly, as if taking that into account. “It’s possible.”

“Jake said,” Bella cleared her aching throat when her voice wobbled. “He said it won’t happen to him.”

God, she could almost hear the lost little girl inside her own voice, and when Kim’s dark eyes landed on hers with that soft understanding look on her face, she felt…all sorts of stupid.

What would she do if Jacob imprinted?

How would she feel seeing Jacob with another girl?

Heartbroken. Sick. Desperate.

Just imagining it made a part of her die a slow, painful death.

Seeing, knowing Jacob would wrap himself around another girl, building his world around her. Seeing that absolute loving expression that Sam always wore around Emily…

Bella couldn’t be sure that she wouldn’t drive herself a little bit crazy.

Would I be like Leah? She wondered. Bitter and angry and lost?

Would it feel like when Edward left?

She jerked away when a warm hand reached hers.

Kim looked at her with a worried expression. “You weren’t breathing.”

And now that Bella noticed her chest was aching, she sucked in a breath and leaned against the closet below the sink.

Kim stood and reached out her hand. “Maybe we should get you off the floor. Come on.”

Bella settled into Jacob’s bed, and Kim wrapped a bright blanket in Quileute colors around her shoulders. Rachel and Leah were nowhere to be seen.

Kim didn’t look surprised that they took off, considering the topic and Leah’s sensitive ears.

The house was quiet except for the occasional creaking and Billy’s soft snore. When Bella settled back on the pillows, she realized that Jacob’s room was roomier than the last time she was here; in fact, it was a vast improvement. And like the room in JEQ, the walls were lined with books and wood carvings.

“It helps with his control.” Kim offered when she noticed Bella looking. “They always have to be in strict control of their tempers, and they have their own methods. Sam fixes his house, Seth helps his mother cook, Leah takes long solitary walks, some drive around, work out, Jared takes morning swims, Jacob fiddles with engines and carves wood. It’s a sort of meditation technique.” She shifted from foot to foot.

“Your vampires, Bella, you consider them good, worthy, because they gave up human blood.”

Bella nodded, her eyes still on the rows and rows of carvings, she even spotted a half-done one, as if he left it there to finish later.

“But they lose control of themselves once or twice, don’t they?”

She tried not to get defensive, but lost the battle. “It’s hard, what they do—”

“What Jacob and the pack do every day, every single second of their lives, is also hard.” Kim reprimanded her softly. “And they can’t afford to lose control.”

Bella’s eyes flickered to Kim’s. “Your vampires, they’re solitary, they live in recluse. Yes, they mingle with humans, but they don’t have roots in the community. We do, we live among humans, we have friends, family, cousins and relations. We have a place, a status in the reservation, in Forks. They know us, they trust us. If something bad happens, if one of them lost even a minute of that tight control, what do you think would happen?”

Bella swallowed, picturing a rampaging werewolf in the tight, cloistered reservation, along with Emily’s ravaged face.

“We can’t just move, we can’t just sweep it under the carpet, we can’t go away and hope everyone would forget it.” Kim’s soft face settled into an expression that Bella had never seen before. “The pack could never really let go, never really be free, unless amongst themselves. They live their lives as if they are always under close scrutiny, and they can never, ever slip.” She brushed her hair away from her face. “They have it hard, too, Bella. They just never show it.”

As if restless, Kim paced across the room, touching a finger to one carving after another. “So, we who know their secret, we try to make it easier for them, to give them space, room to stretch—”

Bella frowned, not understanding the implication, the jump of topics, and Kim’s odd choice of words. “I don’t understand.”

Kim sighed. “Don’t you see, Bella? They’re trapped here, and imprinting is just another bar in the cage.”

Bella stared at Kim in shock. “But, but—”

Kim plopped herself on the edge of the bed. “Of course, Sam doesn’t feel that way. Or Jared or Quil for that matter. They’re happy and content, but that’s how the imprinting functions.”

“I love Jared and he loves me.” Kim bit her perfectly curved lips. “But, what everyone tried to ignore was, if it wasn’t for imprinting, Jared would probably never have noticed me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

Kim gave a little smile. “Yes, it is. We’ve known each other forever, I think we’re cousins seventh removed or something, we sat next to each other in several classes, but it wasn’t until he started to phase that he saw me.” She gave a chiding look when Bella made protesting noises. “I try not to lie to myself, Bella.”

Bella didn’t know what to say, so she clamped her lips together, even when Kim gave a small shake of her head.

“The pack might be wary of imprinting, but once they do imprint, they…they’re happy.” Kim eyed her face in a disturbingly knowing way. “Jacob calls it the werewolf brainwash.”

Bella winced.

“Did Jacob explain about imprinting?”

Bella shrugged, wanting out of the conversation.

“It’s the wolf’s way of ensuring superpups.”

Bella sucked in a breath. “What?”

Kim burst into laughter. “Oh, Bella. Your face. Priceless.” She waved a hand as she settled down to giggles. She grinned. “It’s the same with us humans, you know.”

“How?”

“The science of attraction is that we are attracted to other people that have a higher immune system than ours, right? It’s basically the same thing. You noticed that the girls are all Quileute, right?”

Bella thought back and nodded.

“The wolf inside them detects who would have the higher chance of preserving the werewolf genetic trait and wham. Instant soul mate.”

Bella eyed Kim and wondered why she didn’t look distressed or upset.

“I’m happy, Bella. Jared’s happy. I might have felt disappointed at first and guilty even, but let me tell you, they’re not easy to live with either.”

Intrigued, Bella forgot all about her dismay and guilt, even her roiling stomach. “What do you mean?”

“Other girls worry about their boyfriends cheating or getting restless or going into strip bars.” Kim rolled her eyes. “I never have to worry about that, but in exchange, I have to worry about him getting angry in public places, or his territorial streak, or every time he gets a call at night and slips out the door. Plus, there’s the laundry.”

Bella blinked. “The laundry?”

“They sweat alot. Especially in the winter, because they have to cover themselves up like normal people, and you know what a bitch it is to do laundry in winter. And I won’t even start about the mud and dirt that they track on the floor whenever they come home. Have you ever seen their feet after? Disgusting. And then there’s the food.”

Bella nodded, she understood about the food, having to cook once in a while for the pack.

“And if they get cooped up one minute too long, they get antsy and snarly and really, really annoying. And in the summer, having them around you is a chore. They’re just so hot.” Kim gave Bella an impish smile. “In more ways than one.”

Bella’s mouth quirked up, before she was reminded of what they were talking about. “Is imprinting so absolute, then?”

Kim smiled, slow and a little bit sad. “Yes. It’s elemental, Bella. Basic. It’s right up there with instinct. When—if Jacob imprints, considering he is also Alpha, his blood is the strongest, the thickest, the imprinting would hit him harder than anyone else.”

Bella swallowed, trying to wet her throat, but her mouth was dry. “So, you’re saying that it would be better for me to…leave?”

“No, I’m not saying it would be better. Easier, yes. And for Jacob, too.”

Kim must have seen the confusion on her face, because Kim continued. “Of all the pack members, Jacob was the most determined to fight back against the genetic control. He hated imprinting. The minute he went Alpha, he pushed Seth, Colin and Brady to go to college, to get work outside the rez, to, well, to have a life outside of the pack and the ‘werewolf crap’ as he put it.” Kim sighed. “If he imprinted, he would fight against it, especially with you here. He wouldn’t stand for it. He couldn’t live with having the imprinting control him. He couldn’t deal with losing you all over again.”

“But I thought once you imprinted, you stopped loving anyone else. Wasn’t that what happened to Sam and…Leah?” Bella lowered her voice on Leah’s name and looked around anxiously.

Kim smiled softly. “Did you stop loving Jacob when Edward came back?”

Maybe it was the question. Maybe it was Edward’s name out of Kim’s mouth. Maybe it was just the whole strange situation, but Bella’s brain simply froze. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”

Kim stood again, and like before, she strolled towards the shelves and plucked four carvings, then handed one to Bella.

It was a wolf, made out of a brown reddish color that almost matched Jacob’s fur. The wood was warm and smooth to the touch, and it was so beautiful, it made her eyes sting. The wolf was standing on all fours on a cliff, its eyes looking far ahead as if it was trying to see something. Waiting. Expectant. She ran her fingers over the minute, detailed surface, imagining Jacob’s hands carving, cutting, rubbing, smoothing. “It’s beautiful.”

“Look at the bottom.”

She blinked; her eyes flickered to Kim’s before flipping the carving over. What she saw made her heart catch in her throat.

September 13th 2012

22

“My birthday…”

Kim handed another one, and her heart dove into her stomach at the sight of the second carving. It showed a girl with long hair, her back against a wolf’s side, a book in her hand. The wolf’s body curved around her, its head propped on its folded front paws. It showed safety, contentment and simple pleasures. This time, she didn’t need Kim to tell her to flip it over.

September 13th 2009

19

Bella’s hand stretched for the third carving, which featured the same girl and wolf standing side by side on a cliff, her hand lost in the wolf’s fur, her shoulders straight. Her posture spoke of pride and strength.

September 13th 2010

20

The fourth spoke of peace, of comfort, of protectiveness, with the girl sleeping on her side, half her body propped against the wolf, which surrounded her with its body, its nose touching the forehead of the girl in a kiss.

September 13th 2011

21

She leaned back when Kim made a move to take the carvings. “I think it’s supposed to be like this.” Kim shifted the carvings one by one according to the year it was made.

The wolf and the girl with the book.

The wolf and the girl standing on a cliff.

The wolf and the sleeping girl.

The wolf on the cliff, alone.

Kim’s eyes were sad when she set the single wolf at the end of the line. “He didn’t know if you were dead or alive, but he celebrated your birthday, remembered your age.”

Bella’s chest was heavy, her throat, her eyes, her face ached, and her trembling hands hovered over the carvings, but couldn’t seem to touch them.

“He would never leave you.” Kim whispered softly. “Even if he imprinted, he would never leave you. He would fight it, strain against it, and when he did, it would destroy him.”

Bella knew they were just as worried—if not more—as her but they sure weren’t showing it. From Kim she knew Colin and Brady would be patrolling the rez’s lines. Every thirty minutes, Leah got out of Jacob’s house and strolled into the dark, sniffing the air before coming in again.

Four or more vampires, she thought, against six werewolves.

She knew the werewolves were strong but she remembered The Cullens, James, Laurent and Victoria then there was The Volturi and the newborns.

For all she knew of the werewolves durability and power, they were still human to her while the vampires—truth be told—were not.

Yes, some of them were good and she hoped these trespassing vampires have golden eyes rather than red or black…she did mention the difference of their eye colors to Jacob once, didn’t she?

Although, she had no idea what the vampires would think of the werewolves and how they would react to giant mutant wolves that could kill them. Vegetarian or not, vampires were a territorial and aggressive lot.

The thought lodged in her brain and wouldn’t go away but Leah wasn’t here yet, and she wasn’t sure…her eyes dropped to Rachel who was smacking the hell out of the old TV when another thought latched onto her brain, how did Rachel know about the werewolves anyway? Did Jacob tell her sister like he once told her? Or did she get special dispensation because she was family of one of the elders? Like Sue had?

She distracted herself from the churning of her stomach with compiling questions for Jacob when her eyes shifted to Kim who was busying herself with washing dishes though now she was gazing into space, one soapy hand touching her left cheek...

…where Jared laid his fingers before phasing and following Sam.

She felt her stomach twist when Kim blinked, folded her lips into a straight line and straightened her shoulders before continued with the dishes.

In the line of her shoulders and spine, she saw strength and pride that she couldn’t help but admire. Shy, silent Kim, keeping her head up despite the sickly fear that weighed her down. This is what they have to deal with again and again, agonizing fear and mind numbing worry, trying to fill the time while they wait for their guys to come home.

She wondered about Emily who was pregnant and hoped that she wasn’t alone.

Jacob’s front door opened and in entered Leah, her eyes focused, her movements precise and even though there was a tightness around her eyes and her shoulders, she made a show of haranguing Kim for something to eat and telling off Rachel to ‘stop hammering the damn TV’ before she folded onto one of the ragged yet comfortable chairs beside the couch she was on. A scowl on her face before focusing on what Bella held in her hands.

“What’s that about?”

Bella cringed and mentally smacked herself for bringing her books on various pockets of her jacket. Especially these books. “Um. Nothing.”

She raised one delicate eyebrow. “Patricia Briggs. Mooncalled. Let me guess, it’s about werewolves.”

“A little bit.”

She snorted before snagging the book from the pile at her elbow. “Hey, Rach, check it out. She’s reading about werewolves.”

Bella tried to sink into the couch she was laying on when Rachel ambled toward them. “Hey, I know that one. It’s pretty good. Haven’t read the second one though.”

When Rachel and Leah shifted their eyes to her she was compelled to lift the book that she was reading, showing that it was the second series she was reading.

Rachel plopped her butt on the floor beside the couch and stared at her in a pointed manner. “You’re done with that, right?”

When she surrendered the book to Rachel’s grasp, she could hear Kim’s sympathetic laughter.

Leah slumped on her seat, straightened her legs and flipped through the pages, chuckling once or twice. Deprived of both her books, Bella ambled away to the kitchen where Kim was. “They’ll probably be hungry, don’t you think?”

Kim nodded while she rinsed dishes. “They usually are.”

After sharing an indulgent, amused look with Kim, Bella scoured the kitchen for anything that resembled food. She found a loaf of bread and decided to slice some cheese and prepare cold cuts. She saw Kim’s thoughtful look when she turned to get plates. “What?”

Kim smiled and turned off the faucet. “I’m just glad that you and Jacob are together again.”

Bella felt a twinge in the vicinity of her chest. “Oh.”

A subtle line appeared between Kim’s brows. “You are together, right?”

Bella played with the slices of cheese in her hands. “Not…not exactly. We still have a lot of…issues to go over.” And technically, it’s not like they’ve ever been ‘together’.

“Oh, you mean...” Kim flushed darkly but seemed determined. “Are you’re still… married?”

“No, no I’m not.” She shook her head and shifted her feet. She didn’t dare look over her shoulder but somehow she knew both Leah and Rachel were paying attention. “I mean, I wasn’t married in the first place.”

Kim looked taken aback. “Oh.” She blinked a few times, as if unsure how to react. “Oh. Does Jacob know?”

“Um, yes, he found out um, a couple of days ago.”

An expression came and went across Kim’s face, something that went along the lines of ‘oh, that make sense’, it made her wonder how Jacob was behaving these last few days. “So, you weren’t married but you were still together with the vampire, I mean, with…him.”

“Not really.”

Kim’s dark eyes leveled with hers, straight and silently demanding. “So, it’s over between him and you?”

She felt her heart clenched painfully and the words caught in her throat. “It looks that way.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

Bella turned to find Rachel looking at her with accusing eyes.

“I’m not. We didn’t get to talk about it…he just left.”

“And he never came back?”

“Not for a year now.”

“Jacob knows about this?”

Bella nodded and wiped her hands on a dishrag. “Yes, I told him everything.”

“Has the vampire called you or whatever?”

“No.”

“Have you tried contacting him?”

“No.”

Bella knew that this inquisition would start sooner or later but she couldn’t fight the annoyed spark that flashed and burned every time Rachel and Leah exchanged wary glances. “What?”

She knew her annoyance showed in her voice when Rachel raised an eyebrow. “Just wondering whether you’re here, with Jacob, by default.”

She tried processing that statement but, nope, she couldn’t. She gaped at Rachel, at Leah. “What are you saying? That I’m here because…because-“

“The vampire left you.” Leah continued helpfully. Right.

“Is that what you guys think?” Leah and Rachel’s expressions were unreadable but Kim’s was an open book.

Bella felt sick at first, strangely betrayed but not on account of herself but on account of Jacob. Both Edward and Jacob were so different that she didn’t bother to compare them and never, even when she was at her most aggravated with Jacob had she ever thought that he was somehow less than Edward.

No sane woman would ever feel anything other than flattered when someone as good and as—let’s face it—hot as Jacob showered her with attention.

Do they really think that I’m that horrible? Did I make that bad of an impression? Or do they just think I’m stupid?

“That’s, that’s crazy.” She replied weakly, still shocked. A thought speared her mind and sickened her stomach. “Is that what everybody thinks?”

Leah shrugged. “It’s not like you didn’t leave him high and dry the first chance you got, again and again. The second the leech came back after he left you, somehow you just seemed to forget about Jacob, about how much he did good by you and you just walked off into the sunset with your bloodsucker. Now, here you are again like you just never left.” Leah snorted. “I expected more of him. Sure, Jacob’s a guy, but he’s never been one to think very much with his dick before.”

Kim winced but Rachel merely rolled her eyes.

Bella heard the derisive snort, the disdainful expression on Leah’s face and something rose inside her, something very close to rage that made her straighten her spine and lift her chin. It made her fingers clenched into fists and her mouth curled into a subtle snarl. “Shut up, Leah. Yes, I’ve been a flaming, ungrateful bitch when it comes to Jacob and I’m the first who’ll admit that most of the time I don’t deserve him but that doesn’t mean I’ll sit here and let you mouth off about…and it’s not like I didn’t try to give him space—“

“You shouldn’t have come back here.” Leah started.

“What I should or shouldn’t do is none of your business.” Bella cut her off which seemed to aggravate Leah even more. She leaped from her seat and stood with her feet planted firmly on the floor.

“The minute your business touch Jacob, it became my business. Who do you think had to pick up the pieces when you flounced away into God knows where? Six months, he went away six months and when he came back he was hardly Jacob anymore. You broke him then, Swan and I swear, if you break him now, I’ll gut you with one claw at a time.”

Bella flinched back, not because of the threat, gruesome at it was, but because the knowledge of Jacob’s pain. “I know I hurt him.”

Leah folded her hands and narrowed her eyes.

“He told me. We dealt with it.”

She gave a derisive laugh. “Did you? Somehow I doubt he told all of it, if he did you won’t be so quick to plant yourself into his life.”

All her anger faded and changed into dread when her eyes flickered to Rachel’s flat expression to Kim’s worried one. “Everything? What do you mean?”

Leah watched her with calculating eyes. “Did you see the scars that run from his collarbone to his left shoulder?” Leah spat out the question.

“Yes, I just noticed tonight.”

“Yeah, it’s fine now, hardly noticeable but when it happened…”

Bella saw Kim hugged herself, her stance told her that whatever happened was really, really bad. A sideways glance at Rachel told her although the older girl was upset, she didn’t react as much as Kim did so she assumed that it happened before Rachel got home.

“Jake was torn up pretty good. We know that he healed worst injuries than that but for a minute there, it was touch and go. There was blood everywhere and his shoulder was pretty much mangled meat and muscle and bone. If he was normal he would’ve lost the hand, perhaps wouldn’t survive because he was losing so much blood. We couldn’t figure how it could happen, it was just the one vampire after all, anyone of us could’ve handled it in a matter of minutes.” Leah’s snarly face changed, she ran fingers through her hair, spiking up the top, as if even now, she didn’t understand. “There were no bruises, no other cuts but those on his shoulder, it was as if he didn’t fight back when the bloodsucker tore at him and we just didn’t get what happened but then we saw her.”

Leah’s golden eyes speared Bella where she stood, the look on her eyes closed to hate. “The vampire had long brown hair, pale skin, she was slender and fragile looking.”

