When Your Heart Stops Beating

The WolF Pack Awards

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 19:24:35 GMT

Hey, guys it's open and some of the guys in sortofbeautiful are nominated...so what are you waiting for?

Have you VOTED yet??

General Mix: Only You Only Me

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:30:44 GMT

This particular song mix was designed around this great art from deviantart from a great artist called jekru.
It's like a conversation between two people.

1Death Cab for Cutie-Earth Angel

Earth angel, earth angel.
The one I adore.
Love you forever, and evermore.
I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you
  2Amos Lee-Colors (Guitar Version)

When you’re gone all the colors fade

3Aqualung-Strange and Beautiful

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do Sometimes

4Tegan and Sara-Where Does the Good Go ?

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken
It won't happen

5Dashboard Confessional-Currents

The air is visceral around us, 
Turning in it's simple steps on slow currents. 
And I watch as it pirouettes and spins in slow motion. 
A long drag becomes a slow dance, 
And a halo of embers.

6Rosie Thomas-Since You’ve Been Around

I'm foolish and crazy
I just think that maybe
I've got a lot of things to figure out
I'm winning, I'm losing
I'm afraid of never choosing
this heart of mine was so beaten down  before you came around

7Switchfoot-Let that Be Enough

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

8Sia-I Go to Sleep

I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me

9Copeland-Hold Nothing Back

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want but I won't be too far
Go where want and I know where you'll end up

10Azure Ray-Safe and Sound

With every word I live again through the eyes of another
We'll meet at night, wet from the rain
and surprise each other with how we take away the pain
Could you be the one to find me safe and sound?

11Dave Matthews Band-Baby Blue

Confess, your kiss still knocks me off my legs.
The first time I saw you was like a punch right through my chest.
And I will forever, ‘cause you’ll forever be,
My one true broken heart, pieces inside of me and you forever

12The Perishers-Nothing Like You and I

We spent some time together walking
Spent some time just talking about who we were
You held my hand so very tightly
And told me what we could be dreaming of

13David Cook-Always Be My Baby

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely

14Vanessa Carlton-Home

And even now when I'm alone 
I've always known 
With you I am home

A Nine Paragraph review to the latest chapter of The Passing Years

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 22:19:10 GMT

This has been amazing. You have such a grasp on all the characters so damn great, I have been laughing, blushing, crying, bounced in my seat - I could go on and on!

I love Jacob and Bella the most though, kinda an obvious thing really but it's just how you show the bond, how they have been hurt so much by each others actions but they can't they won't let go, even when Bella was hiding from him she wasn't herself I don't think she would have been able to fall in love with someone else and just moved on. I kinda wanted to hit her for not saying she was back, that she was alive to him. BUT the same while I understand her reasoning for doing as she did.

Leah, Rachel and Kim were right in telling her all those things, and she probably did deserve their anger if someone had done that to my young brother i'd be fuming. I know that Kim has the most concern as she shares Leah's fear of what would happen if he found his imprint. But they don't understand the emotions between them a hard thing to do I know, as people on the outside see things from their views or the larger picture such as Jacob's reputation and future in the Tribe how who he marries would be debated and looked upon.

There is so much to work on, Bella has a lot to make up for it may be in a way only their business but like it's been established Jacob would be happy with Bella and pushes her to be who she is and make her choices to give him his chance. Bella would want to make amends in the eyes of those so important to him, may not erase the past but what happens now matters. I loved the Emily Bella talk, and hope she is right about the baby haha though I have faith!

Edward I kinda feel sorry for in a way but also not, he doesn't want Bella sad I think he'd be happy that she was taking this chance maybe a bit bitter as well but... hmm.

I just hope that they do get there time, their happiness for they really do deserve it. Oh I also love her business and her friends/co workers haha she needs people who are persistant who care and well do things for her that she would never do haha. They make me smile as did CandyMan being Jacob's ring tone haha I wonder has she changed that or is it still the same? haha I wonder what he'd say to that!

I love the pack good and bad times, even when reading has hurt my chest, they have been ** her but fair too as what matters to them is Jacob. But like already said I hope she does stay I hope she makes her place does her part, I adored the scene where Emily was observing them act when in the kitchen and how Bella was fine with his watching her every move.

Also has me thinking on the imprint thing, Kim with how frank she was with the facts that if he hadn't have been a wolf he would never have glanced at her like that, Emily's thoughts to made me think.

And this has been a mega rant review but I've just loved so much of it! so damn much haha :-)

all I need is blue skies---and you

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 20:56:47 GMT

all I need is blue skies…and you

This current fanmix is about how love is not a constant thing, the way it grows, recedes, and matures as we grow older.

1Keith Urban-Sweet Thing

Come on, sweet thing

Why won’t you climb out of your window while the world is sleeping?

‘Cause you know I need you and there’s no way I’ll be leaving

Until we’re kissing on the porch swing

2Feist-One, Two, Three, Four

One, two, three, four tell me that you that love me more

Sleepless, long nights, is just what my nights are for

3Page France-So Sweetly Around Me

Someday I’ll meet you on a telephone wire

Won’t have to love you through a prayer, I can just touch you with my eyes

4The Perishers-My Heart

It's my heart you're stealing

It's my heart you take

It's my heart you're dealing with

And it's my heart you'll break

5Angel and Taylor-Lightning Strikes

Even when you smile the lightning lights for several miles

And when you make me laugh I know, this lightning will last

6Alexz Johnson-Natural Disaster

Am I another casualty in the battle you’re fighting?

You’re your own worst enemy

At war with yourself and you can’t see

7Aqualung-If I Fall

If I fall will you catch me?

8Vanessa Carlton-Come Undone

You’re the only one, I come undone for you

9A Rocket to the Moon-I’ll Be Your Sunset

If we're together now we'll be together then.

Step back and see me walk away, then watch me run right back

10Death Cab for Cutie-Passenger Seat

Then looking upwards I strain my eyes and try to,

Tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites,

From the passenger seat as you are driving me home

Do they collide? I ask and you smile

With my feet on the dash, the world doesn't matter

11Ben Folds-The Luckiest

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls brought me here
And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

12Anberlin-Inevitable

I want to be your last first kiss that you'll ever have

13Peter Gabriel-Book of Love

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything

The Passing Years chapter 33-Full Circle

Tue, 01 Sep 2009 18:50:26 GMT

Fic Banner by the lovely

ishbel

Chapter theme: Death Cab for Cutie-Passenger Seat

Vanessa Carlton-Home

The moon was a pale smudge on the night sky and scattered all around her were stars to keep her company. The song of the ocean swept over the night air like a giant steady heartbeat.

Bella trailed her eyes over the blurry images outside the passenger window and felt…

“Jake.”

“Hmm?”

“I’d like to go to the beach.”

A moment passed and Bella realized that he hadn’t answered her, so she tore her eyes from the window and looked at him. Jacob kept his eyes on the road with one hand on the steering wheel and the other folded over his open window. He should’ve looked relax, but her eyes noted the rigidity of his shoulders, the tightness around his eyes and the tight grip he had on the steering wheel.

“Jake?”

His eyes flickered, but still he didn’t look at her. “The beach it is.”

Bella wanted to ask what was wrong, but her mind was busy with what she had gleaned from the pack in these last two days.

When they parked, they walked side by side along the sand to their usual spot, which miraculously still looked the same, complete with birch tree. She couldn’t count how many times she had dreamt about being here with him, just sitting and talking and watching the sun set and rise.

Bella tried to focus her buzzing mind, so she didn’t realize that he hadn’t touched her at all. She sat on her side of the tree and waited for him to do the same, but he merely stood and loomed beside her, staring at her with those dark, dark eyes. She tilted her head in question.

He didn’t answer her implied question, instead he said, “You’re going to be cold. I’ll build a fire.”

Before she could say anything, he was already gone, and she was left alone in the dark.

He didn’t take long, but his absence was enough to make her question what she was about to do. She second-guessed, third-guessed and even fourth-guessed, but some things just weren’t made to be guessed at. She kept her eyes on Jacob as he built the fire with quick, efficient movements. The first lick of fire made shadows dance across his silhouette as if it was anxious to please him.

She knew the feeling.

If Bella hadn’t known there was something wrong with him, she did now, because rather than take his usual seat beside her, he sat across the fire from her. Suddenly, despite the fire, she felt cold.

She tried to read his mood, his eyes, but all she could see was his blank Alpha face and the reflection of fire in the depth of his eyes.

“Don’t do that.”

The sharpness in his voice jerked her away from her gloomy thoughts. He still wasn’t looking at her. “Do what?”

Jacob flicked his eyes at her stomach and when she looked down she realized that she had folded her arms around herself, a tell-tale gesture from long ago. She pulled her hands away and gripped them on her lap.

She heard him make a sound at the back of his throat. “Don’t torture yourself over it. It’s not your fault if you can’t—” His voice trembled, then faded.

Bella frowned. “What do you—” Then she saw it. When Jacob’s eyes lifted and met hers, she saw the ocean of misery and the storm of pain.

“Bella, if you want to break my heart, just make it quick.” Jacob’s mouth pressed together and his eyes darted around, looking at everything but her. “I knew these past two days were too good to be true.” A small bruised smile curved his lips. “You even said that you love me and kissed without my prompting.”

Bella gaped at him, her eyes wide. “You think I want to—to break up with you?”

She remembered a time where she asked a variation of that question and my, she thought, how strangely things can go full circle.

His eyes flicked back to hers. “Aren’t you?”

She shook her head, quickly, frantically, eager to reassure him. Hated that he even thought of it.“No. No. Of course not. I only—I think that we need some—” She tried to get her mouth around the words, but a second later, her mouth was too busy kissing him.

He knelt on the sand in front of her, his torso wedged between her knees and his hands trapped her head so he could crush her mouth with his. Bella should protest, she wanted—needed—to talk, needed to set things clear once and for all, but all she could think of was mmmm.

His breath washed over her, fresh, and it was sweet with toothpaste and the orange they had shared in the car. The way he touched his mouth to hers was just sinful. She was aware of someone making soft, begging noises and realized that it was probably her, but really, did she care?

For one thing, Jacob needed to know how she felt about him, and if that made her an insatiable hussy, so be it. She slid down to his lap and thrust her hands inside the collar of his T-shirt so she could touch his naked shoulders, and when she pressed her nails against the muscles that wrapped around his shoulders, he retaliated with a sharp bite on her bottom lip.

She loved him and he loved her, probably more than anybody should ever love someone…and she wanted that love, wanted him, wanted the goodness that he represented in her life, wanted him because he was…he was Jacob, and that name had meant all kinds of things inside her heart and mind.

The low groan that vibrated along his chest and up his throat made her stomach twist. In a good way. She should be embarrassed that when he pulled away, he had to forcefully detach her arms—not to mention her thighs—from his body. He set her firmly on the tree, a rueful smile curving on his lips even as he pressed one, two kisses on her pouty lips.

Bella coughed and licked her lips, which only made him feel obliged to press another kiss on her lips, and the gesture made her smile. Her skin was still humming and she could swear her eyes would be glowing right now, but she rolled her shoulders, trying to settle her mind and body. She coughed again when her voice broke, “What was that for?”

Jacob chuckled. “For not breaking up with me.”

Bella frowned, still unclear on why he would think that way, but he shook his head.

“And I just had to get it out the way. I’ve been itching to do that for hours.”

A belated flush flooded Bella’s face. “Oh.”

They met each other’s eyes and Bella felt her skin fairly sizzle, the hand on her face slid into her hair and settled on the nape of her neck, his fingers brushing gently on smooth, sensitive skin. “Bells?”

Her lips barely moved. “Yes?”

“You still want to talk?” He rasped, his eyes lowering to her mouth.

No. Bella swallowed. Hard. “Yes.”

The fingers on her nape fluttered to her collarbone. “Is it important?”

She folded her itching hands on her lap and squeezed them to bring her mind back in order. “Yes.”

Jacob watched her lips form the word and sighed. Might as well, he thought. Now that he knew she wasn’t breaking up with him, he could let her have her say. “Then I’ll just get back to my seat.”

He hid a smile at the disappointed look on her face. She looked so luscious with her face flushed, her mouth wet and swollen, and her small hands folded on her lap. If he sat beside her, he couldn’t trust himself not to employ the numerous distraction techniques that went with having a secret life in a close-knit reservation to steer her away from whatever it was she wanted to talk about.

So he sat across from her and behaved. Or at least tried to.

“Your scar—” She started, and Jacob’s mood darkened. Damn nosy girls.

“It’s not your fault, Bells. It’s mine. Next topic.”

She frowned at him, but followed his lead. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell—”

“Yes, it was wrong not to tell me that you were still alive, and yes, you had your reasons. I thought we were over that. Next topic.”

“What if you imprint?”

He expected the question, but it still felt like a blow to the stomach. He wanted to shrug it off and deny that it would ever happen to him, but…

“Maybe I will imprint. Maybe I won’t. But what does it matter, when you’re the one I choose to love?”

“But Emily and Sam, Kim and Jared—”

“I’m not them.”

“I know, you’re Alpha, but doesn’t that mean that you’ll be more susceptible?”

“Maybe. That’s a possibility.”

Bella cringed, can’t he just lie to me?

“What about you?”

Bella blinked. “What about me?”

“What if the vampire comes back?” From the look on her face, he could tell that his question probably also felt like a blow to the stomach. She almost looked green. “Unless you’re still in contact with whatshername, we won’t know what’ll happen in the future. And you know what? As long as I have you with me, as long as I can love you and have you love me back, I’m good.”

Bella’s eyes didn’t waver from his face, and she could see that he meant it, and when he smiled at her, the smile was that of man who knew what he wanted. Of course, she already knew that. Jacob always knew what he wanted, and for some insane, inscrutable reason, he had always and still wanted her.

“You’re the one I want, Bella.” He answered as if he was following her thoughts. “Besides, these four years, it wasn’t as if I was holed up in my garage. Between my father and the pack, I think they’ve paraded almost all of the Quileute girls in front of my nose.”

Bella blinked in shock. “What?”

“I was moping. They thought if I only imprint, it would be better for me. But I didn’t.” He rubbed his forehead. “If I was so easily… lured away, I would’ve done that long ago, but I didn’t. If what I felt for you was infatuation or something that could disappear with time or…some sort of werewolf magic, it would have gone long before this.”

She wasn’t quite sure what she felt about knowing that the pack had shoved lines of girls in front of Jacob’s face.

He smiled at her, and the smile was amused and mischievous as if he knew what she was thinking. “Let’s face it, Bells. You’re stuck with me.”

He tilted his head when she merely stared at him, her eyes big with sadness and hope and a willingness to believe. “If you’re still worried, there is one way to make sure that I won’t ever imprint.”

“What?”

“I stop.”

She blinked, “Stop what?” Her heart twisted. “You mean stop phasing?”

“Yeah.”

The fire crackled and spurted out glowing cinders that danced in the air.

Bella finally felt her heart start beating again. “You can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“You’re Alpha.”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Any one of the pack can replace me. Besides, it’s not like I won’t have company.”

Bella had to pick up her jaw from the sand. “Who?”

“Leah.”

“Leah is stopping too?”

Jacob grinned. “Yeah, we’ll entertain ourselves with who’s gonna succeed first.”

Bella wanted it. Wanted it so much. He’ll be safe, he’ll be hers, but...

“You can’t. They need you. Especially with Leah leaving the pack.”

“You need me.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “And don’t bother denying it.”

