*curses in three languages, four if your count my native tongue*

CAN'T GET IN FANFICTION.NET!

CAN'T GET INTO FACEBOOK.COM

HAVEN'T WATCH NEWMOON BECAUSE IT ISN'T OUT YET IN MY COUNTRY!!!

PALPITATIONS. BITTER TEARS. TEMPER TANTRUMS. DRAMADRAMADRAMA!!!

This particular song mix was designed around this great art from deviantart from a great artist called jekru.
It's like a conversation between two people.

 

 

all I need is blue skies…and you

 

( lyrics and download links here! )

 

 

Fic Banner by the lovely

ishbel 
 

 

 

( songs and download links here )

  

Usually, I'm pretty laid back...but I have my pet peeves.

1. When someone opens the plastic on my new book without my permission
2. When someone messes up my music
3. When someone messes up with my family.

Then of course, I go completely beserk.

Anyway, due to my plans to come home next month, I'm collecting books to get for my sis and I got her the Indonesian novel of James Patterson Maximum Ride 4-The Final Warning...her English is pretty well, but she's not really comfortable with it as I am. Me, I prefer to read the novels in their original language.

Anyway, I was prepared for some dubious translation and believe me, there were lots...it was quite amusing and embarrassing...but it turns out....IT'S MISSING A CHAPTER!!!!

YES!!! IT'S MISSING A CHAPTER!!!! *rantrantrantrantrantrantrant*

And not just any chapter...but chapter 34 where Max and Fang had one of the most squee moments!!!

THIS SQUEE MOMENT:

"Max, if you would just talk to me--"
"About what? You and me? There is no you and me. Especially when you keep throwing yourself at everything in a skirt!" Okay, now, that was so, so stupid. Fang's eyes widened--I'd given far too much away. Plus, Bridgid Dwyer wasn't wearing a skirt.
I wrenched my arms away from him, feeling as if my cheeks were on fire. I was confused and miserable--two of my least favorite things.
"You're wrong, Max," he said in a low, dark tone that made butterflies in my stomach. "There's a you and me, all right. There will always be a you and me."

*flutters and flail* Oh FANG....

Just finished Jim Butcher's Codex Alera 1-4 and am starting on Lisa McMann's Awake and Fade (Dream Catcher series), which ironically goes toe to toe to my new original story Dream Walkers which I haven't started  yet. Still working on the mythology and I'm a bit busy with my other original work TOUCHED....


I just discovered a GREAT Jared/Kim fanfic, I love it so much I want to pimp it out to you all.

It's the story where Kim moons over Jared (in such an adorable and funny way) and Jared finally imprinting on Kim (the same adorable and funny way)...you can read it here...

Story: Hi, I'm Kim & I'm a Jaredholic
Author: call_me_lor 
Fandom: Twilight
Pairing: Jared/Kim
Rating: PG-13 for now (rating might go up)
Genre: Romance/Humor
Spoilers: Read the Twilight Saga if you don't want to be spoiled.
Warning: Un-beta'd
Disclaimer: I don’t own Twilight or its characters, nor am I making any money from them. They’re all Stephenie Meyer’s, except for the occasional OC. The lyrics/quotes or whatever aren’t mine either.
Summary: My name is Kim and I have an addiction. But it isn't your usual addiction, I'm neither addicted to drugs, nor am I addicted alcohol or even sex. I'm addicted to a guy named Jared, a guy who doesn't even know I'm alive.
Chapter Word Count: 2,295

I recommend it...it's really great!!!

 

 

 

( read heeeeeeeeeeere )

 

 

 

 

 

( Had waaaaay too many free time... )

 

 

 

 

 

( chapter 31: Together )

Current writing theme: Imogen Heap-Have You Got It In You?

I've been working on an original work. Keep in mind that it's still rough and probably have a lot of numerous mistakes including typos and grammar. I do have a beta reader, but currently she's traveling...somewhere and I really need opinions.


Title: TOUCHED

Summary: Leah Curran had always known that she was different. Not only did her her family members keep disappearing on her, she also saw things.. Granted, they're really not all that scary...but disturbing nonetheless.

But her mother, who went missing when she was nine years old from a locked bedroom of all places, was clear on the Rules;

1. Don't attract attention. Stay low, keep cool and avoid any kind of attention.
2. Ignore. Ignore. Avoid.
3. Never, ever show them that you see them.

