When Your Heart Stops Beating

Original FIction [TOUCHED]

2009-12-10T13:38:17Z

Current writing theme: Metric-Help-I'm Alive

Warning: This chapter has not seen a beta read yet

Title: TOUCHED

Summary: Leah has always known she was different, it was hard not too when you see things that people normally don't. Not to mention, her family has a knack for disappearing...and ending up in the crazy house.When her mother disappeared from her locked bedroom on her ninth birthday, Leah knew whoever was after them meant business. After almost nine years of keeping her head down, one new student threatens her silence.

TOUCHED-13 Here There Be Angels

There was only one way to find out. I wrestled a measure of control that I had earned by practice, by trial of errors, by blood and sweat and tears and a serious, almost fanatical application of compartmentalization. The measure of control that had saved me from reacting to things that I shouldn’t see, hear or feel, the measure of control that had let me maintained the pretense of normality.

Why I Ship Dru/Graves part Troi

2009-12-08T18:54:13Z

The thing I love Strange Angels is it's actionactionaction!!!

This scene!! Mucho awesome.

“Get back!” Graves yelled, dragging me back further as the wulfen closed over Shanks’ still figure, lying on the floor against the bottom of a couch, the blood red and startling. Several of them had turned my direction and were advancing, fur crawling over their skin, shoulders and legs hulking up. “I’m fucking warning you!” It was an actual roar, his entire body vibrating. It shook through me, his voice, and I’d never heard him sound that way before.

That voice had a snap to it. A bite. I could almost see it shoving the clustered wulfen back.

Dominant, I realized.That’s a loup-garou’s command voice.

They halted, all snarling. Even pale, gentle Dibs, who rarely spoke above a scared whisper. Their faces wrinkled up, teeth growing, fur sliding and rippling over their boy-forms.

Graves pulled me back another few steps. “Stay where you are!” he snapped, still in that shake-the-world voice. Everything actually rattled, including the inside of my head.

02.12

It's interesting to know the difference between wulfen and loup-garou.

He snarled, Graves rumbled back. And I don’t know what would have happened if a flood of djamphir hadn’t burst through the door and surrounded me. They held me down as I started screaming, shouldering Graves aside. But he stayed, holding onto my hand even when my fingers bit down and bones in both our hands crackled.

It was the first time the bloodhunger had struck me. And now, oh God, I understood so much more.

Graves didn’t leave me, even though everyone was shouting. He stayed right there, making a noise over and over again, and I finally realized he was saying my name. The hunger crested, and when it finally retreated, I started crying. Graves was the one who pulled me close and hugged me. I was sobbing and shaking like a little kid, and some of them started telling him to leave, but he just shook them off and kept holding me.

I clung to him too. They couldn’t pull me away.

02.12

Oh man. An awesome scene. It just means a lot that Graves is there during her first blood hunger and that he is there not only to keep her safe but to comfort her too. Again, it doesn’t matter that one is djampir and the other loup-garou.

The image plays in my mind again and again. There they were, the wulfen on one side, snarling in fury over their bleeding pack-mate and the djampir hissing in defense of their svetocha. And in the middle of it all is Graves and Dru who doesn't care about anybody else but each other, holding on as if to say, “Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I got you.” The djampir wants Graves to let their svetocha go but Graves is not budging. So does Dru. Just...AWESOME.

Of course, this only made Dru feels a lot worse. She’d never experience anything like it before and she was worried whether she could hold it the next time it happened. Of course, those kinds of worries gave fruit to only more guilt and worries. Mostly, about what happened to Graves.

I love this dialogue between them.

“I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“Nobody does, Dru. It’s called growing up.”

And This!

“I’m never going to live it down that a girl knocked Bobby on his ass defending me. Jeez.”

Something tight-sprung inside me eased a little bit. The rage retreated. There was enough room to breathe, and I took in a sharp deep lungful. “Well, next time I’ll let him mess with you. Happy?”

“Yeah, well. I had him handled, but still. Anyway, you wanna take half these books?”

The world was seeming manageable again. How did he do that?

02.13

There, that baffled question that Dru asked herself made my point of how great Dru/Graves is. No matter how dark it gets, no matter how intense or weird or confusing things will be, Dru could count on Graves to make the world a little less intense or weird or confusing just by being who he is.

Boys kept glancing at me, though once Graves sat down they went back to what they were doing. And only snuck glances at me instead of staring openly.

02.13

Again, Graves, the badass.

And this AWESOME SCENE. A pack of werewolves running in the forest is a beautiful thing to contemplate and imagine. All that raw power and grace and agility. Anyway, to cheer her up, Graves promises to sneak her out of the Schola building so she can join the wulfen to do some free-running in the forest. I love Lili St. Crow’s description of the HOWL and the sensation of RUNNING.

My right arm tightened over Graves’ shoulders. “I thought you were inside.” My voice was a harsh croak. “God.”

“Is that why you ran into a burning building?” He sounded shocked. Go figure.

02.21

This is funny to me, of how shocked he feels that Dru would do that for him when he would do all of that and more for Dru.

Is this what it’s like to be normal? Shaking spilled through me. The trees looked dead. The fog was flat. And Graves and the rest—

Graves really did look like the only real 3-D human being standing there. Even with his hair in messy strings and his coat singed, he looked…

I don’t have a word for the way he looked. Solid. Comforting. Like he was the one piece of the world that was holding the whole damn thing up.

Major favorite Quote ALERT:

“Now,” Graves finally said, “anyone else want to piss me off? Anyone else think this is a goddamn democracy?”

02.22

I’m interested that despite Dru’s temporarily lost of her gifts that makes her sense and see strange things, when everything looks dead and flat to her, Graves still looks the same.

“I could kick your ass.”

“Anytime you think you’re man enough, sweetheart.”

02.22

*flail with fangirl enthusiasm*

“No, I don’t like Christophe. I’m holding out for someone else.”

All the tension went out of us both. He relaxed all at once like a cat, and I felt even warmer inside. Almost gooey.

“Someone else?” His whisper cracked in the middle and I had to smother a laugh.

Someone who doesn’t scare me the way Christophe does. Someone I can count on. “Yeah. He’s a dipshit, but I like him.”

“Not that much of a dipshit if you like him that much,” he muttered, but I could tell he was smiling.

I yawned hugely. Breathed out, making a spot of heat on his back. The burning in my cheeks and throat, I told myself, would fade. It was dark. He never had to know I was blushing. “No problem, Goth Boy. First one’s free.”

He snorted a little laugh, and I smiled again. It felt good. My heart went from a shriveled pea to something more, well, heart-size, knocking against my ribs. And I lay there listening to the rain and him breathing for a little while before I fell back into a dark well of sleep.

02.24

I love that scene. Especially the way Dru threw his usual quip at her. I have this horrible foreshadowing of course but, I LOVE IT. It could be argued that Dru was settling or copping out by not acting on her intense attraction to Christophe. Instead she chose the warmer, more comforting love she had for Graves, but it’s her choice. Intense attraction is all good for a fling, but the love that lasts, my sweets, is the love that looks still on the outside but ever flowing. Heat is fun and good and all but warmth, warmth is what stays with you for years and years.

And the morning after was so cute!

His hands dropped back down to his sides. He looked at me, I looked at him, and a big stupid grin spread over my face to answer his. “What?” I sounded more aggravated than I really was.

The aggravation only made him grin more broadly. Boys are like that. “Nothing.” He turned on his heel, the long dark coat flaring sharply, and all but skipped away.

02.25

“Dru, if things happen…”

“What kind of things?”

“You know what I’m talking about. If it gets bad, Dru, I’m going with you.”

“I…” Words failed me.

“’Cause I’ve been thinking. You had your bag and you had three sweaters on. You were heading out.”

Oh Christ. I opened my mouth. Shut it.

“See, normally I’d get upset about that. But I think you thought you were going to help me out by leaving me some place you thought was safer for me than you. Right?”

My head fell down into a nod. I picked it back up. My mouth felt like it was hanging open.

“Don’t do that.” He leaned a little closer, and the rest of the world went away. “Okay? Don’t leave me behind.”

“They’re looking to kill me,” I whispered. “You don’t get that. It’s for real. It’s—”

“What do you think I was doing at school, playing footsie?” Irritation made his matching whisper sharp. “you’ve got a better chance with me, Dru. Don’t do something stupid again. If something happens, it’s you and me against the world. Got it?”

02.27

I AM ACHING FOR DRU AND GRAVES KISS...so much in fact that I would probably write a fanfiction about it!!!

Why I ship Dru/Graves part Deux

2009-12-08T18:48:48Z

On the first book Graves was a gawky, tall, thin half-Asian Goth yet ordinary boy.

Not anymore!!!

On book two, Graves inner bad ass has come forth. Which is good because Dru’s a mess. It helps that he’s also a loup-garou. A special and rare type of werwulfen; they are dominants, Alphas, The Badasses of all badasses in the werwulfen culture.

The dynamics in book one where Dru is the one who knows stuff and takes care of business has changed. It’s Graves’ hour to step up to the plate since Dru is being kept in the dark for so many reasons.

In this second book, school life, was driving her INSANE!!! She was babied and watched and gawked at. To add insult over injury, her classes were a joke!!! Nobody teaches her anything interesting which was saying something since the Schola was supposed to be a school for teaching both werwulfen and djampir to kick wampyr ass.

Then of course, much to Dru’s dismay, Graves is always up and about with his furry friends. And he also gets to learn what she is suppose to learn, do what she is suppose to do.

It is hard for her not to be resentful—however irrational for her to be so. Especially since she feels like she is angry all the time.

It isn’t strange that she gets into a fight with a djampir a week after she got there. So, here she was, trying to make a point when all of a sudden, Graves comes to the rescue.

Graves had Irving down, his long, tanned-looking fingers closed on the djamphir ’s throat. His eyes were chips of green flame, and the growl was so thick it blurred the air around him, the sound of a very pissed-off skinchanger. He probably couldn’t talk, either, his jaw was subtly modified, accommodating fiercer, longer teeth. The crackle of bone had been him. He wouldn’t get furry he was loup-garou, not wulfen, only half-imprinted with the thing that made them able to shift but he was pretty motivated to do some serious harm, and angry enough not to care about hurting someone.

02.01

Graves is walking a very thin line. Girls like Dru doesn’t need anyone protecting them but Graves can’t help it. I guess, he thinks, he can do something now. He is strong and smart and capable…and Dru is in so much trouble, he figures, why not help her? But Dru…is morose, self-pitying and mournful. And I don't blame her.

In book one, she didn’t have a lot of time to wallow, she had to either move or die. Her brain was already filled with escape plans and plots and ‘what to do now?’. She hadn’t time to think about her svetocha status, and her mom’s svetocha status and the King of Vampires who wanted to wipe out her family including herself.

If I was her, I probably would have been catatonic by now. But having something to do (saving her own ass and Graves) helped her a lot. But now she is safe and she can have everything she wants…but her freedom. She is stuck there with nothing to do and everybody keep looking at her like she is a freak (which she is) and all she can do is stay in her room or hang out at the armory because it reminds her of her dad. And mope, there is major moping.

I just sat there, feeling the eyes on me. I hate that feeling.

Irving was sitting two tables away. He kept glancing over, and he finally put his palms on the table and made as if to stand up. But then he dropped back down and looked at his tray.

Graves pulled out the chair next to me. “Hey, kid.”

“Hey.” I dropped Mom’s locket against my chest as if it had stung me, looked up and grinned. It felt strange on my face, but then the happiness caught up with me and it turned more natural. Relief burst behind my breastbone like a mortar shell.

02.03

That slayed me, the fact that Irving wants to come up to her, maybe talk or apologize or whatever but apparently he sees Graves then immediately sits down? How badass is Graves now? Major badass. This next scene makes me want to high five him. Seriously, he has evolve so much and in such a short time.

“Graves! Hey, Graves!” someone shouted, and he looked up. A curly-headed wulf yelled something across the lunchroom, and Graves whipped him the bird almost faster than the eye could follow. A tide of growling swirled through the room, but it subsided as Graves looked steadily at the wulf in question, his green eyes narrowing.

Back in the Dakotas, Goth Boy would never have done that. He’d been on the bottom of the food chain, same as me. But now, he was actually, sort of, kind of… well, popular. Or at least getting there. It helped that he was loup-garou, all of the benefits of being wulfen without the crazy part. He didn’t get seven feet tall and hairy like an overgrown toupee. Christophe had said it would make him a “prince” here.

And Graves was all over it in a big way.

02.03

Apparently, Graves gets a lot of crap because he not only came with Dru, but because he is the only one close to her…and it seems that Graves intends to keep it that way. He is having fun though, learning about the wulfen history, his powers and his packmates which brings a whole new set of problems for Dru and Graves' relationship

“Please, Dru. Let’s not do this, okay?”

I dropped the burger. It splatted down on the plate and I pushed my chair back. My lips were greasy. Chewed food sat in my stomach like a bowling ball. “Fine. Let’s not. Have fun at sparring.”

“Dru—”

But I got up, shoved my chair back under the table, and fled. When he came by my room later, I kept the door closed and locked. He knocked for a while, but then he went away.

02.03

Man, the picture of Graves waiting outside the close door while Dru lay on her bed awake, listening set my heart aflutter.

Dru makes a new friend, DIBS. He’s also a werwulfen, timid and terminally shy. He is so shy that Dru doesn’t feel the urge to toss him out on his ass. Besides, he hasso many interesting things to say about werwulfen stuff and most of all, about Graves.

“What else did Graves say?”

“That if anyone messed with you, he’d call “em out. He got into it the first day he got here, proved he was dom. He sleeps in a top bunk.” Even though he was showing his teeth, Dibs’ expression was gentle. He scooped up one of the steaks and bit into it, teeth scissoring effortlessly through.

Isn’t that interesting.

02.06

AHA!! Graves, you are so busted.

There is also major tension between djampir and wulfen, kind of worries me about how Dru and Graves will end up, how they will deal with the fact that their species is at odds with each other since the djampir and wulfen's alliance is along the lines of 'the enemy of your enemy is my friend'. But, so far, it doesn't give them any problems.

It helps that Dru prefers the company of wulfen and hates the way djampirs treat the wulfen. Like self-entitled pricks.

I stabbed at my pancakes like I was stabbing at the face of stupidity. “Do they all act that way? The djamphir?”

“Yeah. I mean, except you. Graves said you were different. He said you—”

“Hey, Dru.” Graves yanked out the chair on my other side and dropped into it. He smelled like cold air and cigarette smoke, his long black coat still carrying a chill from outside. A bloom of red up high on his cheekbones did good things for him, and his earring glittered. His eyes were sparkling, too. “Dibs. Nice to see you, man.”

Dibs shut up so fast I was surprised he didn’t lose a chunk of his tongue. He busied himself with tearing at the steak and chewing, with a guilty hangdog look.

Again, how awesome is that? Graves being an authority figure. The way Dibs shuts up so fast when Graves sits. The next quote made me laugh.

“So you’re a dom, huh? Nice.” I stabbed my pancakes again. “Kinky.”

“You’re the one who ties people up, babe.”

…So effortless, and I can picture him working the word ‘babe’ which so few men can work into a sentence without being offensive. Smooth Graves, smooth.

This scene is also an interesting moment, where after an offhand comment from Graves, Dru’s temper spikes into overwhelming rage. It seems that this is a sign that she’s close to blooming. Heighten emotions and all that and sicne Dru is in a fit of lost and resentment, rage sounds just about natural.

Dibs starts to panic at her anger, but Graves looks at her calmly, like he has faith in her control.

“She’s fine.” Graves just looked at me. His face didn’t seem nearly as smug now. Just thoughtful, and familiar. “She gets a little antsy sometimes, but she’s okay. Right, Dru?”

And just like that, the rage evaporated, leaving only the sour little red-hot bubble in my chest. I found my voice. “Right. Antsy.” Where did that come from? What was that? “Jesus.” It came out sounding breathy and exhausted.

The cafeteria was curiously hushed. Tension ran under the surface of that quiet before my ears popped and I relaxed a little bit more.

“You’re wound pretty tight,” was all Graves said.

A show of perfect trust and faith in Graves part.

This next scene shows how much Graves has change, usually, this kind of behavior is all Dru. But, no. In the second book, it’s all Graves. They are in class discussing the easiest way to take out a nosferat/wampyr. Finally, something that Dru would like to learn.

Graves gave me an unreadable glance. He didn’t bother to raise his hand. “Blood,” he said. The single word dropped into the room like a rock into a pond. “Spill enough and the animals go crazy.”

A ripple ran through everyone. Irving made a single restless movement next to me. The couch creaked.

The teacher’s mouth made a weird little twitch. He didn’t quite dart Graves a venomous look, but it was close. “The hunger.”

“More like a thirst, actually.” Irving shifted again. I got the idea he was trying to get the teacher’s attention. “Why do we call it hunger, anyway?”

“Putting a pretty face on it?” Graves suggested sweetly.

02.07

This next scene touches me and disturbs me a bit. It shows just how much Dru is freaked and insecure with everything that’s going and not going around her. There are too many secrets too many untangled plots and she needs to talk to Graves alone, dammit. But they only meet at lunch now, and not even then sometimes. This scene also shows Graves in a more…manly “I’m doing what needs to be done” light.

Shit. Restriction. Maybe it was a drill. I grabbed Graves’ arm, the decision made almost before I was aware I’d touched him. “Come with me.”

“I’ve got to—” He tried to step away, stopped, and looked down at me.

The wulfen were jamming up at the door, some of them half-changing already, fur running up over their bodies.

I kept hold of Graves. “Please. I’ll go nuts if I’m locked up in my room again without anyone to talk to.”And I haven’t been able to get you alone, you’re always hanging out with the hairy boys.

I do want to tell you about Christophe. Go figure. “Graves. Please.”

He shrugged, shoulders lifting and dropping. “I’m supposed to go to the armory. it’s detention if I don’t show up.”

What, you won’t get involved unless I’m getting beat up? And since when are you worried about detention, for chrissake? A sour taste filled my mouth. “Fine.” But I didn’t let go of his coat.

Dylan would probably be along any second. “Go on, then.”

“You don’t understand—” Maddeningly, he shut his mouth and glared at me, like I was the problem. The bell rang again, urgently, and he tore himself free and headed out the door, the coat flapping around his calves.

Leaving me all alone in the empty classroom. My fingers stung, like from rug burn. My mother’s locket was a cold, heavy weight under my layered shirts.

I stood there for a few seconds, my hand scraped raw from the rough cotton of Graves’ coat, yanked free of my grasp.

02.07

Those last few sentences KILLS me, it shows how much she needs to have him near and how hurt she feels when he pulls away. I have this image in my head of Dru standing alone in the classroom, cradling her empty hands.

I should hate Graves but I don’t.

I actually understand why he did that He wants to learn, he wants to experience, he wants to be useful. All of these things can help him not only to survive but to help and protect Dru. He is a loup-garou, he has the means, now he just has to know the how, to use what he already has and use it efficiently. He knows that things are bad, that powerful beings are after Dru and he wants to help out, to protect her 'cause God knows she'll need every helping hands she can get. He was helpless once upon a time but no more! He's not going to lose anything else, most of all Dru.

Graves isn’t only hanging out to have fun with the boys, he is establishing dominance, relationships and contacts. He is net-working, gathering information with the sole purpose of helping Dru out. When he got into a fight on the first night they got to the Schola and earned his dominance, didn’t he warn that anyone that messes with Dru would have to pass through him? He’s not doing this for kicks. This next scene...there are no words...it's great how they watch each other's backs.

Graves had his arm around the blanket he’d wrapped me in, and he made a restless movement. “Come on. Let’s get you somewhere warm.” He gave Dylan a green-eyed glare and started up the hill, half holding me up.

“Wait a goddamn second.” Dylan didn’t think much of this. “The Schola was broken into. They went right for her classroom. She somehow escaped a trio of hunters, none of whom we can identify yet, all three of them eviscerated out here in the damn woods. She needs to tell us what happened so we can—”

“Have her die of hypothermia? Good plan. Jesus Christ, you guys are jackasses.” The hem of Graves’ coat flapped as he sped up. “Look at her, dammit. Her lips are blue and she’s covered in crap. Is she bleeding? Do you even care? No wonder there’s no girls around.”

Dylan’s eyes glittered in the dimness. “Shut up, dogboy. Just because you’re a prince among your kind doesn’t mean you can—”

That hot pocket of rage bubbled up inside me. This was getting ridiculous, but I welcomed the heat, because it was anything other than the dazed, panicked numbness. “Dylan,” I heard myself say, between two choked giggles and a coughing snort, since there was mud in my nose. “You call him a nasty name again and I’m going to knock your teeth out.” I found that my wet feet could still grip the ground, and, even better, my weak shivering legs could still carry me. “Graves…” The word died in a spate of deep bronchial almost-retches.