She wasn’t planning to. “I do, but…I can’t take you away from them.”

“Bella—”

“No. Jake, you like being a werewolf. You like to run – I see it in your face – and you love the pack. You love being able to protect the tribe, I can’t let you do this. I won’t.”

“Even if it means that someday I’ll imprint?”

Tears blurred her eyes at the thought of Jacob leaving her, of Jacob forgetting her. “Yes.” Her chest ached at the thought, at the thought of him not loving her, but…“I’d rather have you for a little while than not have you at all.”

He stared at her for what seemed to be years, but then something like wonder and awe shifted over his face. “You really do love me, don’t you?”

“What kind of a question is that?” Her temper streaked through her sadness. “Weren’t you the one who always nagged that I really, really love you, but I just don’t know it yet?”

Jacob couldn’t help it, seeing her with her eyes shimmery with tears, but her whole demeanor stiff with insult really got to him, he snickered. He dodged the handful of sand she threw at him.

He definitely enjoyed the way she screeched, “Jacob Black, if you don’t know by now that I love you, you won’t know it a million years from now.”

She looked so stricken by his doubt that he couldn’t help but streak to her side and gather her onto his lap. She sat stiffly, but didn’t fight his hold, only softening when he stroked her back and nuzzled her neck.

She smelt fantastic; a mingling of sweat, salt, spice and something that was distinctly her. He curved a smile against her skin when a shiver took her body when he pressed kisses along her neck. She sighed heavily in surrender before melting against him and drew him in her arms, her fingers tunneling into his hair. Softly, so softly that it was more like a breath than sound, she said, “Jacob, I love you.”

It wasn’t supposed to be possible, he thought. His heart, his mind, his soul were already too full with her, but as her words and sighs trembled in the air, his heart seemed to expand to take in more of her; her rapid heartbeat, the smoothness of her pale skin, the heavy drape of her hair, and the tears he could hear laced within her words. His throat clutched and he held her harder, tighter against his body.

“Say it again.”

She pressed her lips on his temple and repeated her declaration, “I love you.”

His heart shuddered. He shuddered. Everything inside him seemed to burst out with those three words. He had never wanted anything, anybody, like he had wanted Bella. And now she was in his arms, safe and finally, finally, his. And with the layers of happiness, sadness and, strangely, grief twisting around inside him, it was with overwhelming fear that he asked, “We’re really doing this?”

Bella froze at his question and her heart clenched painfully. Questions jumbled up inside her head, several variations of ‘was I too late?’ before she finally summoned up the courage to ask, “Don’t you want to?”

A hot breath misted over her neck as Jacob laughed. “Bells, I want this so much. Too much. I’ve wanted this for far too long and now that it’s finally happening I’m just kind of—”

“Scared?”

Jacob lifted his face from her neck and leveled his eyes to hers. “Yeah.”

Bella looked into his eyes and did see fear there, but also the glow of love and affection and a slow unfurling joy. Her eyes welled up and, maybe, there were tears in his eyes too. “I’m scared too.” She admitted. Their foreheads met and their eyes closed and, as if someone had fed them the line, at the same time they said, “But we’ll be together.”

Their eyes blinked open and met for a heartbeat or two before a smile inched over their lips up to their eyes as they continued to hold each other.

“Together.” Jacob whispered into her lips and she whispered it back into his. “Together.”

The waves washed back toward the sand in complete harmony with the soft promise.

General Mix: You Set My Sky Aflame

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:33:14 GMT

Yes, fair citizens of livejournal, yet another songmix...like all of my songmix, I usually have a theme (yes, I am crazy that way). This sets of song I've chosen for their passionate music, yet simple but heartfelt lyrics. There is a song about hoping to find that someone who is out there, about toughing out the rough patches and grow stronger for it, for the simple "yes, this is one of those singular moments that I will cherish in all the days of my life", a song for that exact second that you realize that 'this is love. This, right here, with you. This is love", a song of "yes, I love you, dammit. Will you kiss me now?", and of course a song for letting go..

I do hope you love this mix as much as I do...I personally use when I write.

1Antony and the Johnsons-Hope There is Someone

Hope there is someone to set my heart aflame
Comment: This song is pretty self explanatory. A song of yearning for someone to love.

2Jacob Golden-Hold Your Hair Back

And when my guard is down you’ll tear my ship apart
Comment: This song is about a kind of love that is not sweet, not simple, not easy but about the raggedy, grating side of love. But you stay true and stay together because, hey, who said love was easy?

3The Notwist-Consequence

You’re the color, you’re the movement and the spin
Comment: This song was featured in a lot of TV Shows and in the movie PUSH, it's about being in the moment, I guess. Everytime I hear this song and the above line, I keep picturing love as a kaleidoscope, beautiful, intricate, colorful...and damn dizzying!

4Paul McCartney-This Never Happened Before

I met you and now I'm sure this never happened before
Comment: This song was featured in the movie LAKEHOUSE featuring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock on the scene where they danced when they met for the first time, LOVE that scene, with the camera panning slowly and with the line of warm colored street lights and the changed in their expressions as they got closer and closer...

5Copeland-The the Safest Ledge

Could you be happy to fall like a stone if you'd land right here safe in my arms?
Comment: This is a song of persuasion and questions like a conversation between two people. One is already in love while the other is still unsure.

6Ani Difranco-School Night

The fact that I adore you is but one of my truths
Comment: This song is one of my ULTIMATE favorites. It's about choosing between two loves and the analogy Ani Difranco uses in her lyrics are gorgeous ("he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window) and DAMN, the lyrics even RHYME!!! Not to mention her voice and the sultry music...powerful this song.

7Cary Brothers-Something

This something you will not shake
Comment: At first I was, 'who?' but then I got a glimpse of this song as I watched an episode of SMALLVILLE. I guess, it's about a relationship needing two people to keep it alive...personally I love the music and the lyrics...

8Daughtry-Life After You

All that I’m after is a life full of laughter as long as I’m laughing with you
Comment: I have a soft spot for Daughtry, I just like his music, I like all his songs in his new album. This one is about fighting, walking out and smacking yourself up the head for your own stupidity.

9The Fray-Say When

Say when and my own two hands will comfort you tonight
Comment: This songs is very good for my writing, the images the lyrics create are awesome!! There is an urgency to the music, to the lyrics and the voice of the singer...and every time I let my mind play with this song, I get a sense of strength from it..

10Josh Kelly-Walk Right In

Two hearts plotting out the course
Comment: Hesitancy, when two people are standing between 'will we?' 'Should we?'. Love the music and the singer's voice. I'm a sucker for an acoustic guitar.

11Michelle Featherstone-Stay

If I promise not to fight at least not tonight, will you stay the night?
Comment: The first time I heard this song was on an episode of J.J ABRAM's ALIAS. It's a really, soft, haunting song about doubts and fears and abandonment...achingly beautiful in the slit-my-wrists category.

12The New Monarchs-Kiss Me at the Gate

So I have made a choice to stand right here and watch you go
Comment: A song about letting go...this song brings the image of iron black gates and stormy gray clouds...very moody, very atmospheric.

RANTRANTRANT

Sat, 22 Aug 2009 15:38:52 GMT

Usually, I'm pretty laid back...but I have my pet peeves.

1. When someone opens the plastic on my new book without my permission
2. When someone messes up my music
3. When someone messes up with my family.

Then of course, I go completely beserk.

Anyway, due to my plans to come home next month, I'm collecting books to get for my sis and I got her the Indonesian novel of James Patterson Maximum Ride 4-The Final Warning...her English is pretty well, but she's not really comfortable with it as I am. Me, I prefer to read the novels in their original language.

Anyway, I was prepared for some dubious translation and believe me, there were lots...it was quite amusing and embarrassing...but it turns out....IT'S MISSING A CHAPTER!!!!

YES!!! IT'S MISSING A CHAPTER!!!! *rantrantrantrantrantrantrant*

And not just any chapter...but chapter 34 where Max and Fang had one of the most squee moments!!!

THIS SQUEE MOMENT:

"Max, if you would just talk to me--"
"About what? You and me? There is no you and me. Especially when you keep throwing yourself at everything in a skirt!" Okay, now, that was so, so stupid. Fang's eyes widened--I'd given far too much away. Plus, Bridgid Dwyer wasn't wearing a skirt.
I wrenched my arms away from him, feeling as if my cheeks were on fire. I was confused and miserable--two of my least favorite things.
"You're wrong, Max," he said in a low, dark tone that made butterflies in my stomach. "There's a you and me, all right. There will always be a you and me."

*flutters and flail* Oh FANG....

Just Finished Reading...

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 18:13:16 GMT

Just finished Jim Butcher's Codex Alera 1-4 and am starting on Lisa McMann's Awake and Fade (Dream Catcher series), which ironically goes toe to toe to my new original story Dream Walkers which I haven't started yet. Still working on the mythology and I'm a bit busy with my other original work TOUCHED....

I just discovered a GREAT Jared/Kim fanfic, I love it so much I want to pimp it out to you all.

It's the story where Kim moons over Jared (in such an adorable and funny way) and Jared finally imprinting on Kim (the same adorable and funny way)...you can read it here...

Story: Hi, I'm Kim & I'm a Jaredholic
Author: call_me_lor
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Jared/Kim
Rating: PG-13 for now (rating might go up)
Genre: Romance/Humor
Spoilers: Read the Twilight Saga if you don't want to be spoiled.
Warning: Un-beta'd
Disclaimer: I don’t own Twilight or its characters, nor am I making any money from them. They’re all Stephenie Meyer’s, except for the occasional OC. The lyrics/quotes or whatever aren’t mine either.
Summary: My name is Kim and I have an addiction. But it isn't your usual addiction, I'm neither addicted to drugs, nor am I addicted alcohol or even sex. I'm addicted to a guy named Jared, a guy who doesn't even know I'm alive.
Chapter Word Count: 2,295

I recommend it...it's really great!!!

The Passing Years chapter 32-Melee

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:07:45 GMT

The pack were a brave bunch.

They were protectors, werewolves and family.

They protected the tribe and the inhabitants of Forks without question and without hesitation. They’d gone to war with newborn vampires without even batting an eyelash.

Braving storms? No problem.

Rescue mission? Point the way.

Vampires? Let me at ‘em.

There was nothing that they couldn’t handle…

…but when Bella reached over the kitchen counter and smacked Emily’s hand, making her drop the wooden spoon she was holding, then in a very sharp, unBella-like tone ordered Emily to sit down, the werewolves froze.

Their eyes and mouths wide open, the brave and fearless werewolves inched away from Emily’s kitchen, an area of the house where—they had learned under threat of pain and death—Emily reigned supreme. No one messed with Emily in her kitchen, not unless they wanted to die of hunger and humiliation, especially since she’d gotten pregnant.

Hormones and all that.

They watched in suspense as Emily looked at Bella, half expecting she would shoot death rays from her eyes and pulverize Bella on the spot. But no, to the Pack’s amazement, Emily merely nodded and sat down, her body language as meek as they had ever seen.

“Amazing.” Paul whispered from the corner of his mouth to the others.

“I need to learn how to do that.“ Sam breathed back, making Jared snicker. Careful not to make any sudden moves—just in case Emily had changed her mind on the ‘no violence in the house’ rule—Sam called out from the corner they’d all been banished to. “Emily, you OK?”

Emily nodded sharply, but it was Bella who speared him with a look. Jacob, who had spent several afternoons dealing with Bella’s rare but impressive bouts of crazy temper, swallowed a grin. Things were about to get interesting.

“Of course she’s not all right. She’s not impaired, but she’s not all right.” Jacob watched as Bella spread a contemptuous gaze at the pack, her feet planted firmly and her hand wielding the spatula like a weapon.

She looked fierce, strong, and due to the ruffles of the pink apron tied around her waist, deliciously cute.

Nonetheless, when she snapped her fingers, everybody moved into action. “Seth, rub her feet. Sam, rub her back. Paul, get her something to drink, juice preferably. Emily, drink your vitamins and no making icky faces.”

Emily made the icky faces, but she drank her vitamins, something the whole pack had been struggling to talk her into doing for three days without success.

Bella marched across the kitchen, barking out orders for mops and cleaning rags and had Colin and Brady cleaning the living room and hanging out the laundry while she stirred the pot that was filling the house with fragrant smells of something spicy and sweet.

Jared leaned into Jacob and whispered. “We should keep her. At least until Emily has the baby.”

“Don’t think I didn’t hear that.” Bella yelled as she dived into the fridge, “Jared, mow the lawn.”

“Jawol!” Jared snapped off a salute and smirked when Bella rolled her eyes.

“Don’t just stand there, Jake. Take out the big bowl that Emily uses for spaghetti.”

Several snickers rang out when Jacob mockingly scrabbled to his feet. “Yes, honey. Right away, honey.” She almost looked embarrassed and gave him an aggravated look.

“What is that, Bella? It smells delicious, but it doesn’t look like much.” Emily asked from where she was being waited on hand and foot by Sam, Paul and Seth. She had been ready to sulk and throw a tantrum when they crowded her, but decided to enjoy it instead. She curled her toes when Seth pressed two fingers on the arch of her feet and almost purred when Sam knuckled a knot on her lower back, the cool lemonade slid down her parched throat and tasted like ambrosia. She could get the hang of this.

“Oh, one of my roommates back in Phoenix was Indonesian, and her part of Indonesia has this traditional cuisine named Rendang, it’s mostly beef and mini potatoes boiled with spices and coconut milk. It takes a long time, because you have to wait for the coconut milk to thicken, but it’s worth it. It tastes sweet and spicy and you eat it with rice.” Bella smiled over her shoulder. “Whenever she made it, the whole apartment would know it by the scent alone, and the lot of them would suddenly have some sort of business with us.”

Emily grinned. “It certainly has my mouth watering.”

Bella smiled back, happy to be cooking for people that she knew. She turned back to her cooking, but caught Jacob and Sam exchanging looks of relief that confirmed her suspicions.

When she saw Emily running the kitchen, she had looked exhausted. She greeted her and Jacob amiably enough, but Sam kept looking at her with worried glances, and the overall mood of the pack was somber. They were worried about her, but Emily seemed to be stubbornly ignoring them.

The scene reminded her of how she used to be.

“You didn’t stay with your family in Phoenix?”

Bella shrugged. “Not really. The apartment wasn’t much and I had to share it with my roommates, but it was mine, you know?”

Emily nodded, understanding the sentiment. “You still keep in contact with your roommates?”

Bella laughed. “Distance doesn’t seem to matter for Dhee and Jules. They’re loud and obnoxious and…loud. Whether it’s a phone call or an email, I could basically hear them shouting from wherever they were.”

Jacob smiled. “Bet you had fun times.”

Bella shook her head as she mutilated carrots, but there was a soft smile on her face. “Crazy times. I miss them.”

“Yeah.” Emily sighed. “Girlfriends are special.”

Only the quick taptaptap of Bella’s knife filled the kitchen, but Emily knew all of them heard what she actually meant, ‘Leah was special’. Emily missed Leah. They had been cousins, more like sisters, after all. They had promised to be each other’s BFF, to be each other’s maid of honor, to be with each other when one of them gave birth. They were to live next to each other, and were to raise their kids together and grow old together.

Emily rubbed her bulging stomach. She needed Leah, especially now. She was afraid, terrified and she was just so damn tired all the time. She felt fat and stiff and fat and achy and fat and…well, you get the point. She needed her sister, her best friend back, but she knew asking that of Leah was just too much.