She did that easily enough for seven years...until summer break ended and a new boy came to town.

CHAPTER FIVE: Double, Double, Toil and Trouble

My heart tripped when he stopped chewing and really looked at me. For a few seconds, all I could see were his eyes, time seemed to slow and everything else were only smudges of dull moving color. I felt weightless and dizzy, and disconnected. I couldn’t feel the floor I was standing on, the tray that I was holding. It was like I was cut adrift and floating into space.

My brain buzzed loudly.

Read more:

http://leahcurran.livejournal.com/

30. Unanswered

Chapter theme: The Fray-Unsaid

And not to say a thing tonight but suffice it to say, you're leaving things unsaid

We sing ourselves to sleep/Watching the day lie down instead

 

Jacob felt tingly.

He always did after a hunt, and most nights he’d be after a good run like Seth, Colin and Brady but right now, all he wanted to do was to get home.

To Bella.

The scent of damp earth and greens erupted in the air as he pawed the ground and in a small part of his mind, his pack whispered in and out. Sam was making his way to Emily’s while Jared was itching to get to Kim. Jacob’s muzzle pulled back in a smile when he realized that Embry was actually thinking about their ledgers, Paul was thinking about food and Quil was still spitting and gagging over the taste of vampire.

God, they don’t taste any better, he griped in their minds.

They heard Colin sighed in the far distance, they gave up way too easily, there’s no charge anymore. No excitement.

A spatter of laughter rippled in their minds, did you see the look on the blond one’s face? It was like we were his nightmare came to life. Paul chortled and supplied them with the image of said vampire blonde’s face.

Jacob let them laugh and discuss the hunt, let them ride the high but he was busy with his own thoughts.

Somewhere between tearing one vampire after another, it dawned on him that for the last couple of years, Bella lived a normal life.

No vampires, no werewolves, nor any other kind of mythical creature but some critters she found in some deep, dark corner of her café.

She led a normal life, an ordinary life where her problems started and ended with her café and fending off her mother’s worries but now, here she was again, playing in the dark and rushing off somewhere because it wasn’t safe.

He felt a twinge of guilt over that.

Tonight, he was a bit more vicious than usual because he had something really important that he wanted to protect. Most nights, he just wanted to kill as many vampires as he could find but tonight, realizing that Bella was out in the open, fear threaded with the thrill of the hunt and made his claws faster, his canines sharper.

No vampire was going to get Bella, not while he was around. He guessed the best thing to do was for him to leave Bella to her normal life and not drag her back into his action packed one but… he couldn’t be sure that he could ever be so…magnanimous.

He had the right to be a little selfish, hadn’t he? And it wasn’t like Bella didn’t want to be in his life, right?

He smiled as he remembered how she had look tonight, weak and breathless from laughter, her cheeks pink with excitement and the cold. Looking at her, laughing herself silly as she lied there in the grass, unconcerned, unafraid, he couldn’t help but think how she suited him, how she suited his life. It reminded him of her surprising rebellious attitude that reared its stubborn head every once in a while.

Bella broke easily, sure, he rolled his eyes remembering their numerous visits to the ER, but that never stopped her from doing anything she wanted, like hang around vampires and werewolves and ride motorcycles.

Bella Swan of the somber eyes, the too serious expression and tentative smiles.

God, how he loved her.

He stopped to phase and dress, Jared, Quil and Embry followed.

“Race you to your house.” Quil slapped Jacob’s shoulders and hooted. “Last one to the house is a rotten werewolf.”

Embry sniggered. “A rotten werewolf? Geez.” But he took off after Quil like a bullet. Jacob sighed. “How old are you guys, again?”

Embry responded with shouldering Quil out of the way but both protested when Jared sailed smoothly between them.

“Do you really want to get between me and Kim?” Jared eyed both Embry and Quil who immediately stood aside making mocking fearful noises.

“Imprinted wolves are the worse.” Embry complained.

Quil rolled his eyes at him. “Wait your turn and you’ll see.”

“Move away, you two. Alpha passing through.” Jacob shoved them out of his way.

“I cannot believe you played the Alpha card on us, dude.” Quil bitched but slowed his run. “I gotta go anyway.”

“Gonna check on, Claire?”

Quil shrugged his broad shoulders and pointed two thumbs at his chest. “Imprinted.” He said shortly before breaking off to the right with a short wave.