“Just relax, kiddo,” Graves muttered. His arm was tense over my shoulder, pulling me closer to his warmth.

02.10

This scene is awesome and the next scene even more. I love it, you know, the way it doesn’t matter that Graves was loup-garou and Dru is svetocha who should be doing a lot of hating on each other. But they are friends first, Graves and Dru, before anything else.

My feet dragged along the floor. I left dirty clumps wherever I tried to step, but Graves was doing all the work of moving us along. As long as he was doing such a handy job of it, I didn’t care.

(That last sentence shows just how much Graves and Dru trusts each other, especially since Dru's not exactly the trusting type. Her surrendering herself, uncaring where Graves is taking her, shows just how strong her attachment to Graves is.)

The sparring chapel was a long way away, and it seemed awful cold. My teeth were still chattering, and everything seemed very far away, even the noise as some kind of scuffle and yelling started.

We reached the deserted chapel, every footfall echoing. Graves palmed open the door on the girls’ side, and a gasp went up behind us. He just kept going, dragging me through, and the door whooshed shut. Thick, silky steam billowed, and I coughed again.

“Goddammit,” he said quietly, and hauled me across the tiled floor. The word bounced back at us through the vapor in the air. “What the fuck is going on?

“You want me to help with your clothes?” The blanket fell with a sodden plop, and he shucked his coat, almost tearing the sleeve because he couldn’t get out of it and hold me upright at the same time very well. “Or, um, I can just stay at the door. In case.”

“H-h-h-help. M-me.” The shivers were making it hard to think or breathe. I grabbed at the hem of my sweater with clumsy-cold swollen fingers. Graves pulled it up as he braced me; I got lost in it for a second and finally struggled out of the heavy, wet wool. It landed with a splutching sound, and I wondered how much water I’d been lying in out in the woods, and why it wasn’t more frozen when ice was everywhere.

Ribbons of steam in the air were white and heavy. I didn’t want to think about it.

The entire world went glaring white for a minute, and the next thing I knew Graves was holding me up and awkwardly peeling the sleeves of the flannel shirt off my goose bump-covered arms. I struggled out of my T-shirt, swaying as he held me up. My teeth clicked like castanets, and he went for my jeans while looking grimly up over my shoulder. My bra was wet too, but thankfully not dirty.

His hands were scorching hot; he dragged me to the lip of the closest tub and paused for only half a second, looking up at the ceiling like he was gathering himself. His beat-up black nylon wallet landed on the floor three feet away, and he pitched down the steps and into the huge tub with me, fully clothed, his shoes giving one forlorn underwater squeak before I lost my footing and cried out miserably. It felt like being dipped in hot lava, but he held onto me, guiding me down.

I’d never been in the baths in my underwear. The feeling was weird, like sitting in a hot tub full of Jell-O while wearing a swimsuit that definitely wasn’t made for this sort of thing.

“Dru?” For the first time that evening, he sounded scared. “Come on. Say something.”

“Dru?” Now he sounded close to panic, and I realized I was making another low, keening sound.

My throat was full of something too hot and nasty to be tears. “Say something, dammit.”

I swallowed the weird moaning sound I was making. My mouth opened. “S-s-s-something.” I paused. “D-d-dam-mmit.”

He snorted. The laugh caught him sideways, his usual bitter, sarcastic little bark, and I was too grateful to still be alive to really think about the fact of being half-naked in a tub with a boy.

Besides, it was Graves. And his arm was still around me. I put my head down on his shoulder and forgot about everything other than the stinging heat pushing its pins and needles into my flesh.

(Besides, it was Graves. I admit it, that kind of stumped me. I worried that she would look at Graves like he's a sibling or something like that but what happens next soothed me)

“Graves?”

“Huh?” He swung back, and for the second time that night I was face-to-face with a shapechanger.

But this one had bright green eyes, and his dyed-black hair hung in damp strings, and he was the same half-ugly kid who had been the only person I could depend on since a zombie smashed its way through my kitchen door.

Less than a month, and my entire life was in the kind of mess only the Real World could make. I had no idea how to start fixing it, but he was here, and he hadn’t let me down yet.

We stared at each other for a long moment. My throat was dry. I was pretty sure dirt was smeared all over my face and my hair was sticking up like Medusa’s. But I leaned forward just a little, and if he hadn’t turned his head a little bit, my lips wouldn’t have landed on his cheek.

(HEART SCREAMS WITH FANGIRL AGONY)

His skin was softer than I’d have thought under the stubble showing up, and I had to sniff because my nose was full. But I pressed my lips against his cheek and felt like an idiot. What had I been about to do?

Okay, Dru. Time to play this cool. “Thanks. I mean, for getting me in here, and all.” I retreated, suddenly very aware I was just in panties and a bra that were probably now ruined, and that he had dumped himself into the tub without even taking his shirt off. And I probably had dirt all over my stupid face. “You’re always, you know, around. When I need you. Thanks.”

Of all the things to say.

Oh my fucking GOD, Dru, how stupid can you be? I made it over to the other side of the tub and hoped the heat would hide the red marching up my neck to plant itself in my cheeks.

Graves actually coughed. It was kind of decent of him. “No problem.” He headed for the stairs out of the tub, awkwardly swilling a lot of crackling wax around. He floundered up and out, almost slipped, grabbed the edge of the tub. “First one’s. Yeah. Free.”

02.10

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*…major development relationship-wise….I love the way Graves just bowls over the crowd and shoves everyone out of the way, nothing matters but bringing Dru into the healing baths. (Something like the baths at the movie WANTED, I guess) And I laughed when he ‘took a moment’ and steps into the not-water with all his clothes still on AND his shoes. Very telling that. Oh, and I love that Dru isn't missish about needed help with her clothes. And the image of Graves scrabbling out of the baths...while trying to sound cool. “First one's. Yeah. Free.” So fucking cute!

to be continued

In Lili St. Crow's Strange Angels, I ship Dru and Graves

2009-12-06T19:03:53Z

When Dru met Graves

Dru and Graves are characters in Lili St. Crow’s Strange Angels series. The series is on its second book so far and man, it’s a wild ride.

Dru Anderson is a girl with special abilities that let her see and sense things that normal people usually don’t. Things like vampires (nosferatu, wampyr, upir), ghosts, werwulfen (werewolves), fairies and other things that walk hidden among us. She knows her way around guns and knives and knows how to kick ass because her father teaches her to do these things.

Her father is a ex-military turn Hunter; people who took it among themselves to know as much as possible about the weird and creepy crawlies…and exterminate them. A lot.

They move from town to town, following signs and hints of strange going ons and deal with the things that prey on unsuspecting humans.

One day, her father went on a job…but came back…different. All, right, he got turn into a zombie.

It turns out that Dru is not all human either, she is in fact a svetocha, a rare female djampir (half human-half nosferat) who usually makes the best of the best of nosferat hunters, just like her mother before her. Her mother belonged to The Order, a group that consists of djampir and werwulfen who are train to kill as many nosferat as possible.

That's the good news. The bad, she has to bloom first. Right now, she’s just a very tasty (and can also gives the nosferat a jolt of power. Like coffee. Or gatorade. Or Red Bull) snack for any nosferat who can find her but once she blooms, she’ll be able to kill a nosferat just by breathing on it.

The other bad news, she might not live long enough to do so.

On the first book, Dru and her new best friend Graves has to live long enough to get themselves to safety, despite the many monsters that are after them including Sergej, the King of all Nosferat and it’s broken werwulfen, Ash.

Graves is a gawky, half Asian goth loner at Dru’s new school. Like Dru, he keeps to himself and didn’t mind being thought as weird. He’s tall, skinny and scandalously laid-back.

At first, Dru tried to get rid of him, but at the end, succumbed to his attempt on befriending her. At least they got friendly enough that Graves extended a hand to help and Dru, despite her own misgivings and her cynical nature, accepted it.

Graves is…peculiar. He’s mega smart, he’s more mature than he looks with layers to his personality that often catches Dru off guard. The most important thing about Graves is that he’s very good with empathy and that he’s a survivor. They don’t bare their soul to each other, at least not at first but there was an understanding between them.

He’s also loyal and way too perceptive and practical. And he’s man enough to admit that once the shit hit the fan, the only chance he has for survival was Dru so he followed her without complaining, without any Alpha Male posturing and was smart enough to connect the dots without Dru holding his hand.

And most of all, he wasn’t big on denial. Once he saw that monsters were real, he didn’t waste time on pondering and just hauled ass.

Why I ship Dru and Graves?

Dru is prickly, snarly and a cynic and Graves, at first blush looks like a boy that just wants to get lucky, figuring he has more of a chance with the new girl. Unlucky for him, Dru doesn’t make friends, she doesn’t do nice, she is all about keeping herself and her dad safe. Friends are a liability…and a luxury she can’t afford. Not if she wants to live in what she calls the Real World, where the supernatural mingles, rub shoulders and wreaks havoc.

The mall food court scene, where Dru runs off to after she shot a zombie who also happens to be her own father was a crucial point in their relationship. That meeting could’ve gone on so many different ways: Graves could have gotten offended and left, Dru could have gotten defensive and closed herself off. But they didn’t.

Graves is patient and understanding and perceptive beyond his years and Dru is open enough to see beyond his looks and Real World inexperience.

The lump in my throat went down, after a short wrestling match. I swallowed convulsively twice and found my voice, weak and watery but still mine. “Fuck off.”

His eyebrows shot up. He had actually scraped his hair back behind his ears with both hands, and now he looked very young as he stared back at me. His mouth thinned out, and I thought he was actually going to get up and walk away.

Then he settled back in his chair, arranging his long, gawky limbs as best he could, and picked up his cup. He took a long slurp of whatever was in it, and his eyes turned even more greeny-gold. They caught the fluorescent light and glowed at me.

Graves just sat there like he had all the time in the world

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Graves listened to her—edited version—story, fed her but more than that, he made her feel…better.

“You want to play some air hockey? Good way to get your mind off stuff.”

I don’t know how I’m going to get my mind off zombies, kid. But it was something to do. I couldn’t just sit here until the mall closed. I’d explode. Or start crying. Or something else guaranteed to draw attention to myself.

“Sure,” I heard myself say.

His face lit up. “Cool. You finished?”

I pushed back my chair and felt my back spasm as I hauled myself upright, wincing and sucking in a sharp breath. I’d probably pulled something, trying to get away from the zombie. “Yeah, I guess. Graves?”

“Huh?” He shook his hair down over his face, but the grin still remained. It made him look a little bit older, cutting lines into his baby face.

“Thanks.” The word wasn’t adequate, and I searched for something else to say. “Nice gloves.”

“Hey, you know.” He scooped up the tray and my still-full cup of ice-cold coffee. The unibrow waggled at me, and then he actually, of all things, winked. “Chicks dig guys in gloves.”

I actually laughed. Call it a miracle.

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Here, we get to know that Graves is not living a typical life. For starters, he had a bolt hole, typical of troubled kids (and by troubled kids I meant kids that have a reason to run off. I think there was abuse in his life). Anyway, he took Dru to his bolt hole that, awesomely, was a closed off office at the Mall they were in.

He wasn’t living it large, but it wasn’t a hovel either. He had a cot, a sleeping bag, a rack of books, clean clothes, a bathroom though no shower, stack of CD’s and a CD player and a freakin hot plate and coffee machine. He even had posters on the walls. And everything was NEAT.

Dru, who lived with her military father, found the neatness comforting. My mind however went into this amateur psychology spin and translates his neatness as a need for control in his life.

We know a lot more about Graves from Dru’s observation of his ‘room’.

I picked my way over to the bookcase and peered at the paperbacks. He liked horror novels, lots of Stephen King, Richard Matheson, Dean Koontz. But there was also a copy of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and a stack of books about the Spanish Civil War, as well as a thick, well-read history of World War II. And—good Lord. There was a whole shelf of romance novels, with pink bodice-ripping covers. Right over the bottom shelf of heavy, thick math textbooks.

This guy was getting more interesting all the time.

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Graves wants to be a Physics Professor…I mean, really, what kind of teenager wants to be a Physics Professor? He has this plan all set out for him to follow even with all these obstacles (family-wise, money-wise) that pretty much blocks his path. He knows what he wants and damn if he won't get it. Shame that meeting Dru ruined that plan pretty good.

And the funny things is, I think Graves transferred his determination on getting his education to keeping Dru.

You have to understand, Graves isn’t rolling in riches, he seems to not have a family. In short, helping Dru really is just inviting trouble for himself. I mean, how many people in his situation would stop to talk to a girl that was sitting alone in a mall food court looking the worst for wear? Be honest.

“Why are you doing this?”

His shoulders hunched again. He took a massive bite of cheesy steak sandwich and closed his eyes. The floor was hard and cold, and I wondered where he’d slept last night. I hadn’t even thought about it before.

He chewed, his hair hanging in damp black strings over his eyes, and shrugged. “Mrfle.”

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That’s right. Mrfle, that’s his answer.

Being a flaming Jacob/Bella shipper, Dru and Graves has that kind of ‘we belong together’, ‘kindred spirits’, ‘you make me feel better’ vibe…in a big way. But when Jacob/Bella was a relationship built on mutual liking through time and friendship, Dru/Graves is a relationship forge in fire and necessity, everything that usually develops bit by bit in a long stretch of time like trust, affection and protectiveness, gets packed in a space of a minute.

They only had each other, they only can trust each other.

And being with Graves, there are moments where Dru is a kid again. I enjoyed seeing that side of her.

Night came quickly, and when Graves decided it was safe he led me back out through the maze of passages. The mall was deserted, lights turned down low. The fountain on the first floor was shut down too, its surface placid and quiet. Silence wrapped around all the chairs upended on the tables in the food court, tiptoed down the halls, sheathed the stores in darkness. In here, you couldn’t hear the wind. We might as well have been on another planet.

Graves leaned over the waist-high barrier and yelled wordlessly into the mezzanine, the sound ricocheting off floor and ceiling, a weirdly distorted echo bouncing back. He surveyed the result with a satisfied air. “See? Pure liberation. You do it.”

I let out a shattering war-whoop, the kind I used while sparring with Dad or doing my katas. Graves flinched, but his own yell rose with mine. My cry broke on a laugh, his did the same, and he pushed at me with his bony shoulder, almost toppling me over. I pushed back, and I suppose that’s when I started thinking he was a friend instead of just some kid.

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Then, Dru brought trouble in the form of a tracker (a sort of hell hound) and a broken werwulfen called Ash. Graves got bit by the werwulfen.

Dru was torn, werwulfen was dangerous creatures, and a werwulfen on his first change was even more dangerous since the first thing they want was meat. A lot of it.

She knew what she was supposed to do, she should kill him or leave him. Kill the kid that had been nothing but kind and generous. But she couldn’t do it. Like Dru said;

“You and me, Graves. Let’s go.”

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Dru is always so serious, she's actionactionactionstiffupperlipaction, but with Graves there, we get those funny moments even in darker times. Like in this scene where, both of them braved a storm to get back to Dru's zombie stenched house. Both of them pretty much Popsicles—keep in mind Graves was already bitten here—Dru took charge and took off his clothes to his underwear, took of her clothes to her underwear, and lumped both of them under folds of blankets...and what do you know, half dead with cold, bitten by a werewolf, probably losing blood, Graves still could say:

“Dru?” he finally whispered.

“What?” I roused myself with an effort.Tired. Got to get up and fix the back door. Then have to think of something. Something I have to do.

I couldn’t remember.

“Are you naked?” His eyes fell shut again, and he made a little hitching sound like a snore.

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LOL. Oh, Graves. Such a guy.

It was like serendipity. That Graves was right there the precise second when Dru needed something, someone, anything to keep her together, to keep her sane. And as danger crept closer, the need she had to protect Graves became her sole purpose to survive, that kept her feet running and mind working.

But Graves, befuddled as he was, didn’t keep being a burden for long. He did everything he could to help her out, to make things easier for her. He didn’t whine, he didn’t complain. And most importantly, he didn’t leave. No matter how strange and dangerous it became.

And even after the terrible (but understandable) things that Dru does to him; ties him down and interrogate him with a gun to his head), he could still say things like this;

“Why was that dog thing after you?”

That was another question that bothered me. I shrugged. “I don’t know. Do you want some goddamn lunch or not?”

“Sure, I’ll take some. If you promise not to hold a gun to my head.” By the time I rounded on him he was smiling, and had both his hands up in hey, man, I’m harmless mode. “Just kidding, Dru. Lighten up, okay?”

Lighten up? I stared at him like he was crazy before getting the cheese and butter out of the fridge.I tied him down and nearly shot him, and he’s telling me to “lighten up”?

The grin widened, his eyes very bright green now, no hazel tint left. He shook his hair down over his face and puckered his lips, making kissing noises. That strange heat crawled up my cheeks again. It got to me and I laughed, with the butter in one hand and the cheese in the other.

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Even with all the mess, and mayhem and confusion and even with the added complication of having him around, Graves was a warm comfort in her life. When things spiral down the drain, Graves keeps her standing steady.

We walked in silence for a little while, crunching under each footstep like little bones clicking and breaking. I smelled him on his coat—healthy boy, deodorant, testosterone, cigarette smoke, and the faint tang of fried food. My cheeks tingled, but I didn’t blush. Instead, I stared down at my feet, moving independently of me like good little soldiers, and hunched my shoulders so I could take a deep breath. Funny, but you don’t really realize how personal it is to smell someone. He wasn’t Dad, but he was right here with me.

I bit my lip, then I opened my mouth. “Graves?”

“What?” He sounded wary. I would too, if I was dealing with a crazy girl who had just hexed a stupid history teacher and told me all about suckers and wulfen.

“Thank you.” The coat was really warm; I could see why he wore it. The shivers began to ease. The clearheaded sense of being cried out and ready to get to work dawned over me like a blessing.

I could tell he was grinning by the sudden feeling of warm sunshine on my back. “No problem, Dru. First one’s free.”

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Graves made a restless movement next to me, and I bumped him with my shoulder. Letting him know I was with him.

It helped me, too. The pressure of his arm against mine was comforting.

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“Hey, Graves?”

“What?” Cautious, his shoulders still hunched.

He must be used to people trying to get rid of him, I thought, and the sharp jab of pain that ran through me twisted all the way down. “Thanks. You got that thing off me, right?”

He stared into his hot chocolate like it held the secret to the universe. “Yeah, well, the window was open and it was really cold.”

What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? But then I realized what he meant. It even called a creaking, half-painful smile to my face, and the last of the cold and goose bumps flushed away on a wave of welcome heat.

No problem, Dru. First one’s free.

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This was telling of how much Graves came to mean to Dru.

He bought me a cheeseburger. It was a ludicrous, laughable thought. But it was just the surface over a truckload of other things. I hadn’t heard a single word of complaint from Graves, not even over getting bit or having a gun held to his head. He’d done the best he could to help me, and that was something strangers rarely ever do. I was shipwrecked, and he’d been the only thing I could hang on to.

And he hadn’t let me down. Not once.

He was all I had. I wasn’t going to leave him here.

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He bought me a cheeseburger. Nonsensical, yes. Irrational, yes. But I get it!! That line blew my mine.

I had my face in Graves’s narrow chest, and I was okay with that. He smelled good, and he was warm. The tears had trickled away, and his chin still rested on the top of my head. The windows were screened with breath-fog and with snow clinging to every surface it could find.

I could hear Graves’s heart, too, ticking away. Just like a clock, but without the eerie meanness of the sucker’s pulse. It was a clean sound, and it meant I wasn’t alone. I hadn’t been this close to anyone in a while.

Except him.

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Graves scooched a little closer to me, and I didn’t even think about it. I put my arms around him and hugged. I didn’t care if it hurt my arm and my ribs and my neck and pretty much every other part of me, my heart most of all.

When you’re wrecked, that’s the only thing to do, right? Hold on to whatever you can.

Hold on hard .

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I closed my eyes, collapsed against a porthole showing the white earth receding like a bad dream, and cried. Graves clutched at my hand, his palm sweating, and he didn’t let go.

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A BOOK REVIEW: LILI ST. CROW'S [Strange Angels 2] Betrayals

2009-12-01T15:52:45Z

Title: Strange Angels 02-Betrayals

Author: Lili St. Crow

The Book in three words: The Plot Thickens

What’s the book about?

At the very end of the first book, Dru and Graves were picked up by a helicopter that would take them to a school (Schola) that was run by The Order.

Well, they made it.

To those who read the first book would also know that Dru is also a rare female djampir called the svetocha. Unlike the werwulfen, djampir usually only have boy offsprings but that’s not the only reason why female djampir are so precious to The Order. When they ‘bloomed’, the svetocha would be stronger, faster and more dangerous to a nosferat than the normal djampir. Their blood is toxic, they can even kill a nosferat by being in the same room with one.