Bella’s breath got out in a great big woosh and the world tilted for a while until she managed to grip the kitchen table. “No.”

Leah’s eyes narrowed on Bella’s pale horrified face, could practically smell the tears that wet her eyes but she couldn’t help herself, she dug in the knife a little harder, a little deeper…and twisted. “We saw it happen inside our minds, the jolt of mistaken recognition, the struggle between human and wolf. “ And pain. And love so overwhelming it swamped their mind until they were crippled by it. “When the vampire bitch came at him, he just stood there while both his instincts scream at him to kill, to hurt, to run. But he just stood there, stood there and let her kill him because he thought she was you--”

Bella was blinded by tears as Leah’s words scrambled her mind and shredded her heart into tiny little pieces. She heard voices…no not voices, sounds; helpless, horrible little sounds came out from her throat. Her hands were in front of her chest, trembling, trying to block out the images that came with Leah’s words; of crazed ebony eyes, of reddish fur clumped wetly together by blood…

“Leah. That’s enough.”

Gentle but strong hands enveloped Bella, brushing her back in long gentle sweeps while she made agonized whimpers and sounds because the nightmare-like images wouldn’t go away.

“Come on.” The voice that came with the hands was firm and clipped and she pushed her forward with a strength that said she was not to be denied and a small part of her mind registered that the cradling arms were Rachel’s.

She tried to stop; stop imagining, stop thinking, stop reacting in such a way but once again, she felt the web-like scars on Jacob’s skin under her fingertips, some of them inching much too close to his heart and her brain refused to flinch away from the ugly pictures in her head.

She couldn’t breathe at the thought of Jacob, fierce, protective, strong Jacob, frozen in the path of a vampire.

A vampire that looked a lot like her.

She felt her lungs burn for oxygen but she couldn’t breathe and soon, spots appeared in front of her eyes…and darkness beckoned.

Bella read somewhere that the lower an animal’s growl was, the bigger in size they were.

The growl that she was hearing was so deep that she felt it vibrate in her chest. It was so low and raspy that she expected  the ground to shake underneath her—well, Jacob’s—feet.

At the sound she hunched her shoulders and curled her body against Jacob, presenting a smaller target of herself as was the typical behavior of small prey versus predator and did a full body shudder which Jacob detected and chuckled over.

She was tempted to smack him,but she was far too scared to let go.

Not that she had the chance, she was jerked sharply back away from Jacob’s body then was pressed flushed against his back when, unbelievably, her team of werewolves moved even faster.

But it was different this time, when before he moved in an effortless, smooth gait, now he was working harder,s he felt the muscles against her thighs shifted and rolled: faster, harder. His breath was still even and deep but his skin burned hotter, the skin under her fingers grow tighter.

His movements were less smooth when he dug his feet on the ground, pushing almost propelling himself forward.

She heard Rachel and Kim breathless screams amidst a few ‘woah’ and ‘that was close’ from the three werewolves ahead of them but underneath the anxiety there was an undertone of laughter and amusement.

Bella cut off her own scream when Jacob jumped over…something then swerved sharply to the left before ducking so fast that she felt the cinnamon bun in her stomach lodged in her throat.

I will not throw up on Jacob. I will not throw up on Jacob. The prayer-like litany was stopped by an occasional almost lazy warning from the boys in front. Their voices ranged from between half hearted and nonchalant, saying things like;

“Tree.”

“Log.”

“Overturn tree.”

"Rock."

“Log.”

“Branch.”

“Slimy moss covered log.”

A couple of minutes later, even Quil didn’t bother to yell out a warning, from the sound of it, they were following anyone who was on point by reflex alone, running after each other in that weird pack mentality thing that they did.

Atleast, they did until Quil gave a deep, mischievous chortle after they cleared probably another log. “Guys, you just jumped a foot in the air over a snail. Overkill, don’t you think?”

There was a sharp slap and Leah’s low smooth tone answered in kind. “You jumped over it too, doofus.”

“Well yeah, I don’t want to step on it, it’s disgusting. Besides just because I jumped over it didn’t mean you have to. What if I jumped over a bridge, are you guys going to..”

Leah and Quil bickered in the same amusing manner even as they streaked in the dark, well, it would be amusing if only Bella wasn’t so focused on the WOLVES that were chasing after them and gaining fast.

“Uh, Jake?” She kept her voice level and soft, knowing that Jacob can hear her anyway.

He turned his head a little to show that he heard her.

“That’s Sam and the others right? There are no other wolves or uh, other werewolves that moved in when I moved out, right?”

“I don’t know. How about we stop and ask them?”

A sharp snap and another rendition of low growls made her screech and tighten her hold on him.

Bella took a deep breath and tried to slow her heartbeat but yeah, there was no chance of that. She squinted and tried to see and caught glimpses of less darker shadows and once or twice when she looked over her shoulder, she thought she could see eyes, glinting sharply.

There was something to be said about not being able to see, she felt her skin vibrate with energy and awareness, and the forest around her seemed to come alive from the sharpening of her other senses.

She could smell the damp earth, disturbed and turned over by Jacob’s feet, the tiniest hint of green leaves and pine and when she lifted her head just right, the muskiness of fur and man. She stiffened when she felt something big pass her from the side, felt a brush of fur and let out a shuddering breath when a howl spilled to the night air from her left.

She could feel them around her, running beside them, letting out growls and snarls and snapping their jaws, contributing to the pump of adrenalin and fear that rushed her heart. She bit her lip when Jacob ducked down and she sensed something  slid overhead and heard it thump back to the ground She felt a rush of hot breath, felt the sharp jerk on her jacket before Jacob pivoted and ran sideways.

There was the low rasp of the wolf version of a chuckle right behind them before those big presence disappeared again.

Then a few seconds after that, they appeared again, ‘attacking’ them before disappearing yet again. It was after a few of those feigned attacks that Bella realized that they were herding them as a pack of wolves would do.

Only, when wolves would go after the weak after they part their prey from the herd, the werewolves were going after Jacob, their Alpha…and her.

She heard Jacob cursed although his voice was laced with wry amusement and resignation, he hitched her tighter around his body,  leaped up, took hold of a sturdy branch and curled his legs up in the process. She clung to him and gasped when she felt something jumped beneath them but Jacob was faster, he dropped down and ran in zig-zag motions, making the most of hiss flexibility and human agility to his advantage.

The wolves were fast and agile than their natural counterparts, but they were still a large mass of muscle over dense bone, not that they were awkward but it was harder for them to change directions, to pause once they’ve reached their momentum.

Not that their handicapped stopped them from getting to her. She got a dirty paw tapped her back, a snort of breath blowing her hair to her face, a cold wet nose that she just somehow knew was Seth’s at the nape of her neck.

She was torn between hysterical laughter and screaming her lungs out when she realized she was playing the werewolf version of tag.

“Oh, jeez. This is your tradition?” She mumbled tightly into Jacob’s neck.

“Tradition. Initiation. Hazing, whatever.” Jacob shrugged, she could almost hear the smirk in his voice.

Her heart clambered in her chest, her blood roared in her ears and her skin tingled with goosebumps even as they broke through the lines of trees into a clearing that was adorned with hills and cliffs made of solid rock, her eyes were so used to the dark that the lack of dense shadows were almost blinding. The open air hit her almost like a solid object and she sucked in a sharp breath at the impact.

She shivered when an array of howls erupted from the wolves that she could finally see and man, it was like seeing them  again for the first time. They looked even larger than she remembered and they were an impressive sight to begin with. The air simply crackled with raw, wild energy.

But she recognized Sam, Paul, Embry, Seth, Colin and Brady, their pelts and teeth glistening in starlight.  From her team, Quil was the first to stop and both he and Rachel let out a whoop, dropped and rolled on the damp grass, free and unfettered.

When Jacob skidded to a stop, she thought that both Quil and Rachel had a good idea so  when he released her she slid off Jacob’s back, right to the ground.

“Whoa. You’re all right?” Jacob, an amused smile on his face, stood over her while she laid on her back sucking in air and trying to hear anything against the fast thud and roar of heart and blood. She glanced to her left where Seth planted his rump beside her hip, his tail thumping hard on the ground beside her head and cocked his head at her, his tongue lolling out in a wolfish grin.

Out of breath, paper thin close to a coronary, surrounded by the dark and werewolves, Bella couldn’t help it. She  tried to press her lips together to hold it in but she just couldn't. She whimpered, the sound, small and helpless and soft.

But it didn't stay that way, the sound made way to a  giggle the grew to a chuckle that rapidly evolved into a gut busting-full out-laugh out loud laughter.

Her throat burned and her inside’s clenched in stitches as if she was the one doing all the running but damn, it’s been a long, long time since she just let loose and for the very first time in years, she just went with it.

She laughed and laughed and laughed until it seemed her laughter echoed in the night sky. Tears pricked the corner of her eyes but she still laughed herself silly as a combination of knee-weakening relief and heart pumping adrenalin urged her to laugh even harder.

She turned to her side and giggled, guffawed, wheezed with her arms around her stomach, letting out incoherently words between laughs. “God—that was—crazy—awesome—insane—I cannot believe—Oh MY God.”

When she caught Jacob threw a smug look toward Jared she laughed again, especially after he heard him say, “Told you she could take it.”

She wheezed when Embry pushed his cold nose to Quil’s back who squeaked in surprise and added a sullen. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll pay you later.”

Her laughter was so wild, so loud and so contagious that even Rachel gave a grudging smile.

“Please,” Colin—after phasing back—scoffed. “After being chased after by an army of newborn leeches, this was a cakewalk.”

“You know, I never understood what that means. Cakewalk. Cake walk. Cake. Walk. That never made any sense to me.” Brady followed his brother to complete the loose circle made with their bodies around the crackling warm fire while Kim passed out food. Rachel was sipping hot coffee and scuffling over a cinnamon bun with Paul. Bella wanted to help but she was still too weak from her extreme bout of hilarity so she stayed on her back, enjoying the warmth glow of fire when Jacob dropped beside her, the sunset shade of fire highlighting the grin on his face.

“You okay?”

Bella nodded, wondering about the weird glow of satisfaction that was pulsing within her, not to mention the sudden sharp awareness of her body and her surroundings. When she tried to speak, she was surprised by the fact that she was slurring her words, as if she was drunk.

"That good, huh?" Jacob laughed. “Take your time.” He reached for her shoulders and tugged her up so she sat propped up against his chest, sighing deeply when he put his arms around her, rubbing his cheek on the top of her head. Bella struggled with herself for a moment, before finally relaxing, curving her back against his chest, settling herself onto one of his arms so she could see his face from the corner of her eyes.

She watched him as he bickered with Embry and Quil, his face as relax, his expression as happy as she ever saw him. And it made her happy, even when she caught the pleased smile on Kim’s face when she looked at them.

She sipped on her hot coffee and as usual was happy to watch and laugh at the werewolves’ antiques, exchanged cooking horror stories with Kim and tried not too hard to interpret Rachel’s silent, watchful looks.

She blinked when Seth looked at her with a wide smirk. “What?”

He grinned. “Does your jacket have a hood, Bella?”

She frowned at the question but answered with reaching back and putting the hood over her head.

She heard Jacob snort before the others joined Seth in laughter. She frowned even deeper and felt the deep mortification of every person that has ever been laughed at. “What?”

Jacob’s laughter rumbled up her spine when he squeezed her closer. “Oh, Bells, honey.”

She turned sideways and scowled despite the heat in her cheeks. “What?”

His dark eyes glittered down at her, his smile changing the angles and dips of his face and deepening his eyes. “You’re jacket is red. With a hood.” He twirled a finger, indicating his friends. “Wolves.”

Bella’s groan and rolling eyes only made them laugh even longer while they passed marshmallows and sausages on sticks.

She was trying not to be distracted from her conversation with Kim by Jacob’s fingers sliding in and out of the chain on her wrists, playing absent-mindedly with the charms when she noticed that Paul was talking to Leah in deep urgent tones.

Then she noticed that she wasn’t the only one who noticed.

“I’m fine.” Leah gritted her teeth and batted Paul’s reaching hand but even Bella could tell that she was flat out lying. Sweat glistened on her throat and her hair was damp with it. Her face was tense as was her body language, she sat with her arms around her knees, holding herself tightly. She ground her teeth and hunched her shoulders when a shudder escaped her control.

Paul stood up and held out a hand. “You’re not fine. Come on. Let’s go for a run.”

Leah merely curled herself even tighter and ignored him, her eyes looking into the fire as if it held all the answers to the universe.

Bella saw Sam, who she realized sat as far as he could from Leah, shifted subtly to keep Leah in his line of sight, both of his hands clenched on his knees. The skin over his cheekbones stretched tight.

When she felt Jacob tensed, she knew that he was also paying attention to whatever that was playing out in front of their eyes. They watched as Seth dropped down beside his sister and whispered softly to her but Leah stubbornly ignored him.

“Leah, don’t—“

“Sam.” Jacob called out to the older man who snapped his mouth close and glared at Jacob. Bella was taken aback by the shimmering resentment in Sam’s eyes before he blanked them and turned back to the fire he was gazing into. From the livid expression on Leah’s face when Sam spoke to her, Bella guessed Jacob was right in stopping Sam from saying whatever he wanted to say.

Jacob’s voice was gentle but firm as he spoke to Leah from where they were saying. “Go, Leah.”

Leah finally tilted her head to look at Jacob and Bella could see the hurt in her face. “But, I—“

“Leah.” Jacob’s voice was no longer gentle but not unkind. “You know what’s at risk. Go.”

She looked away but jerked a nod and stood up in one smooth motion but her walk was stiff, whether with anger or annoyance, Bella didn’t know. But she saw the looks of concern that were aimed at her back and she also saw the way Jacob nodded to Seth and Paul who followed Leah a second after. Something was going on underneath the usual awkward hostility between Leah and Sam, something that Jacob was hiding from her.

Something that she knew she had to earn in order to know. So she stayed silent and didn’t ask, but she relaxed her body against Jacob’s and was rewarded with the easing of his muscles a few seconds later.

His fingers started to play with her bracelet again and she let him. She resumed talking to Kim, entertaining her with Brian’s latest debacle of trying to mix mochi with spaghetti and Jacob resumed talking to Embry about who was suppose to be working what around the rez.

She couldn’t help but noticed that she haven’t exchanged a lot of words with Jacob but she guessed, it couldn’t be helped with the many, many unresolved matters between them. But Bella knew that it would be resolved this week though she still was at lost on the how.

She was busy answering Kim’s questions and pondering on what would happen when she and Jacob finally talk edthat she started when Jake started sharply. Then, just then, did she hear the cascading sharp howls from a distance.

Everybody was immediately on their feet, including her but that was due to Jacob who lifted her up with him.

Without any explanation, Embry kicked sand over the fire, raking it with a stick to make sure the fire was dead before joining Sam, Jared and Quil in a rip of fur and snarls. With a nod from Jacob, Sam streaked into the dark with Jared while Embry and Quil prowled and scuffed their enormous claws on the ground, their eyes and ears flickering to where Sam disappeared.

Bella blinked until her eyes got used to the dark and was relieved when Kim flicked on a flashlight but Embry jerked the flashlight from her hands and tossed it down to the ground, he snapped his jaws and growled out a warning.

“No flashlights.” Jacob admonished Kim who fisted her hands together and nodded. Colin and Brady dipped down and let Kim and Rachel climb onto their backs.

The remaining werewolves turned as one to the tree lines and Leah burst out in human form toward them, her golden eyes flickered to Jacob and without further ado hitched Bella onto her back.

“Vampires? Now?” Bella whispered, her arms holding tight onto Leah’s shoulders.

“They are four of them as much as we can tell. Maybe more.” Leah wasn’t answering Bella’s question but was notifying her Alpha. Bella knew that the wolves were already mentally sharing information.

Leah eyed Jacob, Quil and Embry, Bella felt the sizzle of connection between them, something that went further, deeper than whatever she came to know. “Speed and safety, brothers.”

Bella felt a ripple in the air at the words and again when they repeated them back to her and Colin and Brady. When Jacob’s eyes shifted and held on to hers before turning away she had to bit her lip before she called out his name.

She had learned the hard way that no one could stop Jacob from ever doing what he had to do, and even though it’s only been a couple of months, Bella knew that being a Protector was already so much a part of what he was, that his sense of duty and obligation had intertwined so deeply with his sense of self that asking him to stay with her, and oh, how she wanted to, was the same as asking him not to be himself.

And that she would never do.

And that she refused to do.

She knew better. Now.

As if Leah knew what she was thinking, she hitched her higher on her back, more effortless that she could have, then with a sharp word in Quileute, led the twins back into the forest.

Caleb and Mercy dropped her off at Charlie’s and she didn’t protest since:

1. She was wiped.

2. She was asleep on her feet

3. She knew that whatever the wolves has planned for tonight, she needed to be wide awake and all her strength with her, puny and miniscule though it might be when compared to theirs.

4. …she was a little nervous on seeing Jacob again since their last..uh, face to face talk.

Oh, all right, yes, she was a wimp.

Anyway, she managed a quick short message to Jacob to say that she was at Charlie’s and that she’s going to catch on some sleep before heading out to meet him, then she flopped onto her bed and went to a deep, deep sleep.

She woke up to the cheerful bebop beat of Christina Aguilera’s CandyMan and stared through one eye at her cellphone. Still dazed from sleep, she eyed the caller ID and wondered whether it was Tina or Misha or Lulu who programmed the song to Jacob’s number.

She decided it was time to sit them down and have a long discussion about privacy. Again. She coughed, cleared her throat and rubbed her face before she answered. “Jake?”

“Nope. Leah. You better be ready when we get there.”

“We?” Bella struggled to sit up and squinted through the window before peering at her alarm clock. It was close to midnight and the house wasn’t the only place that was dark. She couldn’t see a thing outside if not for the streetlamps that lit the roads with a warm yellow glow.

“Rachel and Kim are with me. You’ve got fifteen minutes.”

Bella hurried down the porch wearing old jeans, layers of long-sleeved shirts and her favorite coat in thirteen when Leah skidded in front of her house and pounded on the horn.

“Lay off the horn.” She hissed and slid inside Jacob’s black Impala, her nose detecting the smells of sugar, cinnamon and coffee.

“Someone wakes up cranky.” Rachel commented with an amused grin from the passenger seat beside Leah. Kim however gave her a sympathetic smile and offered her a cup. “Coffee?”

Bella sighed in pleasure. “Yes, please.” Kim waved a cinnamon bun in her face and laughed when she pounced on it. Suddenly starving, she took a big bite. “This is good.”

Kim grinned, pleased. “Lulu gave me a few hints on what I was doing wrong.”

When Lulu came out to Forks with Misha and Tina a month ago, she and Kim traded a few recipes and were thick as thieves after that, exchanging recipes and tips in emails. Kim’s shyness and amiable nature seemed to click with Lulu’s mother hen attitude.

Leah glanced at her from the rear view mirror. “You didn’t bring any blueberry muffins?”

Bella blinked and swallowed. “Um, no. You didn’t order any so I thought you didn’t want anything.”

“I wasn’t there when they made their collective orders. Thoughtless bastards.”