Jacob ran in silence before sliding a look at Embry. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Embry eyed him. “Quil’s right, you know. There’s a chance that we’ll all imprint.”

Jacob remained silent but scowled at his friend.

“I’m just saying.”

The mention of imprinting only made him more anxious to get home and when the woods opened up and showed him the soft, warm glow of his house, his heart twisted.

The minute he saw Rachel and Leah’s face, he knew something was wrong. When he saw the guilty expression on Kim’s, he was certain of it but before he could say anything, the door opened and his heart jumped up to his throat.

Something clawed inside himself when Bella shuffled out to the back porch and joined the other girls as if she had done it a million times before.

Her eyes searched the darkness and he knew she was searching for him. He struggled against the painful throb in his chest when Bella took two steps forward and focused her eyes on him.

Dawn streaked the sky but it was still dark to her human eyes when he could see her as clear as day, and his heart stuttered as it struck him forcefully that Bella was right in front of him.

She was in his back porch, waiting for him.

Later he would remember that her eyes were red, that she was holding herself funny as if something hurt inside but right then and there, he was overwhelmed by the look of her, by how her lips curved as she smiled at him. He was staggered that when he reached her, she looked him straight in the eyes and whispered, ‘welcome home’.

His tongue stuck in his throat and his knees felt weak with the jumbled emotions that warred inside him.

Bella was really here, she was home, she was safe and after all this time, she still loved him.

He knew his reaction was stupid and irrational since he knew all of this already but…it was as if his brain was only now able to process it.

Speechless, Jacob could only respond with touching the tips of his fingers against the soft curve of her cheek but something in the way she turned her face into his palm, in the way she leaned perceivably closer made him gather her close and pulled her into his arms. The angles and dips of their bodies locking against each other like two pieces of puzzle. Her cheek on his chest, his arms around her shoulders, palms pressed on the space between her shoulder blades.

And she clung to him, her arms went around his waist in a somewhat desperate, almost fierce motion, her palms fluttered on his naked back like fragile wings.

He could tell himself it had something to do with what he was thinking before, that she was no longer used to the danger and that she was only worried for him but he spotted the looks between Rachel, Leah and Kim.

He brushed a hand along Bella’s hair and spoke softly into her ear. “Let me clean up and change and I’ll take you home.”

She nodded against his chest and with what looked like great effort, pulled herself away.

Pushing against the sudden panic that skittered up and down his spine at the way she cradled her arms around herself, he sent a look to the three other girls and walked inside.

He’ll talk to them later.

They had to wait for Seth to arrive with his car and Jake couldn’t help but notice the distance she took from the girls, the way she stuck to his side, the little flicks of glances that she sent him.

But the ride back to Charlie’s house was silent though filled with unanswered questions. He wanted very much to launch into interrogation mode but the thoughtful look on her face, the way her fingers played with her bracelet told him that she was still mulling things over inside her head. He knew that she’d tell him sooner or later.

She always did. Eventually.

Besides, he could guess what it was that the girls told her and it was his own fault really, they’ve been pressuring him to talk to Bella, to tell her but really, how could he?

It’d be like he was begging for sympathy, emotionally black mailing her to be with him and that was just something he wouldn’t do. At least, not right now, he amended when he remembered a particular scene in their past, of adrenalin pumping under his skin and of challenging words and hard open mouth kisses.

He wasn’t that desperate. Yet.

He looked at her when Bella reached out for his hand and gripped it tightly, not letting go.

In the darkness of the car, he could see the uncertainty bloomed inside her brown eyes when he parked in the driveway behind Charlie’s truck.

And she still hadn’t let go of his hand.

“Bella, honey?”

She blinked at him and finally let go of his hand. One finger at a time. “Right. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Their eyes met and hers focused on his intensely before sliding away. He solved that problem by putting his fingers on her chin and pulling at it gently until she looked his way. “Do you want to see me tomorrow?”

“Of course.”

He smiled at the slightly surprise matter-of-fact tone in her voice and leaned over to give her a kiss that stretched to two then three. His heart inflated inside his chest when she sighed into his mouth and held his face between her palms. “I’ve missed you, Jake.” She murmured against his lips. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Then his heart simply exploded when her hands slid over his shoulders and around him, tucking her face against his neck and held him tighter, closer.