Cool, huh?

But, here’s the thing. BEFORE they bloomed, the svetocha blood is able to give a jolt of power to any nosferat that bites her…so, nosferat of all ages hunts svetocha down, trying to kill and drain them before they bloom.

Which is why Dru is stuck in the schola with a whole pack of boys.

Say what?

Yes, Dru is stuck in a schola filled with teenage boys. As mentioned, female djampir are rare, in fact Dru is the only svetocha found safe in 30 years and since werwulfen females are house-trained, and considering even the teachers looks like teenage boys, it’s kind of overwhelming.

The first book also established that there seemed to be a traitor in The Order since somebody leaked the information of a safe house that Dru was suppose to go to, resulting in Dru meeting face to face with her parent’s murderers, The King of Nosferat, Sergej.

But due to the help of Christophe and a pack of werwulfen, Graves and Dru made it out safely to the schola while Christophe went away to …whatever.

But on this second book, Dru was noticing little bits and pieces at the schola that didn’t make sense…(then of course, there’s the traitor that they have to watch out for although they have NO clue who it is)

First, it is apparent that werwulfen don’t only have a problem with nosferat, they seem to also have a problem with djampirs. The way fight breaks out every two minutes, Dru concludes it must be a natural enemy instinct that goes so deep, it’s practically in their genes. They really don’t tolerate each other very well. And from the way the nosferat condescend over the werwulfen, Dru can’t blame the wulfen.

Second, for a school teaching their students how to kill nosferat, she isn’t getting any knowledge or fighting skills. For God’s sake, every time the Restriction Bell rings—which means nosferat are trying to breach the security—a teacher comes to take her to her room where she should stay until someone gets her out. When she drags herself to class, the contents of the curriculum are dumb down.

Third, she’s not even allowed to spar with anybody but the teachers. She doesn’t even get to train with the superboys. The teachers tell her, it’s for her own good. She is svetocha, she is special, precious. She hasn’t bloomed yet and she could get hurt, especially if a djampir loses himself because she bleeds.

Fourth, the boys keep LOOKING at her, like she’s a damn freak. (Granted, being the only girl in a school of teenage boys...)

Fifth, Graves makes new friends and is too busy learning and fighting and being a loup-garou to hang out with her.

Sixth, she doesn’t hear anything from Christophe and she’s picking up rumors about him that doesn’t do a lot for her wary trust in him.

Seventh, since her dad was made into a zombie which then she had to kill by her lonesome, she had no family left. Talk about years of therapy…

Burden by all of that, what is a girl to do in a schola filled with boys but... pick a fight?

So, here she is beating down on a djampir--whose name is Irving--who makes a bet that he can knock her down on her ass in two minute. Restless and snarly, Dru takes the bet.

I came up from the floor with a punch, getting my feet under me, and Irving grabbed my wrist. He used my momentum to whip me past him, but I’d expected that, hooked my other fingers, and got a handful of his face.

That’s what Dad would have called “dirty fightin’,” something he approved of in a girl.

Hey, there are no rules in a fight. Thinking there are “rules” can get you killed. Dad drilled it into my head over and over again, you fight to win, to survive. Not to look good or give the other guy a chance.

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It’s a good way of dealing with pent up aggression and Dru--considering the run of bad luck she is having--as a lot to spare.

But in a middle of all the fun—granted, she is lying on the floor by now—Graves comes in and pins Irving’s ass to the floor by way of his hand on the djampir’s throat.

*insert fangirl squealing here*

Graves had Irving down, his long, tanned-looking fingers closed on the djamphir’s throat. His eyes were chips of green flame, and the growl was so thick it blurred the air around him, the sound of a very pissed-off skinchanger. He probably couldn’t talk, either, his jaw was subtly modified, accommodating fiercer, longer teeth.

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Go on with your bad self, Graves.
Even all of main characters become more develops. No one changes more than Graves.
From Goth Loner to assertive pack Alpha, Graves makes it look easy.

Anyway, in short. There’s more action here folks. More secrets. Way awesome action. More emotional bombs and strong sexual chemistry.

Dru tries to hold on to herself, Graves steps up to the plate while Christophe does his guardian angel bit, popping in when there’s danger and disappearing when all is well.

The traitor is still trying to dig up trouble and it is clear that some section of the Order is putting Dru up as bait and to turn her against Christophe who Dru doesn’t really know whether she trusts or not.

Answers to what the hell is going on with Christophe and why people don’t like him much is in this second book.

More answers about what happened to her mom is also in this book.

Dru gets even closer to blooming and experience her first bloodhunger and gets all the traumatic experience that comes with it.

Graves and Dru's relationship gets even stronger.

Graves puts his foot down when Dru tries to leave him.

The Schola keeps getting ransack and Dru keeps getting hurt.

Excellent parkour scene with Dru, Graves and his pack.

Finally, Christophe decides it’s better for Dru to leave the Schola.

All in this second book folks!!!

PICK UP THE BOOK!!!

A BOOK REVIEW: LILI ST CROW's STRANGE ANGELS

2009-12-01T15:39:36Z

Title: Strange Angels

Author: Lili St. Crow

Strange Angels in two words or less: Action-packed.

What’s the book about?

Dru Anderson, a somewhat normal teenage girl who lives in two worlds. One is the world we all live in, where most things make sense, kids go to school, their parents go to work and we all live and try to tolerate each other. The other is what she calls the Real World, a world where creatures of the night not only bumps but will hunt you down and tear you to shreds.

When her mother died when she was five, her father dropped her off at his mother’s and visits her whenever he can.

Living with her grandmother, Dru grew up knowing all about the Real World. Raised by her grandmother who was the local ‘wise woman’ *cough*witch*cough* in the Appalachians she was also taught to use her instincts, some folk magic, and a genetic twist in the family that lets her sense all matters of beasties and creepy crawlers.

After her grandmother died, her father came for her. Being a military man, her father teaches her how to protect herself. Against humans and not-so-humans. He taught her strategy, martial arts, how to use weapons and guns (except for the AK-47) and how to do research from the tomes and thick books that they carter around from one town to the other. It was important for father that she knew how to take care of herself considering what they handled on a day to day basis.

Things can go very, very wrong. They go wrong all the time in the normal world, and the Real World just means they go wrong with teeth and claws, quicker than your average bear. August called it “the Situation.” Dad called it “gone south.” Juan-Raoul de la Hoya-Smith called it “mala goddamn suerte, chingada.

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As a result, Dru grew up to be tough, street wise and somewhat of a cynic when it comes to people who doesn’t know about the Real World.

Granted, her childhood was less than normal but it was hers and she was happy with it.

With her own sensory perceptiveness, when her father lets her, she helps her father in his work where she points out things that he can’t see or sense, and by telling which places to avoid or situations that wiggles her instincts.

What’s her father’s work, you ask?

Why Dru’s father is one of the few, the brave and the pissed off that knows about the things that live in the Real World and exterminates them in a big way.

They call themselves Hunters.

Yeeaaaaaaaaaah, getting that pesky feeling of familiarity yet?

But wait, there’s more. In times of danger or great stress, as an early warning, a white owl always appears before Dru. She calls it her grandmama’s owl since the first time she saw it on her dying grandmama’s hospital window.

So when Dru woke up and sees the owl from across her window…well, she’s peeved but not really worried.

She didn’t know why she didn’t tell her dad. Instead, she wheedled about going with him on a hunt but he was having none of that and told her to go to school.

She went.

Besides, how was she to know that later on her father was going to come back as a zombie?

She really should’ve told her father about grandmama’s owl.

As chapter after chapter moves further and further into the plot, uncomfortable truths about her father, her mother and her own self starts to unravel and Dru’s life crashes around her.

I really feel bad for her, it’s like watching her standing on a plastic ball, trying to juggle a gun, a vampire and a werewolf while the audience hisses and curses her.

Isn’t it strange how your live could change in a blink of an eye?

Well, not really. At least not in Strange Angels, it goes with the territory of knowing that supernatural is all around you and all you can do to survive is being stronger, faster, wilier and more ruthless than everything else.

My Thoughts

Strange Angels is exciting. I’m not just saying that. As a SUPERNATURAL fan, this book has all the trademarks that hooked me to the TV series but it takes off to another whole level of action. Mainly because the two main characters, well, main three characters turned out to be, well, part of the Supernatural crowd that Dru and her dad had been hunting almost all of their lives. Talk about a slap in the face.

If you like action, pick up this book.

If you like strong, balls to the wall type of heroine, pick up this book.

If you like plots, betrayals and supernatural know-how, pick up this book.

If you like vampires and werewolves (they call them nosferatu/upir/wampyr and werfulfen in this book), pick up this book.

If you like a damn good read, pick up this book.

Surely, for a YA book, it’s pretty bloody and doesn’t pretty up anything. It sure has a lot of swear words in it.

Dru’s a tough girl hanging out with a tough crowd but all in all, she’s still a teenage girl. She’s like a mix of Rose in Richelle Mead’s Vampire Academy, Clary in Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments and Max in James Patterson’s Maximum Ride. Three of my favorite characters in one punch. Wooohoooo!

Lili St Crow did a good job of developing plots and characters, also in describing the actions scenes, the effects…seriously, if you have visual type brains, as in you like to play little movies inside your head, this book is for you.

All in all, I gave it 4 ½ stars.

Characters:

Dru Anderson

If Dean and Sam Winchester had a sister, well, it would be Dru.

Tough, practical, no-nonsense chick. She doesn’t apologize much and she doesn’t get into a lot of situation where she has to. Most of the time, Dru keeps her head down and her mouth shut. As her dad’s hunting keeps them moving from one town to another, she’s always the new kid anyway. She’s a good liar (part of the job description), capable (being left alone for stretches of time can do that to you), low maintenance (she’s happy with pizza and her old jeans and her drawing pads), and man, she curses…a lot.

All in all, Dru’s a survivor through cunning, mojo, strength and sheer obstinacy. And of course, there’s Graves. He helps.

Graves:

It was the half-Asian goth kid from American History class.

He was too tall, and the long black coat flapped as he skidded to a stop. He’d pushed his collar up again, and the cold made his cheeks and nose cherry red under his mop of dyed-black hair. He wheezed for a second, his narrow chest heaving under a Black Sabbath T-shirt, and peered at me through strings of hair. His eyes were an odd pale green, but his hair managed to keep them from doing more than peeping out every once in a while. In a few years he’d probably be a real looker, with those contrasting eyes and the thick wavy dark hair.

Right now, though, he was in that funny in-between stage where every part of a guy’s body looks like it was pulled out of a different parts catalog. Poor kid.”

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A tall, green eyed, tanned, half Asian Goth boy who had nothing else to do but hang around Dru. Gawky, insecure, complicated and scandalously laid back, he was there when Dru needed help and didn’t have the good sense to leave her well enough alone. Even when he got chased down by hellhounds and werwulfen (a fancy other word for werewolves). Even when he got bit by a werwulf.

Dru knew better, she should’ve left him behind. He was infected. Should’ve killed him to save herself. But she couldn’t do it, Graves after all had helped her out when she needed help the most.

Thankfully, a technical issue (insert laughter here) seemed to protect Graves from getting an all out change or Dru would have been in the distasteful position of killing Graves. Instead of being a werwulf, he became what was known as the loup-garou (yes, it’s only a French word for werewolves, but in the lore, these two things are usually different. I guess it’s a culture thing). It’s probably like the difference between werewolves and a skin walker/shapeshifter.

Being a loup-garou means that he gets all the benefits of the change: highly enhanced strength and senses, but doesn’t get the risk of losing himself to the madness of the beast, well, at least not much. His outer body does change though, more fur, his jaw realigns to make way for sharper teeth but everything else remains human. Mostly.

To quote Christophe: The Loup-garou are princes among werwulfen.

Hell, Graves is a prince among men. Seriously. I love this character. He’s right up there with Twilight’s Jacob Black in my favorite list.

He fascinates me, he shifts from insecure kid to more-mature-than-he-looks kid to where did this kid come from? Graves got layers to him and with every layer that is peel away, you like and respect him even more. As the story progress, you know there’s more to this boy than he lets on. He’s got integrity and loyalty and a big, big heart.

This quote about Graves makes me laugh.

“No, I’m good.” I picked my way over to the bookcase and peered at the paperbacks. He liked horror novels, lots of Stephen King, Richard Matheson, Dean Koontz. But there was also a copy of Sun Tzu’s The Art of War and a stack of books about the Spanish Civil War, as well as a thick, well-read history of World War II. And—good Lord. There was a whole shelf of romance novels, with pink bodice-ripping covers. Right over the bottom shelf of heavy, thick math textbooks.

This guy was getting more interesting all the time.

Strange Angels chapter 7

One thing for sure, he’s adopted Dru and he’s bloody well keeping her, werwulfen, flying snakes, sneaky eyed nosferats and cocky, djampir (half human-half nosferatu) jerk-offs be damned! And you can tell that Dru feels good about having him around. Even when she was feeling like beyond crap, something about Graves makes her feel better and I don’t blame her. Graves is just an awesome guy.

As a shipper of Twilight’s Jacob/Bella, Dru and Graves intrigues me cause they display the same natural ‘we belong together’ vibe.

His favorite quote: First one’s free. This quote sort of became a trademark and playful bickering between Dru and Graves. I love it.

You can probably tell he’s my favorite character, right?

Christophe Reynard:

Christophe folded his arms. He should have looked ridiculous with snow plastered all over him, but somehow he didn’t. “I told you, I am djamphir. I am of the Kouroi. I hunt the beasts that fill the night.

Strange Angels-chapter 20

Dru found Christophe’s number in her Dad’s journal and suddenly, he just shows out of nowhere, saves Dru from a werwulf that had attacked and bit Graves earlier on and then disappears only to reappear again at the front porch of her house.

It turns out that he is one of The Order, a group whose mission is to kill as many nosferats as possible but Dru knows more than he is telling. And why the hell does he smell like apple pie?

Apparently, he is another member of the exclusive supernatural creature club. He is a djampire (half human-half nosferatu) who, like in the usual lore are vampire hunters. They have highly enhanced senses, strength and even the blood thirst of a vampire but mostly, when they’re in relax mode, they’re human enough. Oh, and they can go in the sunlight.

When their Nosferatu gene is triggered, the fangs drop, blond streaks appear in their hair, and crap, their fast.

Mostly, djampirs are killed by their nosferatu sires because they threaten nosferat society, they are after all, the most perfect weapon for killing them. In effect, djampirs are determined to kill nosferatu even more. Djampirs hate nosferatu so much, that they’re willing to work with the nosferatu’s natural enemy, the werwulfen who are known to even work with hunters to take out nosferatu’s nests.

Oh, and if you have a djampir in your family line, then expect for your family to always pop out a djampir.

Anyway, back to Christophe…he’s a puzzle that one. He’s forceful, condescending, keeps secrets way too close to his chest. In short, he’s an ass.

But he’s an ass who is on their side so Dru warily trusts him to get them (Christophe only wants to save Dru but Dru insists on Graves coming with her) to safety…to a point.

Oh, and he also gives vague foreign (something from the Balkan region, perhaps Romanian?) nicknames for Dru.

If you like Mortal Instrument’s Jace Wayland, you’ll probably love Christophe, although Christophe also comes and go and seems to have his own agenda.

ASH

A werwulf ‘broken’ to the will of Sergej, The King of Vampires. Broken means enslaved and unable to return back to human. He is a pet, a gopher and an enforcer all rolled into one. Can be distinguished by the silver streak on his head, the last of the wulfen line the silverheads. He’s also the werwulf who bit Graves.

SERGEJ

The (sort of) King of Vampires. The Badass of all Badasses. He’s agenda isn’t quite clear in the first book. Mainly, he’s the one responsible for all the bad things that happens and had happened to Dru, from the death of her mother (he killed her), the reanimation of her father (killed him and made him into a zombie) and well, he’s also trying to kill Dru.

Why, you ask? PICK UP THE BOOK.

Newmoon Review...yes, Another One...

2009-11-29T06:12:08Z

I finally got to watch NEWMOON today!!

Well, just to warn you, I watched alone so as not to get distracted but apparently, I do a good job of distracting myself...anyway, every time Edward/Bella had a moment (meaning no Jake), I sit back...but when I know something fun is going to happen (Jake and wolves and action) I lean forward.

Here’s my take:

Charlie, Charlie was being all so cute..."my gifts not wrap so it doesn't count..."…”actually your mom coordinated me…” *snigger*

I laughed my ass off at Edward's slo mo entrance at the beginning...I mean was that really necessary???

But Jake came with the dream catcher, the smile Bella had for Jake was so cute...I had a giggly moment at their interaction...Jacob's face when they discussed Rabbit…and WHERE IS RABBIT anyway? We didn’t get to see it…

I was just so happy that Bella actually had this whole part of her life and conversation that didn't even so much as touched Edward and vampires. So, Bella was talking about Rabbit and Jacob's need to go fast...while Edward was standing stiffly on the background, not quite belonging somehow...(in Eclipse, it was like the motorcycle bit where Edward actually bought a motorcycle but Bella was all reluctant and Edward said something like, "That's okay, this is something that you share with Jacob....and I was like nyaha ha ha ha ha ha...Eat dirt, sucker...(LOL, I made a pun)

Rpatzz’s reciting Romeo’s line…I COULD’VE DONE THAT MUCH BETTER…I didn’t get the scene, what did it mean? Was I suppose to flail around and be impress that he knew the lines or what?

Birthday scene, Emmet’s “Dating an older woman. Hawt” comment made me and the other movie watchers laughed. Rosalie’s sullen gift giving was so cute.

...the papercut thing, does paper cut really bleed out like that? I mean, Bella was practically squirting all over the place...and yeah, the scene could be so much darker and fiercer...and fat lot of help you were, Edward...*headpalm* “Oh, Bella is bleeding, Jasper is salivating (his hair!!). I have to save her, I have to, I have to….PUSH HER AGAINST A GLASS TABLE SO SHE CAN BLEED SOME MOOOOOOAAAAR…”

Didn’t think that through, huh, Eddiekins? Grace under fire? Yeah, so not Edward.

Carlisle and Bella scene, I thought she was hugging him or something because her arm was against his waist...I was like woah, Bella...one Cullen at a time, key??!

A big flashing neon sign that a relationship is not good for you is when you can’t stand looking at yourself beside the person you love. I mean the folded picture thing? Geez, freaking hell Bella. Way to go hatin’ on yourself.

The Edward and Bella break up scene…”I don’t want you to come….” *snigger and kicks mind out of the gutter*. This scene didn’t impact me at all, I went…*yawn*, move along.

Bella’s searching through further into the forest got me rolling my eyes and when she fell and stayed down, I think I heard the offended howls of every strong woman in the world. Everytime, she yelled for Edward, a feminist died.

The forest was pretty though…it was a shame she didn’t wear her red coat that she wore in Twilight. A girl in a red hoodie, stumbling in the woods….and then meeting a wolf? Classic.

Then Wolf!Sam, big ass wolf!Sam.

Oooh, Jacob and Sam interaction.

I got bored and snoozed until the months came and went, then Billy--Charlie, I meant CHARLIE--suggested Bella to go away to her mother’s...I was kind of startled, Kirsten's cheeks looked sunken there...good make up I guess.

Bella and Jessica bonding through zombie movies…NOT.

Snoozed again...then JACOB (leaned forward with a stupid grin on my face...), and the way he threw whatever he was holding onto once he got out of the garage kind of made me giggle...course, I was having the worst case of the giggles all through the movie...I was so slap happy.

What's up with the "loca"...thing huh?...What's up with the Spanish?

But the twirly hug was cute, and Jacob...uh, the smile on Taylor's face blinded me...literally, his teeth were just so freakin white against his skin.

“I brought you something.”

"Scrap metal. You shouldn't have."

That face he made when Bella told her about motorcycles but then shrugs it off and worked with it. I kind of grinned at that scene because I was sitting pretty close with a row made out of teenagers, boy and girl, and they were like "woah" when Jacob lifted the motorcycles. Lift with your knees, Jake. Good boy.

Okay, let’s take a sec to take in that look in his eyes when Bella’s “Becareful, the bike is heavy..” faded into amazement…how flirty and hot was that look? I keep having palpitations every time I look at it. And I’m not the palpitating kind of girl.

Then of course the "Age is nothing but a number baby, what are you forty?"...man, that sentence was so effortless!! He SOLD it. It takes a special kind of man to say baby and make it sound sweet and awesome.

The Jacob/Bella collage...age bickering...Bella reaching out to touch something on the motorcycle and Jacob pushing away Bella’s hand from it made me grin and cackle, pizza throwing, Jake catching something ( a wrench?) without even looking, QUIL and EMBRY, friend betting...so cute...