“I’ll bring some next time or, um, why don’t you guys come out to my place?” She felt her stomach hitch at the thought of Leah and Rachel, two girls who intimidate her to no end, sitting around in her café. “You know, check out more selections.”

Rachel pursed her lips in thought and Leah shrugged before making a turn. “Sure.”

Bella blinked, realizing that this was probably the most pleasant conversation she had ever had with Leah. Huh. She eyed the older girl while she munch on her bun and noticed that she cut her hair and was wearing jean cut offs with and an old T-shirt.

The easier to phase and kick your ass in my dear, she muffled a smile and chewed.

But there was something different…something…Bella huffed. She was imagining things. Leah was in a good mood that’s all, doesn’t mean they’ll be best buds and all that.

“So, where are we going?” She asked after she drank the last drop of her coffee, feeling the caffeine kick in.

Rachel placed her feet on the dashboard. “You’ll see.”

She eyed Leah’s smirk and Kim’s impish smile. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”

Kim moved her head in something like a yes and a no. “You…might.”

She sounded doubtful though not worried so Bella tried to settle her stomach and took another bite.

Either than to roll with the punches and to love challenges as they come, Bella had also learned to hang on with both hands to silver linings and to make awesome lemonades, both metaphorically and literally.

She sighed, settled back and asked for more coffee, her fingers fiddling with her new charm.

The coffee only made her jittery, the blurry scene outside the car that met her eyes was just too dark, dark, dark. She knew that she was safe, that the pack would never let anything happen to her, and the girls with her seemed excited rather than anxious. Jacob said it was a tradition, so they probably did this many times before.

Whatever this was.

It’s just that, her eyes searched outside the window again, she couldn’t see a thing. “Uh, seriously guys, where are we going?”

“One of our favorite spots.” Leah answered as she slowed down. Expecting her to stop, Bella tried to see where they were heading or just simply see anything but what she saw were only more trees highlighted by the headlights.

“Uh huh.” She swallowed when Leah stopped and parked at the side of the road. “It’s really dark.”

Kim giggled, took out a flashlight and flashed it under her face. “That’s the whole point.”

“What do you mean?” She closed the door and followed them to the tree line.

“Geez, Swan.” Rachel took out her own flash light, turned it on and in the light Bella could see her rolling her eyes. “What part of ‘it’s a surprise’ that you don’t get?”

“I don’t like surprises.” She mumbled to herself before raising her voice. “And no one told me to bring a flashlight.”

She heard Leah snicker. “I didn’t bring one.”

Rachel snorted. “That’s because you don’t need one.”

Bella glued herself to Kim’s side. “You don’t?”

“Uh, werewolf.” Leah used the special tone that was usually reserved for idiot grown ups.

“Right.” She stepped over a thick root that was just waiting to trip her and kept her eyes on the circle of light from Kim’s flashlight. “So, are we going to walk to this secret rendezvous place?”

“Secret rendezvous place.” Leah chortled. “Will you listen to her?”

“Nope, we’re going to use a different method of transportation.”

Bella eyed the darkness around them with rising trepidation. “Uh-huh, which are…?”

“Us.”

Bella barely squelched the highly girlish squeal that trembled on her tongue when Jared stepped into Kim’s circle of light. He squinted against the light.

“Babe, you’re killing my night-vision.”

“Sorry, sweetie.”

“Well, poopie-head, what took you so long?” Leah smacked a hand on Jared’s side. “I thought I’d have to carry the three of them and the back pack to the circle.”

Bella heard Quil’s laugh; loud, infectious and slightly obnoxious from her left. “I’d pay to see that. Rach, you’re with me. Hey, Bella. Thanks for the cookies. You okay? You look pale.”

“I’m always pale.” Bella frowned as the flashlight lights waver over trees and the rocky grounds beneath them. “So, anyone going to tell me what this is all about?”

“Nope.”

She’d recognized that voice anywhere but she still jumped out of her skin. “Dammit. Stop that!” She turned to Jacob’s voice and crashed against his chest.

His naked chest.

Not that Jacob’s state of undress is unusual but in her opinion, especially in these last few weeks, Jacob’s naked chest was always worthy of special notice, even when she couldn’t see it. She could however, almost make out his teeth when he grinned at her. Don’t ask her how she knew that he was grinning down at her, she just did.

She stopped herself from warming her cold hands on his skin. His hands slid down from her shoulders to the curve of her waist in a gesture that was so natural, she took a step forward to snuggle against him before she could stop herself.

He was just so unbelievably warm.

His deep, even chuckle vibrated the skin against her cheek. “Someone woke up cranky.”

Rachel’s voice piped up from somewhere at her right. “That’s what I said.”

“I hate surprises.” She mumbled again but again, everybody ignored her. She struggled against the whine in her voice but didn’t quite manage it. “Can’t you just tell me?”

“You’re about to find out anyway.” She sensed him move in front her but the only sound she could hear was the rustle of night creatures and the whistle of the wind in between the leaves of the tall, straight fir trees around them. He took her hand and pressed it on his shoulder. “Here, climb up my back.”

Kim, who was already on Jared’s, aimed a flashlight on Jacob’s muscled back. It could be because of the dark, but Jacob seemed much larger than usual in her eyes. He hitched her up and stood smoothly, showing that he wasn’t the slightest hindered by her weight. She knew it was small and shallow of her but she couldn’t help the slight thrill that shot up her spine at how strong he was. And she was also pleased that the slight awkwardness that she felt at the thought of seeing him dissipated without it even rearing up its ugly head.

She circled her arms around his neck and smiled when she felt the press of his pony tail on her cheek, his hair soft and fresh smelling like his skin. He smelled like his shampoo, and it melded with the scent of the forest around them. His skin was tight and smooth but for raised scars here and there. She moved her fingers and traced another scar that was longer than the one she touched at first, it ran from his collarbone to his right shoulder, it wasn’t smooth, the scar was ragged and rough.

Something had torn at his shoulder…something or somebody. Her breath hitched and her grip tightened on his shoulder, her fingers pressing hard onto the scar as if she could flatten it, smooth it back into his skin. She saw him without his shirt countless times before this, how did she not see it? Now, she could feel numerous smooth scars under her finger tips, some uncomfortably close to her heart.

Jacob, who was joking around with Jared and Quil while they wait for Leah to finish checking up on the thermos of hot drinks, packs of food, flashlights and a kerosene lamp in the back pack Kim brought, seemed to sense her thoughts or the tension in her body. “It’s old wounds, Bella. I’m fine.”

She closed his eyes when he turned his head and brushed his lips across her forehead. Again, it felt like he’d done it a hundred times before. As if it had always been like this between them.

But it wasn’t.

Sure, this was not-so-unfamiliar territory for them but certainly it was something new, something uncertain and they have to thread very carefully to avoid all those emotional landmines and realizations that were just waiting to blow up in their faces. She took a deep breath and let it go. “All right.”

She felt his eyes on the top of her head but she tucked her face against the curve of his neck, savoring the warmth and strength of his body, trying not to dwell on the pictures of pain and blood in her mind that was conjured by the feel of fading scars.

Her body shifted with his every move and his hands were firm on her thighs. “You guys, ready?”

Several voices answered in the affirmative.

“You ready, Bella?”

There was amusement in his tone that didn’t quite go with the situation, her own voice wary as she asked, “Ready for what, exactly?”

Jared’s and Leah’s woop was loud in the darkness and Quil’s laugh sounded further than she expected…she felt Jacob’s muscles bunched and then he moved.

No, he ran.

In the dark.

In a forest made out of tight, dense trees with roots and rocks sticking out of the ground. And stray branches. Branches that could poke and snag and tear.

Did she mention that it was hard for her to even see her hands? Once they’ve reached further inside the forest, it wasn’t even normal dark anymore, the dark was swallowed by a different shade of dark and the wind that slapped at her face and snapped her high pony tail was a wild thing in her ears. “Woah, slow down. Jake!” She ducked when she heard a flap of wings and sense something swoop down her head but Jacob only laughed. His bright, excited laughter mingling seamlessly with other laughs, shouts and exclamations.

She really couldn’t see a thing, it was as if all the light was sucked in by the line of trees. She could smell the damp air, the green trees and moist earth, she could feel the cool bite of wind and the warmth of Jacob’s body moving against her but she couldn’t see.

The darkness was smothering her.

And knowing that he was moving, no, running in the darkness in what was probably the speed of a car set her heart to panicking.

The sensation of nothingness was disconcerting, the expectation of crashing and bouncing off trees sent a burst of fear that tightened her throat.

When Jacob moved sharply aside and she felt something whip beside her head, her heart jumped up her throat and landed inside her stomach where it drop with a dull thud.

“Ooops.” Jacob’s voice was mischievous and unrepentant when she smacked him at the shoulder.

“This is insane!”

She heard Rachel screeched and Kim squeal around her, their voices echoing in the gloom.

“No it isn’t. Yet.” She heard him yell beneath the sound of whistling wind.

She sucked in a breath when a familiar sound rose from a distance. The sound, even when she knew better, made goose bumps broke along her skin and raise the fine hairs on her nape. Her pulse thicken.

The sound was broken only by another and another and another.

The hunting call of wolves.

Bella started when a howl broke near them, very near them and realized that it was only Quil, doing a bang up job of mimicking howls from his human throat.

“Release the hounds!” Jared’s cackle seemed to prod the boys into action and she felt the wind nipped harder and she knew that they were running even faster.

It was amazing really, even while her heart pumped faster with adrenalin and fear, she couldn’t help but admire Jacob’s smooth, even gait. It wasn’t as if he was gliding across the ground, more like he was so balanced, so strong that he could cushion every jerk and sharp movement that he needn’t move his upper body so much.

If he was a motor vehicle, he’s got a bitchin’ suspension as Brian would say.

It didn’t help with the paralyzing fear though.

And, Bella wondered to herself as she clung helplessly to Jacob, were the howls getting nearer?

Then she heard it, the slow, thudding sounds of something heavy and fast…and big, no, huge, moving closer.

Then there were the whispery sounds of breathing, of panting…

She could almost feel their hot, moist breaths behind her neck.

Funny thing was, she knew what they were, she knew who they were but that still didn’t help with the overwhelming urge to scream bloody murder and runaway. She squirmed against Jacob, fighting the urge to drop on her own two feet and move, move, move.

She perched dutifully on Jacob’s back when he tightened his hands on her.

She bit of a frightened yip when something growl behind her. Then something snarled. She heard a sharp snap, the sound of strong jaws with big teeth snapping close.

Bella turned her head, stupid move as it was, to see but she couldn’t see anything but black…she could sense them though, hear them.

Her breath caught in her throat when her brain supplied her with the image of what she should be seeing; six giant wolves running at top speed…towards them.

“Holy…” Again, it didn’t matter that she knew them, the very thought of them triggered the overwhelming response of flight or fight in that part of her brain that didn’t recognize them as friends. Instead it filed them under monsters, predators, big dangerous clawy things, the stuff what nightmares are made off.

Things that not only go bump in the night but bite, snarl and tear you to pieces. Bella opened her mouth to say something, to shout, to demand, to beg for Jacob to run faster, to haul ass or just simply scream but Quil slowed to run beside Jacob and Rachel flicked a flashlight on both their faces, each wearing a wicked grin.

Quil let out an evil cackle before saying in a creepy, high voice, “They’re heeereee…”

A growl; deep and dark and hungry broke through the nights sounds.

When Brian told her that she had a visitor, she half expected that it was Jacob being his usually pushy self; picking her up, making sure that she’ll do exactly what he ask her to do.

She was ready to be irritated, worlds like ‘damn, pushy Alpha’ tingling on her tongue, a massive frown ready to decorate her face in a moment’s notice.

Instead, her eyes blinked on Caleb’s grinning face and Mercy’s mildly interested ones. Before she could open her mouth, Caleb lifted a toolbox with his left hand, the other lifting one of Mercy’s that was also holding onto a toolbox.

“We’ve come to repent.” He announced in a cheerful and almost proud tone. Mercy scowled at him before twisting her hand out of his grasp.

Bella slid her eyes to Mercy and noticed that she was taking in her surroundings and tucking it inside her head. Looking at the gleam in the younger girl’s eyes, she had a sudden feeling of self consciousness, her eyes dropped to the mismatched tables and bookshelves and chairs that she hunted down in garage sales and flea markets which she and her staff then sanded and fixed and repainted themselves. Tina and Misha’s favorite past time was haggling, Lulu was great with a needle and flowers, Brian was handy with a hammer and one of Damian’s great loves was painting. The shop was a product of all their hard work, each knick knack, colorful pillow and artwork was a collage of all their tastes. She tried the clean and fluid style on her earlier months but decided she liked the homey and cluttered look more and her customers certainly thought it was charming but with the brisk and efficient way Mercy was looking around, Bella was afraid that her store looked…tacky.

It was ridiculous of her to feel so intimidated by a sixteen year old teenager with pigtails and frayed jeans but she was. When Mercy’s black eyes focused on her face, Bella fought the urge to babble.

She frowned and again, before she could say anything, Caleb gave her a knowing smile then handed her a note. Caleb snickered at the wary look she gave the note before opening it.

The note was short but succinct and the handwriting was unmistakably Jacob’s.

A sudden flashback of the many notes Jacob and she had exchanged played in her mind and she smiled at both the familiarity of the handwriting and what was written.

She lifted her eyes to Caleb whose eyes were distracted by the selection of pastries. “Are you sure I can’t offer any payment?”

He dragged his eyes from a tray of éclairs covered with melted chocolate. “No worries. Ja—“ He let out a small grunt and Bella sneaked a glance to the girl who stood beside him with a far too innocent look on her face.

“What did Jake say on the note?” She asked politely.

“That I should just feed you.”

She beamed at her and Bella suppressed the overwhelming urge to bask in her approval. “I’ll have one of those éclairs.”

“Me, too.” Caleb chimed in.

“If you’re sure.” Bella couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy at the smile and weighing look in Mercy’s eyes.

“Well, a slice of your peach pie would be nice, they say it’s good.”

Caleb’s dark eyes smiled at her. “I’d like one, too.”

Bella stared at both of their faces in bemusement. “All right. Do you want anything to drink?”

Both of them shrugged simultaneously although only Caleb answered, “Soda will be fine.” Mercy checked out the display mugs of all sizes and colors and shapes that cluttered the racks that hung on the wall behind the cashier where Lulu was observing them without blinking. Bella watched as Mercy caught Lulu’s eyes and both of them stared at each other before exchanging a smile. When Mercy turned back to Caleb, Lulu met Bella’s eyes and raised an eyebrow at her. Bella grimaced.

“So, you’re apartment upstairs right?” Caleb asked her.

“Uh, yeah.” She turned and led them to the stairs that led to her rooms. “The door’s not locked—“

“You don’t lock your doors?”

She gave him a look. “You sound like Jacob.”

He merely grinned, unrepentant. “We’ll be upstairs then.”

“Do you guys need me or—“

Caleb clambered up the stair behind Mercy. “Jacob made a list.”

“He made a list? Do I want to know how long it is?”

Caleb grinned at her from over his shoulder, probably heard the note of embarrassment in her voice. “No, you don’t.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, well, if you have questions—“

He waved at her. “We won’t.”

“—I’ll be downstairs and if you want something else, feel free to get anything from the fridge, there are sodas in there and—“ Her voice trailed off when Caleb snapped his fingers, threw his tool box to an annoyed Mercy before running down two steps at a time. She half expected Mercy to lose her balance and topple off the stairs but she was stronger than she looked.

Bella looked on as Caleb dug through the many pockets of his cargo pants. With a triumphant sound, he held up another piece of paper. “I forgot, here.”

She flipped it open and almost gawked at the content.

“They’ll make themselves sick.”

Caleb merely handed her a 100 dollar bill and shrugged. “Anyway, don’t worry about us. You’ll have your hands full as it is.” He shooed her and climbed back up. “So, Merce. Ready to rack up some karma points?”

She smiled when she heard a dull thud and a muffled curse, she skimmed the list of orders and calculated the time she had left, she had no problem with the éclairs and cookies and the cream puffs but the pies and Embry’s macaroni scuttle, well, she had to make those from scratch. Bella rolled her shoulders before gathering her hair into a ponytail and headed to kitchen, one thing she learned these last four years was to roll with the punches and to love challenges as they come her way.

****

She tried, she really did. But one thing about Damian, was that he was really good at needling her without actually saying a word. She kept her eyes on the dough she was kneading and ignored the prickly feeling of his eyes on her. She sprinkled more flour on her dough and focused on her kneading.

She lasted less than a minute. “What?” She snapped at him.

Damian’s dark eyes met hers with a kind of hurt innocence that she didn’t believe one bit. “Why, mio piccola, what’s the matter?”

She glared at him. “Don’t you mio piccola me, Dami.”

Damian lifted both of his flour covered hands in surrender. “I didn’t say anything.” He gave her a look that melted females and gay males everywhere.

Bella stared at him until he sighed. Heavily. “I don’t know why you guys always blame me for everything, even when I didn’t do anything.”

Again, Bella merely stared and Damian stared back. Then fluttered his sinfully long eye lashes.

This time, it was Bella who sighed heavily, even if to hide a smile. Damian was incorrigible enough without the encouragement.

“So, the one you called. That’s the famous Jacob, huh?”

Bella glanced wearily at the smile on Damian’s face. “Yeah, so?”

He shrugged. “Just curious. I haven’t met him.”

Bella kept her eyes on his face. Lulu described him as pretty and he was. Seriously pretty. An interesting hybrid of Italian and Japanese, Damian was blessed with dense black hair that curled along the collar of his blue T shirt, deep dark eyes that slanted at the edges, high cheek bones, a straight patrician nose, an a fully curved mouth. He had the long and lanky body of his Japanese father and the bronze skin color of his Italian mother. If not for the solid square jaw and the breadth of his shoulders, Damian would be too pretty. Bella suspected that he got a lot of crap about his looks when he was a boy, hence the sometimes twisted sense of humor and ruthless streak. He liked to play the flamboyant, temperamental Italian with the customers especially female ones, his perfect English would immediately be traded in for fiery and intense Italian where he threw tantrums over his artistic creations or over some imagined slight. It had made one too many boring nights into a farce of epic proportions.

When he flashed a wide, brilliant grin—his white teeth contrasting sharply with his dusky skin tone—a passing thought stopped her hands and widen her eyes on his face.

It was with dismay that she realized and admitted why she was most comfortable with Damian than her other staffs, why she spent many a day content in working or sitting in one corner of the kitchen while Damien worked his magic… just like she had felt content and comfortable underneath the plastic roof top of a so called garage, once upon a time.

He reminded her of Jacob.

“Do I want to know what you’re thinking?”

She jolted and the dough that she had in her hands flopped to the table with a loud splat. She blinked at the man who looked at her inquisitively from across the wide, long wooden table they were working on. “What do you mean?”

“You look like I just conked you over the head with a rolling pin.” He replied.

“I just—“ Bella shook her head, dismayed with the newfound realization. “I just realized who you remind me of.”

He raised a dark eyebrow. “Jacob?”

She nodded, her brow furrowed.

“How so? Do we look alike?”

She tilted her head and observed him. “No, it’s not looks, though you share some of his coloring, mainly it’s…vague really.”

He looked expectant.