Worry niggled at the back of his mind but he kissed her temple, rubbed her back.

“Jake.” Her breath was warm on his neck. “Will you stay?”

Jacob knew there was more to the question than the simple word for word meaning, but he answered in kind. “Of course.”

So, Jacob followed Bella inside and up to her bedroom. He took off his long sleeved jersey—leaving him in a pristine white T shirt and jeans—toed off his shoes and bundled his socks into it and got into bed. When Bella got out of her bathroom—her face washed, her tooth brushed and changed into jammies--she slipped beside him and under the covers.

Without hesitation, she shuffled closer to him and curved herself against his side, her arms gripping tightly the soft material of his T shirt. Jacob couldn’t ignore the way she closed her eyes tightly and the little wrinkles forming on her forehead.

“Bells—“

She pressed her face against his chest, “Sleep.”

He brushed her hair away from her face, his fingers soothing the wrinkles on her forehead. “All right. Go to sleep, honey. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Her arms tightened around him, her legs tangled with his and her breath evened out.

Jacob lied awake until the sun set the sky ablaze.

 

 

 

TOUCHED chapter 3; Murphy's Law in my other site.

If she did that and kept her head low, what could possibly go wrong?

I just made a site for my original work side project. Check it out please...it's just a few chapters in...:It's like a mix between mortal instruments, constantine and all around goodness...I hope...

TOUCHED

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

post this in your blog if you think Homophobia is wrong.

There was a sharp sting on her cheek, and light flooded her eyes once again. “Ow.”

Rachel’s voice was even when she said, “For God’s sake. Don’t faint on me.”

Bella heard a snicker and knew it was Leah. She also heard a soft murmuring protest and knew it was Kim.

She should’ve known that Rachel helping her out would be too good to be true. Besides, why the hell would she?

Considering the situation, she had the right to dangle her from a tree by the ankles for stray vampires to chew on. She blinked tears away from her eyes and saw Rachel frowning at her like she was a misbehaving child.

Her stomach still churned, and she still felt sick with guiltguiltguilt, but the world was steady once more.

Her left cheek stung.

“If she faints again, can I slap her?” Leah asked Rachel hopefully. Jacob’s sister scowled at her, but scowled even deeper at Bella.

“No one is slapping anyone.” Rachel’s no-nonsense voice seemed loud and way too hard. “Leah, stop being such a bitch.”

“Can’t. It’s in my genes.”

Kim snickered, but quickly pressed her lips together when Rachel rolled her eyes. “Jake’s a grown man, let him make his own choices.”

Bella, still a little dizzy, wiped her eyes and caught the look Rachel gave her.

“Let him make his own mistakes.”

Oh, ouch.

“And you.” Rachel speared an accusing finger at her. “Get over yourself. Leah embellished the story a little. It was true that he was caught off guard, so he froze for a second. Unfortunately, a second was all the vampire needed to rip at him, but that didn’t mean he just lay there, willing himself to die. It takes more than you to get Jake down, so don’t go on thinking you drove him to suicide or something.” Rachel grimaced in distaste. “We of all people are not weak.”

Bella winced when she caught the look of amused disdain from Leah’s face that seemed to say, “We’re not, but you are.”

Rachel sighed deeply and crossed her arms in front of her chest, those dark eyes—so like Jacob’s—taking her in. “After that being said, I don’t like you, Swan, and I probably never will. Something about you grates on my nerves. Maybe it’s because you never seem to know what you want, while most of it is because you broke my little brother’s heart.” She narrowed her eyes at her, and Bella couldn’t help but straighten her back. Rachel shrugged. “But that couldn’t be helped, since you already made it clear that you were in love with the freakin’ vampire and, in fact, were ready to marry him. It was his own damn fault for not being able to let you go.”

Bella stared at Rachel in amazement, but closed her mouth when her eyes flashed back to hers.

“But now you’re here. You sauntered into his life again out of your own choice.” Rachel’s eyes flashed, and to Bella, she seemed taller somehow. “So, I’m warning you, Swan, if you break my little brother’s heart again, you better make it clean and fast, and you better not come back here again after that, or so help me, wolves and vampires will be the least of your concerns. Do you hear me?”

Bella nodded. Slowly. Her innards rioted even with that movement.

“Indicate that you hear me.”

“I hear you.”