“There was no ‘reckless’ toast…I wanted THAT! No warm soda’s, no hiking…various points that had made into the complaints sections.
Embry’s “I don’t remember him making that distinction…” LOL, rub it in, boys.

Bella's letter to Alice about Jacob..."he makes me feel alive..."....ALIVE, Bella. That's right...!!! And yet, you still...*headpalm*

Charlie's “sometimes you gotta learn to love what's good for you”...oh, this is what every TEAM JACOB wants to say, Charlie said it! And in such an awesome way. Charlie is so Team Jacob it's ridic. He’s like the patriarch of Team Jacob. Hail, Charlie!!!

“Course, what do I know?…eternal bachelor, ladies man…” Awwwwww….

Almost forgot, the bike scene, "sort of beautiful". I still can't keep a straight face every time I watch Jacob stand up, as if displaying himself and taking his shirt off...”Oh, you’re bleeding let me take off my shirt and fix that for you..”.the row of teenagers near me burst into giggling and clapping and cat calling. There was even this lone guy who went “Duuuuude!!”, at least, the Indonesian equivalent of it.

The “sort of beautiful” Got a lot of awws…and Jacob’s “How hard did you hit your head again?” got laughs.

Mike and the protein...oh man, geez....and the face he made when Bella invited everyone else...

Mike+Bella+Jacob=Awkward...I giggled all the way, and the people around me burst out laughing when the camera pans over the bear claw hands...I was kind of disappointed that they didn't prolong the Jake and Bella laughing at the gore scene as in the book, that was a nice moment for them...

I did laugh loads at the conversation in the movie they were watching…

"What a marshmallow."

"I can't hold your hand now?" I have a beef over that too, way lack of hand holding.

“You like me, right? And you think I’m sort of beautiful…” *geez, the kid is not good for my heart.

That whole conversation there and the shoulder leaning...oh, that scene warms my heart...then of course Mike had to come...Jacob's face was priceless, it's like saying, "Oh, no you didn’t..."

Yeah, the whole Jacob threatening Mike was OFF, like WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT HUH????

Bella trying to get Jacob to call her...”Jake, please call me.” That was a bittersweet moment.

Jacob in the rain....breaking up scene, yeah, that could've been better, but Taylor was GOOD, in there. Supply him with a good dialogue and BAM, that scene would've been heart breaking...Melissa Rosenberg, what were you thinking? That was one of the greatest moments in NEWMOON, one of the turning point GORRAMIT. You should’ve paid more attention to it!

I wanted Charlie yelling at the phone to Billy…

The Meadow scene, oh geez, the flashbacks to Bella lying around staring at Edward…GURL, get a life…you want to stare at a sparkling thing, get a disco ball…geeeeeeeeeez….

The werewolves entering the stage scene...awesome...we've already discuss that to death...no use on beating a dead werewolf...

JAKE IN BELLA's ROOM, that scene was one of the greatest, ninja Jake made people in my theater gasped in awe, and when Bella touched Jake's abs...giggly moment for all...the look on Jake's face when he caught sight of his dream catcher was awesome.

Hair Grabbing!!! I hate what they’re doing to you...

Jacob’s face as he saw the scar.

As I said in previous spoilers, when Bella suggested for them to runaway, and Jacob asked, "You'd do that?" And Bella said, as if to emphasized, "I'd do that for you..." This burst out my heart because, way back when Charlie told her to go to Renee's but Bella adamantly refused but she would...for JAKE...that alone tells us how she feels about him.

And then his answer...heartbreaking...GAH...I also kind of like the fact that he was restless and sort of pandered around the room, as if he was curious about her bedroom. Totally Jake, I was kind of pissed that he had to be TOLD that Bella doesn’t like music…and where was Mike, Jake, Bella moment in the car??? Geez.

THE Half Naked HUG...(major awwwws in my theater for this)...and the way she drags herself from his arms like she wanted to stay like that just a little bit more...I instantly wanted to have a hug from Taylor too, not because of his awesome bod, but because I highly suspect that Taylor is one of the best hug givers….

Emily and Sam, Alex’s sorry…yeah, the ‘she runs with vampires’ could’ve gone better. Muffins!

Bella and Jake’s “You kill people.” Could’ve gone much better…

"I got a vampire to kill"...his face when he said that....I wanted to hug him in gratitude! My row burst into excited titters at this.

Charlie, Harry, Victoria thing/ Jake duking it out with Victoria and the Pack running after her…mucho awesome…Victoria’s hair was RED, again awesome.

I had an ‘AHA’ moment when Victoria dove into the sea and Jake stopped at the edge of the cliff.

This scene:

That scene took my breath away because it looked very pretty and powerful and because it fit this image that I had of a scene in my fic The Passing Years, where Jake carved a statue of a wolf standing on a cliff. I squeed internally there.

Bella’s major idiocy (other than marrying Edward and choosing to be a vampire) with the cliff diving incident…I laughed myself to bits when she banged her head.

Jacob saving Bella..*sigh* THE TRUCK SCENE….Jacob chuckling as he saw Bella shivering…”180 degrees over here.” OH MY HEART.
Bella snuggling to Jacob…yeah, finally! Snuggles!

“It’s a wolf thing.”
“No, it’s a Jacob thing. You’re warm. You’re like your own sun.”
SQUEAL!!!!
Oh, this scene was most awesome!!! “I’ll tell you how special you are.”…*melts into a puddle of goo…there was even a slight stinging in my eyes*
The Almost Kiss pt I, Bella copping out, Jacob’s frustration. Bella nuzzling his neck.

Oh, it’s Alice…*snooze*

Jacob’s. “I had to see if you were safe.”
“I thought you're forbidden protect me here.”
“Maybe I just don’t care.”

*jumps up and down*

Alice’s ‘put the dog out.”
“We don’t have to keep doing this to each other.”
“Yes, we do.”
*jumps up and down and flail around.”

The Quileute thing didn’t quite flow ( they should’ve prolonged the staring into each other eyes scene, then tighten the camera on Taylor’s face then deliver the Quileute words. That would work) but still awesome…THE ALMOST KISS pt 2…

STUPID PHONE!!! Yeah, I liked the book version better, where Jacob kept his eyes on Bella. As always I wanted to slap Bella when she yelled at Jacob for not giving her the phone.

JACOB begging!!! I kind of wondered why they made Jacob lean over Alice at that scene, I mean, wouldn’t it make more sense for him to NOT be on Alice’s side of the car and followed Bella to her side…It would just be a reflex. Girl he loves, girl he wants to kill…follow girl he loves…See?

“Stay for Charlie, for me. Please…” If Bella was staring at that beautiful face from HER window, a mere inch from her face, staring at her with those eyes, Bella would’ve never gone to Italy, she would certainly stayed at Forks, married Jacob and have werewolf babies because who could’ve refused those eyes? (DENIAL CITY IS MY HOME, BITCHES).

NO PALM KISS…*heart rends into a million pieces*

*snooze over the whole car and Bella running scene* Dmitri and Felix came…oooh…it amused me to see the deference on Edward’s face when Jane came.

The elevator scene…Jane’s complete imitation of a marble statue…I keep expecting a muzak twinkling at the background…that would’ve been comic relief.

OH, JUST FIGHT ALREADY!!!

Alice got caught? Wasn’t she supposed to be an awesome fighter because she could read the future? What, she didn’t expect to be CAUGHT when she tried something? Seriously? I would’ve expected it even if I can’t read minds or see the future…and was Edward just weak from not drinking? Cause I thought his mind reading would’ve at least made him at a draw with Felix. Both Edward and Alice need to learn how to use their powers more efficiently.

*awed pause* Edward and Bella frolicking in the forest, enjoying Bella’s newfound powers…laughing, smiling, undoubtedly spouting Romeo and Juliet’s dialogue’s to each other…seriously, there wasn’t a dry eye in the theater…CAUSE WE WERE ALL LAUGHING SO HARD WE WERE IN TEARS…it was SO Bollywood. I keep expecting them to enact a dance scene and burst into song.

That’s a thought, a Bollywood version of Twilight…man, people would come to that in droves, I mean, I would’ve.

Yeah, another point of contention, I still don’t get why The Cullens didn’t just go to Italy and rescue their precious Edward themselves, I mean, they could’ve like put a smack down on him by their lonesome…, sheesh.

The vote, Rosalie’s “This is not a life that I would have chosen for myself…I wished there was somebody who voted no for me.”

Great moment there…but of course Emmet ruined the moment with a “Hell, yeah”…I mean, really? Your wife was pouring her heart out and you didn’t even give her a shoulder rub or a meaningful glance….?

Jacob standing in front of the middle of the road, how bad ass was that?

Bella being whiny, Edward being chivalrous and Jacob being explosive…it could’ve gone better…totally butchered Jacob’s character there.

Bella’s “read his mind, would he hurt me?”. Yes, she probably said this to calm Edward down, but really, that burned me.
Bella’s “I love you. Don’t make me choose.” (by here I meant, what the hell? So what? You get to have both you greedy bitch?) “ because I’ll choose him…it’s always been him.”
OH, STAB HIM WITH A KNIFE AND TWIST, BELLA. It would’ve been better.
Jacob’s broken…”Bella.” MAN, that tore up my heart and set it on fire.
Edward being a total fart by parting them before both of them was ready, of course Jacob would explode…
Bella’s “You can’t hurt each other without hurting me.”

Jacob’s flattened ears, the image of Bella’s face reflected in his eye…*heart screaming in agony*…
Bella’s expression as she watched Jacob ran away and her soft “Jacob. (GREAT JOB KIRSTEN!!!)…yeah, not really resolved there, huh, Bella?

Edward’s, “Marry me..” *roll eyes*
All in all, Kirsten and Taylor were awesome as Jacob/ Bella despite the total mess that Melissa Rosenberg made of the dialogues. It was loads better than Twilight though, so I am appease. Now I can move on with my life and feel sickly worried about Eclipse.

The Passing Years chapter 34-Heartbeats

2009-11-29T05:08:15Z

Jacob parked his classic black Harley in front of Bell’s and studied the store. The store’s front was charming and inviting, the faux effect of red brick walls and the wide open windows that presented a display of books, a deep sink-into-me chair, knick knacks and pastries. Little pots of flowers were scattered here and there to complete the come-inside-and-get-a-cup-coffee-and-read look.

It’s been a week, two days and fifteen hours since they’d been ‘together’. Ironically that night had also been the last night they’d seen each other. On the morning after, Bella was called out on an ordering emergency while he had to take care of JEQ’s new but starting to be popular department; restoration and customization of Harleys of any kind. It was an idea he was trying out and it seemed to come together since they had four new orders so he, Quil, Embry and his senior mechanics kept busy.

Tonight was the first night he and Bella didn’t have conflicted schedules and she had asked him to come by at closing time.

He caught sight of Brian from behind the cashier and knocked on the door to get his attention. The teenager grinned and walked over to open the door. “Hey, Jake. How are you?”

“Good.” Better than good, his garage was going great, he finally convinced his dad to get rid of his old wheelchair and he was going to see Bella. Life was sweet.

He watched the teen locked the door behind him and approved of his cautiousness. He checked the security alarm panel that was hidden discreetly behind one potted lemon tree and winced when a loud jarring sound came from the speakers and hastily filtered his sense of hearing. Even after all these years, his heightened senses had a knack for knocking him onto his ass, he quickly searched for something to focus on to, something monotonous and simple and decided on the soft, slow ticking of the grandfather clock that was propped near the cash register. By doing so, his ears readjust and every other noise dampened into normal volume.

Brian bopped his head to the music as his wiped down tables and jerked a thumb to the kitchen. “There all in there. Just go in.”

“Then why are you here?”

Brian sighed. “Got the short straw, besides, I make a mean coffee pot but baking isn’t really my thing.”

“Thanks.” As he walked closer, the crisp, raspy voice of Sammy Hagar was joined with several other voices singing on and off key between laughter and insults. The smells of flour, sugar, butter and fruits clogged his nostrils and he fought not to sneeze, the miasma of scents coating the ceiling of his mouth, teasing his taste buds.

His stomach protested and he stifled a chuckle.

His lips stretched from a smile to a grin when he was greeted by the sight of complete mayhem. Flour was everywhere, also bits of fruit and whatever was smeared all over floor, coated the tables and splotched against multi-hued skin. There were also suspicious stains against the ceiling and walls. Even as he stood there staring, a piece of banana sailed across the room, what smelled like raspberry juice arched and splattered against Lulu’s apron and had Tina screeching with laughter. A man he didn’t know held a squirting instrument like it was an automatic weapon chased Misha around the long, wide wooden table that was placed in the center of the kitchen where plates, tinfoil, cookie cutters, measuring cups, blenders, two juice makers, a thermos, bowls of icing of every color, and carefully rounded dough were scattered in an order that he couldn’t quite figure out. Lulu, Tina, Misha and the lone gun man was wearing trash bags over their clothes and bath caps over their heads to protect them from the mess they were tossing around.

Jacob was sure if a Health Inspector came to the scene, Bell’s would be shut down for good.

But what amazed him most was that in the middle of all the screaming, squirting, throwing and singing was Bella, covered in muck, dressed in an old T-shirt and sweats and neon plastic sandals on her feet.

And much to his delight, she was dancing.

Oh, all right, she was merely circling the table, swaying back and forth, shuffling her feet and awkwardly flapping her arms but hey, she got rhythm.

Jacob saw her lips were busy muttering something as she placed mango slices on cups of dough and as he focused his hearing, he heard that she was singing off key. “We were loud, loud like a hurricane, loud like a roaring train. We were LOUD.” She sang under her breath, shifting from foot to foot to the beat of the music as she pinched more flour to the table, a rolling pin on one hand. Sammy Hagar’s Loud was also on JEQ’s playlist and he kind of felt, well, strangely touched that they had listened to the same song as they worked in their own places. He watched her joined the other four people in jumping all around the kitchen and found himself thinking that if he wasn’t already so much in love with her, this would push him head over heels.

You can admire people because of their bravery, respect people because of their deeds, care for people because of their inherent goodness but you know that what you’re feeling is love when you see a person in their dorkiest, stupidest, mind-boggling behavior and found them endearingly heart breaking.

Jacob was smiling so wide that his cheeks hurt but he didn’t care, something inside his chest burst open at the sight of a dirty faced, crazy haired, shrieking-like-a-mad-woman Bella.

Oh man, he was such a goner. Not that he didn’t know that already.

He watched as Bella twisted in mid-air and finally caught sight of him, her jaw dropped with surprise and typically, Bella lost her balance. Stepping forward to catch her was something of a reflex.

Bella straightened in his arms and blinked at him before a blindingly bright smile bloomed on her face. “Jake, you’re here.”

He’d seen that smile before, he’d watched it on her face as she race across the school yard in order to get to him, he remembered the rich tumble of her laughter as they cleared the miles to the rez’s territory line, the grip of her fingers on his waist and the glow in her eyes when he had looked back to grin at her.

His fingers tightened on the curve of her slender waist and smiled back when she looked at him as if she hadn’t him for months and then, as if had she just realized what the scene looked like, a flush rose slowly to her cheeks. “Um, you’re early.”

Jacob raised an eyebrow and sent a meaningful look across the kitchen. “This is a food service thing, isn’t it?”

Her forehead wrinkled.

“You know, unobtrusively serving us poor customers who don’t have a clue about what goes on at the kitchen…do you spit in coffee and douse the sauce in rat poison?”

Lulu cackled. “Only when they’ve been bad.”

Bella scowled at him and Lulu. “It’s our annual cleaning of the staff's fridge.”

Jacob perked up. “I remember those.”

Bella rolled her eyes. “Of course you do, I practically crammed everything left in Charlie’s fridge down your throat. It’s a miracle you haven’t went up and died of food poisoning.” She mused.

“Aw, you’re cooking isn’t all that bad, Bells.”

She snorted. Then she realized she was still in his arms—probably from the way Lulu, Misha and Tina was smirking away—and jerked away in embarrassment. Jacob could actually feel a frown starting on his forehead but he managed to shrug it off. He put his hands in his pocket because of the sudden urge to pull her back at his side and spread his gaze over the kitchen. Besides the mess, he’d always been partial to this room and not just because it’s a source of never-ending miraculous snacks but because it was cheerful with the dandelion yellow walls, the white tiles with small painted daisies, the big back windows painted a moss green and several small potted herbs that gave the air a spicy smell. Not even the state of the art ovens, the walk in freezer, the subzero fridge, the arrays of spoons, spatula and the like hanging over the island table, the stove and the silver aluminum racks filled with tin cans and pails, and pans and whatever could take away the home kitchen feeling. He could see himself pulling out one of the stools and sit on the island to watch her make something or other, just like he had before at Charlie’s.

At the corner of his eye he saw Bella sneaked a peek at him as if she was reassuring herself that he was there and smiled a secret smile. He felt his own lips quirked into a smile.

Lulu coughed. “Jake, haven’t seen you in a while.”

Jacob hitched his hips on a clean spot on a counter. “Yeah, been busy with the garage.”

“Business doing good?” Tina asked while she whisked something in a green bowl.

Jacob nodded.

Misha let out a small gasp and snapped her fingers as if she just remembered something. The surprise on her face belied the mischievous twinkling in her eyes “Jake, you haven’t met Damien, right?”

Bella fumbled with her rolling pin and it dropped with a sharp clack on the table.

Tina swallowed a smile. “You okay, Bella?”

“Fine.” She mumbled as she tossed a look to whom Jacob already deduced as Damien who lifted an eyebrow back at her. Bella stifled a sigh.

Did that silent exchange bother him? Sure.

Did the cool, calculating look on Damien’s green eyes put his back up? Of course.

Did it grate on his nerve that Damien didn’t look ridiculous even when he was wearing a trash bag and bath cap? Yes.

But then again, he wasn’t the one dating Bella, right?

Jake held up a hand. “Jacob.”

He didn’t wince when something squish between their hands, “Damien. Been hearing a lot about you.”

Jake inched up his smile. “Same here. Think they’re trying to set us up against each other?”

The grin on Damien’s face was wide and sharp. “I wouldn’t put it against them.”

“Why would they do that?”

Damien waved a hand in the air. “You know how it is. Women when they’re bored, they get into plotting, creating trouble. Inciting riots.”

Jake stifled a smile and sighed mournfully. “It all went to hell as soon as we gave them the right to vote.”

Damien took out two beers from the crew fridge and handed one to him. They clinked bottles. “Amen, brother.”

The Three rolled their eyes and muttered something derogatory and flaming about male genitalia. Bella however simply kept flicking them worried looks.

Damien poked a finger on her dirty cheek. “Don’t worry, sweets. I won’t kill him until you tell me to.” He then took a pull from the bottle and smiled amiably at Jake, the smile only widening when Bella speared him with an exasperated look.

Lulu took hold of the rolling pin from Bella’s hands and shooed her. “Now, you two go on. You had dinner plans and you need to take a shower, Bella.”

Just as if she realized what she must look like, Bella made a dismayed sound and hesitantly fingered her hair which was sticky and clumpy with…stuff. Jacob grinned when an embarrassed flush pinked her cheeks. “Don’t worry about it, Bells. You look, well, delicious. Is that cream custard on your head?”

Misha squinted. “No, I think that’s filling.”

“I’ll just…go.” She made some sort of gesture and inched toward the stairs, ignoring the laughter. Jake trailed after her.

“That turned out quite well.” She commented as they climbed up stairs. “I thought Damien would tie you down and interrogate you or something.”

“He could try.”

Bella aimed a glance at him. “Be nice.”

Jake snorted. “Don’t be fooled by his amiable acceptance, Bells. He’s just waiting for the perfect time to flay me alive.”

Bella stopped and turn to look at him. “That’s ridiculous.”

He leaned his shoulder on the wall. “Bells, I’m a stranger in his territory. Believe me, once I give him an excuse, he’ll kick my ass out. A territory can’t have two Alphas.”

“You’re thinking like a wolf.”

“I’m thinking like a man.” He shrugged. “Personally, I’m kind of relieved you have someone like him at your side.”

Bella glanced at him before walking up again. “Why?”

Jake grinned. “He probably frightened off more than enough guys who came sniffing at you.” Thankful or not, Jake would have to make clear that scaring him off was…well, laughable. He could respect Damien cautiousness, he was after all man of the house in Bella’s little circle. But even when he knew it wouldn’t be a fair fight, he almost hoped Damien would spring a punch at him because as he saw Bella among her friends, a stabbing pain went through his chest and he couldn’t help but resent them for having Bella, for Bella having them while he was…

It was ridiculous really, he should be glad that Bella had found friends, and he was. He was also enormously relieved that she found work that she loved and friends that she cared about who also watched out for her…but he couldn’t help the thought that...he could’ve done better. He should've been here.