She tried, Emily gave her that, but the moment her belly had started to show, Leah had shied away. Rachel and Kim helped, but…they weren’t Leah.

She knew she’d been one hell of a shrew to the pack and to Sam. She just couldn’t help feeling resentful of their (and Sam’s) part in her and Leah’s separation. And to add insult to injury, the pack still had Leah in their lives. It was as if she was the only one getting punished.

She chased all the boys away one too many times, but they had always come back. But she didn’t want help, which of course only made her even more exhausted and crankier than ever.

It was a devious, malicious circle of evil.

Emily watched Bella and smiled when she jabbed a finger at a table as a response for Jacob’s question about what he should do with the salad. Jacob followed the voiceless order then walked back to her side, his eyes following her every gesture. Emily had broken Sam out of doing that, it made her nervous, but Bella seemed fine with it.

She sipped lemonade and watched Jacob’s face. His feelings for Bella were as clear as the living room window that Bella had obsessively cleaned earlier on. The light in his eyes when Bella had laughed at something he said warmed her heart. It was proof that Jacob’s feelings for the girl hadn’t changed – not that there was ever any doubt about it. It was good seeing Jacob happy…and Bella too. Emily knew how it was to be torn between two loves and having to make a choice. Although she was surprised to hear about Bella’s return, she hadn’t groaned aloud or grimaced like everyone else. She had smiled and hoped.

And watching Bella spoon black goop—it really did look like nothing she had ever seen before—into Jacob’s mouth, that simple everyday gesture and the look on Jacob’s face when she giggled and wiped a thumb over the smear on his chin made her glad that she had voted to welcome the girl rather than to oppose her.

Seeing them so at ease and comfortable with each other somehow made her feel optimistic and not so scared. If Bella and Jacob had managed to find and forgive each other after everything they had gone through, surely she could do this. She could be a mother and a wonderful wife at the same time. Suddenly, the world around the kitchen seemed a little brighter, friendlier.

She could almost ignore the way Colin and Brady splattered each other with dirty water as they mopped the floors. She laughed as they fell silent and appropriated solemn expressions when Bella turned and aimed stern brown eyes at them. Her heart simply turned to mush as she watched Jacob and Bella work silently but efficiently in the kitchen. When Bella held out a hand, he was there with a plate. When she spilled something, he was there with a cleaning rag. If Emily didn’t know any better, she’d think they were able to read each other’s minds. It was like a dance, she thought, that only they knew the steps to.

There was a loud crash, a curse and several thumping sounds from outside the house before the screen door snapped open and Quil entered with his usual flair. “Don’t worry. I’m here. Where’s the party?”

Everyone merely stared at him silently until Bella approached him. “Here.” She held out the garden shears in a stabbing motion that had Quil stepping back cautiously. “Cut some of Emily’s beautiful Cosmos and bring it to the table. And here.” She slapped two yellow rubber gloves on his chest. “Since you’re late, you can wash the dishes afterwards.”

Colin, Brady and Seth were still sniggering over Quil’s expression, even when their mouths were stuffed with food. Bella’s Rendang was a hit, but she pointed out that it was really complicated to make and was filled to the brim with cholesterol. The werewolves pointed out that they were superwolves and Bella’s cautions fell on deaf ears.

“Bella, these potatoes still have skins on them.” Colin eyed his plate.

Bella smiled. “It doesn’t matter, Colin, it’s OK to eat them.”

Paul snorted. “For someone who occasionally eats raw meat, you’re awfully picky, Colin.”

Colin merely stuff more rice in his mouth and made faces at Paul.

Jacob gestured to Bella. “Stop hovering and sit down.”

“I will.” She eyed the table from where she was washing her hands. “Do you think we should save some for your sister, Kim and Leah?”

Jacob scowled. “Let them get their own food.”

Bella paused, her eyes flickering back to Jacob before walking back to the table. “Here, Emily.” She stopped by Emily’s seat and tucked a warm bottle under Emily’s ankles that were propped on a stool.

Emily closed her eyes and sighed happily. “That feels great. Thanks. How did you know?”

Bella sat beside Jacob on the sofa and took her plate from him while the other wolves sat on the floor in front of the TV. “One of my roommates, Jules, got pregnant, but her boyfriend didn’t stand by her.”

Jacob and Sam scowled and muttered a low ‘Asshole’ before they continued eating.

Emily and Bella shared amused fond looks. “Jules decided to have the baby. and we helped her out.” Bella smiled. “So I know a thing or two about pregnancy.”

Emily tucked a hand over her stomach. “I helped around before and I baby-sat my nephews and nieces, but…”

“It’s different.”

Emily sighed. “Yeah.”

Bella caught the frown on Sam’s face, but turned her smile on Emily. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

Emily laughed softly. “No, we decided to make it a surprise.”

Bella nodded, then called out to Quil, who lifted an eyebrow. “What are the odds?”

Embry, who came seconds after Quil and was also recruited to wash dishes, smirked. “2 to 1. Boy.”

“You bet on my baby?” Emily tried to turn from her chair and almost toppled over, if not for Sam holding her. She blinked at Quil and Embry, who blinked back, then rolled her eyes. “Of course you did. Why should I be surprised?”

Quil grinned and waggled his eyebrows. “Want in, Bella?”

Jacob laughed when Bella stared at Emily’s belly like she could see right into it. “Are you sure you want me in? I’m quite good as this, you know.”

“Betting?” Embry asked.

“Guessing the baby’s sex.”

Quil snorted. “No one’s good at that.”

“Mom is.” Seth said. “When she was pregnant with us, she knew exactly what we were.”

“What?” Paul asked. “She knew you were mutant legendary wolves?”

Seth gave a wicked grin. “Oh, no. That was a bit of a surprise.”

Colin and Brady sniggered.

Emily ignored them and aimed an interested look at Bella. “Really?”

“Yeah. Nine out of ten I usually guess right.”

Embry turned his usually somber eyes to her. “You’re serious.”

Bella swallowed her mouthful and nodded.

Jacob drank his lemonade and grinned. “This I have to see.”

She turned to him. “You don’t believe me?”

“No one could be that accurate.”

Her eyes narrowed at him before she turned back to Emily. “You’re not wearing any make-up are you?”

Emily looked amused, but shook her head.

“Perfume? Or any scents?”

Emily wrinkled her nose. “No, lately if I smell perfume all I want to do is throw up.”

“Do you have any particular color that you don’t like to see since you’ve gotten pregnant?”

“Purple.” She answered instantly and seemed surprise by her own answer.

Quil frowned. “What has that got to do with anything?”

Bella ignored him. “What about tastes? Anything you crave?”

“I like spicy things all of a sudden.”

“She seems to know what she’s doing.” Embry mused as he shoveled meat and potatoes into mouth, his dark eyes on Bella’s face.

Bella asked a few more questions that seemed benign to the others and nodded. “It’s a girl.”

The wolves made disbelieving noises.

“Come on.”

“You’re joking.”

“Care to put your money on that?”

Bella shrugged. “Sure. Twenty on a girl.”

Quil chortled and reached for the money she was waving in her hands. “Easy money.”

Bella raised an eyebrow when she noticed Jacob was watching her. “What?”

“You sure about this?”

“Absolutely.”

Jacob tilted his head before reaching back for his wallet. “Fifty on a girl.”

The wolves made impressed noises, and Emily, who’d been sour and cranky for the last month, laughed until she needed to make a quick trip to the bathroom.

---

Bella returned from her own trip to the bathroom to find Emily missing from her chair, while the wolves were sprawled sleepily in front of the TV. “Where’s Emily?”

Seth blinked at her. “She’s getting the laundry.”

She scowled. “And you let her?”

Paul waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t you know already, Bella?” Since the pregnancy, we let her do whatever she wants. It’s safer for us that way.”

Bella hitched her fists to her hips and scowled even deeper at Jacob, who merely smiled sweetly at her.

“We were hoping you would help her out, she doesn’t seem to mind your company.”

Brown eyes narrowed, Bella arched a brow. He let his lips curve even deeper. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

Emily was almost done with the first laundry line that was mainly T-shirts and jeans, the cool wind flapping the sheets on the third line every time they whisked by, the gentle snapping motion went oddly in tune with the not-too-far sound of the ocean.

The sun was slowly dying at the horizon, casting shades of red and orange and pink across the sky as darkness started to blanket the world.

The call of nocturnal animals rose up and down from the scattering of trees that surrounded Sam and Emily’s house.

Bella set down the laundry basket and without saying a word started on pulling at the sheets and folding them in quick, efficient movements. They kept working in silence, until they reached the second line together.

“I was surprised to see you here.”

Bella blinked and folded a faded pillow case. “What do you mean?”

Emily’s dark eyes slanted towards her. “Kim came to me this morning, she was…worried.”

Bella flicked her eyes toward the house and Emily chuckled. “Don’t worry, they won’t hear us.” She pointed at the lines of laundry, blowing in the wind. “We’re downwind.”

Bella nodded slowly, saving that particular tidbit in her memory. “Why was she worried?”

“She was worried that she drove you away.”

Bella bit her lip at the little clutch she felt in her stomach. “Wasn’t that what…”

“No, God, no, Bella. That wasn’t her intention at all.” Emily sighed. “She merely wanted to warn you, not warn you off.”

Bella realized she was wrinkling the shirt she was holding and fought to ease her grip. “So, it’s true then, what she said about imprinting?”

“Yes, it’s true.” Emily touched her stomach. “To the wolves, it’s like finding a missing piece of their soul that they didn’t know was lost in the first place, and when they find us, we complete them.”

Bella’s heart shuddered. She knew what that was like and she knew she couldn’t beat that. She didn’t really want to hear this, she had already heard enough, but her eyes latched on to Emily’s ravaged face and couldn’t look away.

Emily shrugged. “I have always found imprinting a little eerie in its absolutes.”

“You have?”

Emily nodded. “How would you feel if somebody came to you and explained that he supposedly fell in love with you because of some tribal legend hooey?”

“I never thought of it that way.”

“Well, believe me, I have.” She dropped a folded shirt onto her stacks of laundry. “Jacob has.”

“I know that he’s against—“

Emily scoffed. “He hates it. And fears it, I guess.”

“Fears it?”

“At first he hates it because it takes away his choices. Jake has always been resistant to the old ways, resentful of how the council has so much say in our lives.”

Bella remembered him griping about how the council went into a frenzy when Rebecca turned down a partial scholarship and ran off to get married.

“Then, of course, he turned into a giant wolf because of some tribal magic, and to make things worse, he was forbidden to tell or see you of all people. Imprinting was just the last straw. He didn’t want to fall in love with some girl just because his wolf felt frisky. He was already in love. With you.”

Bella dropped her eyes to the shirt she’d been gripping. “I don’t know why. All I brought to him was trouble, trouble and more trouble.” And pain. Don’t forget pain.

“Bella, I’m happy with Sam.”

Bella blinked, confused with the sudden change of topic. “Okay.”

“But when I look at you and Jacob, I… wonder.” Wonder how my life would be if I simply fell in love the normal way. Wonder if Sam would have been as loyal, as loving, and as protective if he had fallen in love with me like everyone else in the world.

Like Jacob did with you.

Bella kept her eyes on Emily’s and let their unvoiced conversation pass by without them acknowledging it. “This is how it’ll be, won’t it?”

Emily tilted her head and moved along the laundry line.

“If I decided to be with Jacob, if I stay, you’re all going to feel it’s your right to poke your nose in my business.”

Emily sniggered, Bella didn’t know she could. “There is no ‘my’ business in the pack, as with all secrets, sooner or later, everyone will know.” She arched a brow. “And I think that you’ve already made your decision by being here.”

Bella bit her bottom lip and tossed her heavy braid to her back, she really had to get it cut. “He stayed the rest of the night yesterday.”

“I’m thinking he’s stayed with you lots of nights before.”

Bella blushed. “I didn’t meant stay as in ‘stay’, we just—“ She groused when Emily sent her an amused look then dropped her eyes to her stomach. “I think I have an idea.”

Bella groaned. “We didn’t, we just sleep together sometimes.”

“Oh?”

Bella gritted her teeth and turned wary eyes to the house “We didn’t have sex.”

Emily snickered. “So you had a sleepover.”

“Yes.”

“I figured he’d had lots of sleepovers at your place before last night.” She continued.

Bella sighed. “That’s the thing. This morning I realized something.”

“What?”

“He was always gone before I woke up. It’s usually not a problem with me. Usually when I wake up and found him gone, it doesn’t…” Bella frowned and remembered the one night where she felt destroyed when she’d found him gone, but that was in another life and it had happened to another girl. “But this morning, it…hurt.” She tried to shrug the little pin pricks that bit her heart. “I knew he didn’t mean anything by it, and he was actually doing me a favor, because Charlie would go ballistic, but when I woke up and…” Bella paused. “…reached for him—I expected him to be there, as if…”

“It had always been that way.” Emily continued softly.

“That night, I just realized how I could have lost him and I was really upset. I’d fallen asleep to his heartbeat and I think I had expected to wake up to it, too. And when I didn’t, it hurt.” Bella raised her eyes to Emily’s. “It brought things to perspective.”

Emily smiled. “Perspective’s a good thing to have.”

They continued to work in silence, and when all the laundry was folded, Emily turned to her. “Just remember, Bella, Jacob loves you and that makes you pack, but you have to earn your place in the pack.”

Bella looked at Emily’s scarred face and nodded. “As long as I don’t have to fight someone to the death, I’m good with that.”

Emily chuckled. “Wolves don’t kill their own pack members, Bella. We only isolate them and leave them to die of hunger.”

“Unless I’m stuck in some far corner of the world where they have no pasta, water or fire, dying of hunger will never be my fate.”

Emily laughed, took her hand and squeezed, and together they walked home.

I'm a Review Hog

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 16:50:27 GMT

Yes, I admit it...reviews are my food...my crack...my sinful pleasure...

This is one of my favorite reviews to My Jacob/Bella fanfic The Passing Years:

"after reading your story almost without breaks, I have to admit that I really
enjoyed reading it!

This is the first Jacob/Bella story that I've ever read, and I'm kinda
surprised to say that I really liked it.
Your Bella and Jacob have a unique and complex relationship and a lot of
issues to deal with.

I can't even imagine and hope I will never be in a situation like Bella where
you are in love with two people who are each wonderful. The inner fight she
has to struggle with must be awful, but at least she know seems to have made
a decision and it feels like the right on.
But there is still a lot of unresolved things between her and Edward and I
wonder if he will show up in your story.

And I also can't imagine what Jacob had been through and still has to
struggle through: to be in love with somebody that loves you but still seems
to love somebody else more than you. And then to be unable to move on, and not
really wanting to. And it must also be awful to have the "imprinting"-issue
hanging over your head, and to never know if it will happen to you.

...lol, so I guess you see that I really got into your story, and am looking
forward to read what's going to happen next!

Thanks for sharing your story with us!"

...it gives me tingles...and it's always a plus when I influence someone to love JACOB...