Rachel kept watching her with sharp eyes before finally nodding and flicking a disinterested hand in her direction. “Go, before you barf on Jacob’s bed.”

Jacob’s bed and room was a blur before her eyes as she rushed to the bathroom, dropped to her knees before the toilet bowl and hurled, accompanied by Leah’s amused laugh.

“You’re mad at me for making her faint? You slapped her and made her throw up.”

“Guys, come on. Give her space, huh?”

Spent, Bella breathed hard against the toilet bowl. This time, the gentle but strong hands were Kim’s. She held back her hair and brushed her back with firm circular strokes. She gave her a glass of water and a spare toothbrush, and clutching those two things to her chest, Bella gave a little cry.

She just couldn’t get over the fact that Jacob almost died, and she could almost imagine getting that phone call from Charlie.

She spat out the minty toothpaste and washed out her mouth, tears plopping into the bathroom sink. And would she even know how he died? Certainly no one from the pack would tell her the true story, not if he did die that way. They would tell Charlie lies, and then Charlie would tell those lies to her, and she would never know the truth.

That sudden thought ripped her heart even more. She washed her face and rubbed hard with the towel that Kim gave her. She had to know. “Was that the only time?”

“What do you mean?”

Bella drew away the towel from her face and lifted damp eyes to Kim’s soft face. “Were there a lot of close calls? For Jacob? For the pack?”

Kim tilted her head, her chin-length hair brushing one side of her cheek. “They all get injured, they all get wounded. That’s what they do.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

Kim put the toilet seat down and sat. “That was a one-time thing. The pack is very efficient, Bella.”

Bella wiped her face again, finding comfort in the rough texture of the towel against her raw skin.

“There’s another thing that you need to know.”

Her heart shuddered at the quiet tone of Kim’s voice, at the way Kim folded her arms on her lap. She should look ridiculous, after all, she was sitting on a toilet, but she didn’t. She looked solemn, serious, regretful but determined.

OhGodohGod, what now?

“Bella,” she started tentatively. “What will you do when Jacob imprints?”

Bella didn’t know whether to wince at the question or at the loud sound of glass breaking from somewhere in the kitchen.

Sensing another round of emotional turmoil, Bella made do and slid herself to the floor. “What?”

“What will you do when Jacob imprints?”

“When not if?”

Kim’s thick lashes swallowed her eyes when she looked down at her hands before meeting Bella’s eyes again. “It could happen. After Sam, Quil, Jared… The pack never had so many of them imprint like this before.”

Her heart shuddered again, “But the pack before Jacob’s pack was mostly made out of four or three, right? So when you think about it…the ratio is about the same, right?”

Kim nodded, slowly, as if taking that into account. “It’s possible.”

“Jake said,” Bella cleared her aching throat when her voice wobbled. “He said it won’t happen to him.”

God, she could almost hear the lost little girl inside her own voice, and when Kim’s dark eyes landed on hers with that soft understanding look on her face, she felt…all sorts of stupid.

What would she do if Jacob imprinted?

How would she feel seeing Jacob with another girl?

Heartbroken. Sick. Desperate.

Just imagining it made a part of her die a slow, painful death.

Seeing, knowing Jacob would wrap himself around another girl, building his world around her. Seeing that absolute loving expression that Sam always wore around Emily…

Bella couldn’t be sure that she wouldn’t drive herself a little bit crazy.

Would I be like Leah? She wondered. Bitter and angry and lost?

Would it feel like when Edward left?

She jerked away when a warm hand reached hers.

Kim looked at her with a worried expression. “You weren’t breathing.”

And now that Bella noticed her chest was aching, she sucked in a breath and leaned against the closet below the sink.

Kim stood and reached out her hand. “Maybe we should get you off the floor. Come on.”

Bella settled into Jacob’s bed, and Kim wrapped a bright blanket in Quileute colors around her shoulders. Rachel and Leah were nowhere to be seen.

Kim didn’t look surprised that they took off, considering the topic and Leah’s sensitive ears.

The house was quiet except for the occasional creaking and Billy’s soft snore. When Bella settled back on the pillows, she realized that Jacob’s room was roomier than the last time she was here; in fact, it was a vast improvement. And like the room in JEQ, the walls were lined with books and wood carvings.