“It’s how you smile and carry yourself I guess. Innate confidence and how you’re so comfortable in your own skin. How you’re just…you.” She admitted, feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable with the sudden revelation.

Damian nodded slowly, thoughtful before he returned his eyes to hers and tipped a bottle of olive oil onto the dough he was kneading. “Is he the reason then? Why you mope around like you’re doing punishment?”

“I don’t mope—“ She bit off a sigh. “He’s one of them.”

“The other being the red haired guy that sometime visits you?”

Her head snapped up. “How..?” She paused. She forgot that Damien once saw Edward when she first opened the store and a couple of times after that. She nodded absently, wondering whether she should mention about Edward’s visit to Jacob. Not that it mattered, after all, the Cullens had stopped contacting her, probably at Edward’s insistence. She shifted her feet at the sharp twinge in her heart.

“Well, from what I hear of this Jake guy, I like the sound of him. The other dude creeped me out.”

“Dami.” She chided him. Every slight against Edward was still a personal offense.

“What? He did. He’s just so…quiet. It bugged me.” He slanted his eyes at her. “Has he been back?”

She squeezed the dough until it came out between her fingers. “No.”

“So, this Jacob dude, why is he just coming around now?”

She winced and pointed to the rolling pin at his elbow. He gave it to her but held on to it when she didn’t answer.

“He only found out two months ago that I’m here.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not.” She pulled at the rolling pin but he held fast.

“You know him for how long?”

“Since high school.”

“You’re good friends?”

“Yes.”

“Very good friends?”

“He’s…Jacob was…is…” Bella sighed. “He’s my best friend. He was there when I was going through a hard time. You can say that…he pulled me back.” She didn’t want to tell him more than that, besides, she suspected that he already knew more than he ought to.

“So, you owe him.” He finally let go of the rolling pin.

“Yes.” She frowned. “Not…I don’t…Yes, I owe him a lot of things but it’s not…that’s not why…”

She cast him a grumpy look when he laughed at her.

“You make it sound so complicated, Bella.”

She flicked her dough covered fingers at him. “That’s because it is.”

“Do you love him?”

She looked down and rolled the rolling pin over her dough. She waited a few seconds before she finally managed to glance at him and gave up when she saw him focused at her. “Yes.”

“Does he love you?”

Her hands paused as Jacob’s face flitted over her eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, he does.” She didn’t hear the warm and slightly awed tone in her voice, but Damian did.

“Then what’s the problem?”

Bella blinked and was stumped. Not knowing what to say, she returned to her rolling pin.

Damian shaped the dough he was working on into a ball and put it in a bowl than covered it with a towel. “It seems to me that the only problems that you have are only in your head.”

When she aimed a surly glance at him, he grinned, bright and cheerful, just like Jacob would’ve done. She set aside the rolling pin, picked up the flatten dough and covered the apple fillings of her apple pie. She cut away the edges and popped it in the oven before cleaning her side of the table.

She was washing her hands when Caleb stepped to the kitchen. “Hey, ignore me. Just here to look at the back door.”

“Damian, this is Caleb, Caleb, Damien.”

Bella watched as Damian and Caleb traded looks than nodded to each other. Men. “What’s wrong with it?”

Caleb observed the lock than gave her a look. “I think the question is ‘what’s not wrong with it?’.”

Bella blinked at the disgusted tone in the teenager’s voice. “A good jiggle and this lock is toast, the same case with your apartment door.” His tool box clattered open and his hands moved fast and confident, picking out the tools that he needed. “You live here alone, right?”

“Yeah.”

His lips firmed in a straight line. “You need a better lock. Good thing Jacob checked on this door.”

“Jacob’s a worry wart.” She muttered, wiping her hand dry. And so are you. The whirring sound of the power drill clashed with the upbeat sound of The Hush Sound that was playing through the speakers.

“You’re a girl, Bella. You should be more aware.”

“I tell her that again and again. She wouldn’t listen.” Damian confessed to Caleb, a twinkle in his eyes.

She frowned at her co-worker. “Don’t you start.”

She pulled out Jacob’s bracelet from her pocket and absently put it on, her eyes on the apple pie she had in the oven.

“Can I see that?”

Bella dragged her eyes away and looked at where Caleb was kneeling at her door. His eyes were on her bracelet. “Um, sure.”

She gave Caleb her braceleted wrist. His long able fingers touched the charms. “These are Jacob’s right?”

She avoided Damian’s lifted brows and nodded.

Caleb’s eyes lifted to hers. “Have you been in his room?”

She fought the flush and lost. “Not… not lately.”

“You should. You’ll find it interesting.” On that provoking note, he turned his back and worked on the door.

Bella met Damian’s amused gaze and frowned. “Can you watch over the pies for me, I need to pack.”

Damien waved her away but called out to her when she reached the door. His dark eyes bright with humor. “Remember, Bella. Love is a leap done on faith.”

“And what happens when you fall?”

He grinned. “Hope somebody catches you, of course.”

She rolled her eyes. “Figured.”

“Been there, done that?” He lifted an eyebrow.

“Got the T-shirt.” She added as she turned away. And the scars.

Her first suspicion was right after all, sure, Jacob didn’t come over himself, but he sent his minions. As soon as they saw her packed and her pies finished, they conveniently finished too, at least, for the moment. They didn’t bring the new tools, it’s late and several more excuses later, they ushered her to the car, Jacob’s car.

Bella couldn’t help but roll her eyes when Caleb smiled at her from the rear view mirror.

“Do you even have your license yet? Why don’t I get to drive?” Bella sunk her butt into the back seat. Actually, she was glad that she wasn’t driving, she was beat, her arm muscles ached from kneading and her eyes were tired but she couldn’t help but admired the way the car snarled every time Caleb stepped on the gas. She wondered whether she could talk Jacob into letting her drive it. She really needed a car.

“Of course, I have. Besides, you look like you’re going to fall asleep any second, I’d like to arrive at Forks alive, you know.”

Caleb drove like he did everything else, careful and easy-like, so Bella snuggled further into the back seat, her arms holding down the boxes of treats stacked on either side of her. The car smelled like a candy store.

She didn’t mind really, having company on the drive home either than her radio was nice, she amused herself on watching Caleb needle Mercy until she slapped him beside the head. She wondered about how it was between them, were they friends or were they ‘friends’ but looking at them, their relationship was more like brother and sister really, or more precisely, brother-like; Mercy being the exasperated big brother with the annoying younger one trailing behind.

She hid a grin when Caleb poked Mercy’s arm with a finger, again and again and again until she paid him back with a hard punch to his well defined biceps. He winced convincingly and slanted an injured puppy dog look which Mercy ignored.

He played good little boy for about five minutes until he did it again with the same result. The last thing Bella saw as her eyes slid close was their two heads close together whispering.

It took her four days.

Four days, from the morning that she woke up, thought about what happened the night before and immediately called Jacob and said that she was going back to Port Angeles. Not to run away, at least that was what she said, but to think.

She needed time to think.

It sounded lame even in her head but Jacob didn't comment negatively. He merely wished her a safe drive.

Which, of course made her feel even more guilty and stupid.

It took her four days.

Four days where the solemness, the heat and the certainty of his words echoed inside her head and the feel of his mouth pulsed on her skin. The memory of the kiss shot to the surface of her mind in odd and awkward moments, resulting in more than her usual trademark clumsiness and red faced stuttering that drew speculative looks from Lulu, Tina, Misha and even the usually oblivious Brian.

Damien however, merely looked at her with an amused, indulgent look on his face. Of course, that was how he usually looked at her. Like she was a three year old that did something interesting.

It certainly didn't help.

It was on the fourth day that her accident prone behavior forced Lulu, with something that looked uncomfortably similar to glee on her face for Bella's comfort, to banish her into the kitchen where she sat on a high stool behind one of the tables and, ignoring Damien's amused smirk, hid her face behind the latest fiction about--roll eyes with irony--werewolves.

Oh, if Jacob saw her reading it...

She dimmed the grin on her face when she saw Misha raised a brow and exchanged a smug look with Tina who passed by carrying a load of dirty dishes.

It took her exactly four days to finally noticed the added charm on her bracelet and even then, much to her dismay and horror, was because Tina pointed it out to her.

"Hey, " she chirped as she dumped the plates into the kitchen sink. "You finally added a charm. What is it? What is it? Let me see."

It was then, when Tina grabbed her wrist and squinted that she finally saw the tiny yet detailed carving of a dark brown wooden spoon, dangling innocently a few chains away from wolf and sea shell.

She gaped at it and not hearing Tina's offended 'hey!', pulled her hand closer to her face and focused her eyes intently on the spoon and felt her throat clutched with too many jumbled emotions that had her fingers scrambling, digging inside her pocket for her cellphone. Flipping it open, she pressed the number 2 speed dial.

With her eyes still on the charm she waited, her mouth still hanging open, for Jacob to pick up. When he did, he was laughing and the sound of it spilled over the phone to her ear and into her heart, her mouth curving into a wide grin that she didn't see but everybody else noted.

Lulu was smiling in a satisfied manner  while Lulu and Tina sighed, murmuring 'she has him on speed dial' to each other while Brian and Damian rolled their eyes.

"Hello?" His voice, that familiar husky tone of it, made her smile even wider.

"Jake?"

The amusement in his voice stilled but she could sense the smile on his voice. "...Bella?"

She heard something heavy clanged against a solid object and her brow furrowed at the loud, hammering and the voices of people yelling over the general racket.

"Bells, will you wait a sec?"

"OK." She squirmed on her seat, already starting to regret her impulsiveness when he murmured something to somebody. There were a sound of movement and the rustle of clothes and when the sounds lessen, she knew he was walking away from the crowd. She wondered whether she interrupted something.

When his voice came on again, it was warm and affectionate. "Hey, what's up?"

She scratched her nose in sudden awkwardness, suddenly, the bubbly, golden feeling that whirl inside her earlier on made her feel silly and somewhat shy. "It's not really important. I mean, if your busy-"

"Bells, " The tone of his voice was amusedly patient. "Talk to me."

"It's just that I--" A gushing female voice twittered from out of the speaker and she halted. Her voice faded even more when Jake murmured back. "No, honey, don't touch that."

She felt her heart plummet and twist at the low rumble of Jacob's chuckle, murmuring yet again in that tone of voice that made her heart ache. His words didn't register because her mind was ruthlessly honing onto the point that Jacob called the nameless and faceless girl honey...as in honey...as in the special way Jacob called her and only her.

From the sound of her voice, Bella knew that the girl was standing awfully close to Jacob and that Jacob was letting her, she must be practically be on his lap. She bit her lip through the haze of disbelief, the prickles of pain and the sharp pinch of jealousy.

Jacob did mention that he didn't stay chaste, and why would he? And considering their history, she wasn't in the position to expect it of him but...after last night....Her mind flinched at how her imagination supplied her with the picture of Jacob wrapped around numerous faceless woman even though how much she berated herself that she knew better.

It was obvious that Jacob wasn't the type of man who'd lack female companionship, and she could barely blame her sex for being attracted to him when she of all people should know what the attraction was.

It wasn't just looks, even though his looks were spectacular and then some, without being perfect or intimidating to the female senses. It was the...the...he was just so...Bella scowled at her phone and was barely able to keep her fingers from twitching and 'accidentally' hang up on him.

The girl spoke with a lisp, for God's sake. And was probably simpering and batting her eyelashes at him.

She bet a lot of guys thought the lisp was sexy. Stupid men and their hormones...

Bella didn't realize that Lulu saw the dark expression on her face and sent an inquisitive look to Tina who mouthed "Jacob" to her, she was too busy fanning the fire that was rapidly rising inside and thankfully, swallowing up all of her hurt.

It was just four days ago that he asked her, in such a sweet and sincere manner that warmed her heart, to give her a chance and already, he was flirting with another girl, right in front of her! Well, through a phone but still...

Fueled with self righteous anger she was about to hang up on him since it seemed he'd forgotten about her anyway but before she ram her finger on the button, Jacob cut his little conversation short.

"Sorry, honey. I'm a little busy here."

She couldn't help but  gaped at the phone at the dismissive tone in his voice. She pulled away the phone from her ear and stared at it like it had suddenly growled at her. Who was this condescending jerk? Where was her Jacob who was kind, respectful and warm hearted?

"Give me a kiss before you run along." He heard him laugh and the loud sound of a kiss.

Give me a kiss before you run along?, Bella choked with indignation that was speared with something uncomfortably akin to jealousy, not that she would admit it. That burning twist in her stomach was anger.

Really.

She blinked and only return the phone back to her ear when she heard him call her name. "Sorry about that Bells, she was--"

The last thing she wanted to talk about was another girl who kissed him. Especially when he was the one who asked her to do it. "How can you talk to her like that?" She barked at the phone.

"What?"

Oh, listen to him. What, was she? Deaf? Didn't he expect her to be able to listen to that? Was that intentional?

"How can you talk to her like that? You can't talk to a girl like that! And really, Jake. I expected more from you. You used to know how to treat girls with more respect-"

"Wait. What? Her? You mean Katie?"

Katie. Hah. She's probably blond with big boobs.

"I don't know, Jake. Have you been kissing that many girls that you have a hard time remembering their names?" She wanted to bite her tongue when she saw Damien and Lulu whirled toward her, half  grinning, eyes glinting with interest.

"Excuse me?"

Listen to him. He sounds so calm. Not even flustered that I caught him.

"Kiss me before you run along? Before you run a-long? What is she? 10?"

"Actually, she's eight."

"You can't talk to a girl like-what?"

"Katie. She's eight."

Bella could hear the grin in his voice and she closed her eyes in embarrassment, not even bothering to fight the blush that heat up her face.

"She likes chocolate milk and piggy back rides which is what she was trying to guilt me into doing for the third time."

"Oh." Her voice sounded unnaturally high.

Bella passed a hand on her face and opened one eye when he sighed into the phone.

"I was afraid of this, Bells."

"What-what do you mean?"

"I should have known really, I mean, I thought  that you'll be like this..."

Her heart clenched at the somber tone of his voice. "What?"

"You know, that you're gonna be one of those."

Her brow wrinkled but waited for him to continue.

"A jealous girlfriend."

She sucked in a breath when his laugh reverberated into her ear. “I am not-I was not-”

“But really, she's only eight, Bells-”

She gritted her teeth, her embarrassment was slowly giving way to irritation. “Jake-”

“Besides, can you really blame her for finding me ruggedly handsome and strong when you yourself cannot resist  my astounding good looks?”

“Jake, my finger is on the end button.” She told him and tried really, really hard not to smile when he laughed.

“Really, Bells.” He chided her softly. “Why would I want another woman when I have you?”

Her eyes shifted to some old sticker that was stuck on the wall no matter what she did to pull it off, her fingers fretting at its edges.

“So? Did you call me for a reason rather than just because you miss me?”

She opened her mouth, closed and opened it again while she watch light glittering on her bracelet. “Thanks for the charm.” She said softly.

“Ah.” There was amusement in his voice; sweet and thick like candy. “I was wondering when you'd notice. Thought it would be sooner though.”

She winced and poked even harder at the sticker. “The store's been a little crazy and it's just always there and...” She bit her lip. “It's beautiful, Jake. Really. I love it.”

“...your welcome, Bells.”

For a long minute, Bella contented herself smiling into the distance while she basked in the warm welcoming feeling that she always got from him. Enjoying the feeling that he was there with her even though he was miles away. This was what she missed most and she had it now and if she wanted, it could be hers, always.

Something stuck in her throat. Maybe it was the word. Always. She remembered saying it to another boy, to another love.

“Jake?”

“Mm?”

Tell me that you love me. That you'll never leave me. That it's all going to be alright.

“Is there...is there going to be more?”

“Do you want more?”

“No, of course not.”

“You don't want more?”

“No. Yes. Wait-”

“You need time to think about it?” He teased.

“Oh, shut up, Jake. You know what I mean.”

“...don't you like them, Bells?”

She could hear the hesitation in his voice and felt her chest tighten. “Of course I do. How can I not?”

“So you like them?”

“Jake, I love them. Their beautiful and so...” She sighed as her fingers fiddled with the little charms, before she always worry that she would lose them, that they would break away, or wither away every time she touched them. “You've always got such talented hands.”

She frowned when she heard a choking sound from behind her, a look over her shoulder showed that Tina, Lulu, Misha each had a hand on Brian's mouth while Damien was grinning wickedly at her. “Aren't you guys suppose to be working?” She asked scathingly, trying not to pout when she heard Jacob chuckle.

“Are they listening in?”

“Not any more.” She glared the snickering girls (Lulu included), eyed the unrepentant Damien, ignored Brian's impish grin and squirmed on the stool she was sitting on and gave them her back.

She heard another bang and someone shout something inaudible from the phone. “Are you busy?”

“I can spare a few minutes to talk. Wait up.”

“Kyle, if I see you do that one more time, I'll hang you from a tree. Sky, get that saw away from there.” His voice lowered. “Sorry. Kids nowadays, think they know everything.”

“Where are you?”

“At the school. The storm blew a tree into one of the elementary classrooms and blew the hell out of some of the windows. There's going to be a bit of fixing up to be done.”

She nodded to no one in particular, remembering her conversation with her dad just that morning. “Charlie did mention that you're up and about helping out around the reservation.”

She heard the sound of clothes rustling. “Yeah, you know how it is, most of the houses are made of wood older than my grandfather.” He chuckled.

Again, Bella was struck by how selfless he was sometimes. Was it a tribe thing or a Jacob thing. Was he raise or was he born this way?

“What about your work?”

She could almost see him shrug. “The beauty of owning your own business. Besides, it's not like we have to do this all day. Most of us already know how to pound a nail or reframe a window, I'm just here to supervise.” He added with a cocky note in his voice.

“Don't do that.” She said softly. “It's really great what you're doing, Jake. Not everybody will stop what they're doing because their neighbors are having a hard time. What you and the guys are doing is—I'm really proud of you, Jake.”

“...thanks.” She heard the emotion in his voice, how it changed from smooth to raspy.

She smiled. “You're welcome.”

“Bells?”

Her eyes caught an ink stain on one of the counters and scowled at it, noting it mentally and deciding to tackle it later. “Hm?”

“I'm proud of you, too.”

Her heart jumped up her throat.

“It's not easy, what you've done. What you're still doing.”

Her eyes heated and stung. She had a feeling that he wasn't talking about her business. She never imagined  him acknowledging that part of her life, much less thought it was something that he would be proud of. She never expected for her to need him to be proud of her but from the loosening sensation in her heart, she knew now that she did.

As if he knew, his voice lowered even more, softening. “I mean it, Bells. I know it wasn't easy, still isn't but you're dealing with it and you're doing great. I am very, very proud of you, Bella Swan.”

Her breathed hitched and she took a shuddering breath to keep herself from bawling. She swallowed and tried to clear her throat. “Thanks. Thanks, Jake. That means a lot to me.”

She wiped a hand on her wet eyes and wallowed in the comfortable silence that she always had with Jacob.

“So,” Jacob started, his voice returned to his usual teasing note. “What have you been doing?”

She coughed. “I'm at the shop, uh, I told you that we have books coming in and as usual, we're busy with displays and well, reading them.”

“Owning a book store is just you, Bells.”

She managed a laugh. “It's part of our 'give better service' actually. Each of us are assigned several popular books to read so we can give advise on what works best for who.”