It looked he hadn't quite forgiven her.

He shook himself, little resentments like that could crop up into big ones and it could mess everything up. But the thought persisted enough that he reached an arm to hold Bella’s. She stopped and turned.

“We promised no more lies, right?”

Bella nodded, her eyes wary.

“That we’re not going to hide anything?”

She nodded again.

Jake looked into her eyes in the dim stairway but darkness didn’t matter to his werewolf eyes. “I’m jealous.”

Bella’s mouth sprung open. “But Jake, Damien is—“

“No, not of Damien.” He frowned. “Well, sort of but…it’s them, Bella.”

“Them?”

Jake smiled at the confused look on her face. “Don’t you notice? You have your own pack. Lulu, Brian, Tina, Misha and Damien, they’re your pack and I don’t know them. They had time with you that I didn’t have, they have a history with you that I don’t know. These last few years…I want my pack to be your pack, your family.” Jake paused in embarrassment, to his ears he sounded like a selfish, whiny boy that had lost hold of his favorite toy. “I’m jealous of them…and resentful of their time with you.” Uncomfortable, Jake looked away from her face. God, he’d never felt this vulnerable in a long time.

She took a step down so they could be face to face and held his face between her hands. Her eyes were soft and not a little amused and baffled. He gave her a rueful grin which made her lips curve into delicate smile. “Jake, how do you think I feel every time you go romping all about the forest with your pack? Then there’s your tribe, and Rachel. Quil and Embry are not just your pack brothers but also your best friends and you’ve known each other since birth.”

“Not really, probably since we were four.”

She poked him in the chest before sliding a glance at him that made him feel uneasy. She hesitated, mulled at what she wanted to say but carried through. “Then there are the women.” Her voice carried softly to him.

“There were the women.” He corrected just as softly before grinning. “I only have one woman now.”

Her eyes dropped to his collar even as her hands glided over his shoulders, her fingers curling over the ends of his hair. “I hate every single one of them because they had you.”

He couldn’t help but circle his arms around her waist pulling her to him. Feeling tickled and insanely smug. “Do you?”

She shrugged and tipped her head down and shyly tucked her face into the curve of his neck. Jacob held her tightly even as he belatedly remembered the muck that she had all over her. But he was mechanic, he had muck all over him daily. Besides, it would take more than sticky sugar and flour to stop him from wanting to hold her. He pressed his lips to her temple and felt her slide even closer to him, her arms circling his neck. The scent of sweets and spices and flour wrapped around them and Jacob couldn’t feel more content as he felt her heartbeat knocked against his chest.

His heart twisted, floated and eased down in his chest.

“You know what I miss the most, Jake?”

“What?” He whispered against her ear.

“Your bone crunching hugs.”

“My bone crunching hugs?” He repeated, amused.

She sighed and her breath wafted over the skin of her neck. Bella put her head on his shoulder. “Every one of your hugs, actually.”

His interest caught. “Really?”

She nodded, brushing her cheek on his shoulder. “You always give out the best hugs.”

The tiny bites of resentment were overwhelmed by a well of affection and love, he wondered why he fed that small petty part of him anyway when he could have this. “Well, anytime you want one, you only need to ask.”

Her arms tightened around him before she pulled back and kissed him lightly on his cheek and on the other cheek. Then after a brief hesitation, she put her lips to his for a quick kiss. He barely tasted her before she put her fingers in his and pulled him up.

He didn’t need a mirror to see the big, stupid smile that erupted on his face. The same smile that had aggravated everyone in his vicinity, the same dreamy look on his face that made Embry and Quil announced him useless and majorly annoying then kicked him out of their private workroom. Not that he put up much of a fight, he was just happy he could see her faster.

Bella opened the door to her apartment and sighed while Jacob raised both his brows when they saw Mercy lying on the floor with her eyes closed.

“Mercy, I told you, you can use the bed. And you guys aren’t finished, yet?”

Mercy’s eyes opened. “Don’t blame me. Blame Mr. Perfectionist over there.”

“Hey, any job worth doing is worth doing well.” Caleb shouted from the bathroom. There was a loud clang and a louder curse.

Mercy sat up, “Seriously Caleb, if you can’t do it…”

“Yes, I can. Stop nagging at me, woman.”

Jacob sent a questioning gaze to Mercy.

“He’s fixing…or trying to fix the shower head. He’s been at it like twenty minutes now.” She turned her head to the bathroom. “What’s the problem, Caleb?”

“Shut it and let me work.”

Mercy rolled her eyes. “He’s been like that for the rest of day.”

Bella got a can of coke from her fridge. “Is he even close to finishing ‘cause I really need a shower.”

The younger girl looked at her and did a double take. “Geez, what did you do? Throw pies at each other?”

Jacob laughed. “Something like that.”

“Well, since you’re here, might as well join us for dinner.”

Mercy’s dark eyes turned mischievous when they slid to Jacob’s face before saying sweetly. “Oh, no. We can’t do that.”

“Oh, yes we can.” Caleb prompted.

Mercy’s smirk grew wider. “But, we’ll be interrupting.”

It seemed to Jacob that Mercy and Bella had reached a sort of impasse since earlier on Bella would turned quietly bemused at Mercy’s sharp smirk, now she just rolled her eyes before turning to him. “They might as well join us since a few people seemed to have invited themselves anyway.”

Jacob chuckled softly. “Knew it was too easy.”

“They didn’t mean anything by it, they just want to get to know you better, I guess. I don’t really talk about my life…before.”

She seemed so guilty and ill at ease that Jacob brushed the back of his hand across her cheek. “It’s all right, Bells. I’d like to get to know them, too.”

The smile that crept up her eyes warmed his heart.

“Right.” Mercy shot to her feet and clapped sharply, ruining the moment. “Before you guys get all mushy and getting all kissy face, I’ll just get myself downstairs and salvage some snacks.”

“Get some for me!”

“Hurry up, creep.” She shouted back at Caleb before she cleared the stairs in record time.

Jacob twisted his neck to the door just in case Mercy fell and broke her neck. “We got to do something about this you know.”

Bella looked at him while she took out plates and plates of food from the oven. Her expression questioning.

“Between Charlie, my dad, my pack and your pack, we’ll never get time alone.”

She bit her bottom lip and gave him a look that he couldn’t quite understand. “I know. I’ve been thinking about that.”

“Yeah?”

“What about we go somewhere? You know, just the two of us.” She took off the aluminum foil covering and shrugged. A soft blush highlighting her cheekbones. “Not like a trip—I mean, like a date.”

“A date.”

“Yeah. A date.”

Jacob could practically smell the sweat that was coming off of her. He watched her throat work and the way her eyes sneaked peeks from the veil of her hair. It was sweet how she seemed so nervous and unsure. He probably took too long to answer because she immediately waved a hand. “I mean, it’s all right if you don’t want, too. As you said you’re busy—“

“Hey.” Jacob wrapped his fingers around her upper arms and pulled her to him. “If you want to go on a date. We’ll go on a date.”

She frowned at him. “Not if you don’t want to.”

He wanted to laugh. “Bells, honey, don’t you know by now that I pretty much will do anything for you? And are you kidding me? A date means I finally have you to myself, why wouldn’t I want it?”

Her frown deepened. “I don’t know. Sometimes, you just confuse me. When I expect you to do something, you don’t and when I don’t, you do.”

Jacob chuckled at the aggrieved look on her face. “Good, I don’t want to be predictable.”

“Believe me, Jake. Nothing about you is predictable.”

“No? How about this?” He swooped down and covered her mouth with his. The kiss was slow, and warm and wet. He teased her with his mouth, his tongue, his teeth and his fingertips on her skin, keeping the pressure of his lips unbearably soft until she lifted herself on tip toes to reach more of his mouth. Fire erupted in his belly and he knew he had to step back or he would end up doing something they wouldn’t be ready for. Not that he would object if she...

Jacob eased back and cleared his throat.

“There’s nothing predictable about that.” She murmured.

“No?” He asked, his tone impish. “Me, having you alone with my arms around you. I thought the outcome would’ve been pretty predictable.”

Bella snorted a laughed and buried her face on his chest. “Oh, Jake.”

The soft exasperated affection in her voice made him smile and he propped his chin on the top of her head. “Oh, Bells.”

They simultaneously took deep breaths and closed their eyes.

“AHA!!” Caleb yelled in triumph. “I’m coming out, you two better still have clothes on.”

Jacob groaned. “We definitely are going on that date.” He muttered into her hair and making her laugh.

EPIC FAIL IN MY WORLD

2009-11-22T13:12:52Z

*curses in three languages, four if your count my native tongue*

CAN'T GET IN FANFICTION.NET!

CAN'T GET INTO FACEBOOK.COM

HAVEN'T WATCH NEWMOON BECAUSE IT ISN'T OUT YET IN MY COUNTRY!!!

PALPITATIONS. BITTER TEARS. TEMPER TANTRUMS. DRAMADRAMADRAMA!!!

The WolF Pack Awards

2009-09-07T19:24:35Z

Hey, guys it's open and some of the guys in sortofbeautiful are nominated...so what are you waiting for?

Have you VOTED yet??

General Mix: Only You Only Me

2009-09-03T17:30:44Z

This particular song mix was designed around this great art from deviantart from a great artist called jekru.
It's like a conversation between two people.

1Death Cab for Cutie-Earth Angel

Earth angel, earth angel.
The one I adore.
Love you forever, and evermore.
I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you
  2Amos Lee-Colors (Guitar Version)

When you’re gone all the colors fade

3Aqualung-Strange and Beautiful

Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do Sometimes

4Tegan and Sara-Where Does the Good Go ?

Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken
It won't happen

5Dashboard Confessional-Currents

The air is visceral around us, 
Turning in it's simple steps on slow currents. 
And I watch as it pirouettes and spins in slow motion. 
A long drag becomes a slow dance, 
And a halo of embers.

6Rosie Thomas-Since You’ve Been Around

I'm foolish and crazy
I just think that maybe
I've got a lot of things to figure out
I'm winning, I'm losing
I'm afraid of never choosing
this heart of mine was so beaten down  before you came around

7Switchfoot-Let that Be Enough

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

8Sia-I Go to Sleep

I go to sleep and imagine that you're there with me

9Copeland-Hold Nothing Back

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want but I won't be too far
Go where want and I know where you'll end up

10Azure Ray-Safe and Sound

With every word I live again through the eyes of another
We'll meet at night, wet from the rain
and surprise each other with how we take away the pain
Could you be the one to find me safe and sound?

11Dave Matthews Band-Baby Blue

Confess, your kiss still knocks me off my legs.
The first time I saw you was like a punch right through my chest.
And I will forever, ‘cause you’ll forever be,
My one true broken heart, pieces inside of me and you forever

12The Perishers-Nothing Like You and I

We spent some time together walking
Spent some time just talking about who we were
You held my hand so very tightly
And told me what we could be dreaming of

13David Cook-Always Be My Baby

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely

14Vanessa Carlton-Home

And even now when I'm alone 
I've always known 
With you I am home

A Nine Paragraph review to the latest chapter of The Passing Years

2009-09-01T22:19:10Z

This has been amazing. You have such a grasp on all the characters so damn great, I have been laughing, blushing, crying, bounced in my seat - I could go on and on!

I love Jacob and Bella the most though, kinda an obvious thing really but it's just how you show the bond, how they have been hurt so much by each others actions but they can't they won't let go, even when Bella was hiding from him she wasn't herself I don't think she would have been able to fall in love with someone else and just moved on. I kinda wanted to hit her for not saying she was back, that she was alive to him. BUT the same while I understand her reasoning for doing as she did.

Leah, Rachel and Kim were right in telling her all those things, and she probably did deserve their anger if someone had done that to my young brother i'd be fuming. I know that Kim has the most concern as she shares Leah's fear of what would happen if he found his imprint. But they don't understand the emotions between them a hard thing to do I know, as people on the outside see things from their views or the larger picture such as Jacob's reputation and future in the Tribe how who he marries would be debated and looked upon.

There is so much to work on, Bella has a lot to make up for it may be in a way only their business but like it's been established Jacob would be happy with Bella and pushes her to be who she is and make her choices to give him his chance. Bella would want to make amends in the eyes of those so important to him, may not erase the past but what happens now matters. I loved the Emily Bella talk, and hope she is right about the baby haha though I have faith!

Edward I kinda feel sorry for in a way but also not, he doesn't want Bella sad I think he'd be happy that she was taking this chance maybe a bit bitter as well but... hmm.

I just hope that they do get there time, their happiness for they really do deserve it. Oh I also love her business and her friends/co workers haha she needs people who are persistant who care and well do things for her that she would never do haha. They make me smile as did CandyMan being Jacob's ring tone haha I wonder has she changed that or is it still the same? haha I wonder what he'd say to that!

I love the pack good and bad times, even when reading has hurt my chest, they have been ** her but fair too as what matters to them is Jacob. But like already said I hope she does stay I hope she makes her place does her part, I adored the scene where Emily was observing them act when in the kitchen and how Bella was fine with his watching her every move.

Also has me thinking on the imprint thing, Kim with how frank she was with the facts that if he hadn't have been a wolf he would never have glanced at her like that, Emily's thoughts to made me think.

And this has been a mega rant review but I've just loved so much of it! so damn much haha :-)

all I need is blue skies---and you

2009-09-01T20:56:47Z

all I need is blue skies…and you

This current fanmix is about how love is not a constant thing, the way it grows, recedes, and matures as we grow older.

1Keith Urban-Sweet Thing

Come on, sweet thing

Why won’t you climb out of your window while the world is sleeping?

‘Cause you know I need you and there’s no way I’ll be leaving

Until we’re kissing on the porch swing

2Feist-One, Two, Three, Four

One, two, three, four tell me that you that love me more

Sleepless, long nights, is just what my nights are for

3Page France-So Sweetly Around Me

Someday I’ll meet you on a telephone wire

Won’t have to love you through a prayer, I can just touch you with my eyes

4The Perishers-My Heart

It's my heart you're stealing

It's my heart you take

It's my heart you're dealing with

And it's my heart you'll break

5Angel and Taylor-Lightning Strikes

Even when you smile the lightning lights for several miles

And when you make me laugh I know, this lightning will last

6Alexz Johnson-Natural Disaster

Am I another casualty in the battle you’re fighting?

You’re your own worst enemy

At war with yourself and you can’t see

7Aqualung-If I Fall

If I fall will you catch me?

8Vanessa Carlton-Come Undone

You’re the only one, I come undone for you

9A Rocket to the Moon-I’ll Be Your Sunset

If we're together now we'll be together then.

Step back and see me walk away, then watch me run right back

10Death Cab for Cutie-Passenger Seat

Then looking upwards I strain my eyes and try to,

Tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites,

From the passenger seat as you are driving me home

Do they collide? I ask and you smile

With my feet on the dash, the world doesn't matter

11Ben Folds-The Luckiest

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls brought me here
And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know that I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

12Anberlin-Inevitable

I want to be your last first kiss that you'll ever have

13Peter Gabriel-Book of Love

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything

The Passing Years chapter 33-Full Circle

2009-09-01T18:50:26Z

Fic Banner by the lovely

ishbel

Chapter theme: Death Cab for Cutie-Passenger Seat

Vanessa Carlton-Home

The moon was a pale smudge on the night sky and scattered all around her were stars to keep her company. The song of the ocean swept over the night air like a giant steady heartbeat.

Bella trailed her eyes over the blurry images outside the passenger window and felt…

“Jake.”

“Hmm?”

“I’d like to go to the beach.”

A moment passed and Bella realized that he hadn’t answered her, so she tore her eyes from the window and looked at him. Jacob kept his eyes on the road with one hand on the steering wheel and the other folded over his open window. He should’ve looked relax, but her eyes noted the rigidity of his shoulders, the tightness around his eyes and the tight grip he had on the steering wheel.

“Jake?”

His eyes flickered, but still he didn’t look at her. “The beach it is.”

Bella wanted to ask what was wrong, but her mind was busy with what she had gleaned from the pack in these last two days.

When they parked, they walked side by side along the sand to their usual spot, which miraculously still looked the same, complete with birch tree. She couldn’t count how many times she had dreamt about being here with him, just sitting and talking and watching the sun set and rise.

Bella tried to focus her buzzing mind, so she didn’t realize that he hadn’t touched her at all. She sat on her side of the tree and waited for him to do the same, but he merely stood and loomed beside her, staring at her with those dark, dark eyes. She tilted her head in question.

He didn’t answer her implied question, instead he said, “You’re going to be cold. I’ll build a fire.”

Before she could say anything, he was already gone, and she was left alone in the dark.

He didn’t take long, but his absence was enough to make her question what she was about to do. She second-guessed, third-guessed and even fourth-guessed, but some things just weren’t made to be guessed at. She kept her eyes on Jacob as he built the fire with quick, efficient movements. The first lick of fire made shadows dance across his silhouette as if it was anxious to please him.

She knew the feeling.

If Bella hadn’t known there was something wrong with him, she did now, because rather than take his usual seat beside her, he sat across the fire from her. Suddenly, despite the fire, she felt cold.

She tried to read his mood, his eyes, but all she could see was his blank Alpha face and the reflection of fire in the depth of his eyes.

“Don’t do that.”

The sharpness in his voice jerked her away from her gloomy thoughts. He still wasn’t looking at her. “Do what?”

Jacob flicked his eyes at her stomach and when she looked down she realized that she had folded her arms around herself, a tell-tale gesture from long ago. She pulled her hands away and gripped them on her lap.

She heard him make a sound at the back of his throat. “Don’t torture yourself over it. It’s not your fault if you can’t—” His voice trembled, then faded.

Bella frowned. “What do you—” Then she saw it. When Jacob’s eyes lifted and met hers, she saw the ocean of misery and the storm of pain.

“Bella, if you want to break my heart, just make it quick.” Jacob’s mouth pressed together and his eyes darted around, looking at everything but her. “I knew these past two days were too good to be true.” A small bruised smile curved his lips. “You even said that you love me and kissed without my prompting.”

Bella gaped at him, her eyes wide. “You think I want to—to break up with you?”

She remembered a time where she asked a variation of that question and my, she thought, how strangely things can go full circle.

His eyes flicked back to hers. “Aren’t you?”

She shook her head, quickly, frantically, eager to reassure him. Hated that he even thought of it.“No. No. Of course not. I only—I think that we need some—” She tried to get her mouth around the words, but a second later, her mouth was too busy kissing him.

He knelt on the sand in front of her, his torso wedged between her knees and his hands trapped her head so he could crush her mouth with his. Bella should protest, she wanted—needed—to talk, needed to set things clear once and for all, but all she could think of was mmmm.

His breath washed over her, fresh, and it was sweet with toothpaste and the orange they had shared in the car. The way he touched his mouth to hers was just sinful. She was aware of someone making soft, begging noises and realized that it was probably her, but really, did she care?

For one thing, Jacob needed to know how she felt about him, and if that made her an insatiable hussy, so be it. She slid down to his lap and thrust her hands inside the collar of his T-shirt so she could touch his naked shoulders, and when she pressed her nails against the muscles that wrapped around his shoulders, he retaliated with a sharp bite on her bottom lip.

She loved him and he loved her, probably more than anybody should ever love someone…and she wanted that love, wanted him, wanted the goodness that he represented in her life, wanted him because he was…he was Jacob, and that name had meant all kinds of things inside her heart and mind.

The low groan that vibrated along his chest and up his throat made her stomach twist. In a good way. She should be embarrassed that when he pulled away, he had to forcefully detach her arms—not to mention her thighs—from his body. He set her firmly on the tree, a rueful smile curving on his lips even as he pressed one, two kisses on her pouty lips.

Bella coughed and licked her lips, which only made him feel obliged to press another kiss on her lips, and the gesture made her smile. Her skin was still humming and she could swear her eyes would be glowing right now, but she rolled her shoulders, trying to settle her mind and body. She coughed again when her voice broke, “What was that for?”

Jacob chuckled. “For not breaking up with me.”

Bella frowned, still unclear on why he would think that way, but he shook his head.

“And I just had to get it out the way. I’ve been itching to do that for hours.”

A belated flush flooded Bella’s face. “Oh.”

They met each other’s eyes and Bella felt her skin fairly sizzle, the hand on her face slid into her hair and settled on the nape of her neck, his fingers brushing gently on smooth, sensitive skin. “Bells?”

Her lips barely moved. “Yes?”

“You still want to talk?” He rasped, his eyes lowering to her mouth.

No. Bella swallowed. Hard. “Yes.”

The fingers on her nape fluttered to her collarbone. “Is it important?”

She folded her itching hands on her lap and squeezed them to bring her mind back in order. “Yes.”