“It helps with his control.” Kim offered when she noticed Bella looking. “They always have to be in strict control of their tempers, and they have their own methods. Sam fixes his house, Seth helps his mother cook, Leah takes long solitary walks, some drive around, work out, Jared takes morning swims, Jacob fiddles with engines and carves wood. It’s a sort of meditation technique.” She shifted from foot to foot.

“Your vampires, Bella, you consider them good, worthy, because they gave up human blood.”

Bella nodded, her eyes still on the rows and rows of carvings, she even spotted a half-done one, as if he left it there to finish later.

“But they lose control of themselves once or twice, don’t they?”

She tried not to get defensive, but lost the battle. “It’s hard, what they do—”

“What Jacob and the pack do every day, every single second of their lives, is also hard.” Kim reprimanded her softly. “And they can’t afford to lose control.”

Bella’s eyes flickered to Kim’s. “Your vampires, they’re solitary, they live in recluse. Yes, they mingle with humans, but they don’t have roots in the community. We do, we live among humans, we have friends, family, cousins and relations. We have a place, a status in the reservation, in Forks. They know us, they trust us. If something bad happens, if one of them lost even a minute of that tight control, what do you think would happen?”

Bella swallowed, picturing a rampaging werewolf in the tight, cloistered reservation, along with Emily’s ravaged face.

“We can’t just move, we can’t just sweep it under the carpet, we can’t go away and hope everyone would forget it.” Kim’s soft face settled into an expression that Bella had never seen before. “The pack could never really let go, never really be free, unless amongst themselves. They live their lives as if they are always under close scrutiny, and they can never, ever slip.” She brushed her hair away from her face. “They have it hard, too, Bella. They just never show it.”

As if restless, Kim paced across the room, touching a finger to one carving after another. “So, we who know their secret, we try to make it easier for them, to give them space, room to stretch—”

Bella frowned, not understanding the implication, the jump of topics, and Kim’s odd choice of words. “I don’t understand.”

Kim sighed. “Don’t you see, Bella? They’re trapped here, and imprinting is just another bar in the cage.”

Bella stared at Kim in shock. “But, but—”

Kim plopped herself on the edge of the bed. “Of course, Sam doesn’t feel that way. Or Jared or Quil for that matter. They’re happy and content, but that’s how the imprinting functions.”

“I love Jared and he loves me.” Kim bit her perfectly curved lips. “But, what everyone tried to ignore was, if it wasn’t for imprinting, Jared would probably never have noticed me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

Kim gave a little smile. “Yes, it is. We’ve known each other forever, I think we’re cousins seventh removed or something, we sat next to each other in several classes, but it wasn’t until he started to phase that he saw me.” She gave a chiding look when Bella made protesting noises. “I try not to lie to myself, Bella.”

Bella didn’t know what to say, so she clamped her lips together, even when Kim gave a small shake of her head.

“The pack might be wary of imprinting, but once they do imprint, they…they’re happy.” Kim eyed her face in a disturbingly knowing way. “Jacob calls it the werewolf brainwash.”

Bella winced.

“Did Jacob explain about imprinting?”

Bella shrugged, wanting out of the conversation.

“It’s the wolf’s way of ensuring superpups.”

Bella sucked in a breath. “What?”

Kim burst into laughter. “Oh, Bella. Your face. Priceless.” She waved a hand as she settled down to giggles. She grinned. “It’s the same with us humans, you know.”

“How?”

“The science of attraction is that we are attracted to other people that have a higher immune system than ours, right? It’s basically the same thing. You noticed that the girls are all Quileute, right?”

Bella thought back and nodded.

“The wolf inside them detects who would have the higher chance of preserving the werewolf genetic trait and wham. Instant soul mate.”

Bella eyed Kim and wondered why she didn’t look distressed or upset.

“I’m happy, Bella. Jared’s happy. I might have felt disappointed at first and guilty even, but let me tell you, they’re not easy to live with either.”

Intrigued, Bella forgot all about her dismay and guilt, even her roiling stomach. “What do you mean?”

“Other girls worry about their boyfriends cheating or getting restless or going into strip bars.” Kim rolled her eyes. “I never have to worry about that, but in exchange, I have to worry about him getting angry in public places, or his territorial streak, or every time he gets a call at night and slips out the door. Plus, there’s the laundry.”

Bella blinked. “The laundry?”