“Hey, that's a good idea. I hate it when you go into a book store and they just go 'huh?'.”

“You read?” She smirked.

“Ha, Bells. Actually, I've been looking for this one book to complete my collection.”

She blinked. He does read, a lot. More than her in some areas but he wasn't the type to collect books. It pained her the way he treated books. “Wow, really? What is it?”

“Dr. Seuss-Sleep book. First published in 1962.”

Bella stared at the spot on a wall as if she was staring at Jacob's face. “You're kidding.”

“No, I'm not. I have everything of Dr. Seuss's but that one.”

She wanted to think he was joking but he sounded so serious, which was why she wasn't laughing her ass off. “Why?”

“It was one of the books my mom read to me, she taught me how to read with it.”

“Oh.” Now what she was going to say? And of course Jacob would do something so sweet. To collect something that reminded him of his mom. “That's the only one you don't have?”

“Yeah.” He heard him sigh. “I probably can get it from the internet but I don't want to get it that way, you know. I want to touch it with my hands. Feel its weight on my fingers.”

“Yeah. I understand.”

He laughed. “I figured. Hey, so, what are you reading?”

Glad to have evaded that sensitive land mine, primarily because she didn't know what to say, the answer almost leaped onto her lips before she managed to clamp down on it. “Um. Nothing special.”

She winced at her attempt on a nonchalant answer, she could practically hear his interest perking up.

“Bella,” His voice was liquid chocolate; smooth, delicious and succulent. “ Are you reading Erotica?”

“No. Of course not.” She wasn't exactly lying, her latest steamy novel was hidden beneath her laundry.

“Oh, don't tell me. Thou art readeth classical literatura.”

She scoffed. “No. And that sentence doesn't even make sense.”

“Regency romances.”

“Nope.”

“Books that I won't even try reading their titles out loud which ends with someone dead and someone else vowing revenge.”

Bella winced, am I really that boring?

“No, I'm-” She rolled her eyes. “I'm reading crime books with a supernatural bent.”

“Which supernatural bent?”

She sighed and muttered. “Werewolves.”

All right, Jacob didn't actually laugh with glee...he howled...with laughter. And to her eternal embarrassment, she heard another all too familiar voice. “What's the joke?”

“Embry, hear this. Bella's reading about werewolves.”

“I'm not reading about werewolves par se. They're just the gimmick.” She protested.

Much good it did for her.

She groaned when another familiar voice entered the conversation. She should have known that Embry would be there with Jake and Quil.

“Who's reading werewolf books?” Quil nosed in.

“Bella.” Embry gasped out. She sighed at the sound of their hilarity. She saw  Damien looked at her with curiosity when she pulled her cell a few inches away from her ear, then quickly put it back and hunched her shoulders.

“Why do you bother, Bella? If you want to know about werewolves, just ask.” Quil snickered.

“It wasn't like I picked the books, we had a lottery.” She pouted.

Jacob chuckled. “All right, all right. Both of you, go away.” She heard a thump, a scuffle and Jacob's snicker.

“Hey, you heading here tonight?”

“What?”

“It's Friday, Bells. Come on.”

Her fingers fidgeted with her bracelet. “I don't know.”

“I'm not asking you because of....that's for whenever you're ready, Bells.”

She heaved a quiet, relieved breath.

“I do want to see you, though.” He continued. “There's a new moon tonight.”

“And?”

“We have this tradition.”

A trickle of anxiety weaved through her heart. “Uh huh. What kind of tradition?”

“You'll see when you get here.”

“Can't you just tell me what it is?”

“Nope.”

“Not even if I say please?”

“Nope.”

“Not even if I bring you sweet potato pies?”

She giggled when she heard him suck in a breath. “That's a low blow, Bells.”

“Come on, Jake. Why can't you just tell me?”

“It'll ruin the surprise.”

She wrinkled her nose. “You know I hate surprises.”

“Yup.”

“Why do you always do this to me?”

“Because it's fun.”

“I could just stay here.” She mused.

“Won't do yo any good. I'll just come get you.”

She made noise at the back of her throat. “I forgot that about you.”

His voice was all amusement. “What's that?”

“That you're so pushy.”

“And yet, you love me anyway.”

“Mmm.” She sighed. “Is this one of those traditions that requires me to wear knee pads and a helmet?”

His laughter made her mouth quirk up. “You'll be with me, Bells. I'm all that you need.”

Bella caught her reflection on one of the ovens and watched happiness flirt on her face. I'm starting to get that impression. She sighed. “All right.”

“All right. Wait, you're not going to wait until you closed down right? Cut out early.”

“Sure, sure..”

“Ha.”

Bella smiled at the triumph in his voice, then played with the sticker again when the silence between them stretched. “So, I better pack.”

“Okay.”

“You should probably get back to work.”

“Probably. Call me when you get here.”

“I will.”

“Drive safely.”

“I will.” She smiled. “Don't get too enthusiastic and, you know, hammer down a building, all right?”

He snorted. “You should see what Quil did to one of the doors.”

“It was an accident!” Quil yelled at them.

She joined him in laughter that faded away into a smile and she knew, knew that he was smiling too and it made her feel all warm inside.

“All right.”

“Okay.”

“Oh, look.” Bella jolted at the sound of Tina's voice that was much too close for comfort. She straightened to see them and scowled when she saw Tina and Misha smiled sickening sweet at her. “They're going to do the 'you hang up' 'no you hang up' routine.”

Misha sighed and batted her eyelashes. “That is so sweet.”

“I have to go kill my employees and stuff their bodies in the dumpster, Jake.”

Jacob's voice was filled with smiles. “If you have to bleed them, bleed them on the tiles, Bells. Easier to clean up after.”

“Good idea. Bye.”

“See you tonight.”

She flipped close her cell and slid down the stool. “I”m going to pack.” She declared, sniffed and pivoted to do an exit that would have made Lulu proud. But in true Bella style, she stubbed her foot on a nearby table leg. She glared with watery eyes at Misha and Tina who maintained their too sweet smile and Damien's amused eyes, before she swept out the kitchen.
 

Finally, finally, he lifted his eyes where candle light shimmered and reflected back into darkness and looked at her with the expression that was hers. “Come here, Bells.”

Concerned, she tilted her head in confusion. “Jake--.”

He lifted a hand. “Come here.”

Bella shifted her feet and couldn't help but think that something else was happening, that his simple gesture, one that he'd done thousand times before, and her walking toward him was more thatn what it seemed. Her heart pounded in premonition when she looked into his eyes and made herself stop but he pulled her between his legs and brought their eyes level with merely a few inches separating them. The eye contact was unbearably intimate that Bella's eyes shied away from his.

His fingers lifted her chin so that her eyes shifted back to his and Bella's thoughts scattered in panic.

His voice was low and throaty and echoed inside her chest. “How do you feel, Bella?”

Confused by the sudden out of topic question, she forgot her embarrassment and blinked back at him. “Um. OK?”

A slight amused smile curved his wide lips as he slid a finger down the curve of her neck. “What do you feel?” His eyes swept her face and she felt his gaze on her skin like flickering embers.“Here, near me. Close to me.”

How do I feel? She repeated inside her mind, her eyes glued to his. The look inside those two deep eyes made her all too aware of the heat, the roughness of the fingers on her chin, that he was holding her within that shivering distance while the silence stretched on and on and on. Being so near, she could count his eyelashes if she wished, the thought brought her eyes to linger and wander to the tangle of black hair that framed his face, that curled against his shoulder. They shifted to the wide angles of his cheekbones, that wide firm mouth, the stubborn and hard lines that formed his jaw. What she saw wasn't just a handsome face but a familiar one, a beloved one, a face that had burned itself into a corner of her memory where whispers of Jacob, my Jacob played over and over again.

Her breath caught in her throat when she met his eyes again, the heat in them made anticipation hover between them like the dark.

But this time, this time it was Bella who leaned forward and press her lips to his.

It was she who lifted her hands and encircle his neck.

She who whispered his name into his mouth.

The kiss was warm soft, lazy and lingering, their lips melding and moving with gentle pressure.

Impossibly moved, painfully aware, Bella stepped close and breathed deep, he smelled, she thought, like damp earth, of forest, of pine and rain and tasted like, she curled her tongue softly against his, sunsets and sunrises.

Heat spread from her stomach and spread to her curling toes and when she tilted her head, deepening the kiss, the heat slid to her heart where it took root and burned with a steady fire. It beat thickly and fast inside her chest, racing against his.

It was with giddy delight that she swept her hands along his skin, relishing the broadness of his shoulders, the firmness of his back, the way muscles jump and shift under her fingers

She could feel his hands tremble, not with anger but with other dark emotions, on her back although his mouth remained gentle on hers. The contrast between the strength of his grip and the softness of his mouth excited her.

But the kisses didn't stay gentle and soft for long.

The sounds of their lush, open mouth kisses filled the air and beat back the howling winds, it thrummed on their skin where restless fingers touched and wandered.

....his breath scalded the inside of her mouth.

When he slipped a hand under the soft material of her shirt and ran it up, up, up over subtle dips and hills, setting off little explosions up and down her spine, their kisses turned dark and edgy and hungry.

The tip of his callous thumb brushed against the underside of her breast and, gasping in surprise, she arched, spilling the curve of one naked breast into his hand....

The world tipped and tilted and Bella found herself staring at the ceiling, pressed deeply into the lumpy cushions of Charlie's old sofa by Jacob's massive weight, their springs digging into the skin of her back. Pulling air into her lungs as well as she could, she blinked and tried to clear her head.

Jacob was a hot, tense, silent wall on top of her, his hands wrapped around her, holding her to him so tightly she felt every sharp angle and ridge of his hard body.

In fact, she could feel everything.

She could feel the flush of heat starting to climb back to her face and she shifted, trying to see his face which he tucked into the curve of her neck, his breath moist and fast on her shoulder.

When she moved, she felt his hands tensed even more but she persevered. She stopped when she heard him hissed sharply. “Stop that.”

“Jake-”

He shushed her firmly.

She tried to wiggle an arm out of the circle of his arms but Jacob actually growled at her.

There was a rush of air and motion and she found herself freed, she craned her head and saw that Jacob was sitting on the floor beside the sofa. His shoulders still look tense, his arms even more so when he lifted them to rub his face.

Bella sat up and watched as he took great gulping breaths. “Are you all right?”

The look he sent her was accusing although his lips curved upwards. He shook his head and pushed his hair back from his face.“ Charlie trusted me with you but I don't think he'd appreciate it if he walked in on us rolling on the floor.”

“We weren't on the floor.” She pointed out with a mumble.

His eyes glowed in the muted light, his smile sly. “Yet.”

She slid her eyes away at his deep, low chuckle, embarrassed before his words sunk in. “Wait. Charlie? You mean he's here? He's coming?” Mortified, she took a glance at the room, down on herself as if she could hide any evidence of what they were doing.

Jacob lifted an eyebrow. “Relax,.he's still fifteen minutes away.”

“Well, don't just stand there. Here, wear your shirt. Put on your shoes.” She made a quick, panicky sound. “Where's your jacket?”

He rolled his eyes. “Rather than worry about me, you should worry about yourself. There's no way you could lie to him with how you look.”

She lifted worried eyes to him. “What? How do I look?”

“Like you just made out with me.” He snickered at her red face. “Go up, pretend you're asleep. I'll handle Charlie.”

Bella jumped to her feet and tried to gather the blankets but Jacob pulled them from her arms. “Go.”

She was halfway up the stairs before she glared at him from over her shoulder. “Stop it.”

He blinked innocent eyes at her from over the ball of sheets. “What?”

“Stop looking at me.”

His grin was slow and deliciously wicked. “You can't blame me for looking. You're the one who teased me.”

Her hands itched to push him down the stairs and as if he knew, he crowded her until she had no choice but continue walking, all the while she could feel his eyes on her back.

Her face was painfully blotched with red when she stood inside her bedroom, especially when he just stood there and sent a considering look at her bed.

Laughing softly, he nudged her to the bed and lifted her duvet, “Get in.”

“What, you're not joining me?” She snarked.

“Don't mind if I do.”

She couldn't help but smile even as she kicked him before snuggling inside her blanket. She glared at him when he touched the headboard of her bed, sighed and shook his head. “No, this won't do.”

“Will you shut up?”

“You can't kiss a guy like that and expect him to have clean and chaste thoughts when he sees you on a bed.”

She threw a pillow at him which he caught with ease and made of a show of fluffing it before he sat beside her and put the pillow behind his back. He tipped his head on top of hers and laced their fingers together, lifting them up for his inspection.

She felt herself relax by inches by the touch of his fingers between hers while she marvel the difference of color and size of their hands. “I really don't know what to do with you, Jake.”

It took a moment for Jacob to answer.

“Both of us love you, Bella but you know what makes us different, except for the whole vampire and werewolf thing?”

Jacob felt her shake his head under his. “You gave him a chance. Twice.” He rubbed his cheek against his hair. “So give me mine. Love me, no holding back this time.”

She brought her other hand to their joined hands. “Why do you always have to step over the lines, Jacob?”

She could feel him smile even before she heard the chuckle.

“Because, Bella, honey, you keep moving them.”

She pondered about the truth of that until at the edges of sleep, she felt soft warm lips on her forehead and his voice whispering in her ear.

The answer was sleepy, almost a mumble but true and heartfelt. “I love you, too.”

To understand some of the explanations, you might want to read some of my short stories Slow me Down and Cheer and Heartbreak from my fic fanmix, drive this ocean road. Oh, and because it's too big, I made it into two chapters.

Argument

Jacob inched his paws forward and let it drop into the wet mud with a splat, he couldn't help but grin at the feel of cool earth between his toes.

The storm didn't only appeal to vampires, it appealed to werewolves too.

Jacob's black lips peeled back across his muzzle, his razor sharp teeth glinting in the thunder streaked night.

Darkness crept slowly across the trees like greedy spidery fingers.

His grin was fierce with a streak of mean when lightning slashed the sky and thunder cracked much too close that his fur seemed to crackle with it.

He turned from the crashing waves and the still stones of the ocean's cliffs and rocks, delighting in the way the wind and water stung and bit his skin.

His breath was harsh, not by exertion but by emotions; dark and chaotic with spear-like edges, it chased along his skin like fire ants.

He eyed the dark inky sky. A new moon was close.

The wind slapped him back and he pushed against it as he ran even harder out of pure spite.

Growling low in his throat, he snapped his jaws at the wind as if it has a corporeal body to bit into, to tear and worry and claw.

One by one, the pack met at the rendezvous spot and naturally fell into step behind their Alpha in a deep, wide V. They could feel the sharp, biting emotions inside Jacob, feeding the electricity in their blood, spurring their paws to go faster, harder, fiercer.

Their howls lashed back at the roaring wind, rising above the crack of thunder as they ran like ghosts in the darkness.

***

Jacob slicked his hair back and strode out of the edges of forest to Charlie's backyard. He washed the worst of the muck with a hose, his body heat will take care of the water that clung to his skin.

He climbed the stairs of the back porch, rolling his damp shoulders, wiping and shaking his hair like he was a dog or in this case, wolf. He paused when he heard footsteps but continued flicking off water when he heard the all too fast heartbeat that says werewolf.

Leah smelled like pack and forest and earth and something spicy and sweet.

His stomach growl, reminding him that he haven't fed to his heart's content just yet.

The back door open to show Leah's sneering face, on her hands were a towel and his jeans. “Put this on. You might as well be naked with that on.”

Jacob took the towel and looked down on himself and managed a smirk at the wet condition of his boxers. “Nothing that you haven't seen before.”

Leah lifted an eyebrow. “The question is, has she?”

Jacob didn't answer and merely pulled his jeans over his boxers and rubbed his hair with the towel. “Did you eat her?”

A broad, fake sweet smile bloomed on Leah's face. “No, I gnawed on her a little though. She'll live.”

“Did you girls have fun?”

“Oh yeah.” She agreed with an equally fake cheer in her voice. “We braided each other's hair, did each other's nails, had pillow fights in our underwear and pondered on the mysteries of love...oh wait, that's what you guys do.”

“Ha.” Jacob didn't need to peek into the living room to know that Bella was there, the slow, steady breathing that he could hear from where he was standing told him that she was asleep.

“So, anything happen?”

“No, things were pretty quiet. We picked up a scent near the hot springs but it looked like they were just passing by.”

Leah's golden eyes narrowed at the darkness across from them. “They're always passing by these days.”

Jacob's bared his teeth in a dark smile. “Probably because bad little vampires keep ending up missing when they come around here.”

Jacob tossed a look at where Leah's eyes were focused on him. “What?”

“Your mood is better. You practically bit my head off when I came.”

He shrugged. “You know how it is after a run.”

She gave a sound of agreement and walked down the back porch. He watched as she tipped her face toward the sky, letting the raindrops pelt her face. “I know. I'll miss that. And this most of all.”

“What? The rain?”

Thunder streaked and boomed but Jacob and Leah didn't flinched, instead they lifted their heads to wallow in the sound.

“Being a part of this.” She swept a hand to encompass all that she could see, awe and respect in her voice. “Of nature.”

He didn't need to ask what she meant. He already knew. Even now he could still feel the steady beat of the earth beneath his feet, the sounds of insects and water and wind wavering in his ear. The sense of belonging, of connection he felt with the land, with his land whenever he was wolf that gave him and strength and confidence that stayed inside him when he phase back.

“Watch your step, Jake.”

He leaned against the open door, his dark eyes on hers. “You're the one standing in the rain.”

“Have you told her?”

“About what?”

“You should.” When Jacob remained quiet she narrowed her eyes. “Don't say I didn't warn you.”

When he finally talked, his voice was soft and kind. “I'm not Sam, Leah.”

“Never said you were.” She lifted a hand to wipe her face. “She needs you too much to know what she's getting into.”

He caught the key that she threw at him, a glint of silver before tearing off into the forest in a blur of black and white.

He watched her run in human form, trying to burn off the excessive energy that built up once you haven't phase for some time, the wolf was a restless creature that couldn't stand quiet for long, especially when a storm is passing through. It excited their blood, heating it 'till the boiling point.

Each flash and thunder was a song, singing, pulling their eyes to the sky where blinding light crash and split the sky. He wondered how long it would take for Leah to surrender and finally phase.

He shook his head, Leah chose a hard path to walk on, but then again things are rarely easy for Leah.

When he stepped inside, it only took him a second to sense her eyes on him.

Black eyes clashed with brown in the soft beckoning candlelight. She stood in the middle of the hallway between the kitchen and living room, wearing a soft, huge gray T shirt that hung to her knees, a deep blue throw was wrapped around her shoulders and his nose caught her scent. She no loner smelled like him, instead she smelled sweet and fresh and cool, like night blooming jasmines.

Her hair was mussed and her face was soft with sleep.

His heart twisted into tiny little knots.

“You're dripping on my floors.”

A smile almost made it to his lips but his answer was as bland as her voice. “I'll mop it up.”

He did exactly that before stepping into the living room. “I thought you were asleep.”

“I was.”

“Did we wake you?”

“No. Where's Leah?”

“She went for a run.”

“Oh.” Her eyes slanted to where he was standing, focusing on his face rather than his naked chest and damp hair. “Is everything OK?”