Jacob watched her lips form the word and sighed. Might as well, he thought. Now that he knew she wasn’t breaking up with him, he could let her have her say. “Then I’ll just get back to my seat.”

He hid a smile at the disappointed look on her face. She looked so luscious with her face flushed, her mouth wet and swollen, and her small hands folded on her lap. If he sat beside her, he couldn’t trust himself not to employ the numerous distraction techniques that went with having a secret life in a close-knit reservation to steer her away from whatever it was she wanted to talk about.

So he sat across from her and behaved. Or at least tried to.

“Your scar—” She started, and Jacob’s mood darkened. Damn nosy girls.

“It’s not your fault, Bells. It’s mine. Next topic.”

She frowned at him, but followed his lead. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell—”

“Yes, it was wrong not to tell me that you were still alive, and yes, you had your reasons. I thought we were over that. Next topic.”

“What if you imprint?”

He expected the question, but it still felt like a blow to the stomach. He wanted to shrug it off and deny that it would ever happen to him, but…

“Maybe I will imprint. Maybe I won’t. But what does it matter, when you’re the one I choose to love?”

“But Emily and Sam, Kim and Jared—”

“I’m not them.”

“I know, you’re Alpha, but doesn’t that mean that you’ll be more susceptible?”

“Maybe. That’s a possibility.”

Bella cringed, can’t he just lie to me?

“What about you?”

Bella blinked. “What about me?”

“What if the vampire comes back?” From the look on her face, he could tell that his question probably also felt like a blow to the stomach. She almost looked green. “Unless you’re still in contact with whatshername, we won’t know what’ll happen in the future. And you know what? As long as I have you with me, as long as I can love you and have you love me back, I’m good.”

Bella’s eyes didn’t waver from his face, and she could see that he meant it, and when he smiled at her, the smile was that of man who knew what he wanted. Of course, she already knew that. Jacob always knew what he wanted, and for some insane, inscrutable reason, he had always and still wanted her.

“You’re the one I want, Bella.” He answered as if he was following her thoughts. “Besides, these four years, it wasn’t as if I was holed up in my garage. Between my father and the pack, I think they’ve paraded almost all of the Quileute girls in front of my nose.”

Bella blinked in shock. “What?”

“I was moping. They thought if I only imprint, it would be better for me. But I didn’t.” He rubbed his forehead. “If I was so easily… lured away, I would’ve done that long ago, but I didn’t. If what I felt for you was infatuation or something that could disappear with time or…some sort of werewolf magic, it would have gone long before this.”

She wasn’t quite sure what she felt about knowing that the pack had shoved lines of girls in front of Jacob’s face.

He smiled at her, and the smile was amused and mischievous as if he knew what she was thinking. “Let’s face it, Bells. You’re stuck with me.”

He tilted his head when she merely stared at him, her eyes big with sadness and hope and a willingness to believe. “If you’re still worried, there is one way to make sure that I won’t ever imprint.”

“What?”

“I stop.”

She blinked, “Stop what?” Her heart twisted. “You mean stop phasing?”

“Yeah.”

The fire crackled and spurted out glowing cinders that danced in the air.

Bella finally felt her heart start beating again. “You can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“You’re Alpha.”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Any one of the pack can replace me. Besides, it’s not like I won’t have company.”

Bella had to pick up her jaw from the sand. “Who?”

“Leah.”

“Leah is stopping too?”

Jacob grinned. “Yeah, we’ll entertain ourselves with who’s gonna succeed first.”

Bella wanted it. Wanted it so much. He’ll be safe, he’ll be hers, but...

“You can’t. They need you. Especially with Leah leaving the pack.”

“You need me.” He narrowed his eyes at her. “And don’t bother denying it.”

She wasn’t planning to. “I do, but…I can’t take you away from them.”

“Bella—”

“No. Jake, you like being a werewolf. You like to run – I see it in your face – and you love the pack. You love being able to protect the tribe, I can’t let you do this. I won’t.”

“Even if it means that someday I’ll imprint?”

Tears blurred her eyes at the thought of Jacob leaving her, of Jacob forgetting her. “Yes.” Her chest ached at the thought, at the thought of him not loving her, but…“I’d rather have you for a little while than not have you at all.”

He stared at her for what seemed to be years, but then something like wonder and awe shifted over his face. “You really do love me, don’t you?”

“What kind of a question is that?” Her temper streaked through her sadness. “Weren’t you the one who always nagged that I really, really love you, but I just don’t know it yet?”

Jacob couldn’t help it, seeing her with her eyes shimmery with tears, but her whole demeanor stiff with insult really got to him, he snickered. He dodged the handful of sand she threw at him.

He definitely enjoyed the way she screeched, “Jacob Black, if you don’t know by now that I love you, you won’t know it a million years from now.”

She looked so stricken by his doubt that he couldn’t help but streak to her side and gather her onto his lap. She sat stiffly, but didn’t fight his hold, only softening when he stroked her back and nuzzled her neck.

She smelt fantastic; a mingling of sweat, salt, spice and something that was distinctly her. He curved a smile against her skin when a shiver took her body when he pressed kisses along her neck. She sighed heavily in surrender before melting against him and drew him in her arms, her fingers tunneling into his hair. Softly, so softly that it was more like a breath than sound, she said, “Jacob, I love you.”

It wasn’t supposed to be possible, he thought. His heart, his mind, his soul were already too full with her, but as her words and sighs trembled in the air, his heart seemed to expand to take in more of her; her rapid heartbeat, the smoothness of her pale skin, the heavy drape of her hair, and the tears he could hear laced within her words. His throat clutched and he held her harder, tighter against his body.

“Say it again.”

She pressed her lips on his temple and repeated her declaration, “I love you.”

His heart shuddered. He shuddered. Everything inside him seemed to burst out with those three words. He had never wanted anything, anybody, like he had wanted Bella. And now she was in his arms, safe and finally, finally, his. And with the layers of happiness, sadness and, strangely, grief twisting around inside him, it was with overwhelming fear that he asked, “We’re really doing this?”

Bella froze at his question and her heart clenched painfully. Questions jumbled up inside her head, several variations of ‘was I too late?’ before she finally summoned up the courage to ask, “Don’t you want to?”

A hot breath misted over her neck as Jacob laughed. “Bells, I want this so much. Too much. I’ve wanted this for far too long and now that it’s finally happening I’m just kind of—”

“Scared?”

Jacob lifted his face from her neck and leveled his eyes to hers. “Yeah.”

Bella looked into his eyes and did see fear there, but also the glow of love and affection and a slow unfurling joy. Her eyes welled up and, maybe, there were tears in his eyes too. “I’m scared too.” She admitted. Their foreheads met and their eyes closed and, as if someone had fed them the line, at the same time they said, “But we’ll be together.”

Their eyes blinked open and met for a heartbeat or two before a smile inched over their lips up to their eyes as they continued to hold each other.

“Together.” Jacob whispered into her lips and she whispered it back into his. “Together.”

The waves washed back toward the sand in complete harmony with the soft promise.

General Mix: You Set My Sky Aflame

2009-08-24T17:33:14Z

Yes, fair citizens of livejournal, yet another songmix...like all of my songmix, I usually have a theme (yes, I am crazy that way). This sets of song I've chosen for their passionate music, yet simple but heartfelt lyrics. There is a song about hoping to find that someone who is out there, about toughing out the rough patches and grow stronger for it, for the simple "yes, this is one of those singular moments that I will cherish in all the days of my life", a song for that exact second that you realize that 'this is love. This, right here, with you. This is love", a song of "yes, I love you, dammit. Will you kiss me now?", and of course a song for letting go..

I do hope you love this mix as much as I do...I personally use when I write.

1Antony and the Johnsons-Hope There is Someone

Hope there is someone to set my heart aflame
Comment: This song is pretty self explanatory. A song of yearning for someone to love.

2Jacob Golden-Hold Your Hair Back

And when my guard is down you’ll tear my ship apart
Comment: This song is about a kind of love that is not sweet, not simple, not easy but about the raggedy, grating side of love. But you stay true and stay together because, hey, who said love was easy?

3The Notwist-Consequence

You’re the color, you’re the movement and the spin
Comment: This song was featured in a lot of TV Shows and in the movie PUSH, it's about being in the moment, I guess. Everytime I hear this song and the above line, I keep picturing love as a kaleidoscope, beautiful, intricate, colorful...and damn dizzying!

4Paul McCartney-This Never Happened Before

I met you and now I'm sure this never happened before
Comment: This song was featured in the movie LAKEHOUSE featuring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock on the scene where they danced when they met for the first time, LOVE that scene, with the camera panning slowly and with the line of warm colored street lights and the changed in their expressions as they got closer and closer...

5Copeland-The the Safest Ledge

Could you be happy to fall like a stone if you'd land right here safe in my arms?
Comment: This is a song of persuasion and questions like a conversation between two people. One is already in love while the other is still unsure.

6Ani Difranco-School Night

The fact that I adore you is but one of my truths
Comment: This song is one of my ULTIMATE favorites. It's about choosing between two loves and the analogy Ani Difranco uses in her lyrics are gorgeous ("he said, did you come here to tell me goodbye?
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination and then she leaned out the twenty-fifth floor window) and DAMN, the lyrics even RHYME!!! Not to mention her voice and the sultry music...powerful this song.

7Cary Brothers-Something

This something you will not shake
Comment: At first I was, 'who?' but then I got a glimpse of this song as I watched an episode of SMALLVILLE. I guess, it's about a relationship needing two people to keep it alive...personally I love the music and the lyrics...

8Daughtry-Life After You

All that I’m after is a life full of laughter as long as I’m laughing with you
Comment: I have a soft spot for Daughtry, I just like his music, I like all his songs in his new album. This one is about fighting, walking out and smacking yourself up the head for your own stupidity.

9The Fray-Say When

Say when and my own two hands will comfort you tonight
Comment: This songs is very good for my writing, the images the lyrics create are awesome!! There is an urgency to the music, to the lyrics and the voice of the singer...and every time I let my mind play with this song, I get a sense of strength from it..

10Josh Kelly-Walk Right In

Two hearts plotting out the course
Comment: Hesitancy, when two people are standing between 'will we?' 'Should we?'. Love the music and the singer's voice. I'm a sucker for an acoustic guitar.

11Michelle Featherstone-Stay

If I promise not to fight at least not tonight, will you stay the night?
Comment: The first time I heard this song was on an episode of J.J ABRAM's ALIAS. It's a really, soft, haunting song about doubts and fears and abandonment...achingly beautiful in the slit-my-wrists category.

12The New Monarchs-Kiss Me at the Gate

So I have made a choice to stand right here and watch you go
Comment: A song about letting go...this song brings the image of iron black gates and stormy gray clouds...very moody, very atmospheric.

RANTRANTRANT

2009-08-22T15:38:52Z

Usually, I'm pretty laid back...but I have my pet peeves.

1. When someone opens the plastic on my new book without my permission
2. When someone messes up my music
3. When someone messes up with my family.

Then of course, I go completely beserk.

Anyway, due to my plans to come home next month, I'm collecting books to get for my sis and I got her the Indonesian novel of James Patterson Maximum Ride 4-The Final Warning...her English is pretty well, but she's not really comfortable with it as I am. Me, I prefer to read the novels in their original language.

Anyway, I was prepared for some dubious translation and believe me, there were lots...it was quite amusing and embarrassing...but it turns out....IT'S MISSING A CHAPTER!!!!

YES!!! IT'S MISSING A CHAPTER!!!! *rantrantrantrantrantrantrant*

And not just any chapter...but chapter 34 where Max and Fang had one of the most squee moments!!!

THIS SQUEE MOMENT:

"Max, if you would just talk to me--"
"About what? You and me? There is no you and me. Especially when you keep throwing yourself at everything in a skirt!" Okay, now, that was so, so stupid. Fang's eyes widened--I'd given far too much away. Plus, Bridgid Dwyer wasn't wearing a skirt.
I wrenched my arms away from him, feeling as if my cheeks were on fire. I was confused and miserable--two of my least favorite things.
"You're wrong, Max," he said in a low, dark tone that made butterflies in my stomach. "There's a you and me, all right. There will always be a you and me."

*flutters and flail* Oh FANG....

Just Finished Reading...

2009-08-21T18:13:16Z

Just finished Jim Butcher's Codex Alera 1-4 and am starting on Lisa McMann's Awake and Fade (Dream Catcher series), which ironically goes toe to toe to my new original story Dream Walkers which I haven't started yet. Still working on the mythology and I'm a bit busy with my other original work TOUCHED....

I just discovered a GREAT Jared/Kim fanfic, I love it so much I want to pimp it out to you all.

It's the story where Kim moons over Jared (in such an adorable and funny way) and Jared finally imprinting on Kim (the same adorable and funny way)...you can read it here...

Story: Hi, I'm Kim & I'm a Jaredholic
Author: call_me_lor
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Jared/Kim
Rating: PG-13 for now (rating might go up)
Genre: Romance/Humor
Spoilers: Read the Twilight Saga if you don't want to be spoiled.
Warning: Un-beta'd
Disclaimer: I don’t own Twilight or its characters, nor am I making any money from them. They’re all Stephenie Meyer’s, except for the occasional OC. The lyrics/quotes or whatever aren’t mine either.
Summary: My name is Kim and I have an addiction. But it isn't your usual addiction, I'm neither addicted to drugs, nor am I addicted alcohol or even sex. I'm addicted to a guy named Jared, a guy who doesn't even know I'm alive.
Chapter Word Count: 2,295

I recommend it...it's really great!!!

The Passing Years chapter 32-Melee

2009-08-21T15:07:45Z

The pack were a brave bunch.

They were protectors, werewolves and family.

They protected the tribe and the inhabitants of Forks without question and without hesitation. They’d gone to war with newborn vampires without even batting an eyelash.

Braving storms? No problem.

Rescue mission? Point the way.

Vampires? Let me at ‘em.

There was nothing that they couldn’t handle…

…but when Bella reached over the kitchen counter and smacked Emily’s hand, making her drop the wooden spoon she was holding, then in a very sharp, unBella-like tone ordered Emily to sit down, the werewolves froze.

Their eyes and mouths wide open, the brave and fearless werewolves inched away from Emily’s kitchen, an area of the house where—they had learned under threat of pain and death—Emily reigned supreme. No one messed with Emily in her kitchen, not unless they wanted to die of hunger and humiliation, especially since she’d gotten pregnant.

Hormones and all that.

They watched in suspense as Emily looked at Bella, half expecting she would shoot death rays from her eyes and pulverize Bella on the spot. But no, to the Pack’s amazement, Emily merely nodded and sat down, her body language as meek as they had ever seen.

“Amazing.” Paul whispered from the corner of his mouth to the others.

“I need to learn how to do that.“ Sam breathed back, making Jared snicker. Careful not to make any sudden moves—just in case Emily had changed her mind on the ‘no violence in the house’ rule—Sam called out from the corner they’d all been banished to. “Emily, you OK?”

Emily nodded sharply, but it was Bella who speared him with a look. Jacob, who had spent several afternoons dealing with Bella’s rare but impressive bouts of crazy temper, swallowed a grin. Things were about to get interesting.

“Of course she’s not all right. She’s not impaired, but she’s not all right.” Jacob watched as Bella spread a contemptuous gaze at the pack, her feet planted firmly and her hand wielding the spatula like a weapon.

She looked fierce, strong, and due to the ruffles of the pink apron tied around her waist, deliciously cute.

Nonetheless, when she snapped her fingers, everybody moved into action. “Seth, rub her feet. Sam, rub her back. Paul, get her something to drink, juice preferably. Emily, drink your vitamins and no making icky faces.”

Emily made the icky faces, but she drank her vitamins, something the whole pack had been struggling to talk her into doing for three days without success.

Bella marched across the kitchen, barking out orders for mops and cleaning rags and had Colin and Brady cleaning the living room and hanging out the laundry while she stirred the pot that was filling the house with fragrant smells of something spicy and sweet.

Jared leaned into Jacob and whispered. “We should keep her. At least until Emily has the baby.”

“Don’t think I didn’t hear that.” Bella yelled as she dived into the fridge, “Jared, mow the lawn.”

“Jawol!” Jared snapped off a salute and smirked when Bella rolled her eyes.

“Don’t just stand there, Jake. Take out the big bowl that Emily uses for spaghetti.”

Several snickers rang out when Jacob mockingly scrabbled to his feet. “Yes, honey. Right away, honey.” She almost looked embarrassed and gave him an aggravated look.

“What is that, Bella? It smells delicious, but it doesn’t look like much.” Emily asked from where she was being waited on hand and foot by Sam, Paul and Seth. She had been ready to sulk and throw a tantrum when they crowded her, but decided to enjoy it instead. She curled her toes when Seth pressed two fingers on the arch of her feet and almost purred when Sam knuckled a knot on her lower back, the cool lemonade slid down her parched throat and tasted like ambrosia. She could get the hang of this.

“Oh, one of my roommates back in Phoenix was Indonesian, and her part of Indonesia has this traditional cuisine named Rendang, it’s mostly beef and mini potatoes boiled with spices and coconut milk. It takes a long time, because you have to wait for the coconut milk to thicken, but it’s worth it. It tastes sweet and spicy and you eat it with rice.” Bella smiled over her shoulder. “Whenever she made it, the whole apartment would know it by the scent alone, and the lot of them would suddenly have some sort of business with us.”

Emily grinned. “It certainly has my mouth watering.”

Bella smiled back, happy to be cooking for people that she knew. She turned back to her cooking, but caught Jacob and Sam exchanging looks of relief that confirmed her suspicions.

When she saw Emily running the kitchen, she had looked exhausted. She greeted her and Jacob amiably enough, but Sam kept looking at her with worried glances, and the overall mood of the pack was somber. They were worried about her, but Emily seemed to be stubbornly ignoring them.

The scene reminded her of how she used to be.

“You didn’t stay with your family in Phoenix?”

Bella shrugged. “Not really. The apartment wasn’t much and I had to share it with my roommates, but it was mine, you know?”

Emily nodded, understanding the sentiment. “You still keep in contact with your roommates?”

Bella laughed. “Distance doesn’t seem to matter for Dhee and Jules. They’re loud and obnoxious and…loud. Whether it’s a phone call or an email, I could basically hear them shouting from wherever they were.”

Jacob smiled. “Bet you had fun times.”

Bella shook her head as she mutilated carrots, but there was a soft smile on her face. “Crazy times. I miss them.”

“Yeah.” Emily sighed. “Girlfriends are special.”

Only the quick taptaptap of Bella’s knife filled the kitchen, but Emily knew all of them heard what she actually meant, ‘Leah was special’. Emily missed Leah. They had been cousins, more like sisters, after all. They had promised to be each other’s BFF, to be each other’s maid of honor, to be with each other when one of them gave birth. They were to live next to each other, and were to raise their kids together and grow old together.

Emily rubbed her bulging stomach. She needed Leah, especially now. She was afraid, terrified and she was just so damn tired all the time. She felt fat and stiff and fat and achy and fat and…well, you get the point. She needed her sister, her best friend back, but she knew asking that of Leah was just too much.

She tried, Emily gave her that, but the moment her belly had started to show, Leah had shied away. Rachel and Kim helped, but…they weren’t Leah.

She knew she’d been one hell of a shrew to the pack and to Sam. She just couldn’t help feeling resentful of their (and Sam’s) part in her and Leah’s separation. And to add insult to injury, the pack still had Leah in their lives. It was as if she was the only one getting punished.

She chased all the boys away one too many times, but they had always come back. But she didn’t want help, which of course only made her even more exhausted and crankier than ever.

It was a devious, malicious circle of evil.

Emily watched Bella and smiled when she jabbed a finger at a table as a response for Jacob’s question about what he should do with the salad. Jacob followed the voiceless order then walked back to her side, his eyes following her every gesture. Emily had broken Sam out of doing that, it made her nervous, but Bella seemed fine with it.

She sipped lemonade and watched Jacob’s face. His feelings for Bella were as clear as the living room window that Bella had obsessively cleaned earlier on. The light in his eyes when Bella had laughed at something he said warmed her heart. It was proof that Jacob’s feelings for the girl hadn’t changed – not that there was ever any doubt about it. It was good seeing Jacob happy…and Bella too. Emily knew how it was to be torn between two loves and having to make a choice. Although she was surprised to hear about Bella’s return, she hadn’t groaned aloud or grimaced like everyone else. She had smiled and hoped.

And watching Bella spoon black goop—it really did look like nothing she had ever seen before—into Jacob’s mouth, that simple everyday gesture and the look on Jacob’s face when she giggled and wiped a thumb over the smear on his chin made her glad that she had voted to welcome the girl rather than to oppose her.