My Summer Reading

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:35:59 GMT

Jim Butcher-Dresden Files Series

Restoration of Faith

Storm Front

Fool Moon

Grave Peril

Summer Knight

Death Masks

Blood Rites

Dead Beat

Proven Guilty

White Night

Day Off

Back Up

Turn Coat

Rick Riordan-Percy Jackson & the Olympian Series

The Lightning Thief

The Sea of Monsters

The Titan’s Curse

The Battle of the Labyrinth

James Patterson-Maximum Ride Series

The Angel Experiment

School’s Out Forever

Saving the world and Other extreme sports

The final warning

Max

Alex Irvine-Supernatural [John Winchester’s Journal]

Beth Fantaskey-Jessica’s Guide to Dating the Dark Side

Kim Harrison-Madison Avery 01-[Once Dead, twice shy]

Karen Cashore-Graceling

Lili St. Croix-Strange Angel

Larry Correia-Monsters Hunter International

General Mix; In the Span of a Few Heartbeats

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 03:12:39 GMT

1Mat Nathanson-Come On Get Higher

I miss the sound of your voice 
The loudest thing in my head 
And I ache to remember 
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said

2Angel Taylor-Chai Tea Latte

I just have to say that you blow my mind in two hours time.
And I'm so weak and unable to picture you with someone other than me.
But I guess I'm gonna have to
'Cuz I haven't asked you out

3Nerina Pallot-Sophia

In passion and silence, 
Every word, every line a measure 
It’s the science of the soul. 
And his books, they breathe a reason 
And now, I want to know..... 

4Stephen Speaks-Out of My League

All the times I have sat and stared 
As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair 
And she purses her lips, bats her eyes 
And she plays with me sittin’ there slack-jawed 
And nothing to say

5Lifehouse-Easier to Be

It felt like the world fell from my feet
Gave up on myself, you didn't give up on me
Let myself go, you were still there
Like coming home
Coming up for air

6She & Him-You Got A Hold On Me

I don't want you but I need you
Don't want to kiss you but I need to
Oh, you do me wrong, now
My love is strong, now
You really got a hold on me

7Sister Hazel-Everything Else Disappears

Everything falls out of focus
You walk through the door and one thing that's clear to me
Helplessly hopeless, I'm all right with that
In a room full of people
Everything else disappears

8The Hush Sound-The Boys Are Too Refined

And if the timing is right to sneak off into the night
I'll let myself be taken just for the thrill
And if I'm given the chance to be a doll in his hands
I will be sure we shake the mountains while we dance

9Coldplay-Strawberry Swing

Now the sky could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time
Could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time

10The Temper Trap-Sweet Disposition

a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs

11Sara Groves-You Are the Sun

You are the sun shining down on everyone

Light up the world giving light to everything I see

Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in and everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own

Still you have made me to shine and as I glow in this cold dark night

I know I can’t be alight unless I turn my face to you

The Passing Years chapter 31; Together

Thu, 06 Aug 2009 08:42:30 GMT

31. Together

Chapter theme: A Fine Frenzy-Come On Come Out

Ray LaMontagne-Truly, Madly, Deeply.

Jacob untangled himself from Bella at the first sound from Charlie’s room. It took longer than it should have, given his reluctance to leave her. He kept his eyes on her face as he put on his socks and shoes and decided that he should get a medal for leaving the warm bed of the girl he’d been in love with since he was a 16-year-old boy.

It was hero stuff. Epic. There should be songs about it.

He kept his ear on Charlie’s room, smiling at the miserable groan and the sound of popping bone. And for a tempting minute, he wondered what Charlie would do if he found him in Bella’s bed –

Run for his gun and shoot him
Listen to his explanation, then shoot him
Use his sharply honed observation skills to note that both he and Bella were fully dressed…then shoot him simply on principle.

He figured he still had a couple of minutes before Charlie peeked in to check on his daughter as he did from time to time. He tugged his sweater on and deliberated between waking Bella up or not. Seeing her all warm and cuddly under the blankets, he opted for not.

On the road, he decided to take care of business – Leah, Kim and Rachel needed a stern talking to. He’d deal with Leah and Kim later, after all, there’s a pecking order around here.

When Jacob closed the door to his house and met his father’s eyes, he experienced a slight guilty twinge the way children do when they were either up to no good, thinking about being up to no good or had already done something no good.

Billy eyed him over the rim of his coffee cup, weighing him, needling him with his substantial silence. Years ago, that look would’ve made him freeze in his tracks, but now he simply strode to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“You just came in.” From the tone of Billy’s voice, the sentence wasn’t a question. Jacob knew Billy probably did the same thing Charlie did whenever his children were home – peeked in to make sure they were safe in their beds. Despite the fact Jacob had a successful business, was a werewolf and occasionally handled some tribal problem when Billy couldn’t be bothered, his father still treated him like a child sometimes.

Jacob leaned back on the counter and answered with a casual, “Yeah.”

Both of them sipped their coffee, sighed in appreciation at the rich, strong taste, then continued to eye each other.

“You were with Bella.” Again, there was no question.

Jacob answered with the same word and same intonation, “Yeah.”

“Charlie saw you?”

A smile twitched at Jacob’s lips. “No.”

Billy turned the TV on to the news. “He’ll shoot you, you know.”

Now Jacob did chuckle. “I know.”

Billy turned up the volume, and Jacob figured that was all the parental guidance he would deliver…and all that Jacob would be willing to listen to. No one could accuse Billy of not knowing his children.

Jacob paused at the door to Rachel’s room and imagined himself kicking it open with dramatic flair, but that would only piss Rachel off. Rachel really didn’t like to be woken up when she wasn’t ready to wake up. Paul had once commented that the tribe didn’t really need werewolves to protect them from vampires – they only need to carry Rachel from her bed, point her at a vampire, wake her up, then take a huge step back.

Several miles should do.

It wasn’t until he got out of the bathroom after a quick shower that he realized something was wrong. He couldn’t hear Rachel’s heartbeat, or her breathing (snoring), and when he pushed open the door to his sister’s room, he saw that it was empty.

Oh, well played, sis. Jacob stifled the irritation that cramped his brain. Rachel knew he would want to interrogate her, so she probably went to Leah’s to avoid him.

No, problem, he decided. He had better things to do anyway. Problems to solve, places to go, vampires to kill.

He padded barefoot to the kitchen and dug through the fridge. He knew why his senses didn’t catch Rachel’s absence as they should have. After the adrenalin-pumping hunt, his senses always went haywire if he didn’t tire himself out enough.

When you can hear people’s heartbeat from outside of their houses you learn to filter the sounds and to focus only on one or two. Either that or get a headache for every day of your life.

Not an option.

He frowned at his shaking hands, not in worry or anticipation, but more in annoyance. The hunt wasn’t enough to get rid of the excess energy, and his blood was still hot from last night. He had to do something to get rid of it or he’d be amped up all day.

He glanced at the clock hanging on the living room wall and decided he’d work some of it off fixing up the school. If he were lucky, he’d see Kim there, since she’d been working as a teacher there for about a year.

***

Fate was screwing with him.

Five minutes there, he’d found out that Kim was home with the flu. Right.

He realized that the three girls were going to treat him to a game of runaround, and the only consolation that he had was that their attempt at avoiding him would really chafe on Leah and Rachel’s egos.

No matter. He’d run them aground sooner or later. Right now, he should just concentrate on working his ass off.

It didn’t work.

He was sweaty, sure, but he was still buzzed. It hiked up his irritation and he knew that this was no good.

“Oh, for God’s sake.” Paul, who’d been working beside him, turned off the table saw, wrenched off his goggles and speared him with a look. “Just go find her and get her into bed.”

Jacob lifted his eyes to Paul and imagined introducing Paul’s head to the business end of his hammer.

Paul probably realized what Jacob was thinking, but he still maintained his scowl. “You’re hyped up, man. I can feel it from here. You’re spouting off so many negative vibes you’re making me antsy.”

Jacob almost felt apologetic. He knew that Paul often felt insecure and nervous about his control. The fact that there were a lot of kids hanging around wasn’t helping, but Paul’s abrupt advice still rankled.

Sex wasn’t the reason he was squirming in his jeans. Far from it.

He swung the hammer with more force than was necessary. When that was done, he punished himself with lugging dense lumber from one end of the school to the other.

He didn’t even have to strain. He had more of a hard time of acting like it strained him rather than doing the actual deed.

Sure, having Bella around, feeling her, smelling her and kissing her was boiling his hormones, and last night—with her gripping him tightly, her face nuzzling his neck and her breath on his skin—didn’t help. And yeah, he hadn’t gotten any since…uh, he couldn’t remember, which was lowering enough, but having sex or not having it wasn’t his problem.

He needed to know what she was thinking, dammit. He didn’t like pushing her, but they needed to set several things straight.

“What are you going to do about the girls?”

Jacob threw an absent glance at Paul, who was almost hanging upside down at a window they were working on. “What?”

“The girls. Kim, Leah, Rachel.”

This time, Jacob focused his eyes away from Paul and carried the sheet of glass to the window where he was.

“They were only trying to help.”

Jacob leaned the glass against the wall, just in case he gripped too hard and cracked it or something. “You knew what they were up to?”

Jacob’s tone was just a little too flat and hard, so Paul glanced down to see how far he’d fall if Jacob had a sudden urge to push him. Of course, he was wearing a harness, but in a case such as this, the harness would be less of a safety measure and more a convenient way to keep someone still so you can use said person as a punching bag. He really, really didn’t want to be Jacob’s punching bag.

“No, I didn’t. Kim caved and told Jared, and Jared accidentally told me while we were out running.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

“So? What did they tell Bella?”

Paul swung to the window sill, clutched the window frame and released the harness. He landed nimbly on the floor. This was a conversation that he’d rather not have while he was dangling above the ground. “You know what they told her.”

Jacob let loose a string of curses that made Paul wince. It wasn’t the words, it was the tone of his voice – it simply crackled with Alpha power.

Paul shifted on his feet. “Look, I can’t talk about your sister or Kim, but I know Leah. You know Leah. She’s territorial and stupidly loyal. On one hand, she hates Bella’s guts for what she did to you, but she also doesn’t want to see Bella deal with…” Paul trailed off, uncomfortable. “…you know, if you imprint. It drives her crazy. Leah might be a grade-A bitch,” Paul shrugged. “but she’s our bitch.”

Jacob stared out the window, trying to deal with his displeasure. “What else?”

Paul’s face twisted in a grimace. “They told her about the vampire. The one that gave you that scar.”

Jacob pressed two fingers against his eyes. He had his suspicions, but it was another thing altogether to have it confirmed. He remembered Bella’s intense brown eyes, remembered the desperate tightness of her fingers, her arms, the frantic touch of her lips on his.

Great, just what he needed – for Bella to think he was suicidal. She must be so layered with guilt right now, he could probably get whatever he wanted out of her.

Which was pretty much everything.

But he also knew if he followed the temptation to use her guilt, he’d hate himself forever.

He was so screwed.

It was ironic how loving her was so easy, and at the same time, so hard. Jacob took off his tool belt and tossed it at Paul, who caught it with ease.

“Where are you going?”

He didn’t bother to turn. “To Bella’s.”

Jacob flipped his cell open and pressed the speed dial for Bella’s number, his sharp ears caught the muttered ‘thank God’ from Paul. He took the stairs two at a time, absently smiling at the kids that waved shyly at him. When he was outside, Bella’s voice came down the line. Even as he was tense all over, he still smiled at the sound of it.

“Bells, when was the last time you rode a bicycle?”

Her bemused smile when she opened the door grew into a grin when she saw him pulling a bicycle out of the trunk.

“A bicycle, Jake? Really?” Her narrow shoulders shook with laughter.

He stood there in an old, faded T-shirt with the sleeves torn off, cut offs and beat up sneakers. He arched a brow. “Well, if you think you can keep up with me without it…”

She scoffed. “I could drive a car and still not keep up with you.”

“Well, it depends on the car. We’re not as fast as when we go wolf.”

This time, it was she who arched an eyebrow. “When you say ‘not as fast’, you mean…”

Jacob grinned and unashamedly used his eyes on her. “Come on. Be a pal and keep me company.”

Warmth blossomed in his chest when her cheeks tinged with pink that had nothing to do with the weather.

He kept the grin on his face, tilted his head and was rewarded when she gave him a flustered look. “And look, it even has a pretty pink basket and a bell,” He paused and his grin turned sly. “ Bells.”

She rolled her dancing eyes. “A basket and a bell? You got me. Now I simply must have it.”

Jacob kept his pace steady, enjoying the steady thud of his feet against the asphalt and the rush of cold air into his lungs. The smell of smoke and burnt leaves was heady in the autumn air as was the subtle scent of sea salt and damp earth.

The sky was a misty blue and sunshine was a filtered beam through grayish clouds. It rippled against the trees with its explosion of different shades of red, gold and brown. Dry leaves lay cracked and trodden on the streets and pavement, they crunched underneath his feet.

The day was gorgeous, but his eyes, as they had many times before, could only see her. Bella felt…at peace, he could see it in the relaxed set of her shoulders, the bright look in her eyes when she looked at him from over her shoulder, her mouth smiling and shouting taunts and encouragements at him.

She rode the bicycle with uncharacteristic skill, weaving in and out, looping, playfully circling him, and ringing her bell once or twice when she thought he was running too slowly. He couldn’t help but smile when she stopped at a stop sign and looked both ways before crossing the road, her expression serious.

He grinned when she stopped right next to Charlie’s cruiser on a red light and rang the bell to get her father’s attention. Charlie had looked at Jacob, then at Bella, then down at the bike and laughed so hard, he almost missed the green light.

She was so cute like this, when she forgot all about what she should do and would just be instead. Her mood was so very different from last night that he almost doubted what Paul had told him.

They stopped at Charlie’s house and Jacob found himself scrutinized by a pair of warm brown eyes.

“I can’t believe it, you’re not even sweating.” She griped between breaths and wiped the sweat that pooled at the hollow of her throat. He followed the movement of those pink-tipped fingers and swallowed.

So, okay, Paul wasn’t all wrong, he admitted. He wanted Bella every time he breathed, but he could ignore it when he needed to.

He rolled his shoulders and smirked at her annoyance. “Another round?”

She shook her head. “No way. I’m done. You go, I’ll just be right here.”

He had to touch her, just a little, so he slid the back of his knuckles at her temple to catch a drop of sweat, the subtle flush on her cheeks deepened. His voice was deep and low when he looked into her eyes. “Wait for me?”

Her eyelashes fluttered as she tried to look anywhere else, but failed to do so, as her eyes always returned to him. “Sure.”

Bella rushed herself out of a shower and caught her reflection in the bathroom mirror and stopped. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were bright and her lips seemed to curve into a permanent smile.

Last night she had looked pale and ghostly; now she looked…happy. She knew the reason for it, and her reflection only confirmed that what she was about to do was the right thing for her. Probably the wisest thing she had ever decided on.

She had doubts, but the warm feeling in her chest wasn’t a lie.

It was time.

She dressed in her usual style; a long sleeved T and faded jeans and decided to wait for Jake by making sandwiches that she knew he would nag and bat his eyelashes for when he came back. When she was done, she peeked through the window, but she didn’t see him yet. Suddenly inspired, she got out a picnic cloth, ran upstairs to get a book, then down again to get a bottle of water, a pitcher of iced tea and lugged everything to the back yard.

She had missed having a yard.

Lying on the checkered cloth, she was well into her book and half a glass of iced tea when Jacob appeared. When she caught sight of him, Bella almost spilled her tea all over herself. He was in his usual get-up too—cut offs and nothing else— and was all sweaty and flushed.

She got a little dizzy just looking at him, and without thinking, she blurted out, “Where’s the rest of your clothes?”

“At home.” Jacob grinned, before throwing his considerable bulk by her side. Suddenly, the picnic cloth that was almost as wide as her bed seemed to shrink before her very eyes. Noticing that he was actually breathing hard, Bella could only imagine how fast he ran from here to La Push and back again in, what? Thirty minutes? Forty?