“So far.” Ignoring the weary look in her eyes, he passed her and scowled at the empty white boxes that was supposed to be his dinner. “Is there any food left?”

She brushed a hand over her face and gestured toward the kitchen. “I made some sandwiches.”

“Great.” He paused when she shifted and faced him, her eyes searching close to resolution passed on her face.

“If I came back and told you like you wanted me too, what would you have thought? What would you have done? You'd think that I've decided, that I've made my choice. That I chose you.”

Jacob crossed his arms and looked away from her demanding eyes, slowly, he sat on the sofa's arm. “And that would be wrong?”

“Yes, it would be wrong. Just because I didn't marry him, didn't mean I'd stop wanting to be with him, or that I decided against him or of being turned. It wasn't—it was far from over between us. I didn't want it to be over between us.”

She gathered the blue material tighter around her. “Everything was a mess, nothing made sense. I didn't make sense. It was just, everything was...”

“A mess?”

A vulnerable smile lifted the corner of her lips into a smile that wasn't a smile at all. “Yes, I didn't...I couldn't concern myself with you or anything else.” Her brow wrinkled as her eyes drifted into other places, other times.” I refused to think of you. If I saw you, if you came to me, I would've wrapped myself around you and...”

“And that's bad?”

Bella's heart stuttered at the soft, careful question. “Yes, it's bad.” She took a step nearer to him but stopped when his eyes snapped to hers. “Jake, don't you see? That was the problem, my feelings for you...” She sighed, exasperated with herself. “Remember the time when we talked in your bedroom? When...” The scene replayed inside her mind and seared her heart. “..you were recovering from the fight with the newborns?”

A short laugh escaped Jacob's mouth. “How could I forget? It was the first time you admitted you love me.” The smile was small and bruised. “Finally.”

Pain pulsed inside Bella's chest and beneath the layers of cloth, she gripped her fingers tightly. “I cried, cried all the way from your house to mine, it got so bad I had to stop. Edward found me and drove me home and held me while I cried, while I sobbed your name into his chest. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore and Edward, he looked at me.” Bella's face twisted with the memory of that face, in pain because she was in pain. “He offered to leave me.”

Bella almost cringed at the look that Jacob gave her before he smothered his expression and gave her his Alpha face, the one that was pleasantly bland. “But he didn't.”

Was this really worth it? Her heart cried out at her, accused her. It hurts him. And that hurts us.

“He didn't because I refused his offer, because I've decided. Because I've made my choice. Because I knew I love him.”

“More than you love me.”

Her lips trembled but she opened them anyway, and shred his heart to pieces. More than she already did.

“Yes.” Her eyes closed, not wanting to see the wounds she created splattered across his face. She took a deep breath and opened them again. “Then you disappeared and I...I tried to understand, to handle it but as the wedding drew close all I could think of was 'where is Jacob?', 'is he hurt?','why did he leave?','was it all my fault','will he come back?','will I see him again?'.” It was hard to meet his eyes but she did and it was harder still to not stretch her arms and hold him. “It didn't help that Charlie was frantic about finding you and that the pack stonewalled me.” She smiled, sadly, softly, painfully. “And then you came back.”

It wasn't until his eyes drifted down  that she realized her hands had wormed their way out of their covers and that her fingers were brushing the white seashell carving there. The one that he secretly gave to her on that night. “You came home and I was so relieved, so happy and was so afraid and filled with what I felt for you that I couldn't bear to let you go. So I held on to you, I clung to you but you left again.” Tear coated her throat and when her voice broke she dropped her eyes to her naked feet. “I broke my promise that night, the one I made the first time he offered to leave, that I'll never let him see me cry for you again.” She drew a ragged breath. “But when I found out that you were gone, I thought it was just a dream, that I dreamed all of it and that you hadn't come back at all. The pain was huge, indescribable, I couldn't keep it inside. Ironically, Edward was the one that showed me the added charm, here I was crying my heart out because of another boy and he tried to comfort me by showing me that you were there, that it was no dream. But my heart wasn't comforted. You were gone, and that was all that mattered. So I cried and cried while he held my hand, helpless. In the morning, before he had to go, he offered to leave again.”

“And you refused him again.”

She nodded, her eyes wet and large. “I was so sure of him, you see. It was him. He was only. Then at the wedding...”

“I was there again.”

She nodded, brushing a trembling hand against her eyes.

Jacob's hands trembled, he wanted to hold her, touch her but he dug his fingers into his arms.

“He found me, hiding in a closet, in my wedding dress, weeping into my tasteful, expensive flower bouquet beside brooms and mops and three spiders.”

“Did he offer to leave again?”

“No. He made the decision for me. We made our excuses and while the family moved to Alaska, Edward accompanied me to Renee's. I was so angry at him, I wouldn't hear of him leaving me. I cried, I blackmailed, I accused him of wanting to do that all along and that he didn't love me after all...and finally, finally he agreed, he agreed to come back for me if he saw that I was ready.” Bella shook her head slowly. “He always wanted me to go out in the world more, to live a human life, to taste possibilities. He wanted me to travel, to....” She stopped, her eyes far away. “He wanted that for me, mortal years where I'll be free to do anything I wanted. So he left me there where I sulked and thought bitter thoughts that if I only--” She slid guilty eyes to the man who sat so still and silent in her living room.

“..that if only you didn't love me...:" He was Alpha Jacob again, his face neutral, unreadable. “Do you want me to apologize?”

“Not like you would anyway. Besides, it wasn't your fault. Like I said, the fault lies with me. It was me that needed fixing.”

“So you think that loving me was something that needed to be fixed?”

Bella blinked. “I didn't mean it like that. It was just, from my perspective...” She stopped and just looked at him. “I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just trying to explain how it was for me.”

Jacob held her eyes for a few lingering seconds then dropped his eyes and waved a hand for her to continue.

Bella took a moment to settled her thoughts. “He wanted me to experience, to live so I did. I tried everything I could, did everything I could, focusing on proving him wrong. So what if I stay human? So what if learn a few things? That I went to college and met new people? It wouldn't change a single thing. It wouldn't change me or the fact that I love and want him.”

“A year came and went, and another where I got my hands on everything and packed experiences in every single moment of my days but I got restless, unsatisfied with his visits and calls. I showed him that 'here's where I've been', 'here's what I did' but hey, I still want you.” Her brow wrinkled and folded into an expression of confusion. “But he only looked at me and shook his head and left again.”

Jacob watched as Bella shook herself from memories that clung like cobwebs; dainty, fragile.

Haunting.

“It was more than a year ago that I started to panic. What if he didn't want me, what if this was just an excuse to get rid of me? I knew better but...I needed something to hold on to, something that reminded me of him."

"So you moved back. Here.”

“It was the one decision that I didn't need to fight over. It's familiar, it was where I met him, where I fell in love with him...”

“What did he say?”

“He was happy. He wanted me to see Charlie again, to be among familiar faces again.” Bella's brown eyes swept his face, weighing his expression. “But mostly, I think he was waiting, waiting for me to come and see you, to meet you again.”

“You didn't.”

“I was trying so hard to prove that all I wanted was him, that you were...and I thought that...”

“That I've forgotten you.”

Her eyes shone at him in appeal. “Hoped for it. Feared it. It was hard, knowing you were so close but I concentrated on everything else but that. I was starting Bells, I had Charlie, I was also making friends...I tried, I tried so hard not to think of you....”

Her eyes froze on the bitter yet amused smile on his face. “How is that going for you so far?”

Her lips opened, closed, than opened again. “I don't know what to say to you. I don't know how to explain--”

Jacob sighed, and it was long and heavy and tired and she looked on, helpless, without words.

The Bitter Truth

She didn't find him in the kitchen.

She didn't find anybody in the kitchen.

With the lack of food, it was deserted but for the scatter of tissue balls and empty delivery bags and containers.

She paused in her search to tidy things up.

She didn't find him in the communal room, instead, she was accosted by two soccer moms and a grandmother who asked her if her store delivers, she gave them her card.

She didn't find him in the garage among the lines of cars and working mechanics.

Relief washed inside her in one sudden swoop though it didn't last long enough for her to enjoy it since his absence worried her.

“He's just in the office, taking care of some paper work.”

Bella turned to her left at Quil's voice but didn't find him there, a gentle tap at the top of her sneakers made her jerk away but looking down she saw Quil's amused grin just inches from her feet. His head poked out from beneath a black Mercedes that looked eerily similar to Carlisle's. He straightened the creeper he was on, slid out head first and sitting up, he pointed greasy hands to the room at the second floor where she saw Jacob, Embry and another man talking from the glass wall that looked out to the cars below.

“Hey, when you said go, do you mean to Charlie's house or back to Port Angeles?”

Bella hitched her bag on her shoulder. “Port Angeles.”

She frowned when he tsked and shook his head. “You can't.”

“I can't.” Bella figured she looked as hostile as she sounded when Quil grinned mischievously at her, his hair flopping down to his eyes.

“I didn't mean that we won't let you or anything. You just can't, shouldn't. There's a storm coming.”

She blinked. “A storm? Her brown eyes swept to the wide open garage doors and took stock of the clear blue, blue sky before returning them to Quil's bright eyes. “A storm.”

He shrugged. “It might not look like it right now but it'll hit less than an hour from now, you'll be stranded, alone, in the dark, in the middle of nowhere.”

“This isn't just some evil plot that you devise to make me stay?”

The tips of his lips pulled up in a winsome smile. “Now why would I do that?”

They stared at each other until without even looking, Bella could feel Jacob at her back, a whirl of energy and heat. “There is a storm coming. If you still want to go back, I'll drive you.” He offered, stopping at her elbow, looking down at her with inscrutable dark eyes.

“Aren't you suppose to be working?” She asked him, hesitant on making a decision.

He brushed a hand on his already dry hair and she felt a twinge of envy as she felt the damp strands of her hair clinging to her back. “With the storm? I don't think so. We're closing early, a skeleton crew on site to deal with any emergency calls.”

She lifted a brow in question.

“People, stranded in the storm.” Quil explained with a much too innocent expression on his face.

“Fine.” She sighed. “I'll stay at Charlie's.”

The silence between Jacob and Bella was filled with Quil's humming and interested flicks of his hazel eyes. Caleb skidded to a stop when he saw them. “Hey, Bella, you're going back, right? There's a-”

“Storm coming.” Bella cut him off, her tone, low and dull.

“We know.” Jacob and Quil said simultaneously toCaleb's twisted, annoyed face.

“I hate it when you do that. How do you always know?”

Quil lied back on the creeper and scooted back under the car he was working on. “Isn't it obvious, Cal? We have super powers.”

Caleb scoffed and stomped off in a huff.

 ***

When he held his hand out to her and asked for the keys, she considered putting up a fight, it was as if he didn't quite trust her to drive herself up to Charlie's, as if she'd be dumb enough to stubbornly make the journey up to Port Angeles in a storm. Well, alright, it might have been something she would do years ago, and gripping the keys to Lulu's Beetle, she had the insane urge to fight him for it but decided it would be too much trouble once she spotted that arrogant, amused glint in his eyes. She'd come upon that look too much to not know a losing battle when she saw one.

She conceded the keys graciously, although she watched—with great amusement and smugness—his effort in folding his substantial build into Lulu's compact car.

He slid the seat back as far as it could go and sort of hunkered over the steering wheel. She couldn't quite hid the snicker when he tried to adjust the rear view mirror and failed since he was just too damn tall.

Not that he needed it, she mused. She remembered another person that didn't need all the props that mortals like her did. The last time she saw Edward played inside her mine, she saw, again, the bitter relief in his light eyes, the ancient grief that curved his lips. There were no denials, no accusation and no blame in his words. There was only understanding.

Which was worse, somehow.

The thought of Edward made her slide a guilty glance at the man who was sitting beside her.

She shook her head to get rid of her thoughts, and caught his attention.

“I think I need some candles and batteries.”

He kept her eyes on hers even as he made a turn and she knew he wasn't fooled.

 ****

Bella didn't know which was worse; the way Jacob ignored her nervous, waiting looks or the alarming anticipation that she felt for the inevitable questions that was coming.

“Do you feel like cooking?”

That question took her off guard. “We just ate.”

A small smile appeared on his face. “For dinner, Bells.”

“Oh. No, not really.”

“Take out then.” He shifted gears with a move so smooth and easy that Bella had to stare. “We already had Italian. Thai? Chinese?”

“Chinese would be nice.”

She saw him take a glance at the dashboard clock. “Charlie will still be in his office. Want to take some for him to?”

Shame slicked her insides, she hadn't thought of that. To be honest, she hadn't thought of Charlie or of dropping in to say hi. She fought not to squirm in her seat. “Yeah. Um. Good idea. We should do that.”

 ***

So, armed with boxes of Chinese food, they cruised to the Police station. “Hey, how do you know Charlie will still be here?” To lighten the tension that seemed to rise with every passing second, she gave him a teasing smile. “You memorized his schedule or something?”

The smile was for naught. “I drop in from time to time. Check up on him. “ He parked the car in a perfect straight line. “I thought he was alone.”

Bella watched Jacob's hand twist the key and turned off the engine, eager to get the conversation running. “He was, I rarely come to Forks. Between the business and...” She stopped as she realized the delicacy of the topic.

“Me.” Both of his hands clenched tightly on the steering wheel before he picked up the delivery bags in sudden, abrupt movement.

“I didn't mean it the way it sounded.”

“I think your meaning is pretty clear. You were avoiding me.”

“I didn't. I just, I was still...if I came back it would give your the wrong idea.”

“So you avoided me for my own good. Gotcha.”

Bella opened his mouth to say something, anything but he was already getting out of the car. ”Jake-”

She stumbled out of the car and had to run to match his long, swinging steps, in a desperate move, she took hold of his arm and felt the muscles tighten under her fingers. “I'm not going to apologize. I did what I had to do.”

His face was still averted, her posture tense and angry. “Fine.”

She pressed her fingers on his skin harder until he sighed in exasperation and tossed her a glance. “What?”

“Thank you, for taking care of Charlie.”

His body language relaxed. “Charlie's family.”

She felt her heart turned inside her chest. “I know. That's why--thanks.” She let go of his arm and squelched the urge to wring her hands. “That's all.”

His eyes focused on hers but there wasn't a speck of emotion in them. They weren't dead or empty exactly, just shuttered and closed off, at least from her. She watched his back as he turned away and following him inside, brushed the palm of her hand against her shorts.
It was burning.

 ***

Charlie was busy on the telephone when he spotted them standing outside his office. He crooked a finger at them, his pleased smile widen at the sight of the paper bag that Jacob plopped on his desk. With a brisk but pleasant goodbye to the other person on the line, he put down the phone.

He opened the bag and sniffed, sighing with pleasure at the scents that emanated from the bag. “Thanks. Both of you are life savers. I missed lunch and will probably be stuck here for God knows how long.” He gave Bella, who took a seat beside Jacob, a considering look. “Heard you were in town, intended to call you.”

She didn't bother to ask him 'from who?', things like these had a way of going around, small town and all, so instead she asked. “What's up?”

“I'd rather you stay at Forks tonight, an announcement just came, there's a--”

“Storm tonight. “ She cut him off, all the time refusing to look at Jacob. “I heard.”

“Yeah?” Charlie dug out a spoon and opened the little white containers, deciding on fried rice. ”You heard it in on the radio or something, it just came like seconds ago.”

The look she gave Jacob and the small, smug smile on his face made Charlie laugh. He pointed a spoon at Jacob before scooping up a mouthful. “You boys could make a fortune predicting the weather. “ He eyed the younger man and narrowed his eyes. “Know what the weather is going to be on my fishing trip next Sunday?”

Jacob crossed his long legs at the ankles, knee bumping against Bella's. “Don't know, yet. I'll call you as soon as I do.”

Bella brushed her slowly drying hair and pulled out a scrunchie from her bag and began braiding her hair, all the while, she watched her father and her sort of best friend exchanged wide grins and catch each other up on, she guessed, the last couple of days that they hadn't seen each other. It occurred to her, that to Charlie, Jacob was probably the son he never had. Jacob certainly spend more time with her dad than she ever did, considering that Billy had known Charlie since forever. There was a bond there, something that had existed between man and boy and had only strengthened through the years.

Was it really any wonder why Charlie had always sided with Jacob over Edward?

“Now, Bella, I don't want you alone in the house with a storm coming in.”

Bella blinked at the abrupt shift in the discussion.

“Why would I be alone? You'll be with me, right?”

Charlie's shoulders hunched as a mournful look crossed his face. “I'm sorry, honey. I have to stay here and patrol, with the storm and a probable blackout people will sure go crazy.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Well, it's alright, I'll be fine on my own.”

“I don't want you to be alone.”

“If there's any trouble. I'll call you.”

“I'll be out patrolling all night, and the telephone lines could go down.”

“I'll use my cell and call dispatch.”

“Who can be certain that those things won't fail on you?” Charlie scowled at the thought of cellphones. He didn't trust them. “You should stay with the Black's.”

“What? No.”

She ignored Jacob's raised eyebrow.

“Why not? They won't mind.”

Jacob smiled at the way Charlie took for granted that his family wouldn't. Well, he's not wrong.

“Because...” Bella grasped for an idea. “You said it yourself, people will probably go crazy. Somebody needs to watch the house.”

Charlie gave her a bland stare and aimed a look at Jacob who gave him a small smile.

“It's not like there's going to be anyone at home, Charlie. Rachel will be at Leah's, they're as thick as thieves nowadays and dad will probably be at Old Quil's.” He grinned. “Nobody wants to be in that old house when there's a storm coming. It'll fall on our heads.”

Charlie chuckled and sipped coffee from his thermos cup. “Well, all right.” He conceded and Bella sighed in relief...seconds too early because Charlie focused his deceptively soft eyes at her. “Then Jake, you'll just have to keep her company.” Just as Bella was about to protest, Charlie beamed at them good-naturedly. “It'll make me feel so much better to know that you'll be well taken care off.”

Her words of protest scattered inside her mouth, well maneuvered into a corner, she could only nod in her agreement.

 ***

She slanted a look to Jacob who's silent demeanor didn't even so much as cracked since they left Charlie's office. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Having him box you in like this.”

He shrugged. “Might as well, I wasn't planning on leaving you alone. This way, I can do it without playing hide and seek later.”

“Oh.”

“Besides, he's right. All sorts of things happens in storms and I'm not talking of the human factor.”

“You mean...”

“Something about storms attracts them.”

She remembered the Cullens and their baseball games.

“With the noise and the people panicking, it's easier for them to pick us off.” Bella smothered a wince at the casual way he said that. “And it's not like the weather bothers them.”

“Then shouldn't you be out there, patrolling?”

“I will. Leah will stay with you.”

This time she didn't bother to hide the wince. “She doesn't have too, you know.”

“I'm not leaving you alone, Bells.”

“Then can't you leave me with Seth?”

There was a shadow of amusement in the look that he sent her. “Why?”

“You know why. Leah hates my guts.”

“She doesn't hate you. Not exactly.” He amended.

“A lot you know.”

“We need Seth.”

“And you don't need Leah?”

“She's taking herself out of circulation for now.”

“Why? Is she okay?”

Jacob sent her a considering look before shrugging off the question.

Silence feel between them again when they arrived home.