Seeing them so at ease and comfortable with each other somehow made her feel optimistic and not so scared. If Bella and Jacob had managed to find and forgive each other after everything they had gone through, surely she could do this. She could be a mother and a wonderful wife at the same time. Suddenly, the world around the kitchen seemed a little brighter, friendlier.

She could almost ignore the way Colin and Brady splattered each other with dirty water as they mopped the floors. She laughed as they fell silent and appropriated solemn expressions when Bella turned and aimed stern brown eyes at them. Her heart simply turned to mush as she watched Jacob and Bella work silently but efficiently in the kitchen. When Bella held out a hand, he was there with a plate. When she spilled something, he was there with a cleaning rag. If Emily didn’t know any better, she’d think they were able to read each other’s minds. It was like a dance, she thought, that only they knew the steps to.

There was a loud crash, a curse and several thumping sounds from outside the house before the screen door snapped open and Quil entered with his usual flair. “Don’t worry. I’m here. Where’s the party?”

Everyone merely stared at him silently until Bella approached him. “Here.” She held out the garden shears in a stabbing motion that had Quil stepping back cautiously. “Cut some of Emily’s beautiful Cosmos and bring it to the table. And here.” She slapped two yellow rubber gloves on his chest. “Since you’re late, you can wash the dishes afterwards.”

Colin, Brady and Seth were still sniggering over Quil’s expression, even when their mouths were stuffed with food. Bella’s Rendang was a hit, but she pointed out that it was really complicated to make and was filled to the brim with cholesterol. The werewolves pointed out that they were superwolves and Bella’s cautions fell on deaf ears.

“Bella, these potatoes still have skins on them.” Colin eyed his plate.

Bella smiled. “It doesn’t matter, Colin, it’s OK to eat them.”

Paul snorted. “For someone who occasionally eats raw meat, you’re awfully picky, Colin.”

Colin merely stuff more rice in his mouth and made faces at Paul.

Jacob gestured to Bella. “Stop hovering and sit down.”

“I will.” She eyed the table from where she was washing her hands. “Do you think we should save some for your sister, Kim and Leah?”

Jacob scowled. “Let them get their own food.”

Bella paused, her eyes flickering back to Jacob before walking back to the table. “Here, Emily.” She stopped by Emily’s seat and tucked a warm bottle under Emily’s ankles that were propped on a stool.

Emily closed her eyes and sighed happily. “That feels great. Thanks. How did you know?”

Bella sat beside Jacob on the sofa and took her plate from him while the other wolves sat on the floor in front of the TV. “One of my roommates, Jules, got pregnant, but her boyfriend didn’t stand by her.”

Jacob and Sam scowled and muttered a low ‘Asshole’ before they continued eating.

Emily and Bella shared amused fond looks. “Jules decided to have the baby. and we helped her out.” Bella smiled. “So I know a thing or two about pregnancy.”

Emily tucked a hand over her stomach. “I helped around before and I baby-sat my nephews and nieces, but…”

“It’s different.”

Emily sighed. “Yeah.”

Bella caught the frown on Sam’s face, but turned her smile on Emily. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

Emily laughed softly. “No, we decided to make it a surprise.”

Bella nodded, then called out to Quil, who lifted an eyebrow. “What are the odds?”

Embry, who came seconds after Quil and was also recruited to wash dishes, smirked. “2 to 1. Boy.”

“You bet on my baby?” Emily tried to turn from her chair and almost toppled over, if not for Sam holding her. She blinked at Quil and Embry, who blinked back, then rolled her eyes. “Of course you did. Why should I be surprised?”

Quil grinned and waggled his eyebrows. “Want in, Bella?”

Jacob laughed when Bella stared at Emily’s belly like she could see right into it. “Are you sure you want me in? I’m quite good as this, you know.”

“Betting?” Embry asked.

“Guessing the baby’s sex.”

Quil snorted. “No one’s good at that.”

“Mom is.” Seth said. “When she was pregnant with us, she knew exactly what we were.”

“What?” Paul asked. “She knew you were mutant legendary wolves?”

Seth gave a wicked grin. “Oh, no. That was a bit of a surprise.”

Colin and Brady sniggered.

Emily ignored them and aimed an interested look at Bella. “Really?”

“Yeah. Nine out of ten I usually guess right.”

Embry turned his usually somber eyes to her. “You’re serious.”

Bella swallowed her mouthful and nodded.

Jacob drank his lemonade and grinned. “This I have to see.”

She turned to him. “You don’t believe me?”

“No one could be that accurate.”

Her eyes narrowed at him before she turned back to Emily. “You’re not wearing any make-up are you?”

Emily looked amused, but shook her head.

“Perfume? Or any scents?”

Emily wrinkled her nose. “No, lately if I smell perfume all I want to do is throw up.”

“Do you have any particular color that you don’t like to see since you’ve gotten pregnant?”

“Purple.” She answered instantly and seemed surprise by her own answer.

Quil frowned. “What has that got to do with anything?”

Bella ignored him. “What about tastes? Anything you crave?”

“I like spicy things all of a sudden.”

“She seems to know what she’s doing.” Embry mused as he shoveled meat and potatoes into mouth, his dark eyes on Bella’s face.

Bella asked a few more questions that seemed benign to the others and nodded. “It’s a girl.”

The wolves made disbelieving noises.

“Come on.”

“You’re joking.”

“Care to put your money on that?”

Bella shrugged. “Sure. Twenty on a girl.”

Quil chortled and reached for the money she was waving in her hands. “Easy money.”

Bella raised an eyebrow when she noticed Jacob was watching her. “What?”

“You sure about this?”

“Absolutely.”

Jacob tilted his head before reaching back for his wallet. “Fifty on a girl.”

The wolves made impressed noises, and Emily, who’d been sour and cranky for the last month, laughed until she needed to make a quick trip to the bathroom.

---

Bella returned from her own trip to the bathroom to find Emily missing from her chair, while the wolves were sprawled sleepily in front of the TV. “Where’s Emily?”

Seth blinked at her. “She’s getting the laundry.”

She scowled. “And you let her?”

Paul waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t you know already, Bella?” Since the pregnancy, we let her do whatever she wants. It’s safer for us that way.”

Bella hitched her fists to her hips and scowled even deeper at Jacob, who merely smiled sweetly at her.

“We were hoping you would help her out, she doesn’t seem to mind your company.”

Brown eyes narrowed, Bella arched a brow. He let his lips curve even deeper. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

Emily was almost done with the first laundry line that was mainly T-shirts and jeans, the cool wind flapping the sheets on the third line every time they whisked by, the gentle snapping motion went oddly in tune with the not-too-far sound of the ocean.

The sun was slowly dying at the horizon, casting shades of red and orange and pink across the sky as darkness started to blanket the world.

The call of nocturnal animals rose up and down from the scattering of trees that surrounded Sam and Emily’s house.

Bella set down the laundry basket and without saying a word started on pulling at the sheets and folding them in quick, efficient movements. They kept working in silence, until they reached the second line together.

“I was surprised to see you here.”

Bella blinked and folded a faded pillow case. “What do you mean?”

Emily’s dark eyes slanted towards her. “Kim came to me this morning, she was…worried.”

Bella flicked her eyes toward the house and Emily chuckled. “Don’t worry, they won’t hear us.” She pointed at the lines of laundry, blowing in the wind. “We’re downwind.”

Bella nodded slowly, saving that particular tidbit in her memory. “Why was she worried?”

“She was worried that she drove you away.”

Bella bit her lip at the little clutch she felt in her stomach. “Wasn’t that what…”

“No, God, no, Bella. That wasn’t her intention at all.” Emily sighed. “She merely wanted to warn you, not warn you off.”

Bella realized she was wrinkling the shirt she was holding and fought to ease her grip. “So, it’s true then, what she said about imprinting?”

“Yes, it’s true.” Emily touched her stomach. “To the wolves, it’s like finding a missing piece of their soul that they didn’t know was lost in the first place, and when they find us, we complete them.”

Bella’s heart shuddered. She knew what that was like and she knew she couldn’t beat that. She didn’t really want to hear this, she had already heard enough, but her eyes latched on to Emily’s ravaged face and couldn’t look away.

Emily shrugged. “I have always found imprinting a little eerie in its absolutes.”

“You have?”

Emily nodded. “How would you feel if somebody came to you and explained that he supposedly fell in love with you because of some tribal legend hooey?”

“I never thought of it that way.”

“Well, believe me, I have.” She dropped a folded shirt onto her stacks of laundry. “Jacob has.”

“I know that he’s against—“

Emily scoffed. “He hates it. And fears it, I guess.”

“Fears it?”

“At first he hates it because it takes away his choices. Jake has always been resistant to the old ways, resentful of how the council has so much say in our lives.”

Bella remembered him griping about how the council went into a frenzy when Rebecca turned down a partial scholarship and ran off to get married.

“Then, of course, he turned into a giant wolf because of some tribal magic, and to make things worse, he was forbidden to tell or see you of all people. Imprinting was just the last straw. He didn’t want to fall in love with some girl just because his wolf felt frisky. He was already in love. With you.”

Bella dropped her eyes to the shirt she’d been gripping. “I don’t know why. All I brought to him was trouble, trouble and more trouble.” And pain. Don’t forget pain.

“Bella, I’m happy with Sam.”

Bella blinked, confused with the sudden change of topic. “Okay.”

“But when I look at you and Jacob, I… wonder.” Wonder how my life would be if I simply fell in love the normal way. Wonder if Sam would have been as loyal, as loving, and as protective if he had fallen in love with me like everyone else in the world.

Like Jacob did with you.

Bella kept her eyes on Emily’s and let their unvoiced conversation pass by without them acknowledging it. “This is how it’ll be, won’t it?”

Emily tilted her head and moved along the laundry line.

“If I decided to be with Jacob, if I stay, you’re all going to feel it’s your right to poke your nose in my business.”

Emily sniggered, Bella didn’t know she could. “There is no ‘my’ business in the pack, as with all secrets, sooner or later, everyone will know.” She arched a brow. “And I think that you’ve already made your decision by being here.”

Bella bit her bottom lip and tossed her heavy braid to her back, she really had to get it cut. “He stayed the rest of the night yesterday.”

“I’m thinking he’s stayed with you lots of nights before.”

Bella blushed. “I didn’t meant stay as in ‘stay’, we just—“ She groused when Emily sent her an amused look then dropped her eyes to her stomach. “I think I have an idea.”

Bella groaned. “We didn’t, we just sleep together sometimes.”

“Oh?”

Bella gritted her teeth and turned wary eyes to the house “We didn’t have sex.”

Emily snickered. “So you had a sleepover.”

“Yes.”

“I figured he’d had lots of sleepovers at your place before last night.” She continued.

Bella sighed. “That’s the thing. This morning I realized something.”

“What?”

“He was always gone before I woke up. It’s usually not a problem with me. Usually when I wake up and found him gone, it doesn’t…” Bella frowned and remembered the one night where she felt destroyed when she’d found him gone, but that was in another life and it had happened to another girl. “But this morning, it…hurt.” She tried to shrug the little pin pricks that bit her heart. “I knew he didn’t mean anything by it, and he was actually doing me a favor, because Charlie would go ballistic, but when I woke up and…” Bella paused. “…reached for him—I expected him to be there, as if…”

“It had always been that way.” Emily continued softly.

“That night, I just realized how I could have lost him and I was really upset. I’d fallen asleep to his heartbeat and I think I had expected to wake up to it, too. And when I didn’t, it hurt.” Bella raised her eyes to Emily’s. “It brought things to perspective.”

Emily smiled. “Perspective’s a good thing to have.”

They continued to work in silence, and when all the laundry was folded, Emily turned to her. “Just remember, Bella, Jacob loves you and that makes you pack, but you have to earn your place in the pack.”

Bella looked at Emily’s scarred face and nodded. “As long as I don’t have to fight someone to the death, I’m good with that.”

Emily chuckled. “Wolves don’t kill their own pack members, Bella. We only isolate them and leave them to die of hunger.”

“Unless I’m stuck in some far corner of the world where they have no pasta, water or fire, dying of hunger will never be my fate.”

Emily laughed, took her hand and squeezed, and together they walked home.

I'm a Review Hog

2009-08-20T16:50:27Z

Yes, I admit it...reviews are my food...my crack...my sinful pleasure...

This is one of my favorite reviews to My Jacob/Bella fanfic The Passing Years:

"after reading your story almost without breaks, I have to admit that I really
enjoyed reading it!

This is the first Jacob/Bella story that I've ever read, and I'm kinda
surprised to say that I really liked it.
Your Bella and Jacob have a unique and complex relationship and a lot of
issues to deal with.

I can't even imagine and hope I will never be in a situation like Bella where
you are in love with two people who are each wonderful. The inner fight she
has to struggle with must be awful, but at least she know seems to have made
a decision and it feels like the right on.
But there is still a lot of unresolved things between her and Edward and I
wonder if he will show up in your story.

And I also can't imagine what Jacob had been through and still has to
struggle through: to be in love with somebody that loves you but still seems
to love somebody else more than you. And then to be unable to move on, and not
really wanting to. And it must also be awful to have the "imprinting"-issue
hanging over your head, and to never know if it will happen to you.

...lol, so I guess you see that I really got into your story, and am looking
forward to read what's going to happen next!

Thanks for sharing your story with us!"

...it gives me tingles...and it's always a plus when I influence someone to love JACOB...

My Summer Reading

2009-08-18T15:35:59Z

Jim Butcher-Dresden Files Series

Restoration of Faith

Storm Front

Fool Moon

Grave Peril

Summer Knight

Death Masks

Blood Rites

Dead Beat

Proven Guilty

White Night

Day Off

Back Up

Turn Coat

Rick Riordan-Percy Jackson & the Olympian Series

The Lightning Thief

The Sea of Monsters

The Titan’s Curse

The Battle of the Labyrinth

James Patterson-Maximum Ride Series

The Angel Experiment

School’s Out Forever

Saving the world and Other extreme sports

The final warning

Max

Alex Irvine-Supernatural [John Winchester’s Journal]

Beth Fantaskey-Jessica’s Guide to Dating the Dark Side

Kim Harrison-Madison Avery 01-[Once Dead, twice shy]

Karen Cashore-Graceling

Lili St. Croix-Strange Angel

Larry Correia-Monsters Hunter International

General Mix; In the Span of a Few Heartbeats

2009-08-12T03:12:39Z

1Mat Nathanson-Come On Get Higher

I miss the sound of your voice 
The loudest thing in my head 
And I ache to remember 
All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said

2Angel Taylor-Chai Tea Latte

I just have to say that you blow my mind in two hours time.
And I'm so weak and unable to picture you with someone other than me.
But I guess I'm gonna have to
'Cuz I haven't asked you out

3Nerina Pallot-Sophia

In passion and silence, 
Every word, every line a measure 
It’s the science of the soul. 
And his books, they breathe a reason 
And now, I want to know..... 

4Stephen Speaks-Out of My League

All the times I have sat and stared 
As she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair 
And she purses her lips, bats her eyes 
And she plays with me sittin’ there slack-jawed 
And nothing to say

5Lifehouse-Easier to Be

It felt like the world fell from my feet
Gave up on myself, you didn't give up on me
Let myself go, you were still there
Like coming home
Coming up for air

6She & Him-You Got A Hold On Me

I don't want you but I need you
Don't want to kiss you but I need to
Oh, you do me wrong, now
My love is strong, now
You really got a hold on me

7Sister Hazel-Everything Else Disappears

Everything falls out of focus
You walk through the door and one thing that's clear to me
Helplessly hopeless, I'm all right with that
In a room full of people
Everything else disappears

8The Hush Sound-The Boys Are Too Refined

And if the timing is right to sneak off into the night
I'll let myself be taken just for the thrill
And if I'm given the chance to be a doll in his hands
I will be sure we shake the mountains while we dance

9Coldplay-Strawberry Swing

Now the sky could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time
Could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time

10The Temper Trap-Sweet Disposition

a moment, a love
a dream, a laugh
a kiss, a cry
our rights, our wrongs

11Sara Groves-You Are the Sun

You are the sun shining down on everyone

Light up the world giving light to everything I see

Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in and everywhere you are is warmth and light

And I am the moon with no light of my own

Still you have made me to shine and as I glow in this cold dark night

I know I can’t be alight unless I turn my face to you

The Passing Years chapter 31; Together

2009-08-06T08:42:30Z

31. Together

Chapter theme: A Fine Frenzy-Come On Come Out

Ray LaMontagne-Truly, Madly, Deeply.

Jacob untangled himself from Bella at the first sound from Charlie’s room. It took longer than it should have, given his reluctance to leave her. He kept his eyes on her face as he put on his socks and shoes and decided that he should get a medal for leaving the warm bed of the girl he’d been in love with since he was a 16-year-old boy.

It was hero stuff. Epic. There should be songs about it.

He kept his ear on Charlie’s room, smiling at the miserable groan and the sound of popping bone. And for a tempting minute, he wondered what Charlie would do if he found him in Bella’s bed –

Run for his gun and shoot him
Listen to his explanation, then shoot him
Use his sharply honed observation skills to note that both he and Bella were fully dressed…then shoot him simply on principle.

He figured he still had a couple of minutes before Charlie peeked in to check on his daughter as he did from time to time. He tugged his sweater on and deliberated between waking Bella up or not. Seeing her all warm and cuddly under the blankets, he opted for not.

On the road, he decided to take care of business – Leah, Kim and Rachel needed a stern talking to. He’d deal with Leah and Kim later, after all, there’s a pecking order around here.

When Jacob closed the door to his house and met his father’s eyes, he experienced a slight guilty twinge the way children do when they were either up to no good, thinking about being up to no good or had already done something no good.

Billy eyed him over the rim of his coffee cup, weighing him, needling him with his substantial silence. Years ago, that look would’ve made him freeze in his tracks, but now he simply strode to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“You just came in.” From the tone of Billy’s voice, the sentence wasn’t a question. Jacob knew Billy probably did the same thing Charlie did whenever his children were home – peeked in to make sure they were safe in their beds. Despite the fact Jacob had a successful business, was a werewolf and occasionally handled some tribal problem when Billy couldn’t be bothered, his father still treated him like a child sometimes.

Jacob leaned back on the counter and answered with a casual, “Yeah.”

Both of them sipped their coffee, sighed in appreciation at the rich, strong taste, then continued to eye each other.

“You were with Bella.” Again, there was no question.

Jacob answered with the same word and same intonation, “Yeah.”

“Charlie saw you?”

A smile twitched at Jacob’s lips. “No.”

Billy turned the TV on to the news. “He’ll shoot you, you know.”

Now Jacob did chuckle. “I know.”

Billy turned up the volume, and Jacob figured that was all the parental guidance he would deliver…and all that Jacob would be willing to listen to. No one could accuse Billy of not knowing his children.

Jacob paused at the door to Rachel’s room and imagined himself kicking it open with dramatic flair, but that would only piss Rachel off. Rachel really didn’t like to be woken up when she wasn’t ready to wake up. Paul had once commented that the tribe didn’t really need werewolves to protect them from vampires – they only need to carry Rachel from her bed, point her at a vampire, wake her up, then take a huge step back.

Several miles should do.

It wasn’t until he got out of the bathroom after a quick shower that he realized something was wrong. He couldn’t hear Rachel’s heartbeat, or her breathing (snoring), and when he pushed open the door to his sister’s room, he saw that it was empty.

Oh, well played, sis. Jacob stifled the irritation that cramped his brain. Rachel knew he would want to interrogate her, so she probably went to Leah’s to avoid him.

No, problem, he decided. He had better things to do anyway. Problems to solve, places to go, vampires to kill.

He padded barefoot to the kitchen and dug through the fridge. He knew why his senses didn’t catch Rachel’s absence as they should have. After the adrenalin-pumping hunt, his senses always went haywire if he didn’t tire himself out enough.

When you can hear people’s heartbeat from outside of their houses you learn to filter the sounds and to focus only on one or two. Either that or get a headache for every day of your life.

Not an option.

He frowned at his shaking hands, not in worry or anticipation, but more in annoyance. The hunt wasn’t enough to get rid of the excess energy, and his blood was still hot from last night. He had to do something to get rid of it or he’d be amped up all day.

He glanced at the clock hanging on the living room wall and decided he’d work some of it off fixing up the school. If he were lucky, he’d see Kim there, since she’d been working as a teacher there for about a year.

***

Fate was screwing with him.

Five minutes there, he’d found out that Kim was home with the flu. Right.

He realized that the three girls were going to treat him to a game of runaround, and the only consolation that he had was that their attempt at avoiding him would really chafe on Leah and Rachel’s egos.

No matter. He’d run them aground sooner or later. Right now, he should just concentrate on working his ass off.

It didn’t work.

He was sweaty, sure, but he was still buzzed. It hiked up his irritation and he knew that this was no good.