She tried to calculate the time, but got distracted by the smell of sweat and man and Jacob. Not to mention that he was mostly naked, with his muscles glistening in the sun.

A girl could only try to ignore so much.

Her brain simply raised a white flag and surrendered when Jacob rolled onto his stomach, their shoulders bumping as he smiled at her and out of nowhere—at least that was how it seemed to her—held out a handful of dandelions. “For you.”

She was stuck on the soft look in his dark eyes, but she managed to drag her eyes to the flowers and moved her hand to take them, her throat squeezing with…gratefulness? Appreciation?

She wasn’t clear about all the emotions that swept through her heart at the sight of those flowers in his hand except for one.

Love.

She loved him. She had always loved him.

But now that love had evened out, matured and layered, and although she was certain it should be impossible, it had grown in depth and intensity.

When Bella lifted her gaze from the dandelions to meet those eyes that had always watched her with care and affection, something inside her shifted and locked into place.

She leaned over and touched her lips to his in a kiss that had all the facets of her love for him; the storms of passion, the subtle dip and sway of affection, and the numerous momentous seconds where loving him was as important as breathing.

She leaned back from him and met his eyes with her usual solemn stare and, with a voice that had no place for uncertainties, gave him the words anyway.

“I love you, Jacob Black. I always have, and I always will.”

The emotion that surfaced in his eyes made her heart ache, but the smile that followed after, the smile that had always won her over time and time again, drowned her heart with a kind of pain that sweetened with the seconds that ticked by.

Then he made her laugh with his sweetly excited, “Yeah? Does that mean you’re gonna share those sandwiches?”

They ate the sandwiches, drank iced tea, then lay back to bask in their togetherness while they blew on dandelions and watched the seeds take flight across the blue of sky and the grey of clouds.

A/N: Look no angst!!!! It'll reappear on next chapter along with 'the talk".

TOUCHED

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 00:40:13 GMT

Current writing theme: Imogen Heap-Have You Got It In You?

I've been working on an original work. Keep in mind that it's still rough and probably have a lot of numerous mistakes including typos and grammar. I do have a beta reader, but currently she's traveling...somewhere and I really need opinions.

Title: TOUCHED

Summary: Leah Curran had always known that she was different. Not only did her her family members keep disappearing on her, she also saw things.. Granted, they're really not all that scary...but disturbing nonetheless.

But her mother, who went missing when she was nine years old from a locked bedroom of all places, was clear on the Rules;

1. Don't attract attention. Stay low, keep cool and avoid any kind of attention.
2. Ignore. Ignore. Avoid.
3. Never, ever show them that you see them.

She did that easily enough for seven years...until summer break ended and a new boy came to town.

CHAPTER FIVE: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

My heart tripped when he stopped chewing and really looked at me. For a few seconds, all I could see were his eyes, time seemed to slow and everything else were only smudges of dull moving color. I felt weightless and dizzy, and disconnected. I couldn’t feel the floor I was standing on, the tray that I was holding. It was like I was cut adrift and floating into space.

My brain buzzed loudly.

Read more:

http://leahcurran.livejournal.com/

The Passing Years chapter 30; Unanswered

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 00:18:22 GMT

30. Unanswered

Chapter theme: The Fray-Unsaid

And not to say a thing tonight but suffice it to say, you're leaving things unsaid

We sing ourselves to sleep/Watching the day lie down instead

Jacob felt tingly.

He always did after a hunt, and most nights he’d be after a good run like Seth, Colin and Brady but right now, all he wanted to do was to get home.

To Bella.

The scent of damp earth and greens erupted in the air as he pawed the ground and in a small part of his mind, his pack whispered in and out. Sam was making his way to Emily’s while Jared was itching to get to Kim. Jacob’s muzzle pulled back in a smile when he realized that Embry was actually thinking about their ledgers, Paul was thinking about food and Quil was still spitting and gagging over the taste of vampire.

God, they don’t taste any better, he griped in their minds.

They heard Colin sighed in the far distance, they gave up way too easily, there’s no charge anymore. No excitement.

A spatter of laughter rippled in their minds, did you see the look on the blond one’s face? It was like we were his nightmare came to life. Paul chortled and supplied them with the image of said vampire blonde’s face.

Jacob let them laugh and discuss the hunt, let them ride the high but he was busy with his own thoughts.

Somewhere between tearing one vampire after another, it dawned on him that for the last couple of years, Bella lived a normal life.

No vampires, no werewolves, nor any other kind of mythical creature but some critters she found in some deep, dark corner of her café.

She led a normal life, an ordinary life where her problems started and ended with her café and fending off her mother’s worries but now, here she was again, playing in the dark and rushing off somewhere because it wasn’t safe.

He felt a twinge of guilt over that.

Tonight, he was a bit more vicious than usual because he had something really important that he wanted to protect. Most nights, he just wanted to kill as many vampires as he could find but tonight, realizing that Bella was out in the open, fear threaded with the thrill of the hunt and made his claws faster, his canines sharper.

No vampire was going to get Bella, not while he was around. He guessed the best thing to do was for him to leave Bella to her normal life and not drag her back into his action packed one but… he couldn’t be sure that he could ever be so…magnanimous.

He had the right to be a little selfish, hadn’t he? And it wasn’t like Bella didn’t want to be in his life, right?

He smiled as he remembered how she had look tonight, weak and breathless from laughter, her cheeks pink with excitement and the cold. Looking at her, laughing herself silly as she lied there in the grass, unconcerned, unafraid, he couldn’t help but think how she suited him, how she suited his life. It reminded him of her surprising rebellious attitude that reared its stubborn head every once in a while.

Bella broke easily, sure, he rolled his eyes remembering their numerous visits to the ER, but that never stopped her from doing anything she wanted, like hang around vampires and werewolves and ride motorcycles.

Bella Swan of the somber eyes, the too serious expression and tentative smiles.

God, how he loved her.

He stopped to phase and dress, Jared, Quil and Embry followed.

“Race you to your house.” Quil slapped Jacob’s shoulders and hooted. “Last one to the house is a rotten werewolf.”

Embry sniggered. “A rotten werewolf? Geez.” But he took off after Quil like a bullet. Jacob sighed. “How old are you guys, again?”

Embry responded with shouldering Quil out of the way but both protested when Jared sailed smoothly between them.

“Do you really want to get between me and Kim?” Jared eyed both Embry and Quil who immediately stood aside making mocking fearful noises.

“Imprinted wolves are the worse.” Embry complained.

Quil rolled his eyes at him. “Wait your turn and you’ll see.”

“Move away, you two. Alpha passing through.” Jacob shoved them out of his way.

“I cannot believe you played the Alpha card on us, dude.” Quil bitched but slowed his run. “I gotta go anyway.”

“Gonna check on, Claire?”

Quil shrugged his broad shoulders and pointed two thumbs at his chest. “Imprinted.” He said shortly before breaking off to the right with a short wave.

Jacob ran in silence before sliding a look at Embry. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Embry eyed him. “Quil’s right, you know. There’s a chance that we’ll all imprint.”

Jacob remained silent but scowled at his friend.

“I’m just saying.”

The mention of imprinting only made him more anxious to get home and when the woods opened up and showed him the soft, warm glow of his house, his heart twisted.

The minute he saw Rachel and Leah’s face, he knew something was wrong. When he saw the guilty expression on Kim’s, he was certain of it but before he could say anything, the door opened and his heart jumped up to his throat.

Something clawed inside himself when Bella shuffled out to the back porch and joined the other girls as if she had done it a million times before.

Her eyes searched the darkness and he knew she was searching for him. He struggled against the painful throb in his chest when Bella took two steps forward and focused her eyes on him.

Dawn streaked the sky but it was still dark to her human eyes when he could see her as clear as day, and his heart stuttered as it struck him forcefully that Bella was right in front of him.

She was in his back porch, waiting for him.

Later he would remember that her eyes were red, that she was holding herself funny as if something hurt inside but right then and there, he was overwhelmed by the look of her, by how her lips curved as she smiled at him. He was staggered that when he reached her, she looked him straight in the eyes and whispered, ‘welcome home’.

His tongue stuck in his throat and his knees felt weak with the jumbled emotions that warred inside him.

Bella was really here, she was home, she was safe and after all this time, she still loved him.

He knew his reaction was stupid and irrational since he knew all of this already but…it was as if his brain was only now able to process it.

Speechless, Jacob could only respond with touching the tips of his fingers against the soft curve of her cheek but something in the way she turned her face into his palm, in the way she leaned perceivably closer made him gather her close and pulled her into his arms. The angles and dips of their bodies locking against each other like two pieces of puzzle. Her cheek on his chest, his arms around her shoulders, palms pressed on the space between her shoulder blades.

And she clung to him, her arms went around his waist in a somewhat desperate, almost fierce motion, her palms fluttered on his naked back like fragile wings.

He could tell himself it had something to do with what he was thinking before, that she was no longer used to the danger and that she was only worried for him but he spotted the looks between Rachel, Leah and Kim.

He brushed a hand along Bella’s hair and spoke softly into her ear. “Let me clean up and change and I’ll take you home.”

She nodded against his chest and with what looked like great effort, pulled herself away.

Pushing against the sudden panic that skittered up and down his spine at the way she cradled her arms around herself, he sent a look to the three other girls and walked inside.

He’ll talk to them later.

They had to wait for Seth to arrive with his car and Jake couldn’t help but notice the distance she took from the girls, the way she stuck to his side, the little flicks of glances that she sent him.

But the ride back to Charlie’s house was silent though filled with unanswered questions. He wanted very much to launch into interrogation mode but the thoughtful look on her face, the way her fingers played with her bracelet told him that she was still mulling things over inside her head. He knew that she’d tell him sooner or later.

She always did. Eventually.

Besides, he could guess what it was that the girls told her and it was his own fault really, they’ve been pressuring him to talk to Bella, to tell her but really, how could he?

It’d be like he was begging for sympathy, emotionally black mailing her to be with him and that was just something he wouldn’t do. At least, not right now, he amended when he remembered a particular scene in their past, of adrenalin pumping under his skin and of challenging words and hard open mouth kisses.

He wasn’t that desperate. Yet.

He looked at her when Bella reached out for his hand and gripped it tightly, not letting go.

In the darkness of the car, he could see the uncertainty bloomed inside her brown eyes when he parked in the driveway behind Charlie’s truck.

And she still hadn’t let go of his hand.

“Bella, honey?”

She blinked at him and finally let go of his hand. One finger at a time. “Right. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Their eyes met and hers focused on his intensely before sliding away. He solved that problem by putting his fingers on her chin and pulling at it gently until she looked his way. “Do you want to see me tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

He smiled at the slightly surprise matter-of-fact tone in her voice and leaned over to give her a kiss that stretched to two then three. His heart inflated inside his chest when she sighed into his mouth and held his face between her palms. “I’ve missed you, Jake.” She murmured against his lips. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Then his heart simply exploded when her hands slid over his shoulders and around him, tucking her face against his neck and held him tighter, closer.

Worry niggled at the back of his mind but he kissed her temple, rubbed her back.

“Jake.” Her breath was warm on his neck. “Will you stay?”

Jacob knew there was more to the question than the simple word for word meaning, but he answered in kind. “Of course.”

So, Jacob followed Bella inside and up to her bedroom. He took off his long sleeved jersey—leaving him in a pristine white T shirt and jeans—toed off his shoes and bundled his socks into it and got into bed. When Bella got out of her bathroom—her face washed, her tooth brushed and changed into jammies--she slipped beside him and under the covers.

Without hesitation, she shuffled closer to him and curved herself against his side, her arms gripping tightly the soft material of his T shirt. Jacob couldn’t ignore the way she closed her eyes tightly and the little wrinkles forming on her forehead.

“Bells—“

She pressed her face against his chest, “Sleep.”

He brushed her hair away from her face, his fingers soothing the wrinkles on her forehead. “All right. Go to sleep, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her arms tightened around him, her legs tangled with his and her breath evened out.

Jacob lied awake until the sun set the sky ablaze.

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 17:50:04 GMT

TOUCHED chapter 3; Murphy's Law in my other site.

If she did that and kept her head low, what could possibly go wrong?

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 14:25:12 GMT

I just made a site for my original work side project. Check it out please...it's just a few chapters in...:It's like a mix between mortal instruments, constantine and all around goodness...I hope...

TOUCHED

Where words are powerful

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:33:07 GMT

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

post this in your blog if you think Homophobia is wrong.

chapter 29;obstacles

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:27:07 GMT

There was a sharp sting on her cheek, and light flooded her eyes once again. “Ow.”

Rachel’s voice was even when she said, “For God’s sake. Don’t faint on me.”

Bella heard a snicker and knew it was Leah. She also heard a soft murmuring protest and knew it was Kim.

She should’ve known that Rachel helping her out would be too good to be true. Besides, why the hell would she?

Considering the situation, she had the right to dangle her from a tree by the ankles for stray vampires to chew on. She blinked tears away from her eyes and saw Rachel frowning at her like she was a misbehaving child.

Her stomach still churned, and she still felt sick with guiltguiltguilt, but the world was steady once more.

Her left cheek stung.

“If she faints again, can I slap her?” Leah asked Rachel hopefully. Jacob’s sister scowled at her, but scowled even deeper at Bella.

“No one is slapping anyone.” Rachel’s no-nonsense voice seemed loud and way too hard. “Leah, stop being such a bitch.”

“Can’t. It’s in my genes.”

Kim snickered, but quickly pressed her lips together when Rachel rolled her eyes. “Jake’s a grown man, let him make his own choices.”

Bella, still a little dizzy, wiped her eyes and caught the look Rachel gave her.

“Let him make his own mistakes.”

Oh, ouch.

“And you.” Rachel speared an accusing finger at her. “Get over yourself. Leah embellished the story a little. It was true that he was caught off guard, so he froze for a second. Unfortunately, a second was all the vampire needed to rip at him, but that didn’t mean he just lay there, willing himself to die. It takes more than you to get Jake down, so don’t go on thinking you drove him to suicide or something.” Rachel grimaced in distaste. “We of all people are not weak.”

Bella winced when she caught the look of amused disdain from Leah’s face that seemed to say, “We’re not, but you are.”

Rachel sighed deeply and crossed her arms in front of her chest, those dark eyes—so like Jacob’s—taking her in. “After that being said, I don’t like you, Swan, and I probably never will. Something about you grates on my nerves. Maybe it’s because you never seem to know what you want, while most of it is because you broke my little brother’s heart.” She narrowed her eyes at her, and Bella couldn’t help but straighten her back. Rachel shrugged. “But that couldn’t be helped, since you already made it clear that you were in love with the freakin’ vampire and, in fact, were ready to marry him. It was his own damn fault for not being able to let you go.”

Bella stared at Rachel in amazement, but closed her mouth when her eyes flashed back to hers.

“But now you’re here. You sauntered into his life again out of your own choice.” Rachel’s eyes flashed, and to Bella, she seemed taller somehow. “So, I’m warning you, Swan, if you break my little brother’s heart again, you better make it clean and fast, and you better not come back here again after that, or so help me, wolves and vampires will be the least of your concerns. Do you hear me?”

Bella nodded. Slowly. Her innards rioted even with that movement.

“Indicate that you hear me.”

“I hear you.”

Rachel kept watching her with sharp eyes before finally nodding and flicking a disinterested hand in her direction. “Go, before you barf on Jacob’s bed.”