She watched Jacob opened the door with his own key. “Charlie gave you a key.”

“Like I said.” He shuffled the groceries from one hand to another. “I do a lot of dropping by and passing deliveries between our fathers. It's easier this way.”

She settled in the kitchen to pull out the candles and rummaged for the emergency lights and flashlight she saw gathering dust in some dark corner while Jacob moved around the house, checking for open windows and such. When he came back to the kitchen, he saw that Bella was standing in front of the fridge with a frown on her forehead. “Do you think I should pack the meet and fishes into the cooler now or later?”

“Later, when the lights actually go out. Just in case it's going to be a long one.”

She closed the freezer door and opened the fridge. “Want a soda?”

“Got any beer?” A smile finally made its way to his eyes when she sent him a sidelong glance.

“I'm twenty one, Bells.”

She colored. “Right. She pulled out a can of Charlie's beer and handed it out to him, for herself, she pulled out a jug of ice tea. Looking out the window, she saw and heard that the wind was starting to pick up its pace, dragging branches along her windowpane. Hunting for a glass, she shuffled across the floor, trying to ignore the white elephant in the room.

Especially when it started dancing to the beat of her heart.

“You want me to get some sheets and pillows?”

“What?”

“You won't be comfortable staying in your room with Leah, or be comfortable leaving her alone in the living room like a guard dog. You'll be better off in the living room. Neutral territory.”

“Oh. Yeah. I'll do it.”

Jacob's sigh was filled to the brim with exasperation, he nudged her away from the stairs. “Let's save any injury for later in the evening, alright?” He was already padding upstairs before she stepped out the kitchen. “Nuke the food and I'll lay the sheets in front of the TV.” He said from up the stairs.

 ***

Bella eyed Jacob over her sweet and sour chicken, his battered motorcycle leather jacket was off, discarded carelessly on top of the sofa, his shoes was tossed haphazardly on one corner. He sat on the floor, his eyes on the TV, it's volume set on low while he picked his way through his eggs rolls, making a point of ignoring her, and her anticipatory looks.

Outside, the wind was howling with displeasure, tapping cold, cruel fingers across the windows, doing nothing to ease her nerves.

She slapped her chopsticks on the floor and glared at the TV.

Jacob stopped chewing long enough to ask, “Something on your mind?”

“Something on your mind?”

“A lot.” He shrugged, his face blanked from all emotion. “But considering you've been holding everything in for, what is it, two months now without every saying a word, I figured you don't want to talk about it.”

“This is about me not telling you that I wasn't married?”

He stared at her for a full minute. “Obviously you don't think that's important enough to tell me.”

“I didn't-I wasn't-It wasn't on purpose.” She finished lamely.

“What? Hiding it from me? Like not telling me that you've been living in Port Angeles all these years?”

Bella firmed her lips. “You didn't ask.”

“You should've told me.”

Bella didn't know whether to be relieved or distressed at the first display of his anger. She watched as restrain anger darkened his eyes, tightened his jaw, stretched his skin across his high cheek bones.

But Jacob kept his eyes front, his body language tight and tense.

“You knew I would want to know.” He speared his chop sticks inside the little white box because breaking it would be so easy. As it was so easy to rage, to let loose the burning anger that was flaring up and down his spine as his heart bled.

So easy to run.

But Jacob had already learned this lesson. It was proven to him quite brutally that when it came to Bella Swan, the werewolf super powers didn't make things better, no amount of super speed could make him outrun her and no amount of super healing could avoid him from getting hurt.

And he'd learned that only way that he could ever leave Bella, is when she leaves him.

Pathetic, to be sure, but fact.

QE-fuckin'-D

“You think that I like keeping secrets from you?”

“It crossed my mind.” He snapped back.

Temper streaked sharply inside Bella's head. “So I should've just told you I wasn't married. Plop the news like it wasn't important. Oh, and another thing Jake, I'm not married. Let's have cake.” Sarcasm dripped and pooled at her feet. “And what? What would it have done? Don't you think it's difficult, hurtful and embarrassing for me to admit that? Especially to you?”

“Hurtful? Embarrassing? Difficult? How do think you I feel? You think it doesn't hurt me to find out that the girl I love hid herself away from me for four years? That I didn't feel useless that she didn't want me? You think it hasn't been difficult or embarrassing for me to try to explain, to myself and to the pack how I could just accept you back?”

“You don't know the situation. What could I have done-”

“You could've told me. You could've came to me all those years ago.”

She scoffed. “You'd like that, won't you? For me to fall into your arms, weeping. Once again, Jacob Black to the rescue. You would've like to tell me I told you so-”

Bella jumped when he slammed a hand on the floor and she swore she heard something cracked but she didn't take her eyes away from his averted face. She regretted it when slowly, Jacob turned his face to hers, the impact of his eyes on hers singed her skin. “Where do you get off, talking to me like that?” His voice was low and even, his stature tense and still. “You know I wouldn't have done anything of those things. I would've helped you, taken care of you.” He bit off out of clenched teeth. The nature of his words so opposite to the swirling violence in his eyes.

It was like all her mistakes, all of the hurt she had done to everyone she loved nested right inside those eyes, and the look pricked and slashed at her heart and she lashed out at it. “That's exactly why I didn't. You were my problem. I didn't want to need you. I didn't want to love you.”

A flash of lightning followed by a crack of thunder hit so close, it rattled the windows and beat along their skin, quickening their hearts, but maybe, that was just the result of the words that echoed between them, inside them; bouncing off their chest, breaking and shattering hearts.

As if responding to the moment, the lights cut off and for the seconds where darkness reigned and chased away by the brutal glare of the emergency light that turned on automatically, Bella and Jacob kept their eyes on each other.

“Ah.” Jacob's voice was soft as she stared, as she couldn't move away from the raw, naked look on his face. Like watching a train wreck, some kind of unnatural disaster. “That changes things.”

Her lips trembled, the words that she had uttered, stung her lips and burned her throat.

“You regret loving me.”

Her breath hitched and her eyes watered but she couldn't blink, she couldn't move, all she could think of was to rewind the last few minutes of their conversation.

“You said that I don't know your situation.“ He moved, inching his upper body so he faced her, his eyes were even darker in the shadows, the bright light at the corner only seemed to throw even more shadows across his face. “You don't know mine.”

It hurt, hurt to meet his eyes, to see the emotion that blossomed darkly like a postmortem bruise. “That was what you were really asking, right? Back at the garage. How it was for me without you? Well, I'll tell you.”

Instinct made her shake her head, to try to back away but he reached a hand and held her firm, pulling her closer, the sheets slid under her feet, making it easier for him to hold her, right where he wanted her.

“When news of you didn't come, when you chose not to tell me anything...I thought you were dead.” He bit off the words though the husky, rich texture of his voice, the voice that she loved so much, were still low, taking a whispery tone that was more suited to tell bedtime stories about princesses and happy endings. He pulled her closer until there were face to face, until she was kneeling in the space between his long legs. “You know why?” He asked softly, intimately, sending shivers across her skin. “Because the Bella that I knew, vampire or human, she would have sent me news. Nothing short of death would've stopped her.”

Bella stared into his eyes, mesmerize by the sparks she saw in there, she didn't move away when he lifted a hand and touched her neck, his thumb brushing the soft skin that hid her pounding heart beat.  "So when you didn't. I assumed you were dead.” Her breath hitched, caught in her throat as tears welled. ”I wanted war, I wanted revenge, I hungered for it but things as it were...Well, I didn't get it.” His eyes shimmered with memory, with emotion as it swept her face. “I mourned you. I grieved you until I thought I would die from it.”

She didn't, couldn't stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks, he smiled; faint, unamused, not at her but of some far off memory. “I didn't really understand your out of character recklessness, that bit about the motorcycles. I was game, but I didn't understand it. But I understand now. The pain, it was unbearable but the numbness, well, that was something else." His hands; hard and rough slid up and down her arms. “I threw myself into the pack, into the hunt, that's what I was doing. I wasn't protecting anymore, I was hunting. I hunted down and killed as many bloodsuckers I could find. I really honed my animal instincts.” The smile on Jacob's face was wild and fierce. “Whored myself a little.” Bella closed her eyes when he swept his fingers in her hair, loosening it from the braid, she opened them back up when he tighten his hold on her hair, when one of his hands, cupped her neck, a scalding heat on her nape. “Apparently, a lot of girls consider me attractive. It was another release, another escape. It didn't last long as I got tired of it.” Her eyelashes fluttered when he drew her fingers to his mouth and kissed each fingertip, than just laid his lips on the back of her hand before rubbing it on his cheek. “I finally built a garage with Embry and Quil, helped with the tribe, became Alpha...”

She pressed her lips together when he returned his fingers to her hair and brought their faces so close, their noses touched. There was no mistaking the pain in his eyes. “...but you were an aching, open wound inside me, Bells, and it didn't hurt less through the years. Time,“ He continued as he slicked a finger on the curve of her cheek. “...did nothing but pass.”

His eyes grew intense and sharp as the soft yet bitter look on his face turned to anger once again. “But even, with everything that happened, everything I went through, not once, not even a minute, a second, have I ever regretted loving you.”

“Jake.” The name was a sob in her throat but he wasn't listening.

“You know why I take so much crap from you?”

She stared, that was the only thing she could do at this point.

“Because I know that you love me back. I forgive you for not telling me and for saying that you regret loving me and all the unnecessary pain you put us through because I know just how much you love me.”

The pressure in her chest was painful and his words were adding to it.

“And because I know, you might feel like you should feel regret for loving me out of guilt or misplaced loyalty or whatever but you don't. Not really, not if you were honest.”

His hands were tight on her skin, but it wasn't painful, what made fresh tears welled up in her eyes was the bright sheen in his eyes, the way his voice broke over her name. And the realization that after tonight, she could never, ever, build up any kind of wall between them again cause he already tore and ripped at the foundations.

“Do you know how I know that?”

“Jake, please.”

Don't say it. Don't say it, she chanted inside her mind.

“Because you came back.”

She took a sharp breath, ready to deny all. “I came for--”

“For Charlie?” He snorted. “Why would you care what happens to him when you didn't before?”

“That's not fair.”

“You could've stayed at your mother's, you could've stayed wherever and I would be none the wiser but you came back, here, where sooner or later, you knew that I would know.”

She shook her head, violently this time.

“When I first came to your store, you weren't surprise. You've been waiting for me to come, in fact, you expected me to come as soon as I knew. And I did. Pathetic? Yes, Predictable? Yes. Stupid? Definitely. Regret it? No. I don't do things that I don't want to, bells. And if you admit it, neither do you. There is a reason why you didn't marry him, there is a reason why when I kiss you, you kiss me back, there is a reason why you are here, where I am...and he's not.”

He said it, Bella stared at the passion he put into his words, the utter conviction in his expression and found out that she couldn't deny it, any of it.

So she stared at him and he stared back.

At least until a knock broke their stillness.

***

 A/n: The distorted and kind of unfinished looks was intended to go with Bella's nervous set of mind. So, ...what do you think happens next?

Bella waited, waited for Jacob to explain. Her heart in her throat, her stomach in knots. She didn’t realize she was actually holding her breath until she exhaled hard when Jacob shook his head.

“Later.”

“Wha-.Jake.” She intended to protest but he put a finger on his lips and jerked his head toward the door.

“Someone’s coming.”

She stopped frowning at him to look over his shoulder but the open doorway was empty. An amused smile curved Jacob’s lips when she stared at him suspiciously. Just when she opened his mouth to berate him, Jacob lifted a hand in a counting gesture and just when his fingers disappeared into a fist, a hesitant yet polite knock interrupted their waiting silence. She could only roll her eyes when Jacob gave her a smug grin.

“Show off.” She muttered into her hair.

“Jake. The food’s here.”

“Thanks, Caleb.” Jacob called out, his fingers playing with the edges of her hair, twirling a strand around his fingers. His back was against the arm of the couch, his shoulders relax, his face; all smiles. It was as if his earlier tension was just something she imagined, she guessed the quicksilver moods and acting skills was essential in his life. When every annoyance and irritation can make you dangerous to yourself and others, you have to learn to control and forcefully change your moods.

She never gave him and the other werewolves credit for their struggle in controlling their other sides.

She watched a playful smile flutter on his lips, his eyes sliding to the door, the still empty doorway, she noted with a frown.

“Is there something else, Cal?”

She heard a shuffling sound, an uncomfortable cough. “Um, do you want me to close the door?”

She couldn’t understand why the simple question made Jacob choked out a laugh. “No, we’ll be downstairs in a minute.”

“Oh.” Another uncomfortable cough. “Okay.”

Bella waited until the sound of Caleb’s big, noisy steps reached the stairs before returning her questioning gaze to Jacob, she realized and was a bit embarrassed by how focused she must’ve been on Jacob that she didn’t hear the racket that Caleb must have made when he came up the stairs. “What’s that all about?”

Her eyes followed Jacob’s shifting back as he swiveled and stood and stretched, her eyes widening as she took in his size. She knew Jacob was big and tall but there were moments where she thought ‘woah, he’s big’. She noted that his fingertips nearly reached the ceiling but she blinked and focused on the matter at hand.

“Why didn’t he just come in?”

He shrugged but even with his back to her, she knew he was smiling.

“Jake.”

His dark eyes stayed on hers as he pulled her to her feet. “Caleb was just being helpful.”

“Wow, that explains everything.” She snarked but only manage to make him smile even wider. “Why did he offer to close the door…” It wasn’t actually his rather wickedly amused smile that turned her brain, it was more of her remembering the slightly embarrassed tone in Caleb’s voice, or the sound of his hesitation and the shuffling of his shoes. The thought was a smear of purple and blues on her blue, blue sky.

“He couldn’t possibly think that we were…”

Jacob grinned. “Could you really blame him?”

Bella sputtered as she felt heat rising up her cheeks, fueled by the look in his eyes. “Why would he…?”

Jacob rolled his eyes. “You’re a girl, I’m a boy. We’ve been here alone for four hours and it’s not like our feelings for each other’s a secret.”

Bella ignored the last part. “Four hours.” Her eyes flicked to her wrist watch and suppress a groan as her mind snagged on some other stray thought. “Was that what the loud music was all about?”

“Well, you know how these big buildings are. They’re quite…” Jacob flashed her a wide grin, “…echoey.”

She pressed a hand on her face and could feel the heat pumping out of her skin as she let loose a smothered groan. “They can’t actually-“

“Oh, I think they can.”

She opened one eyes and glared at him. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry.” The look on his face showed he was anything but and he threw an arm over her shoulders. “Come on. I’m starving.”

Bella’s eyes bugged and she dug in her heels, knowing it was a helpless move. “Are you kidding me? I’m not coming down there.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “So, we’ll stay here? Yeah, that’ll help.”

“I’m staying here. You, go down.”

He scoffed and bumped his hip to hers, frog marching her to the door. “I’m not going to leave you here alone, Bells.”

“Then I’ll just go home.”

If possible the grin grew even further and she felt the twisting sensation in her stomach lessen. If her embarrassment gave ground for Jacob to smile, even at her expense, so be it. She owed it to him, and she couldn’t stand to see him in pain like he was a few moments ago. Besides, she couldn’t even explain it to herself just how much she missed that smile.

Although, the fact that Jacob was giving her a pitying stare and was short of patting her head in a condescending, manly matter, bites.

“Riiiight. So, I sent you away after we did the deed. That’ll stop them from talking.”

“There is no deed and what do you mean anyway?”

He sighed, long and heavy and amused. “Really, Bells. All those books you’ve been reading haven’t really taught you anything, have they?”

She tried to grasp the door frame as he pushed her forward but he merely twisted her hands away, circling a hand around her waist and lifting her. “What do you mean—“ She gasped as the thought entered her mind. “You mean…they’ll think I’m…”

“Man, I’m starving.” Jacob put her down, took her hand and pulled her with him, making use of the befuddled state of her mind.

“…that I’m a…I’m a… booty call?”

Jacob sputtered and laughed so hard, he almost made them fall down the stairs.

He was still chuckling over it on his second helping of spaghetti and meatballs, ignoring the heel of Bella’s shoe on his toes. Probably thinks that I’m playing footsie with him, Bella griped, her eyes glaring at Jacob’s hulking frame. That thought, evyone else's snickers, and sly, knowing looks and Jacob’s wicked amusement—he kept laughing every time their eyes met—made her cranky enough that when Quil made eyes on her lasagna she put her hands around her plate and said plainly, “Mine.”

Rejected but determined, Quil philosophically set his hazel eyes onto the other girl across the table. The girl smacked the back of his wandering hand with a spoon.

“Don’t even think about it, Quil.”

Quil’s impish face folded into the cutest, most helpless look that made Bella’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Aw, come on, Merce. Just one little bite.”

Mercy or Merce as she was introduced to her was the same age as Caleb and was in fact his best friend since childhood who also happens to be one of their Quileute part timers. The teenage girl scoffed. “One little bite from you and half of my lasagna will go missing.”

Embry sat back, patted his stomach and sighed in satisfaction. “Quil does have a big mouth.”

Everyone groaned at the suggestive smile on Quil’a face but before he could say anything offensive or disturbing or anything R rated, Caleb stuffed a forkful of his spaghetti to appease Quil’s mouth.

Bella ignored the war that ensued, paper napkins and delivery bags that were tossed around because she was all too aware of Mercy’s dark eyes on her. The girl was petite, with a slender build that was even shorter than hers, but small was definitely not the impression that she gave off. Even among the giant structures of Jacob, Quil and Embry—Caleb wasn’t so small either—the younger girl radiated this invisible charge that made her seem taller than she really was. Something that she probably needed, considering that she worked in a predominated male line of work.

Bella answered her sharp, weighing gaze with a polite smile.

“You’re Chief Swan’s daughter, right?”

She didn’t even bother to sigh, even when Jacob snorted over his ice tea, she merely took a bite of her lasagna which truly was excellent, her mind was busy cataloging the many spices that rolled on her tongue.

Mercy smiled, the subtle twitch of her lips lightening her dark eyes and making her so serious face into something sweet and impish. The contrast between one expression and the other was startling and strangely appealing. “I heard you often hang out with these miscreants.”

Quil sniffed. “Miscreants.”

Bella smiled, pulled by her smile. “They’re interesting.”

The smile stayed and Bella felt the warm glow of her approval run down her spine, the feeling similar to what Jasper could do but it wasn’t vampire powers or something like that. It was old fashion charm and overwhelming charisma.

“Interesting, huh?” She spread her gaze over Caleb and the boys. “Yeah, I guess.”

Bella wondered why Caleb who sat beside Mercy took one look at his best friend’s smile and paled, especially when her smile upped a few levels.

“I’ve heard a few things about you, Bella.”

Bella’s eyes lifted from her food. “Oh?”

“That you married young. 18, wasn’t it?”

Her smile froze on her face as did Jacob’s hand that was lifting his fork to his mouth. His face darkening, his eyes forming a straight, tight line. She didn’t need to turn her head to see that Quil and Embry to know that they were listening in on their conversation.

“Mercy.” Caleb’s voice was soft but filled with warning.

It was ignored.

Mercy cocked her head to the left, the gesture cute and harmless. “You know how people are. They talk.”

“They also tend to poke their noses into things that aren’t their business.” Jacob’s tone was low and careful. Bella’s heart tripped and quickened at the blank look on his face.