“Oh, for God’s sake.” Paul, who’d been working beside him, turned off the table saw, wrenched off his goggles and speared him with a look. “Just go find her and get her into bed.”

Jacob lifted his eyes to Paul and imagined introducing Paul’s head to the business end of his hammer.

Paul probably realized what Jacob was thinking, but he still maintained his scowl. “You’re hyped up, man. I can feel it from here. You’re spouting off so many negative vibes you’re making me antsy.”

Jacob almost felt apologetic. He knew that Paul often felt insecure and nervous about his control. The fact that there were a lot of kids hanging around wasn’t helping, but Paul’s abrupt advice still rankled.

Sex wasn’t the reason he was squirming in his jeans. Far from it.

He swung the hammer with more force than was necessary. When that was done, he punished himself with lugging dense lumber from one end of the school to the other.

He didn’t even have to strain. He had more of a hard time of acting like it strained him rather than doing the actual deed.

Sure, having Bella around, feeling her, smelling her and kissing her was boiling his hormones, and last night—with her gripping him tightly, her face nuzzling his neck and her breath on his skin—didn’t help. And yeah, he hadn’t gotten any since…uh, he couldn’t remember, which was lowering enough, but having sex or not having it wasn’t his problem.

He needed to know what she was thinking, dammit. He didn’t like pushing her, but they needed to set several things straight.

“What are you going to do about the girls?”

Jacob threw an absent glance at Paul, who was almost hanging upside down at a window they were working on. “What?”

“The girls. Kim, Leah, Rachel.”

This time, Jacob focused his eyes away from Paul and carried the sheet of glass to the window where he was.

“They were only trying to help.”

Jacob leaned the glass against the wall, just in case he gripped too hard and cracked it or something. “You knew what they were up to?”

Jacob’s tone was just a little too flat and hard, so Paul glanced down to see how far he’d fall if Jacob had a sudden urge to push him. Of course, he was wearing a harness, but in a case such as this, the harness would be less of a safety measure and more a convenient way to keep someone still so you can use said person as a punching bag. He really, really didn’t want to be Jacob’s punching bag.

“No, I didn’t. Kim caved and told Jared, and Jared accidentally told me while we were out running.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

“So? What did they tell Bella?”

Paul swung to the window sill, clutched the window frame and released the harness. He landed nimbly on the floor. This was a conversation that he’d rather not have while he was dangling above the ground. “You know what they told her.”

Jacob let loose a string of curses that made Paul wince. It wasn’t the words, it was the tone of his voice – it simply crackled with Alpha power.

Paul shifted on his feet. “Look, I can’t talk about your sister or Kim, but I know Leah. You know Leah. She’s territorial and stupidly loyal. On one hand, she hates Bella’s guts for what she did to you, but she also doesn’t want to see Bella deal with…” Paul trailed off, uncomfortable. “…you know, if you imprint. It drives her crazy. Leah might be a grade-A bitch,” Paul shrugged. “but she’s our bitch.”

Jacob stared out the window, trying to deal with his displeasure. “What else?”

Paul’s face twisted in a grimace. “They told her about the vampire. The one that gave you that scar.”

Jacob pressed two fingers against his eyes. He had his suspicions, but it was another thing altogether to have it confirmed. He remembered Bella’s intense brown eyes, remembered the desperate tightness of her fingers, her arms, the frantic touch of her lips on his.

Great, just what he needed – for Bella to think he was suicidal. She must be so layered with guilt right now, he could probably get whatever he wanted out of her.

Which was pretty much everything.

But he also knew if he followed the temptation to use her guilt, he’d hate himself forever.

He was so screwed.

It was ironic how loving her was so easy, and at the same time, so hard. Jacob took off his tool belt and tossed it at Paul, who caught it with ease.

“Where are you going?”

He didn’t bother to turn. “To Bella’s.”

Jacob flipped his cell open and pressed the speed dial for Bella’s number, his sharp ears caught the muttered ‘thank God’ from Paul. He took the stairs two at a time, absently smiling at the kids that waved shyly at him. When he was outside, Bella’s voice came down the line. Even as he was tense all over, he still smiled at the sound of it.

“Bells, when was the last time you rode a bicycle?”

Her bemused smile when she opened the door grew into a grin when she saw him pulling a bicycle out of the trunk.

“A bicycle, Jake? Really?” Her narrow shoulders shook with laughter.

He stood there in an old, faded T-shirt with the sleeves torn off, cut offs and beat up sneakers. He arched a brow. “Well, if you think you can keep up with me without it…”

She scoffed. “I could drive a car and still not keep up with you.”

“Well, it depends on the car. We’re not as fast as when we go wolf.”

This time, it was she who arched an eyebrow. “When you say ‘not as fast’, you mean…”

Jacob grinned and unashamedly used his eyes on her. “Come on. Be a pal and keep me company.”

Warmth blossomed in his chest when her cheeks tinged with pink that had nothing to do with the weather.

He kept the grin on his face, tilted his head and was rewarded when she gave him a flustered look. “And look, it even has a pretty pink basket and a bell,” He paused and his grin turned sly. “ Bells.”

She rolled her dancing eyes. “A basket and a bell? You got me. Now I simply must have it.”

Jacob kept his pace steady, enjoying the steady thud of his feet against the asphalt and the rush of cold air into his lungs. The smell of smoke and burnt leaves was heady in the autumn air as was the subtle scent of sea salt and damp earth.

The sky was a misty blue and sunshine was a filtered beam through grayish clouds. It rippled against the trees with its explosion of different shades of red, gold and brown. Dry leaves lay cracked and trodden on the streets and pavement, they crunched underneath his feet.

The day was gorgeous, but his eyes, as they had many times before, could only see her. Bella felt…at peace, he could see it in the relaxed set of her shoulders, the bright look in her eyes when she looked at him from over her shoulder, her mouth smiling and shouting taunts and encouragements at him.

She rode the bicycle with uncharacteristic skill, weaving in and out, looping, playfully circling him, and ringing her bell once or twice when she thought he was running too slowly. He couldn’t help but smile when she stopped at a stop sign and looked both ways before crossing the road, her expression serious.

He grinned when she stopped right next to Charlie’s cruiser on a red light and rang the bell to get her father’s attention. Charlie had looked at Jacob, then at Bella, then down at the bike and laughed so hard, he almost missed the green light.

She was so cute like this, when she forgot all about what she should do and would just be instead. Her mood was so very different from last night that he almost doubted what Paul had told him.

They stopped at Charlie’s house and Jacob found himself scrutinized by a pair of warm brown eyes.

“I can’t believe it, you’re not even sweating.” She griped between breaths and wiped the sweat that pooled at the hollow of her throat. He followed the movement of those pink-tipped fingers and swallowed.

So, okay, Paul wasn’t all wrong, he admitted. He wanted Bella every time he breathed, but he could ignore it when he needed to.

He rolled his shoulders and smirked at her annoyance. “Another round?”

She shook her head. “No way. I’m done. You go, I’ll just be right here.”

He had to touch her, just a little, so he slid the back of his knuckles at her temple to catch a drop of sweat, the subtle flush on her cheeks deepened. His voice was deep and low when he looked into her eyes. “Wait for me?”

Her eyelashes fluttered as she tried to look anywhere else, but failed to do so, as her eyes always returned to him. “Sure.”

Bella rushed herself out of a shower and caught her reflection in the bathroom mirror and stopped. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were bright and her lips seemed to curve into a permanent smile.

Last night she had looked pale and ghostly; now she looked…happy. She knew the reason for it, and her reflection only confirmed that what she was about to do was the right thing for her. Probably the wisest thing she had ever decided on.

She had doubts, but the warm feeling in her chest wasn’t a lie.

It was time.

She dressed in her usual style; a long sleeved T and faded jeans and decided to wait for Jake by making sandwiches that she knew he would nag and bat his eyelashes for when he came back. When she was done, she peeked through the window, but she didn’t see him yet. Suddenly inspired, she got out a picnic cloth, ran upstairs to get a book, then down again to get a bottle of water, a pitcher of iced tea and lugged everything to the back yard.

She had missed having a yard.

Lying on the checkered cloth, she was well into her book and half a glass of iced tea when Jacob appeared. When she caught sight of him, Bella almost spilled her tea all over herself. He was in his usual get-up too—cut offs and nothing else— and was all sweaty and flushed.

She got a little dizzy just looking at him, and without thinking, she blurted out, “Where’s the rest of your clothes?”

“At home.” Jacob grinned, before throwing his considerable bulk by her side. Suddenly, the picnic cloth that was almost as wide as her bed seemed to shrink before her very eyes. Noticing that he was actually breathing hard, Bella could only imagine how fast he ran from here to La Push and back again in, what? Thirty minutes? Forty?

She tried to calculate the time, but got distracted by the smell of sweat and man and Jacob. Not to mention that he was mostly naked, with his muscles glistening in the sun.

A girl could only try to ignore so much.

Her brain simply raised a white flag and surrendered when Jacob rolled onto his stomach, their shoulders bumping as he smiled at her and out of nowhere—at least that was how it seemed to her—held out a handful of dandelions. “For you.”

She was stuck on the soft look in his dark eyes, but she managed to drag her eyes to the flowers and moved her hand to take them, her throat squeezing with…gratefulness? Appreciation?

She wasn’t clear about all the emotions that swept through her heart at the sight of those flowers in his hand except for one.

Love.

She loved him. She had always loved him.

But now that love had evened out, matured and layered, and although she was certain it should be impossible, it had grown in depth and intensity.

When Bella lifted her gaze from the dandelions to meet those eyes that had always watched her with care and affection, something inside her shifted and locked into place.

She leaned over and touched her lips to his in a kiss that had all the facets of her love for him; the storms of passion, the subtle dip and sway of affection, and the numerous momentous seconds where loving him was as important as breathing.

She leaned back from him and met his eyes with her usual solemn stare and, with a voice that had no place for uncertainties, gave him the words anyway.

“I love you, Jacob Black. I always have, and I always will.”

The emotion that surfaced in his eyes made her heart ache, but the smile that followed after, the smile that had always won her over time and time again, drowned her heart with a kind of pain that sweetened with the seconds that ticked by.

Then he made her laugh with his sweetly excited, “Yeah? Does that mean you’re gonna share those sandwiches?”

They ate the sandwiches, drank iced tea, then lay back to bask in their togetherness while they blew on dandelions and watched the seeds take flight across the blue of sky and the grey of clouds.

A/N: Look no angst!!!! It'll reappear on next chapter along with 'the talk".

TOUCHED

2009-08-03T00:40:13Z

Current writing theme: Imogen Heap-Have You Got It In You?

I've been working on an original work. Keep in mind that it's still rough and probably have a lot of numerous mistakes including typos and grammar. I do have a beta reader, but currently she's traveling...somewhere and I really need opinions.

Title: TOUCHED

Summary: Leah Curran had always known that she was different. Not only did her her family members keep disappearing on her, she also saw things.. Granted, they're really not all that scary...but disturbing nonetheless.

But her mother, who went missing when she was nine years old from a locked bedroom of all places, was clear on the Rules;

1. Don't attract attention. Stay low, keep cool and avoid any kind of attention.
2. Ignore. Ignore. Avoid.
3. Never, ever show them that you see them.

She did that easily enough for seven years...until summer break ended and a new boy came to town.

CHAPTER FIVE: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

My heart tripped when he stopped chewing and really looked at me. For a few seconds, all I could see were his eyes, time seemed to slow and everything else were only smudges of dull moving color. I felt weightless and dizzy, and disconnected. I couldn’t feel the floor I was standing on, the tray that I was holding. It was like I was cut adrift and floating into space.

My brain buzzed loudly.

Read more:

http://leahcurran.livejournal.com/

The Passing Years chapter 30; Unanswered

2009-08-03T00:18:22Z

30. Unanswered

Chapter theme: The Fray-Unsaid

And not to say a thing tonight but suffice it to say, you're leaving things unsaid

We sing ourselves to sleep/Watching the day lie down instead

Jacob felt tingly.

He always did after a hunt, and most nights he’d be after a good run like Seth, Colin and Brady but right now, all he wanted to do was to get home.

To Bella.

The scent of damp earth and greens erupted in the air as he pawed the ground and in a small part of his mind, his pack whispered in and out. Sam was making his way to Emily’s while Jared was itching to get to Kim. Jacob’s muzzle pulled back in a smile when he realized that Embry was actually thinking about their ledgers, Paul was thinking about food and Quil was still spitting and gagging over the taste of vampire.

God, they don’t taste any better, he griped in their minds.

They heard Colin sighed in the far distance, they gave up way too easily, there’s no charge anymore. No excitement.

A spatter of laughter rippled in their minds, did you see the look on the blond one’s face? It was like we were his nightmare came to life. Paul chortled and supplied them with the image of said vampire blonde’s face.

Jacob let them laugh and discuss the hunt, let them ride the high but he was busy with his own thoughts.

Somewhere between tearing one vampire after another, it dawned on him that for the last couple of years, Bella lived a normal life.

No vampires, no werewolves, nor any other kind of mythical creature but some critters she found in some deep, dark corner of her café.

She led a normal life, an ordinary life where her problems started and ended with her café and fending off her mother’s worries but now, here she was again, playing in the dark and rushing off somewhere because it wasn’t safe.

He felt a twinge of guilt over that.

Tonight, he was a bit more vicious than usual because he had something really important that he wanted to protect. Most nights, he just wanted to kill as many vampires as he could find but tonight, realizing that Bella was out in the open, fear threaded with the thrill of the hunt and made his claws faster, his canines sharper.

No vampire was going to get Bella, not while he was around. He guessed the best thing to do was for him to leave Bella to her normal life and not drag her back into his action packed one but… he couldn’t be sure that he could ever be so…magnanimous.

He had the right to be a little selfish, hadn’t he? And it wasn’t like Bella didn’t want to be in his life, right?

He smiled as he remembered how she had look tonight, weak and breathless from laughter, her cheeks pink with excitement and the cold. Looking at her, laughing herself silly as she lied there in the grass, unconcerned, unafraid, he couldn’t help but think how she suited him, how she suited his life. It reminded him of her surprising rebellious attitude that reared its stubborn head every once in a while.

Bella broke easily, sure, he rolled his eyes remembering their numerous visits to the ER, but that never stopped her from doing anything she wanted, like hang around vampires and werewolves and ride motorcycles.

Bella Swan of the somber eyes, the too serious expression and tentative smiles.

God, how he loved her.

He stopped to phase and dress, Jared, Quil and Embry followed.

“Race you to your house.” Quil slapped Jacob’s shoulders and hooted. “Last one to the house is a rotten werewolf.”

Embry sniggered. “A rotten werewolf? Geez.” But he took off after Quil like a bullet. Jacob sighed. “How old are you guys, again?”

Embry responded with shouldering Quil out of the way but both protested when Jared sailed smoothly between them.

“Do you really want to get between me and Kim?” Jared eyed both Embry and Quil who immediately stood aside making mocking fearful noises.

“Imprinted wolves are the worse.” Embry complained.

Quil rolled his eyes at him. “Wait your turn and you’ll see.”

“Move away, you two. Alpha passing through.” Jacob shoved them out of his way.

“I cannot believe you played the Alpha card on us, dude.” Quil bitched but slowed his run. “I gotta go anyway.”

“Gonna check on, Claire?”

Quil shrugged his broad shoulders and pointed two thumbs at his chest. “Imprinted.” He said shortly before breaking off to the right with a short wave.

Jacob ran in silence before sliding a look at Embry. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Embry eyed him. “Quil’s right, you know. There’s a chance that we’ll all imprint.”

Jacob remained silent but scowled at his friend.

“I’m just saying.”

The mention of imprinting only made him more anxious to get home and when the woods opened up and showed him the soft, warm glow of his house, his heart twisted.

The minute he saw Rachel and Leah’s face, he knew something was wrong. When he saw the guilty expression on Kim’s, he was certain of it but before he could say anything, the door opened and his heart jumped up to his throat.

Something clawed inside himself when Bella shuffled out to the back porch and joined the other girls as if she had done it a million times before.

Her eyes searched the darkness and he knew she was searching for him. He struggled against the painful throb in his chest when Bella took two steps forward and focused her eyes on him.

Dawn streaked the sky but it was still dark to her human eyes when he could see her as clear as day, and his heart stuttered as it struck him forcefully that Bella was right in front of him.

She was in his back porch, waiting for him.

Later he would remember that her eyes were red, that she was holding herself funny as if something hurt inside but right then and there, he was overwhelmed by the look of her, by how her lips curved as she smiled at him. He was staggered that when he reached her, she looked him straight in the eyes and whispered, ‘welcome home’.

His tongue stuck in his throat and his knees felt weak with the jumbled emotions that warred inside him.

Bella was really here, she was home, she was safe and after all this time, she still loved him.

He knew his reaction was stupid and irrational since he knew all of this already but…it was as if his brain was only now able to process it.

Speechless, Jacob could only respond with touching the tips of his fingers against the soft curve of her cheek but something in the way she turned her face into his palm, in the way she leaned perceivably closer made him gather her close and pulled her into his arms. The angles and dips of their bodies locking against each other like two pieces of puzzle. Her cheek on his chest, his arms around her shoulders, palms pressed on the space between her shoulder blades.

And she clung to him, her arms went around his waist in a somewhat desperate, almost fierce motion, her palms fluttered on his naked back like fragile wings.

He could tell himself it had something to do with what he was thinking before, that she was no longer used to the danger and that she was only worried for him but he spotted the looks between Rachel, Leah and Kim.

He brushed a hand along Bella’s hair and spoke softly into her ear. “Let me clean up and change and I’ll take you home.”

She nodded against his chest and with what looked like great effort, pulled herself away.

Pushing against the sudden panic that skittered up and down his spine at the way she cradled her arms around herself, he sent a look to the three other girls and walked inside.

He’ll talk to them later.

They had to wait for Seth to arrive with his car and Jake couldn’t help but notice the distance she took from the girls, the way she stuck to his side, the little flicks of glances that she sent him.

But the ride back to Charlie’s house was silent though filled with unanswered questions. He wanted very much to launch into interrogation mode but the thoughtful look on her face, the way her fingers played with her bracelet told him that she was still mulling things over inside her head. He knew that she’d tell him sooner or later.

She always did. Eventually.

Besides, he could guess what it was that the girls told her and it was his own fault really, they’ve been pressuring him to talk to Bella, to tell her but really, how could he?

It’d be like he was begging for sympathy, emotionally black mailing her to be with him and that was just something he wouldn’t do. At least, not right now, he amended when he remembered a particular scene in their past, of adrenalin pumping under his skin and of challenging words and hard open mouth kisses.

He wasn’t that desperate. Yet.

He looked at her when Bella reached out for his hand and gripped it tightly, not letting go.

In the darkness of the car, he could see the uncertainty bloomed inside her brown eyes when he parked in the driveway behind Charlie’s truck.

And she still hadn’t let go of his hand.

“Bella, honey?”

She blinked at him and finally let go of his hand. One finger at a time. “Right. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Their eyes met and hers focused on his intensely before sliding away. He solved that problem by putting his fingers on her chin and pulling at it gently until she looked his way. “Do you want to see me tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

He smiled at the slightly surprise matter-of-fact tone in her voice and leaned over to give her a kiss that stretched to two then three. His heart inflated inside his chest when she sighed into his mouth and held his face between her palms. “I’ve missed you, Jake.” She murmured against his lips. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Then his heart simply exploded when her hands slid over his shoulders and around him, tucking her face against his neck and held him tighter, closer.

Worry niggled at the back of his mind but he kissed her temple, rubbed her back.

“Jake.” Her breath was warm on his neck. “Will you stay?”

Jacob knew there was more to the question than the simple word for word meaning, but he answered in kind. “Of course.”

So, Jacob followed Bella inside and up to her bedroom. He took off his long sleeved jersey—leaving him in a pristine white T shirt and jeans—toed off his shoes and bundled his socks into it and got into bed. When Bella got out of her bathroom—her face washed, her tooth brushed and changed into jammies--she slipped beside him and under the covers.

Without hesitation, she shuffled closer to him and curved herself against his side, her arms gripping tightly the soft material of his T shirt. Jacob couldn’t ignore the way she closed her eyes tightly and the little wrinkles forming on her forehead.

“Bells—“

She pressed her face against his chest, “Sleep.”

He brushed her hair away from her face, his fingers soothing the wrinkles on her forehead. “All right. Go to sleep, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her arms tightened around him, her legs tangled with his and her breath evened out.

Jacob lied awake until the sun set the sky ablaze.

borntobewild13 @ 2009-07-25T00:47:00

2009-07-24T17:50:04Z

TOUCHED chapter 3; Murphy's Law in my other site.

If she did that and kept her head low, what could possibly go wrong?