“They sweat alot. Especially in the winter, because they have to cover themselves up like normal people, and you know what a bitch it is to do laundry in winter. And I won’t even start about the mud and dirt that they track on the floor whenever they come home. Have you ever seen their feet after? Disgusting. And then there’s the food.”

Bella nodded, she understood about the food, having to cook once in a while for the pack.

“And if they get cooped up one minute too long, they get antsy and snarly and really, really annoying. And in the summer, having them around you is a chore. They’re just so hot.” Kim gave Bella an impish smile. “In more ways than one.”

Bella’s mouth quirked up, before she was reminded of what they were talking about. “Is imprinting so absolute, then?”

Kim smiled, slow and a little bit sad. “Yes. It’s elemental, Bella. Basic. It’s right up there with instinct. When—if Jacob imprints, considering he is also Alpha, his blood is the strongest, the thickest, the imprinting would hit him harder than anyone else.”

Bella swallowed, trying to wet her throat, but her mouth was dry. “So, you’re saying that it would be better for me to…leave?”

“No, I’m not saying it would be better. Easier, yes. And for Jacob, too.”

Kim must have seen the confusion on her face, because Kim continued. “Of all the pack members, Jacob was the most determined to fight back against the genetic control. He hated imprinting. The minute he went Alpha, he pushed Seth, Colin and Brady to go to college, to get work outside the rez, to, well, to have a life outside of the pack and the ‘werewolf crap’ as he put it.” Kim sighed. “If he imprinted, he would fight against it, especially with you here. He wouldn’t stand for it. He couldn’t live with having the imprinting control him. He couldn’t deal with losing you all over again.”

“But I thought once you imprinted, you stopped loving anyone else. Wasn’t that what happened to Sam and…Leah?” Bella lowered her voice on Leah’s name and looked around anxiously.

Kim smiled softly. “Did you stop loving Jacob when Edward came back?”

Maybe it was the question. Maybe it was Edward’s name out of Kim’s mouth. Maybe it was just the whole strange situation, but Bella’s brain simply froze. “I don’t…I don’t understand.”

Kim stood again, and like before, she strolled towards the shelves and plucked four carvings, then handed one to Bella.

It was a wolf, made out of a brown reddish color that almost matched Jacob’s fur. The wood was warm and smooth to the touch, and it was so beautiful, it made her eyes sting. The wolf was standing on all fours on a cliff, its eyes looking far ahead as if it was trying to see something. Waiting. Expectant. She ran her fingers over the minute, detailed surface, imagining Jacob’s hands carving, cutting, rubbing, smoothing. “It’s beautiful.”

“Look at the bottom.”

She blinked; her eyes flickered to Kim’s before flipping the carving over. What she saw made her heart catch in her throat.

September 13th 2012

22

“My birthday…”

Kim handed another one, and her heart dove into her stomach at the sight of the second carving. It showed a girl with long hair, her back against a wolf’s side, a book in her hand. The wolf’s body curved around her, its head propped on its folded front paws. It showed safety, contentment and simple pleasures. This time, she didn’t need Kim to tell her to flip it over.

September 13th 2009

19

Bella’s hand stretched for the third carving, which featured the same girl and wolf standing side by side on a cliff, her hand lost in the wolf’s fur, her shoulders straight. Her posture spoke of pride and strength.

September 13th 2010

20

The fourth spoke of peace, of comfort, of protectiveness, with the girl sleeping on her side, half her body propped against the wolf, which surrounded her with its body, its nose touching the forehead of the girl in a kiss.

September 13th 2011

21

She leaned back when Kim made a move to take the carvings. “I think it’s supposed to be like this.” Kim shifted the carvings one by one according to the year it was made.

The wolf and the girl with the book.

The wolf and the girl standing on a cliff.

The wolf and the sleeping girl.

The wolf on the cliff, alone.

Kim’s eyes were sad when she set the single wolf at the end of the line. “He didn’t know if you were dead or alive, but he celebrated your birthday, remembered your age.”

Bella’s chest was heavy, her throat, her eyes, her face ached, and her trembling hands hovered over the carvings, but couldn’t seem to touch them.

“He would never leave you.” Kim whispered softly. “Even if he imprinted, he would never leave you. He would fight it, strain against it, and when he did, it would destroy him.”

A/n: Oh, now I'm depressed. Bella's birthday is on the 19th of September right? Or did I get that wrong? Hah, I've been told that her birthday is on the 13th. Thanks for that!!