Mercy however, merely lifted her chin. “Which one? Her marriage or the fact that you’re fooling around with a married woman?”

“Merce, shut up.” Caleb leaned into her, hissing under his breath but Mercy was insistent, she threw her question like a challenge, “Well, which one?”

Bella kept her eyes on Mercy’s antagonistic stare even as she felt the blast of heat of Jacob’s anger, trying to find out why she was so angry and…hurt. Her concentration was broken by Quil’s worried whisper and with a look she saw why, Jacob’s hands were shaking.

His eyes seemed dark and endless, the skin around them tight.

It wasn’t just anger, it was pain. The sight of it pulled at the part of her that always wanted to protect Jacob from harm, which is pretty ironic since the only thing that was more dangerous to Jacob either than a vampire, or a fast moving truck, or a meteor falling into the atmosphere, with the ability to hurt him more than either of those things was her.

Bella Swan. Twenty two years old. Human.

The knowledge of that, edged on with guilt and smothered by love made her straighten her back and faced Mercy head on.

She didn’t care what other people thought of her but Jacob didn’t deserve the speculation. He did nothing wrong but be a good friend to her, it was more than she deserved, really.

Slowly, she lifted a hand and put it on top of Jacob’s shaking hands, drawing his eyes to hers. She squeezed harder and stared into his eyes, pulling him back from his anger. Her thumb soothed the shuddering skin until it stilled. She looked into his eyes until he blinked and took a deep breath, without taking her eyes from Jacob’s she answered Mercy’s question.

“Both.” She replied in a voice that sounded nothing like her; calm and certain. It jerked Mercy’s hostile gaze from their joined hands. Bella drew a small breath and was emboldened by the thankful smile in both Embry’s and Quil’s.

“Jacob’s right. What we do is none of your business. But—“ She continued when Mercy opened her mouth, her eyes sparking with temper. “I can’t let you or anyone think badly of Jacob. I won’t let my mistakes make people draw the wrong conclusion about him.”

She heard the tremble in her voice so it was obvious that Jacob heard it also. “You don’t have to explain, Bella.”

“Yes, I do.” She paused because it still hurt. Because, despite it all, there was still a deep, deep regret. “I’m not married.” She felt his hand tensed under hers. “I didn’t get married in the first place.” She breathed through the memories and through it, the ragged edges of pain. She focused on the heat of his hand, the subtle textures and the strength of the fingers that was pressed against hers. “There were…complications. Needless to say, we called the whole thing off. And here I am.” Her throat clenched around the words so she made a great show of looking at her watch. “It’s late. I think I should go. I’ll just get my bag from your room.”

“OK.” The softness and understanding in Jacob’s voice made tears pricked her eyes so she hurried out the kitchen, not meeting anyone’s eyes.

***

Bella stared at her reflection, wiping water off her face with one of the towels. Her eyes were darker than usual but other than that, she looked…well, she looked better than she thought. She rubbed a hand on her chest over the throbbing pain but she didn’t know whether to be grateful or sad or proud that she didn’t simply fold unto the floor at the thought of Edward and all that she had lost. In the past, there were days were she did, where great whopping panic attacks overwhelmed her and she welcomed it.

Today was not one of those days. Was not going to be one of those days. She’ll make sure of it.

For the first time, mostly, probably because of Jacob’s presence, Bella refused to succumb to the vindictive bite of sadness, the bitter pleasure of grief, to indulge her self in a bout of self pity. Jacob didn’t need to see her grieving over another man, even though he knew she loved Edward, he didn’t need to have it rubbed all over his face.

Although, the thought came and went in her mind, that was one way to established a line between them but she couldn’t bring herself to do that, at least not now.

Not when he was the only one she had.

Bella paused out of the bathroom door when she saw Caleb standing up from the Jacob’s overlarge couch, as if he was waiting for her; his face anxious and worried.

“I’m sorry. About Mercy.” His words stumbled all over each other.

She waved a hand. “It’s OK.”

“No, it’s not.” He brushed a hand over his longish dark brown hair. “She didn’t mean…well, yeah, she did mean. I mean…” Caleb huffed an aggravated breath that made Bella sympathized with how uncomfortable he looked. He gestured toward the couch, his dark eyes appealed her to listen. “Please, let me explain.”

Bella walked around the table and sat.

“Thank you.” He sat with his body turned to hers, so they could talk face to face. “She was upset, mostly, for me.”

Bella merely stared at waited for him to continue with a blank but pleasant expression on her face. He was twitchy and embarrassed and she wondered absently where Jacob, Embry and Quil went.

“Mercy’s protective.” He offered her a smile. “And considering how you slammed her down back there, I’m sure you understand.” He shifted on his seat, cleared his throat and as if he came to a decision, nodded. “My father cheated on my mother. A lot. Every time he got caught, he promised to never do it again, but he kept at it until three years ago.” He shrugged. “Only because he died.”

Bella didn’t really know what to say and if she did, how to say it so she focused on something else. “Jacob would never have an affair with a married woman.”

“I didn’t think…” He saw the disbelieving look on her face and smiled. “Well, yeah. Okay. It’s just that I heard you were married and I heard about you and Jacob, then I saw you together…”

“I don’t even think that you’ve seen us held hands until today.”

“Geez, I may be a sixteen but I’m not stupid, Bella.”

This time it was Bella who shrugged, a bit embarrassed when he rolled his eyes and gave her a look. “Anyway, Jacob is a sort of surrogate brother to me and Mercy knows that, that’s why…she also respects him a lot, you know. She saw that Jacob disappointed me and that hurt and disappointed her too, and then considering, you know, what Jacob is to us, we don’t approve of him getting it on with a married woman. Not to mention, affairs like that never ends well, and Mercy, no matter how strange she shows it, cares about Jacob…”

Bella sighed at the long, rambling yet well meaning speech. “Caleb, I’m not angry at her, especially now that I know she was only protecting a friend.”

Caleb stared at her face as if trying to find something that conflicted with her words but found none. “Thanks.”

Bella smiled at his evident relief. “You’re a good friend, Caleb.” He stood when Bella did but kept shuffling his feet that Bella paused and turned back to him. “Is there something else?”

“She hurt you.” The look on his face didn’t suit the tentative smile that bloomed on his face. “She could see that and she’s sorry, she really is but she might not tell you that.” His smiled grew crooked. “Her pride, you know, but she’ll make it up to you.”

Bella blinked and inwardly winced. “She doesn’t have to—“

“Mercy has a sharp tongue but she'll never intentionally hurt someone.” He paused and tilted his head. “Wait, what am I saying? I mean sure, of course she would go out and intentionally hurt someone but only if they deserve it.” He assured her with a grin. “And if she was in the wrong, she considers it a debt so, she owes you one. She’ll probably show up in your store and maybe help you out with something.”

“Is there any use in refusing?”

“No.”

Bella sighed deeply and hooked her bag on her shoulder. “All right.”

“She’s strong, you know. She can help you out with moving stuff or cleaning up and she’s pretty handy with fixing stuff up.”

Amused with how sincere he was, Bella spared him a smile. “Are you pimping your friend out to me?”

Caleb flashed her a full blown smile that made her laugh.

They were at the bottom of the stairs when Caleb turned to her. “I told you that Jacob was bummed. He’s not when you’re here.” He smiled. “You’re a good friend too, Bella.”

The doubt that slithered inside her heart evaporated and she could feel the tension in her shoulders melted away. “Thanks. Thanks, Caleb. I needed that.”

A/N: The chapter was too long so I had to part it into two chapters, will post the other one tomorrow. This one was a prelude to the angsyness of the next one. This was the foundation I guess. But since this one is pretty short, I'll give you a stand alone that I doodled on the back of a napkin.

Anyway, the name Mercy is a nodd to Patricia Briggs "The Mercedes Thompson series". There are werewolves, fey and vampire there too. Mostly werewolves. Mercedes Thompson is also a mechanic, and she's also a shapeshifter.  Good read, you guys should check it out and tell me which werewolf do you prefer to hook up with Mercedes. Me I go with Adam even from the first book.

the faces of truth

Jacob watched Sam’s body tensed when Paul tried to get a chunk of Leah’s flank, Leah’s play fight with Quil evolved into a royal-free-for all. Leah head butted Paul’s jaw, knocking his head to the side in a classic gesture of going for the throat. A snort and a rumble that was the wolf synonym of a chuckle tumbled out of Paul when she licked him instead. Jacob wasn’t surprise when Leah and Paul rubbed their jaws together in a gesture of respect and affection. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was that made them bond, maybe their tempers, maybe it was because both of them had trouble in controlling their phases, maybe because next to Leah, Paul was the runner up for the notorious throne of pack menace but Leah and Paul had an understanding that eluded all of them.

They could let their tempers flair and tried to annihilate each other like born natural enemies, but after it passed, they would sneer and elbow each other, thick like thieves...but then again, all of them were like that although Leah's and Paul's has a certain spite to their fights.

 Are you sure?, her voice was really just that, a whisper, a sign that she was shielding like a son of a bitch. Even then, their brothers cocked their heads toward them, curious, especially since she was blocking so hard.

She did the equivalent of shrugging. Better now than later.

How do you want to do it? Human or wolf?

Better go with the wolf to make it official, Her lips pulled back from her teeth. Band-aid approach.

Both of them stepped closer to the crowd, Jacob ignored the wary look in Sam's eyes. It was Leah's decision so she should be the one to tell the news.

Eyes flicked back and forth from Jacob to Leah. Seth bounced on his paws, what? Did you guys find something?

Down boy, Leah gave her brother a look and she dug her paws into the ground, paused, then in a decisive movement, flung her eyes and her words towards the pack. I'm going to stop phasing.

Jacob felt the news hit his pack like a wrecking ball; muddled thoughts and just overall noise filled their heads. There was a tingle of fear, a shuffle of envy and a sprinkling of shock spiced by hurt.

 He sensed Leah stiffen beside him when pity spread from one mind to another, finally relaxing her body when understanding blanketed their minds.

 He watched as the pack stared...and stared...and stared...then like somebody  turned off  the mute button, everybody began to talk at once.

What are you going to do?

 You want to be normal? Typical.

 Where's the fun in being ordinary, Leah?

 Why?

 Then as if Leah had somehow answered the jumble of questions without him noticing, they settled quietly and waited for her to talk.

 Leah shifted on her paws. I don't know what I'm going to do. She shrugged. Return to college. Her lips pulled from her teeth in a sneer. Somebody has to have a higher education.

Snorts and chuckles greeted her teasing.

Leah squinted. Backpack through the country maybe. I always wanted to do that.

 Paul roll his eyes. You can do that now, as a wolf, it'll be faster and cheaper. He grunted. Although the backpack is going to be trouble.

But we can fashion one for you. Quil continued Paul's suggestion. I'm sure we can figure something out .

In their minds, an image of wolf Leah with a big saddle bag not unlike those that donkeys wear floated to the surface.

Amusement rippled at the image.

Gee, thanks, Quil.

Quil preened. Anything to help, sister.

I know one or two of you who won't miss me. Her slid slyly to Embry.

Embry frowned in thought, I don't know. You sort of help me practice in controlling my anger. Now what am I gonna do?

Well, there's always Paul. Leah suggested.

Embry brightened. Oh, yeah.

Paul shook his head, his fur flopping to his eyes. Oh, man. You can't seriously leave me with these deadbeats. Who'll have my back? You know they're just waiting to take a chunk off my hide.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, Paul. Leah's golden eyes wavered to Seth and nervous slicked her mind as  sheplopped her butt in front of him. A sweet sadness coated her insides when she realized that he was already so much bigger than her even in wolf form. Seth? You're quiet.

I already know.

What?

I heard you and mom discussed it a couple of nights ago.

Leah shuffled on her feet when Seth didn't meet her eyes. Listen, it's not like I'm gonna do it right away. It'll probably take years...

Don't worry about me,  Leah. Seth finally lifted his head, his eyes, the same shade of Leah's crinkled in a reassuring smile. I mean it. It'll be good for you.

Leah saw Seth's eyes flickered to where she knew Sam was sitting, watching her. Besides, like you said, it's  not like you're going right away and even then, you'll be visiting, right? In the holidays.

 Leah nibbled  his  closest ear, awww, are you going to miss me, little bro?

Seth poked his muzzle at hers, escaping her playful affection but licked her to soften the sting after thinking a heartfelt, of course. You're my only sister.

Um, thanks. Touched and a bit taken aback by Seth's honesty, Leah settled into embarrass silence which was broken by Brady's quick burst of, I'll miss you, Leah.

Amusement mixed in with Seth's cringing exasperation as he swung to Brady. Quit panting over my sister, you twerp.

I was just being nice, Brady's head hunched over his shoulders but straightened when Leah gave him a smile and a thank you.

Do not encourage him, Leah. Soon, he'll be sneaking over to our house just to get a glimpse of you. Seth snapped his jaws in annoyance of Brady's crush. Obviously he didn't like it when he had to endure someone fantasizing about his sister. As Seth and Brady bickered, other voices joined in.

Dibs on Leah's patrolling spot

Damn, I was going to call it.

You snooze, you loose.

GROUP HUG!

DOG PILE!!

Leah rushed out of Quil's way and escaped the tangle of limbs and fur. The sound of their curses, laughs and grunts only managed to emphasize Sam's complete silence even more. It was like he wasn't even there, he was blocking that hard.

Jacob exchanged a wary glance with Leah but snapped their heads toward their former Alpha when a growl rose deep from his chest, it shivered  the moist air and rendered the pile of wolves silent.

The deep reverberating growl was angry and territorial but the human voice that pierced their minds was deadly calm. The sound of it made the other wolves detangle themselves and spread behind Jacob and Leah in a protective gesture.

Jacob, you can't possibly let her do this.

Jacob lifted his head, calm and cool. I already did.

You should've asked me first-

Why?  Leah demanded. You're no longer Alpha. He doesn't need to ask you anything.

Sam's eyes stayed at Jacob's, his body trembling with anger but he knew, Sam wasn't angry at him. It took a long minute for SAm to finally, finally bring his eyes to look at Leah's.

The moment their eyes met, tension thickened the air. It was as if all the undercurrent, all the crippling hurt and stabbing anger that had been ignored, avoided and banked down reared up in one sudden swoop.

Sam's black body towered and shifted in the shadows, as dark as Leah's was light. Her white fur shimmered silver in the sliver of moonlight that trickled down like star dust.

Black and white faced each other in the night.

So, that's it? Sam's body stilled as if he had suddenly clamped down on his emotions, the only thing that showed that he was alive was the glow of his dark eyes. You're just going to leave?

I need to. All of them could probably feel the hold that Leah had on herself, could see the wall that she had built in front of herself.

And if they could feel it, see it, so could Sam and heat poured over them in suffocating waves from Sam. He was angry, so angry.

And hurt.

Jacob gritted his jaw, knowing that this will not end well but really, this wasn't something that he could protect both of them from, or should. It was about time they duke it all out. A whisper of agreement and weary approval crept to his mind from the others.

You're needed here.

You guys don't need me. Not anymore.

There is a reason why our numbers are the biggest so far.

Then that reason better happen soon 'cause I've made my decision.

The snarl snapped from Sam's jaws, his anger blistering their minds. This is not something that you can decide for yourself--

I've asked for the council's approval, I've asked for my mom's blessing, I have my alpha's permission. Who else do I have to ask? Leah scoffed. You?

 Sam took a step forward and Jacob tensed. Is this what it's all about? Another one of your little punishments?

Get over yourself, Sam. This is not about you. This doesn't concern you.

Sam growled. This concerns the pack.

Leah growled back. That's funny. The only one who's voicing any kind of concerns here is you. She lifted her head, her white fur whipped in the howling winds. The decision to stop phasing is a personal decision as it had always been since Taha Aki himself. This is my decision and it has nothing to do with you. I want to have a life.

You have a life here.

Outside of the pack.

Than have it but stay in the pack.

Leah bared her teeth. Why should I?

Jacob could feel Sam's rising panic and the crack around his self control and blocking. Before he could do anything, the thought slipped from one of those cracks and rammed into all of their minds, Leah's specifically.

...because that's the only way I can stay in your life...

To say that Leah took offense was an understatement. Her hackles rose and she ducked into an attack stance. A threatening growl trickled out of her razor sharp teeth.

Jacob stepped between them, stuck between two hurting hearts. Sam. Stop.

But Sam didn't hear him, he was trapped inside his own feelings, feelings that he struggled to contain but couldn't. His attention was focused on the white wolf behind Jacob, as if he didn't notice that the wolf was snarling and ready to rip his heart out. Leah, please.

Leah's snarls echoed louder between the grounds when images clashed into their brains. Images of a younger Leah; slender and soft with straight black hair that came down to her thighs in a sleek, dark trail. Echoes of whispered words and promises rained down their ears like morning dew as the images continued; Leah asleep, Leah laughing, her elegant hands, her skin in candle light, by firelight, by the morning sun.

Waves upon waves of emotion drowned them until their knees buckled and they could only resurface when the collage of memories stopped and focused to one.

Jacob noticed that Leah had stopped breathing and he could feel the snap of realization.

Ocean view, silky morning, the sun streaked the sky with pale colors, Leah's eyes were wide and filled with tears. Joy was evident in every angle of her face.

Leah growled, her jaws snapping, anger streaked their vision with red. No! Don't you dare.

Jacob hated to do it and he rarely had to do it but feeling Leah's pain and panic, he summoned the thing that made him alpha but he knew he was too late as Sam's speared the memory into their minds.

Leah's mouth opened as she moved to open her arms to embrace. “Yes, Sam. Yes. Of course, I'll ma-”

Jacob cursed when Leah's muscles bunched and with a terrifying roar, she leaped, her claws flashing. In one wild movement, she slashed Sam's chest before they could finally drive her back. Sam's blood splattered on the ground from her claws.

Never. Never again! Do you hear me, Sam? Never again!

Sam's regret, shame and guilt swarmed inside their minds mingling with the spice of Leah's bitter anger.

She was a streak of silver in the shadows when Sam finally shook himself and made a move to follow her but before Jacob could order him to stay, Seth planted himself in front of him. Animosity ringing in his growl.

Leave her alone, Sam. You've done enough. This ends now.

Unease vibrated in shadows, sharp stabs and tearing pain ripped at their hearts.

Sam's pain. Leah's pain. Their pain.

Sam stayed in place, his eyes following Seth's progress further into the woods. His mind shifting into Seth's to see Leah.

Stop it, Sam. Jacob ordered him, putting what made him Alpha into his voice, and just like that, Seth's mind was closed from Sam's. But the memories, the memories still tangled inside their mind and to escape it,  to spare her, Sam could only phase back.

Jacob nodded. Everyone phase back, give Leah and Seth their privacy.

Jacob gestured to the others after they turned human with his head and they nodded and ran into the woods, back to their homes.

He returned his attention toward Sam who was wiping the almost drying blood on his chest. His fingers touching the raised skin that formed four new scars. He couldn't help but think of how appropriate it was; Leah's claws had tore through muscle and meat, right above Sam's heart.

She had done to Sam what Sam had done to her.

 He watched as Sam closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the crippling pain of what was, and he suspected, what will always be the longing over something that you could never have.