Jacob’s bed and room was a blur before her eyes as she rushed to the bathroom, dropped to her knees before the toilet bowl and hurled, accompanied by Leah’s amused laugh.

“You’re mad at me for making her faint? You slapped her and made her throw up.”

“Guys, come on. Give her space, huh?”

Spent, Bella breathed hard against the toilet bowl. This time, the gentle but strong hands were Kim’s. She held back her hair and brushed her back with firm circular strokes. She gave her a glass of water and a spare toothbrush, and clutching those two things to her chest, Bella gave a little cry.

She just couldn’t get over the fact that Jacob almost died, and she could almost imagine getting that phone call from Charlie.

She spat out the minty toothpaste and washed out her mouth, tears plopping into the bathroom sink. And would she even know how he died? Certainly no one from the pack would tell her the true story, not if he did die that way. They would tell Charlie lies, and then Charlie would tell those lies to her, and she would never know the truth.

That sudden thought ripped her heart even more. She washed her face and rubbed hard with the towel that Kim gave her. She had to know. “Was that the only time?”

“What do you mean?”

Bella drew away the towel from her face and lifted damp eyes to Kim’s soft face. “Were there a lot of close calls? For Jacob? For the pack?”

Kim tilted her head, her chin-length hair brushing one side of her cheek. “They all get injured, they all get wounded. That’s what they do.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Kim put the toilet seat down and sat. “That was a one-time thing. The pack is very efficient, Bella.”

Bella wiped her face again, finding comfort in the rough texture of the towel against her raw skin.

“There’s another thing that you need to know.”

Her heart shuddered at the quiet tone of Kim’s voice, at the way Kim folded her arms on her lap. She should look ridiculous, after all, she was sitting on a toilet, but she didn’t. She looked solemn, serious, regretful but determined.

OhGodohGod, what now?

“Bella,” she started tentatively. “What will you do when Jacob imprints?”

Bella didn’t know whether to wince at the question or at the loud sound of glass breaking from somewhere in the kitchen.

Sensing another round of emotional turmoil, Bella made do and slid herself to the floor. “What?”

“What will you do when Jacob imprints?”

“When not if?”

Kim’s thick lashes swallowed her eyes when she looked down at her hands before meeting Bella’s eyes again. “It could happen. After Sam, Quil, Jared… The pack never had so many of them imprint like this before.”

Her heart shuddered again, “But the pack before Jacob’s pack was mostly made out of four or three, right? So when you think about it…the ratio is about the same, right?”

Kim nodded, slowly, as if taking that into account. “It’s possible.”

“Jake said,” Bella cleared her aching throat when her voice wobbled. “He said it won’t happen to him.”

God, she could almost hear the lost little girl inside her own voice, and when Kim’s dark eyes landed on hers with that soft understanding look on her face, she felt…all sorts of stupid.

What would she do if Jacob imprinted?

How would she feel seeing Jacob with another girl?

Heartbroken. Sick. Desperate.

Just imagining it made a part of her die a slow, painful death.

Seeing, knowing Jacob would wrap himself around another girl, building his world around her. Seeing that absolute loving expression that Sam always wore around Emily…

Bella couldn’t be sure that she wouldn’t drive herself a little bit crazy.

Would I be like Leah? She wondered. Bitter and angry and lost?

Would it feel like when Edward left?

She jerked away when a warm hand reached hers.

Kim looked at her with a worried expression. “You weren’t breathing.”

And now that Bella noticed her chest was aching, she sucked in a breath and leaned against the closet below the sink.

Kim stood and reached out her hand. “Maybe we should get you off the floor. Come on.”

Bella settled into Jacob’s bed, and Kim wrapped a bright blanket in Quileute colors around her shoulders. Rachel and Leah were nowhere to be seen.

Kim didn’t look surprised that they took off, considering the topic and Leah’s sensitive ears.

The house was quiet except for the occasional creaking and Billy’s soft snore. When Bella settled back on the pillows, she realized that Jacob’s room was roomier than the last time she was here; in fact, it was a vast improvement. And like the room in JEQ, the walls were lined with books and wood carvings.

“It helps with his control.” Kim offered when she noticed Bella looking. “They always have to be in strict control of their tempers, and they have their own methods. Sam fixes his house, Seth helps his mother cook, Leah takes long solitary walks, some drive around, work out, Jared takes morning swims, Jacob fiddles with engines and carves wood. It’s a sort of meditation technique.” She shifted from foot to foot.

“Your vampires, Bella, you consider them good, worthy, because they gave up human blood.”

Bella nodded, her eyes still on the rows and rows of carvings, she even spotted a half-done one, as if he left it there to finish later.

“But they lose control of themselves once or twice, don’t they?”

She tried not to get defensive, but lost the battle. “It’s hard, what they do—”

“What Jacob and the pack do every day, every single second of their lives, is also hard.” Kim reprimanded her softly. “And they can’t afford to lose control.”

Bella’s eyes flickered to Kim’s. “Your vampires, they’re solitary, they live in recluse. Yes, they mingle with humans, but they don’t have roots in the community. We do, we live among humans, we have friends, family, cousins and relations. We have a place, a status in the reservation, in Forks. They know us, they trust us. If something bad happens, if one of them lost even a minute of that tight control, what do you think would happen?”

Bella swallowed, picturing a rampaging werewolf in the tight, cloistered reservation, along with Emily’s ravaged face.

“We can’t just move, we can’t just sweep it under the carpet, we can’t go away and hope everyone would forget it.” Kim’s soft face settled into an expression that Bella had never seen before. “The pack could never really let go, never really be free, unless amongst themselves. They live their lives as if they are always under close scrutiny, and they can never, ever slip.” She brushed her hair away from her face. “They have it hard, too, Bella. They just never show it.”

As if restless, Kim paced across the room, touching a finger to one carving after another. “So, we who know their secret, we try to make it easier for them, to give them space, room to stretch—”

Bella frowned, not understanding the implication, the jump of topics, and Kim’s odd choice of words. “I don’t understand.”

Kim sighed. “Don’t you see, Bella? They’re trapped here, and imprinting is just another bar in the cage.”

Bella stared at Kim in shock. “But, but—”

Kim plopped herself on the edge of the bed. “Of course, Sam doesn’t feel that way. Or Jared or Quil for that matter. They’re happy and content, but that’s how the imprinting functions.”

“I love Jared and he loves me.” Kim bit her perfectly curved lips. “But, what everyone tried to ignore was, if it wasn’t for imprinting, Jared would probably never have noticed me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

Kim gave a little smile. “Yes, it is. We’ve known each other forever, I think we’re cousins seventh removed or something, we sat next to each other in several classes, but it wasn’t until he started to phase that he saw me.” She gave a chiding look when Bella made protesting noises. “I try not to lie to myself, Bella.”

Bella didn’t know what to say, so she clamped her lips together, even when Kim gave a small shake of her head.

“The pack might be wary of imprinting, but once they do imprint, they…they’re happy.” Kim eyed her face in a disturbingly knowing way. “Jacob calls it the werewolf brainwash.”

Bella winced.

“Did Jacob explain about imprinting?”

Bella shrugged, wanting out of the conversation.

“It’s the wolf’s way of ensuring superpups.”

Bella sucked in a breath. “What?”

Kim burst into laughter. “Oh, Bella. Your face. Priceless.” She waved a hand as she settled down to giggles. She grinned. “It’s the same with us humans, you know.”

“How?”

“The science of attraction is that we are attracted to other people that have a higher immune system than ours, right? It’s basically the same thing. You noticed that the girls are all Quileute, right?”

Bella thought back and nodded.

“The wolf inside them detects who would have the higher chance of preserving the werewolf genetic trait and wham. Instant soul mate.”

Bella eyed Kim and wondered why she didn’t look distressed or upset.

“I’m happy, Bella. Jared’s happy. I might have felt disappointed at first and guilty even, but let me tell you, they’re not easy to live with either.”

Intrigued, Bella forgot all about her dismay and guilt, even her roiling stomach. “What do you mean?”

“Other girls worry about their boyfriends cheating or getting restless or going into strip bars.” Kim rolled her eyes. “I never have to worry about that, but in exchange, I have to worry about him getting angry in public places, or his territorial streak, or every time he gets a call at night and slips out the door. Plus, there’s the laundry.”

Bella blinked. “The laundry?”

“They sweat alot. Especially in the winter, because they have to cover themselves up like normal people, and you know what a bitch it is to do laundry in winter. And I won’t even start about the mud and dirt that they track on the floor whenever they come home. Have you ever seen their feet after? Disgusting. And then there’s the food.”

Bella nodded, she understood about the food, having to cook once in a while for the pack.

“And if they get cooped up one minute too long, they get antsy and snarly and really, really annoying. And in the summer, having them around you is a chore. They’re just so hot.” Kim gave Bella an impish smile. “In more ways than one.”

Bella’s mouth quirked up, before she was reminded of what they were talking about. “Is imprinting so absolute, then?”

Kim smiled, slow and a little bit sad. “Yes. It’s elemental, Bella. Basic. It’s right up there with instinct. When—if Jacob imprints, considering he is also Alpha, his blood is the strongest, the thickest, the imprinting would hit him harder than anyone else.”

Bella swallowed, trying to wet her throat, but her mouth was dry. “So, you’re saying that it would be better for me to…leave?”

“No, I’m not saying it would be better. Easier, yes. And for Jacob, too.”

Kim must have seen the confusion on her face, because Kim continued. “Of all the pack members, Jacob was the most determined to fight back against the genetic control. He hated imprinting. The minute he went Alpha, he pushed Seth, Colin and Brady to go to college, to get work outside the rez, to, well, to have a life outside of the pack and the ‘werewolf crap’ as he put it.” Kim sighed. “If he imprinted, he would fight against it, especially with you here. He wouldn’t stand for it. He couldn’t live with having the imprinting control him. He couldn’t deal with losing you all over again.”

“But I thought once you imprinted, you stopped loving anyone else. Wasn’t that what happened to Sam and…Leah?” Bella lowered her voice on Leah’s name and looked around anxiously.

Kim smiled softly. “Did you stop loving Jacob when Edward came back?”

Maybe it was the question. Maybe it was Edward’s name out of Kim’s mouth. Maybe it was just the whole strange situation, but Bella’s brain simply froze. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”

Kim stood again, and like before, she strolled towards the shelves and plucked four carvings, then handed one to Bella.

It was a wolf, made out of a brown reddish color that almost matched Jacob’s fur. The wood was warm and smooth to the touch, and it was so beautiful, it made her eyes sting. The wolf was standing on all fours on a cliff, its eyes looking far ahead as if it was trying to see something. Waiting. Expectant. She ran her fingers over the minute, detailed surface, imagining Jacob’s hands carving, cutting, rubbing, smoothing. “It’s beautiful.”

“Look at the bottom.”

She blinked; her eyes flickered to Kim’s before flipping the carving over. What she saw made her heart catch in her throat.

September 13th 2012

“My birthday…”

Kim handed another one, and her heart dove into her stomach at the sight of the second carving. It showed a girl with long hair, her back against a wolf’s side, a book in her hand. The wolf’s body curved around her, its head propped on its folded front paws. It showed safety, contentment and simple pleasures. This time, she didn’t need Kim to tell her to flip it over.

September 13th 2009

Bella’s hand stretched for the third carving, which featured the same girl and wolf standing side by side on a cliff, her hand lost in the wolf’s fur, her shoulders straight. Her posture spoke of pride and strength.

September 13th 2010

The fourth spoke of peace, of comfort, of protectiveness, with the girl sleeping on her side, half her body propped against the wolf, which surrounded her with its body, its nose touching the forehead of the girl in a kiss.

September 13th 2011

She leaned back when Kim made a move to take the carvings. “I think it’s supposed to be like this.” Kim shifted the carvings one by one according to the year it was made.

The wolf and the girl with the book.

The wolf and the girl standing on a cliff.

The wolf and the sleeping girl.

The wolf on the cliff, alone.

Kim’s eyes were sad when she set the single wolf at the end of the line. “He didn’t know if you were dead or alive, but he celebrated your birthday, remembered your age.”

Bella’s chest was heavy, her throat, her eyes, her face ached, and her trembling hands hovered over the carvings, but couldn’t seem to touch them.

“He would never leave you.” Kim whispered softly. “Even if he imprinted, he would never leave you. He would fight it, strain against it, and when he did, it would destroy him.”

A/n: Oh, now I'm depressed. Bella's birthday is on the 19th of September right? Or did I get that wrong? Hah, I've been told that her birthday is on the 13th. Thanks for that!!

General Mix; of soft sighs and delicate dreams

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 19:31:21 GMT

Natalie Walker-No one Else

Butterflies
Gravity pulls me into
Anticipate our first touch
Sweet and so new
Let's figure out how to make this forever
Oh this is making me crazy

Hey love I am at the point of no restraint
Let's just make a move and feel the earth quake

It's just you and me
and no one else
It's just you and me
you and me

Slowly now
We shouldn't let this go too fast
Bring me out of this shell
Take off my mask
This is us intertwined and on fire
I cannot stop
I'm consumed with desire

City and Colour-Sometimes (I Wish)

If I was a simple man, 
Would we still walk hand in hand?
And if I suddenly went blind, 
Would you still look in my eyes?
What happens when I grow old?
And all my stories have been told?
Will your heart still race for me?
Or will it march to a new beat?
If I was a simple man

If I was a simple man,
I'd own no home, I'd own no land
Would you still stand by my side?
And would our flame still burn so bright?

Sometimes I wonder why,
I'm so full of these endless rhymes
About the way I feel inside
I wish I could just get it right

If I was a simple man
And I could make you understand
There'd be no reason to think twice
You'd be my sun; you'd be my light
If I was a simple man...
If I was a simple man...

Sometimes I wonder why
I'm so full of these endless rhymes
About the way I feel inside
I wish...
Sometimes..

Bell X1-Light Catches Your Face

A dog-eared dispirin
in your handbag
A gathering of crumbs
and twenty fags
I'd steal some chewing gum, a few stray coins
I'm sure you noticed but didn't much mind

And so it goes

Here I am in the condiment aisle
I'm worried about my basil from Israel and New World wine
I need to lose these poses
reset my charms
to when I left the factory in your arms

And so it goes

The words on the page start to swim
As the light catches your face and your smiling
This must be what all the fuss is about

You're trying to talk to me, all grateful and smiles
I'm glued to the T.V. giving one word replies
It's small and shameful, its a poor show
beat myself up on the way home and go crying to my girl

And so it goes

The words on the page start to swim
As the light catches your face and you're smiling
This must be what all the fuss is about

Let's Go Sailing-Come Home Safely

Come home safely tonight.
Walk only where you see your shadow
Lit up like a little cloud.
Come home safely tonight.
I will not sleep until I hear you counting steps.
We still have time left, don't we now?
Don’t we now?
Come home safely tonight.
My heart has fallen over cracks in pavement.
Please come home safely tonight.
This cannot be our last kiss goodbye
Or time your nose is met with mine.
Not this time. Not this time.

Greg Laswell-High and Low

I'm going to see some friends from out of state 
The very trip you were supposed to take awhile ago
But it fell through like all of you
Like all of you

Thought I'd make the drive but a free plane ride is in the air
And just like that my fear of it disappeared like all of you
Like all of you

And I look high and low for yesterday
High and low for you and I
High and low

Once I can see straight I might move somewhere cold
Seattle or the Bay area
To see your ghost
What's left of you
What's left of you

And I look high and low for yesterday
High and low for you and I
High and low

Found a letter from a man I might have met
Addressed to you
And I'll steal the words he ended with
I miss you
And I do
Miss you
And I do

High and low for yesterday
High and low for you and I
High and low

REM-At My Most Beautiful

I've found a way to make you
I've found a way
a way to make you smile

I read bad poetry
into your machine
I save your messages
just to hear your voice.
you always listen carefully
to awkward rhymes.
you always say your name.
like I wouldn't know it's you,
at your most beautiful.

I've found a way to make you
I've found a way
a way to make you smile

at my most beautiful
I count your eyelashes secretly.
with every one, whisper I love you.
I let you sleep.
I know your closed eye watching me,
listening.
I thought I saw a smile.

I've found a way to make you
I've found a way
a way to make you smile

Lenka-Like A Song

I can't forget you when you're gone.
You're like a song
That goes around in my head.
And how I regret
It's been so long.
Oh, what went wrong?
Could it be something I said?
Time, make it go faster,
Or just rewind
To back when I'm wrapped in your arms

All afternoon long
It's with me
The same song
You left a light on
Inside me
My love

I can Remember
The way that it felt
To be holding on to you

Time
Make it go faster
Or just decide
To come back to my happy heart.

Elisa-Dancing

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon
My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking

No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could it burst if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists

So I just put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
My arms around you they're around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you they're on you
My eyes

Lovers-An Army of Lovers Cannot Fail

I love you, baby, but I know you don't understand

When the good lord made me, he made me sad.

The best I've felt my whole life is when I was in your hands,

But you deserve better than what I have to give.

We slept under your mother's quilt and drew pictures on paper bags,

Of birds we'd seen in Tennessee the time we lost our map.

But there's bears in the balcony in the drunken dream I had.

They climbed up there; they came for me and left only the whiskey glass.

I love you, baby, but i know you don't understand.

When the highway takes me, I ain't coming back.

The best I've slept in a long time is when I was in your bed

But tonight I'll whisper 'goodbye' as you lay there.

If they send the wolves,

I'll join the wolves and I'll return some day with my teeth sharper and my blood hotter.

I'll be the dog by your grave with a hanging tongue and a ribcage and a chewed-up tail,

Howling with my last exhale.

An army of lovers cannot fail.

Barcelona-Please Don't Go

All those arrows you threw, you threw them away
You kept falling in love, then one day
When you fell, you fell towards me
When you crashed in the clouds, you found me

Oh, please don’t go
I want you so
I can’t let go
For I lose control

Get these left handed lovers out of your way
They look hopeful but you, you should not stay
If you want me to break down and give you the keys
I can do that but I can’t let you leave

Oh, please don’t go
I want you so
I can’t let go
For I lose control

You Are the Moon Mix

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 14:57:06 GMT

In tribute for the big fat moon that is hanging on the sky in my part of the world!

The Hush Sound-You Are the Moon

Shadows all around you as you surface from the dark 
Emerging from the gentle grip of night's unfolding arms 
Darkness, darkness everywhere, do you feel all alone? 
The subtle grace of gravity, the heavy weight of stone 

You don't see what you possess, a beauty calm and clear
It floods the sky and blurs the darkness like a chandelier 
All the light that you possess is skewed by lakes and seas 
The shattered surface, so imperfect, is all that you believe 

I will bring a mirror, so silver, so exact 
So precise and so pristine, a perfect pane of glass 
I will set the mirror up to face the blackened sky 
So you can see your beauty every moment that you rise

Foo Fighters-Virginia Moon

Dearest constellation, heaven surroundin' you 
Stay there, soft and blue. Virginia Moon, I'll wait for you tonight 
Sweetest invitation, breaking the day in two 
Feelin' like I do, Virginia Moon, I'll wait for you tonight 

And now our shades become shadows in your light 
In the morning wind we're through and tomorrow rescues you, 
I will say goodnight 

Secret fascination, whisper a quiet tune 
Hear me callin' you, Virginia Moon, I'll wait for you tonight 

And now our shades become shadows in your light 
In the morning wind we're through and tomorrow rescues you, 

I will say goodnight 
Virginia Moon, I'll wait for you tonight 
And now our shades become shadows in your light 
In the morning wind we're through and tomorrow rescues you, 

I will say goodnight 
I will say goodnight 
I will say goodnight

Sia-Moon

I watch you spin from afar
I drink you in and breathe you out
I'm camouflaged by the time line
I'm camouflaged when the sun shines

Two ships passing in the night
Two lips pressed ground the tides

I believe the world
It spins for you
We will never be
I am the moon

I long to be a part
I isolate my heart
You've drawn me into your world
Now I too spin limbless

One hand clapping 
Where's the wind
I stand spanning at your distant wings

I believe the world
It spins for you
We will never be
I am the moon

I believe the world
It spins for you
We will never be
I am the moon

I believe the world
It spins for you
We will never be

Thriving Ivory-Angels on the Moon

Do you dream, that the world will know your name
So tell me your name
Do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know

Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying

The Black Ghosts-Full Moon

When the full moon turns white that's when I'll come home 
I am going out to see what I can sow 
And I don't know where I'll go 
And I don't know what I'll see 
But I'll try not to bring it back home with me 

Like the morning sun your eyes will follow me 
As you watch me wander, curse the powers that be 
Cause all I want is here and now but its already been and gone 
Our intentions always last that bit too long 

Far far away, no voices sounding, no one around me and 
you're still there 
Far far away, no choices passing, no time confounds me and you're still there 

In the full moons light I listen to the stream 
And in between the silence hear you calling me 
But I don't know where I am and I don't trust who I've been

Cassandra Wilson-Harvest Moon

Come a little bit closer
Hear what I have to say
Just like children sleeping
We could dream this night away.

But theres a full moon rising
Lets go dancing in the light
We know where the musics playing
Lets go out and feel the night.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

When we were strangers
I watched you from afar
When we were lovers
I loved you with all my heart.

But now its getting late
And the moon is climbing high
I want to celebrate
See it shining in your eye.

Because I'm still in love with you
I want to see you dance again
Because I'm still in love with you
On this harvest moon.

Brett Dennen-Just Like the Moon

I believe that you were born
during an eclipse
and the stars named you moon child
then you come, you rise in to my sky
you stepped in front of my sky and it makes my whole world dark

and you light up the night
just like the moon
just like the moon you light up the night
and sometimes, sometimes I only get a sliver of ya
but I'm hopin', I'm hopin' for a full moon tonight

laid back and I'm restless in the daytime
and I'm chased by these shadows oh thats haunting me
and then you come with nighttimes woolly blanket
and you wrap me like a child who's been in the rain too long

and you light up the night
just like the moon
just like the moon you light up the night
and sometimes, sometimes I only get a sliver of ya
but I'm hopin', I'm hopin' for a full moon tonight

oh I've chased the moon, ya know I've tried
and each time I've tried, each time I've failed
and each time I get so down on myself
and I can't stand this pace of a snail
while the rest of the world pales all the night
ya know I
know that I can probably never be the same

'cause you light up the night
just like the moon
just like the moon you light up the night
and sometimes, sometimes I only get a sliver of ya
but I'm hopin', I'm hopin' for a full moon tonight

and in the night
I can feel your love light shining bright
falling down on me like autumn leaves
tell me how am i supposed to fall asleep
and in the night
I can feel your love light shining bright
falling down on me like autumn leaves
tell me how am I supposed to fall asleep

Bap Kennedy-Moonlight Kiss

I can feel my heart
And it's fit to burst
I try to clean it up
But I just get worse

Wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss

I thought I saw your face
In the evenin' sky
On a lonesome cloud
That was driftin' by

I wish I could fall
On a night like this
Into your lovin' arms
For a moonlight kiss

You got someone else
Maybe it's for the best
Since I took the cure
For happiness

And I'd trade it all
On a night like this
For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss

For your lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss

Lovin' arms
And a moonlight kiss
Ooh, yeah

The Passing Years Fanmix; Sunsets and Silhouettes

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 11:05:50 GMT

Radio Nowhere-Bruce Springsteen

This is radio nowhere. Is there anyone alive out there?
This is radio nowhere. Is there anyone alive out there?
Is there anyone alive out there?

Bella stared at her reflection, wiping water off her face with one of the towels. Her eyes were darker than usual but other than that, she looked…well, she looked better than she thought. She rubbed a hand on her chest over the throbbing pain but she didn’t know whether to be grateful or sad or proud that she didn’t simply fold unto the floor at the thought of Edward and all that she had lost. In the past, there were days were she did, where great whopping panic attacks overwhelmed her and she welcomed it.
Today was not one of those days. Was not going to be one of those days. She’ll make sure of it.
The Passing Years chapter 20-Misconceptions

Still-Mat Nathanson

“Still can feel you kiss me love, still can see your brown skin shine, still can feel you kiss me love, come on drive me wild…”

Jacob resurfaced from an enthusiastic dunking by Quil and Seth, laughing; water slid against his tight reddish skin, across the broadness of his shoulders, dripped from the bead necklace that she gave to flow on muscles and sinew and path a way against the angles and clefts of his naked chest to pool on the top of the beach shorts that hung low at his hips. Drops of water caught and reflected the burning shades of the dying sun across the horizon; highlighting and strengthening the beautiful color of his skin, casting him in a silhouette of bone and muscle.

Bella watched as Jacob raised his hands to slick his hair back, enhancing the sharpness of his cheekbones and the depth of his dark eyes. She watched the slow, liquid gesture that drew attention to the powerful lines of his body, the flow of muscles on his back, his tightness of his abs, his shoulders, his arms and finally, his undeniably pretty chest.

Bella’s mouth dried.

When Jacob’s wide and even lips curved into a slow, wicked smile, she sucked in a breath at the sudden onslaught of sense memory of how those lips felt on her mouth, on her skin.
The Passing Years chapter 14-Funny Business

Ache-James Carrington

“Have I told you I ache for you?”

“...but you were an aching, open wound inside me, Bells, and it didn't hurt less through the years. Time didn’t heal me...it did nothing but pass.”
The Passing Years chapter 21-The Bitter Truth

Always Attract-you me at six

“You've taken me to the top and let me fall back south/ You've had me at the top of the pile and then had me kissing the ground/We've heard and seen it all, no one's talked us out/The problems that have come haven't yet torn us down”

“You know why I take so much crap from you?”
She stared, that was the only thing she could do at this point.
“Because I know that you love me back. I forgive you for not telling me and for saying that you regret loving me and all the unnecessary pain you put us through because I know just how much you love me.”
The Passing Years chapter 21-The Bitter Truth

Blush-Aly & Aj

“Go ahead and say it, if you must make me blush”

“Why do you always have to step over the lines, Jacob?”
“Because, Bella, honey, you keep moving them.”
The Passing Years chapter 22-The Sweetest Conclusion

Brightest-Copeland

“All I know is she warms my heart and know all of my imperfections are”

“I love her. I loved her when I was sixteen and every year since then. It doesn’t matter where she is or who she’s with or whether she loves me back or not.” He shrugged. “I love her.”
The Passing Years chapter 24-The Second between Breaths part 01

When I See You Smile-Bic Runga

“When I see you smile, it feels like I’m falling…”

He leaned over the counter where she was standing behind, using his dark eyes and that bright smile to his greatest advantage. She wondered whether he knew what it did to her. “Come on, Bells. You know you want too.” He grinned slyly. “I brought an extra helmet.”

The next thing she knew, she was wearing his leather jacket and soaring through the open morning road with her arms around the scalding heat of his waist.
The Passing Years chapter 7-Familiar Landscapes

Ocean Wide-The Afters

“If love is an ocean wide we'll swim in the tears we cried, they'll see us through to the other side”

The smoke from their coffee cup swirled silently between them in a slow, seductive dance.“That’s what makes it so hard.” Jacob met her solemn, vulnerable eyes and waited, waited until she blinked once, twice. Why, he didn’t know, he just wanted to see her blink, but instead he saw her as she was that night; soft, warm, trusting in the curve of his arms. “That it didn’t feel wrong.”His voice was soft and matter of fact but she felt the impact of each word like a sledgehammer beating away at her heart.
“It doesn’t, does it? It never felt wrong.”
Jacob and Bella stared at each other, totally at loss about what to do with each other but were secure in the knowledge that they were in it together. When Jacob flipped his hand palm up on the table, Bella slid her palm against his.
Their fingers twisted, threaded, squeezed and held on.
The Passing Years chapter 12-Tangled

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room-John Mayer

“No one’s gonna come and save you, we’ve pulled to many false alarms.”

Her eyes fluttered open, they looked almost as dark as his in the warm glow of the night lamp by her bed. They exchanged a sad yet resigned kind of smile that spoke of everything they had gone through, together and apart. Bella released his hair and touched his cheek and left it there in a disturbingly familiar kind of gesture that reminded them of the twist and oddity of one’s fate. Her touch, the dark depth of her eyes also told him in a rush of simple yet extraordinary unspoken words; I love, love, love you.
Bella and Jacob kept their eyes on each other until they slowly slid close on their own.
The Passing Years chapter 11-Heat

Waterfall-Gavin Degraw

“Live by me, stand next to me/You’re lovely, let nobody else see and the tide is calling/ Shadows slowly falling/Waterfall, loving me.”

She was so busy with gathering questions and thoughts that she didn’t realize that she was absently brushing a hand over the length of his arm that was slung on her waist, sliding her fingers against the sleek, long muscle there, playing with the corded veins under the skin, relishing his warmth and the feel of his smooth skin, lacing their fingers and pressing against the calluses at his palm and fingertips. She breathed in the sun in his silky black hair, the trees and grass from his skin and waft of musk that was wolf and Jacob, unknowingly wrapping his scent and the feel of him around her and cataloging them in her mind under; love, comfort,home,Jacob.
The Passing Years chapter 18-Connection

Truly Madly Deeply-Ray La Montagne (Instrumental)

How do I feel? She repeated inside her mind, her eyes glued to his. The look inside those two deep eyes made her all too aware of the heat, the roughness of the fingers on her chin, that he was holding her within that shivering distance while the silence stretched on and on and on. Being so near, she could count his eyelashes if she wished, the thought brought her eyes to linger and wander to the tangle of black hair that framed his face, curled against his shoulders. They shifted to the wide angles of his cheekbones, that wide firm mouth, the stubborn and hard lines that formed his jaw. What she saw wasn't just a handsome face but a familiar one, a beloved one, a face that had burned itself into a corner of her memory where whispers of Jacob, my Jacob played over and over again.
The Passing Years chapter 22-The Sweetest Conclusion

I'm Yours-The Script

I may not have the softest touch/I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much, I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough, I never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much, I'm yours.

“You gave him a chance. Twice. So give me mine. Love me, no holding back this time.”
The Passing Years chapter 22-The Sweetest Conclusion

Just You and Me, The Invincible Two

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 15:06:18 GMT

Just You and Me. the Invincible Two

Blue October-Everlasting Friend

But delay the mourn for words of complicated overcast
Please take the message that you taught me how to live at last
But I said my confidence it gets stronger when you're next to me
But we wave respect goodbye in quest for what we long to be

The All American Rejects-Monalisa (When the World Comes Down)

You can sit beside me when the world comes down,
If it doesn't matter, then just turn around.
We don't need our bags and we can just leave town.
You can sit beside me when the world comes down.

Sammy Hagar-Loud

Well, I live my life at full volume
I live my life cranked to ten
The needle's in the red again

Racoon-Never Alone

You and I we don’t tell each other lies
We don’t dress up in disguise
We don’t hold back on the whys
Guess we’re two of a kind
On our own
I won't walk out, I won't leave you all on your own
I won’t leave you be
No, you’ll never walk alone

Barenaked Ladies-Call and Answer

And if you call, I will answer
And if you fall, I’ll pick you up
And if you cause this disaster
I’ll point you home

Lenka-Don't Let Me Fall

Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Here's a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Here's a hand to hold on to

Mayday Parade-I'll Be the Wings that Keep Your Heart in the Clouds (You Be the Anchor that Keeps My Feet on the Ground)

As hours move to minutes
And minutes take longer to break
I will be desperately awaiting
But my tongue won't fall apart
And we've been sitting here for hours
All alone and in the dark
So let me think of to word it
Is it too soon to say 'perfect'?

The Hush Sound-Honey

Always turning back to you
'til you never let me down
Loving your illusions
Staring at a crooked crown

Jars of Clay-Headphones

I don’t have to hear it, if I don’t want to I can drown this out,  pull the curtains down on you
It’s a heavy world, it’s too much for me to care
If I close my eyes, it’s not there
With my headphones on, with my headphones on
With my headphones on, with my headphones on

Aqualung-Brighter than Sunshine

I never saw it happening, I'd given up and given in 
I just couldn't take the hurt again 
What a feeling 
I didn't have the strength to fight 
suddenly you seemed so right 
Me and you, what a feeling

Jesse Harris-The Secret Sun

We were once the only ones
Who knew of the secret sun
Shining down where no one goes
In a place that no one knows
And time won’t move at all

The Afters-Until the World Ends

Until the world won't turn
'Til the planets burn
Until the sun dies
I'll be there

General fanmix-With My Eyes Closed

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 16:47:41 GMT

General Fanmix- With My Eyes Closed

Just one of those songs that you listen with your eyes closed and it's raining outside...

Dar Williams-The Beauty of the Rain

And there's nothing wrong but there is something more 
And sometimes you wonder what you love her for 
She says you've known her deepest fears 
'Cause she showed you a box of stained-glass tears

Aqualung-Tongue-tied

I'm tongue tied, waiting, hoping and praying, lying beside you, longing to touch you
but this feels like the end

Amos Lee-Arms of a Woman

I am at ease in the arms of a woman although now most of my days are spent alone 
A thousand miles from the place I was born but when she wakes me  She takes me back home   Neverending White Lights-I Hope Your Heart Runs Empty

Stole a look away from your eyes
Stole a look and finally paid your price
Tethered fresh, trampled thoughts, look for me
Look at this face, everywhere there's new mistakes
And underneath it all, takes its toll, grudgingly  But with you in here, everything seems OK
 
Greg Laswell-And Then You

And how my dreams they spin me round And how my dreams they let me down
And how my thoughts they spin me round
And how my thoughts they let me down
...and then, there's you 

Jose Gonzales-Hearbeats
 
Ten days of perfect tunes 
The colours - red and blue.
We had a promise made 
We were in love 

Eastmountainsouth-So Are You to Me

As the music at the banquet.  As the wine before the meal
As the firelight in the night
so are you to me  
The Honey Trees-Wake the Earth

...to find I love you still

Iron and Wine-Fever Dream

Some days her shape in the doorway will speak to me 
A bird’s wing on the window 
Sometimes I’ll hear when she’s sleeping 
Her fever dream--a language on her face

The Cardigans-Carnival (Puck Version)

I hear sounds of lovers, barrel organs, mothers
I would like to take you down there
Just to make you mine in a merry-go-round
I will never know 'cause you will never show

Bic Runga-When I See You Smile

When I see you smile first thing in the morning
It raises curtains on your lazy eyes
Could it be that you and I have the greatest love to ever be?
It's not for anybody else to know... 

Maxwell-Whenever Wherever Whatever

Lead me on if you must, take my heart and my love
Take of me all that you want
And if there's a thing that you need
I'd give you the breath that I breathe, if ever you yearn for the love in me
Whenever, wherever, whatever

Jason Wade-You Belong to Me
 Just remember till you're home again... ...you belong to me

The Passing Years chapter 28; an unkindness

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 13:32:53 GMT

Bella knew they were just as worried—if not more—as her but they sure weren’t showing it. From Kim she knew Colin and Brady would be patrolling the rez’s lines. Every thirty minutes, Leah got out of Jacob’s house and strolled into the dark, sniffing the air before coming in again.

Four or more vampires, she thought, against six werewolves.

She knew the werewolves were strong but she remembered The Cullens, James, Laurent and Victoria then there was The Volturi and the newborns.

For all she knew of the werewolves durability and power, they were still human to her while the vampires—truth be told—were not.

Yes, some of them were good and she hoped these trespassing vampires have golden eyes rather than red or black…she did mention the difference of their eye colors to Jacob once, didn’t she?

Although, she had no idea what the vampires would think of the werewolves and how they would react to giant mutant wolves that could kill them. Vegetarian or not, vampires were a territorial and aggressive lot.

The thought lodged in her brain and wouldn’t go away but Leah wasn’t here yet, and she wasn’t sure…her eyes dropped to Rachel who was smacking the hell out of the old TV when another thought latched onto her brain, how did Rachel know about the werewolves anyway? Did Jacob tell her sister like he once told her? Or did she get special dispensation because she was family of one of the elders? Like Sue had?

She distracted herself from the churning of her stomach with compiling questions for Jacob when her eyes shifted to Kim who was busying herself with washing dishes though now she was gazing into space, one soapy hand touching her left cheek...

…where Jared laid his fingers before phasing and following Sam.

She felt her stomach twist when Kim blinked, folded her lips into a straight line and straightened her shoulders before continued with the dishes.

In the line of her shoulders and spine, she saw strength and pride that she couldn’t help but admire. Shy, silent Kim, keeping her head up despite the sickly fear that weighed her down. This is what they have to deal with again and again, agonizing fear and mind numbing worry, trying to fill the time while they wait for their guys to come home.

She wondered about Emily who was pregnant and hoped that she wasn’t alone.

Jacob’s front door opened and in entered Leah, her eyes focused, her movements precise and even though there was a tightness around her eyes and her shoulders, she made a show of haranguing Kim for something to eat and telling off Rachel to ‘stop hammering the damn TV’ before she folded onto one of the ragged yet comfortable chairs beside the couch she was on. A scowl on her face before focusing on what Bella held in her hands.

“What’s that about?”

Bella cringed and mentally smacked herself for bringing her books on various pockets of her jacket. Especially these books. “Um. Nothing.”

She raised one delicate eyebrow. “Patricia Briggs. Mooncalled. Let me guess, it’s about werewolves.”

“A little bit.”

She snorted before snagging the book from the pile at her elbow. “Hey, Rach, check it out. She’s reading about werewolves.”

Bella tried to sink into the couch she was laying on when Rachel ambled toward them. “Hey, I know that one. It’s pretty good. Haven’t read the second one though.”

When Rachel and Leah shifted their eyes to her she was compelled to lift the book that she was reading, showing that it was the second series she was reading.

Rachel plopped her butt on the floor beside the couch and stared at her in a pointed manner. “You’re done with that, right?”

When she surrendered the book to Rachel’s grasp, she could hear Kim’s sympathetic laughter.

Leah slumped on her seat, straightened her legs and flipped through the pages, chuckling once or twice. Deprived of both her books, Bella ambled away to the kitchen where Kim was. “They’ll probably be hungry, don’t you think?”

Kim nodded while she rinsed dishes. “They usually are.”

After sharing an indulgent, amused look with Kim, Bella scoured the kitchen for anything that resembled food. She found a loaf of bread and decided to slice some cheese and prepare cold cuts. She saw Kim’s thoughtful look when she turned to get plates. “What?”

Kim smiled and turned off the faucet. “I’m just glad that you and Jacob are together again.”

Bella felt a twinge in the vicinity of her chest. “Oh.”

A subtle line appeared between Kim’s brows. “You are together, right?”

Bella played with the slices of cheese in her hands. “Not…not exactly. We still have a lot of…issues to go over.” And technically, it’s not like they’ve ever been ‘together’.

“Oh, you mean...” Kim flushed darkly but seemed determined. “Are you’re still… married?”

“No, no I’m not.” She shook her head and shifted her feet. She didn’t dare look over her shoulder but somehow she knew both Leah and Rachel were paying attention. “I mean, I wasn’t married in the first place.”

Kim looked taken aback. “Oh.” She blinked a few times, as if unsure how to react. “Oh. Does Jacob know?”

“Um, yes, he found out um, a couple of days ago.”

An expression came and went across Kim’s face, something that went along the lines of ‘oh, that make sense’, it made her wonder how Jacob was behaving these last few days. “So, you weren’t married but you were still together with the vampire, I mean, with…him.”

“Not really.”

Kim’s dark eyes leveled with hers, straight and silently demanding. “So, it’s over between him and you?”

She felt her heart clenched painfully and the words caught in her throat. “It looks that way.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

Bella turned to find Rachel looking at her with accusing eyes.

“I’m not. We didn’t get to talk about it…he just left.”

“And he never came back?”

“Not for a year now.”

“Jacob knows about this?”

Bella nodded and wiped her hands on a dishrag. “Yes, I told him everything.”

“Has the vampire called you or whatever?”

“No.”

“Have you tried contacting him?”

“No.”

Bella knew that this inquisition would start sooner or later but she couldn’t fight the annoyed spark that flashed and burned every time Rachel and Leah exchanged wary glances. “What?”

She knew her annoyance showed in her voice when Rachel raised an eyebrow. “Just wondering whether you’re here, with Jacob, by default.”

She tried processing that statement but, nope, she couldn’t. She gaped at Rachel, at Leah. “What are you saying? That I’m here because…because-“

“The vampire left you.” Leah continued helpfully. Right.

“Is that what you guys think?” Leah and Rachel’s expressions were unreadable but Kim’s was an open book.

Bella felt sick at first, strangely betrayed but not on account of herself but on account of Jacob. Both Edward and Jacob were so different that she didn’t bother to compare them and never, even when she was at her most aggravated with Jacob had she ever thought that he was somehow less than Edward.

No sane woman would ever feel anything other than flattered when someone as good and as—let’s face it—hot as Jacob showered her with attention.

Do they really think that I’m that horrible? Did I make that bad of an impression? Or do they just think I’m stupid?

“That’s, that’s crazy.” She replied weakly, still shocked. A thought speared her mind and sickened her stomach. “Is that what everybody thinks?”

Leah shrugged. “It’s not like you didn’t leave him high and dry the first chance you got, again and again. The second the leech came back after he left you, somehow you just seemed to forget about Jacob, about how much he did good by you and you just walked off into the sunset with your bloodsucker. Now, here you are again like you just never left.” Leah snorted. “I expected more of him. Sure, Jacob’s a guy, but he’s never been one to think very much with his dick before.”

Kim winced but Rachel merely rolled her eyes.

Bella heard the derisive snort, the disdainful expression on Leah’s face and something rose inside her, something very close to rage that made her straighten her spine and lift her chin. It made her fingers clenched into fists and her mouth curled into a subtle snarl. “Shut up, Leah. Yes, I’ve been a flaming, ungrateful bitch when it comes to Jacob and I’m the first who’ll admit that most of the time I don’t deserve him but that doesn’t mean I’ll sit here and let you mouth off about…and it’s not like I didn’t try to give him space—“

“You shouldn’t have come back here.” Leah started.

“What I should or shouldn’t do is none of your business.” Bella cut her off which seemed to aggravate Leah even more. She leaped from her seat and stood with her feet planted firmly on the floor.

“The minute your business touch Jacob, it became my business. Who do you think had to pick up the pieces when you flounced away into God knows where? Six months, he went away six months and when he came back he was hardly Jacob anymore. You broke him then, Swan and I swear, if you break him now, I’ll gut you with one claw at a time.”

Bella flinched back, not because of the threat, gruesome at it was, but because the knowledge of Jacob’s pain. “I know I hurt him.”

Leah folded her hands and narrowed her eyes.

“He told me. We dealt with it.”

She gave a derisive laugh. “Did you? Somehow I doubt he told all of it, if he did you won’t be so quick to plant yourself into his life.”

All her anger faded and changed into dread when her eyes flickered to Rachel’s flat expression to Kim’s worried one. “Everything? What do you mean?”

Leah watched her with calculating eyes. “Did you see the scars that run from his collarbone to his left shoulder?” Leah spat out the question.

“Yes, I just noticed tonight.”

“Yeah, it’s fine now, hardly noticeable but when it happened…”

Bella saw Kim hugged herself, her stance told her that whatever happened was really, really bad. A sideways glance at Rachel told her although the older girl was upset, she didn’t react as much as Kim did so she assumed that it happened before Rachel got home.

“Jake was torn up pretty good. We know that he healed worst injuries than that but for a minute there, it was touch and go. There was blood everywhere and his shoulder was pretty much mangled meat and muscle and bone. If he was normal he would’ve lost the hand, perhaps wouldn’t survive because he was losing so much blood. We couldn’t figure how it could happen, it was just the one vampire after all, anyone of us could’ve handled it in a matter of minutes.” Leah’s snarly face changed, she ran fingers through her hair, spiking up the top, as if even now, she didn’t understand. “There were no bruises, no other cuts but those on his shoulder, it was as if he didn’t fight back when the bloodsucker tore at him and we just didn’t get what happened but then we saw her.”

Leah’s golden eyes speared Bella where she stood, the look on her eyes closed to hate. “The vampire had long brown hair, pale skin, she was slender and fragile looking.”

Bella’s breath got out in a great big woosh and the world tilted for a while until she managed to grip the kitchen table. “No.”

Leah’s eyes narrowed on Bella’s pale horrified face, could practically smell the tears that wet her eyes but she couldn’t help herself, she dug in the knife a little harder, a little deeper…and twisted. “We saw it happen inside our minds, the jolt of mistaken recognition, the struggle between human and wolf. “ And pain. And love so overwhelming it swamped their mind until they were crippled by it. “When the vampire bitch came at him, he just stood there while both his instincts scream at him to kill, to hurt, to run. But he just stood there, stood there and let her kill him because he thought she was you--”

Bella was blinded by tears as Leah’s words scrambled her mind and shredded her heart into tiny little pieces. She heard voices…no not voices, sounds; helpless, horrible little sounds came out from her throat. Her hands were in front of her chest, trembling, trying to block out the images that came with Leah’s words; of crazed ebony eyes, of reddish fur clumped wetly together by blood…

“Leah. That’s enough.”

Gentle but strong hands enveloped Bella, brushing her back in long gentle sweeps while she made agonized whimpers and sounds because the nightmare-like images wouldn’t go away.

“Come on.” The voice that came with the hands was firm and clipped and she pushed her forward with a strength that said she was not to be denied and a small part of her mind registered that the cradling arms were Rachel’s.

She tried to stop; stop imagining, stop thinking, stop reacting in such a way but once again, she felt the web-like scars on Jacob’s skin under her fingertips, some of them inching much too close to his heart and her brain refused to flinch away from the ugly pictures in her head.

She couldn’t breathe at the thought of Jacob, fierce, protective, strong Jacob, frozen in the path of a vampire.

A vampire that looked a lot like her.

She felt her lungs burn for oxygen but she couldn’t breathe and soon, spots appeared in front of her eyes…and darkness beckoned.